A/N : My first fanfiction. I hope you like it !
The blade is cutting through my skin. It should hurt but I don't feel anything. I haven't felt anything for a long time.
I remember the first time I cut myself. I mean, I didn't even understand what I was doing. I had seen some people do it at school so I thought it was fine.
I had never thought it would become an addiction. To me, it's a way to express my shame on my own body. To others, it's me trying to commit suicide although I wouldn't kill myself that way but I know that I go too far, I wouldn't care.
At the age of nine, I started to have actual suicidal thoughts. I pushed those thoughts aside after my little was born. As the older sibling, I had to set an example so I stopped cutting. Easier said than done.
It didn't last very long because my parents started arguing which was actually what made me start to cut. My cutting came back but was more intense and I had to take care of my younger sibling.
I remember the first time she spoke. She didn't say 'Mommy' or 'Daddy' like most of the children, she said 'Big Sis''. I remember putting her to bed every night and her asking 'Big Sis', why are mommy and daddy always arguing?' and me answering by a 'I don't know.'.
When I was eleven, my father left with my little sister. To never be seen again. My mother died two months later in a car accident and I saw it all.
I was left alone in this cruel world.
R&R
