The Last Day
Yae's hand is warm in mine. Her smile is strong, hopeful. Her eyes are shining. We are sitting outside of our home, across the holy bridge, isolated from the village. Father is inside, making last-minute preparations with the priests, for the ritual that is only days away. Her hand is warm...I wondered if her neck would feel the same—pulsing with life, soft and delicate. I could see the throb in the side of her neck where her blood rushed, feeding her body fresh mortality.
"Sae?"
I flicked my eyes back up to meet hers once more, almost embarrassed that I had been staring. For if this ritual went through, it would be my life that would gush out in a red ruin over her hands, forever staining my sister with my death. I smiled back at her, but mine was a shy smile. An uncertain smile. Were we doing the right thing?
It was the last day for many things.
The last day we would sit content outside our home.
The last day we would breathe in the fresh scent of our village.
The last day we would hear the children laughing and playing so joyously across the lake.
The last day I would see...
"Yae! Sae!"
His voice came soft and clear a moment before he came running through the front gate into the atrium. He kneeled, placing his hand on his knees, breathing deeply as if he had run many miles. Silvery wisps of hair slipped forward over his face, catching the sunlight in bright, almost magical flashes of luminescence; it was difficult to believe that such beauty was the result of such death and suffering. He raised emerald-green eyes to us, looking first at Yae, then letting his gaze slip slowly, almost languorously to me. I fought not to fidget as he held my gaze for the barest of moments, a moment that seemed like eternity. It was filled with so much...years of friendship...years of lust...years of love.
Yae gave a slow smile, and stood to greet him. "Itsuki, you are always so out of breath when you come to see us. Should we take this as a compliment, or are you just that fat?"
Itsuki smiled, and I giggled. He flicked his eyes towards me, and gave a low bow. "My ladies, you are both just so lovely."
"You swine!" Yae laughed, coming towards him and slapping him playfully over the head. Itsuki laughed, a low, quiet, almost breathy sound. Since that day several years ago, his laugh never got much louder than that.
"I am not the only one who has come to visit," Itsuki said. He looked behind him. "But...where is she?" He turned towards the gate. "Chitose! Chitose, come out!"
The tiny girl emerged, so fragile-looking, almost like a porcelain doll. She jingled lightly as she moved. Her eyes were dark swimming pools of some dark emotion. She moved almost clumsily in her near-blindness, shuffling towards Itsuki, and yet there was a strange, almost disturbing grace to her. She moved as if she was motivated by something, determined to accomplish a deed most foul. As she passed Yae, she gave her a long look...a look that could have been a blind child struggling to see clearly, or an awful glare of such hate that I shivered as though I had received it. Yae's smile had vanished—since that day, Chitose had gained this animal grace. She had gained the two black abysses of her eyes, and she had lost their twinkle. She had gained an adult way of carrying herself—and of hating.
But if Itsuki noticed, he did not say. He simply smiled and took her hand, and stood before us. She stood a bit behind him, almost as if in hiding, staring at Yae the way a large, hungry cat stares at a mouse.
"Chitose, you must say goodbye—this may be the last time you see our good friends."
Chitose looked between the two of us, and suddenly a smile burst over her face—a foul, savage smile, full of so many unspoken intents that I sucked in a breath in shock. She hid the smile from Itsuki, so only we could see.
"Goodbye, Yae and Sae," she said, her voice a happy bell-like tone, belying the terrible look she gave us. "I pray your sacrifice goes well."
I noticed Itsuki's grip on her hand tighten slightly, but his face was pleasant, unreadable.
"Thank you, Chitose," Yae said, smiling down at the devil child. "We hope so, too." There was a mocking, almost sarcastic lilt to that last comment. If Chitose wanted to us ripped apart, the joke would be on her...we would run away, and be together...forever.
"Is your father in?" Itsuki said, his voice showing the barest hint of strain.
"Yes," Yae said.
"Would he mind terribly if I borrowed his daughters for a walk about the village?"
"I-I should ask..." I mumbled this nervously, and got up to dart inside the house. I wasn't sure why, but today I could hardly stand before him without blushing. I was having an embarrassingly difficult time hiding my feelings for him; they were playing over my face for all the world to see, and know. Know my forbidden desire.
"Sae."
I turned to look at Yae. She was gazing at me with serious eyes. Eyes wise beyond her years.
"Come with us. Father will no longer be our master after tomorrow...let us share this one...final pleasure."
She held out her hand to me. Chitose was almost fully hidden behind the billowing sleeve of Itsuki's kimono, only those soulless, angry eyes showing suspicion.
"Okay...Yae."
I took her outstretched hand, and she smiled. Istuki took my other hand, smiling at me as well, and I had to glance away because my face began to heat up. Why was I being so shy? We've been best of friends since we were small children!
We walked across the holy bridge hand-in-hand, the four of us, and it was a peaceful walk. Over the lake there was only silence—silence that you could sink into, drown in, with only warm human hands to pull you back. They pulled me back, kept me from sinking too far into the silence, kept me from dying deep inside myself. Istuki's hand was warm, as was Yae's. Chitose was a cold shadow at my back, but I could feel nothing but the warmth of my two greatest loves. I think that moment was the greatest moment of content in my short life. The world was whole as it never had been. Fate was as clear and shimmering as the gentle waters we walked over.
As we passed through the gates and entered into the village, I had to smile. Everyone here was bustling with life and joy. Children with happy futures were playing games in the road, mothers and father making their purchases in the market, merchants selling their wares. I loved the village, in all its light and life.
We strolled in no hurry through this bustling hub. Istuki asked Chitose several times if she wished to play with the children, but she refused. As we passed under the sky bridge, a happy couple ran laughing by us, and Istuki gave my hand a meaningful squeeze. I swallowed, wondering if there would be time for confessions or if I would have to leave him here, never knowing.
"I wish to go home, Istuki," Chitose said after we had been sitting on the stairs in silence for a time, enjoying the fresh breeze.
"It's such a lovely day, Chitose," he told her. "Why on earth would you want to be in the house. Don't tell me you want to curl up in your dark, dank closet."
Chitose looked away, her lip trembling.
"Now, don't cry," he said, laughing quietly. "I'll take you home, dear sister." He looked towards Yae and I, still clutching our hands together. "Will you two stay here? I'll be back in a few moments."
"No, no," Yae said, and there was an almost sad smile on her face. "No, I will head back. Our father must be in hysterics by now...Sae, you should spend some more time with Itsuki."
She stood swiftly, leaving me stammering in shock beside Itsuki.
"Yes, Sae. Go walk Chitose home with him. Come back to Kurosawa whenever you wish...I'll be waiting." She looked up at Itsuki, who had stood, leaving only me standing. "Itsuki...until we meet again."
"Yes," Itsuki said, and the three of us watched her turn and vanish into the thick crowd as though a phantom.
Chitose threw me a swift glare, but I only watched where I had seen my sister disappear. I hated seeing her go. I wanted always to be with her. I never felt safe without her. She was my other half, the missing piece of my soul. She didn't want to become one with me through the ritual, so we could only be together in this way. This way which was not truly together, but as close we would ever come.
"Sae?"
His soft voice startle me out of a daze, and I looked up at him with the shocked eyes of a doe blinking at a wolf. So close to him, he was so breathtaking in his beauty...I was frozen in his gentle gaze. He touched my face gently, and I started.
"Come, Sae," he breathed, his eyes saying other things. I had to look away before I could stand and walk with them. There was silence until we came to his home, and we watched Chitose run into the gloom of the place, and heard her jingle long after she had vanished. Then we walked in silence once more, down the path towards the forest, where less and less people walked. It was not a comfortable silence. Without my other half with me, it was never a comfortable silence.
We stopped when we reached the foot of the stairs to the Kureha Shrine. We stopped for no reason in particular...simply instinct, I suppose. Or perhaps any closer to the Old Tree was considered forbidden territory. Whatever the reason, we stopped, and faced one another. I could feel his gaze on me, but I stared instead at the leaves pouring from the trees.
"Sae," he breathed once again in that silken whisper.
"Yes," I said, my voice hoarse, and I could not look at him.
"Sae," he said again, louder this time, and I felt his fingers come under my chin, tipping my head back so I had to look at him or look like an idiot. I met his eyes, and felt crimson heat wash over my cheeks almost instantly. He only gave a small knowing smile, and without a word, leaned his head toward me.
It was a mere brushing of lips, a soft caress of skin, but the entire world converged where we met. I shuddered violently, as if it had been more than the physical touch—our souls had brushed against one another as well. He stayed hovering over me, breathing softly onto my cheek, gazing down at me with half-lidded lion eyes, and I was helpless. I leaned into him, and a single tear spilled out of my eye, rolling down my cheek to lay itself on his hand, still holding my chin.
"Why do you cry?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
I shut my eyes. "Oh, Itsuki...I...this is...our last day! This is the last day!"
I collapsed against him as more tears poured forth, and his arms folded around me. I was encased his pulsing warmth, in the strength of his arms, and it was as if I was once again in the womb, where nothing could touch or harm me. Where there was no tragedy, where life's misery could not find me. He held me against him, and I realized something.
I realized that Yae was only one part of my soul. I felt whole with her, but afraid of the world. Here in Itsuki's arms, I also felt whole...yet unafraid. Unafraid because I knew I had Yae with me, and we would run where we could be together forever. I knew this as I pressed myself to his chest, and I felt I had at last gathered all the pieces of my soul into my hands...yet they were fragile, and I had to fight to keep them together.
"Come with us, Itsuki," I said, and I was smiling as the tears came. "Run away with us...be one with us..."
His head rested atop mine, and I his lips move against my scalp as he said, "Yes...yes, I will, Sae. I will leave this village, too." There was a moment of blissful silence, then he said softly, "But Chitose..."
"Chitose wishes us dead," I said, pressing even closer to him. "Chitose will rip apart our soul...she will kill us, and leave our soul in pieces..."
He didn't say anything to that. He only held me...
"I want more," I said.
He pulled a bit, so he could see my face.
"More," I repeated.
"Of what?" he said, and there was confusion on his face.
"You," I said in a whisper almost lost to the wind.
There. I had said it. I had spoken my most forbidden desire. I wanted to be one with Itsuki, to meld my soul to his in ways I could not with Yae. I wanted him to love me in every way, every way, before it was too late--!
He stared down at me, and I wasn't sure if he was comprehending what I had said. Or if he could believe I had just said it.
"Me?" he said, still confused, uncomprehending.
"All of you," I said, and I smoothed my hands up his chest so there could be no doubt as to what I meant. The change on his face was instantaneous: from confusion to a flash of panic to numb shock and finally, the look that men get when you say such things. "Before it's too late, Itsuki," I said, and my voice was no longer low and inviting, but a bit louder with an edge of panic. I had just realized what I said, and what would happen if Itsuki accepted my invitation. I began to feel scared, like a rabbit trapped in a net...and suddenly Itsuki smiled down at me, and it was a teasing, almost lazy smile. Full-blown panic flooded through me, laced with something else, something more primal. I saw his grin falter as the fear ran through my eyes, but I grabbed the front of his shirt quickly, almost desperately, because I wanted it more than anything, and I would not let him slip away.
"No!" I said. "No, I am not afraid! I...I love you, Itsuki!"
He froze, and his lips were half-parted in utter surprise. I stared up at him wide-eyed, just now realizing what I had said, and I almost stepped away from him, but his arms gained ungodly strength and held me tight against him. There was no escape from these parting emotions.
Then he kissed me again, at first the silk caress of timid lovers, and then a crushing embrace, a deep, shocking kiss, as if he would drink my soul and make it one with his. More tears spilled forth, and as we kissed at long last, the world was a bright, shining thing—nothing but the splendor of the sun, and greenness of the trees, thrumming with life, and the simplest and purest joy I would ever know.
He took me then, within Kureha Shrine, in the dancing shadows of sacred candles. He took me there, all of me, and he loved me in every possible way. He made me laugh, scream, and cry. He filled me with his body and spirit, and I held the pieces of our soul together as he held me in that comforting warmth. We were together there until it was almost time. We only pulled apart when one of the priests came in to pray, nearly bursting in on us...and even then, when we should have been scared, we only hid in the corner, clinging to one another, hardly able to keep from laughing. I will never forget the happiness that shone in his eyes, because days later, those same eyes would stare at me, dull and haunted; dead.
It was the last day for many things.
The last day Itsuki and I would kiss and become one.
The last day Yae would smile her strong, confident smile at me.
The last day I would be whole and happy.
The last day my laughter would bring others joy.
The last day I would see the sun.
.......................kill me.........
Yae's hand is warm in mine. Her smile is strong, hopeful. Her eyes are shining. We are sitting outside of our home, across the holy bridge, isolated from the village. Father is inside, making last-minute preparations with the priests, for the ritual that is only days away. Her hand is warm...I wondered if her neck would feel the same—pulsing with life, soft and delicate. I could see the throb in the side of her neck where her blood rushed, feeding her body fresh mortality.
"Sae?"
I flicked my eyes back up to meet hers once more, almost embarrassed that I had been staring. For if this ritual went through, it would be my life that would gush out in a red ruin over her hands, forever staining my sister with my death. I smiled back at her, but mine was a shy smile. An uncertain smile. Were we doing the right thing?
It was the last day for many things.
The last day we would sit content outside our home.
The last day we would breathe in the fresh scent of our village.
The last day we would hear the children laughing and playing so joyously across the lake.
The last day I would see...
"Yae! Sae!"
His voice came soft and clear a moment before he came running through the front gate into the atrium. He kneeled, placing his hand on his knees, breathing deeply as if he had run many miles. Silvery wisps of hair slipped forward over his face, catching the sunlight in bright, almost magical flashes of luminescence; it was difficult to believe that such beauty was the result of such death and suffering. He raised emerald-green eyes to us, looking first at Yae, then letting his gaze slip slowly, almost languorously to me. I fought not to fidget as he held my gaze for the barest of moments, a moment that seemed like eternity. It was filled with so much...years of friendship...years of lust...years of love.
Yae gave a slow smile, and stood to greet him. "Itsuki, you are always so out of breath when you come to see us. Should we take this as a compliment, or are you just that fat?"
Itsuki smiled, and I giggled. He flicked his eyes towards me, and gave a low bow. "My ladies, you are both just so lovely."
"You swine!" Yae laughed, coming towards him and slapping him playfully over the head. Itsuki laughed, a low, quiet, almost breathy sound. Since that day several years ago, his laugh never got much louder than that.
"I am not the only one who has come to visit," Itsuki said. He looked behind him. "But...where is she?" He turned towards the gate. "Chitose! Chitose, come out!"
The tiny girl emerged, so fragile-looking, almost like a porcelain doll. She jingled lightly as she moved. Her eyes were dark swimming pools of some dark emotion. She moved almost clumsily in her near-blindness, shuffling towards Itsuki, and yet there was a strange, almost disturbing grace to her. She moved as if she was motivated by something, determined to accomplish a deed most foul. As she passed Yae, she gave her a long look...a look that could have been a blind child struggling to see clearly, or an awful glare of such hate that I shivered as though I had received it. Yae's smile had vanished—since that day, Chitose had gained this animal grace. She had gained the two black abysses of her eyes, and she had lost their twinkle. She had gained an adult way of carrying herself—and of hating.
But if Itsuki noticed, he did not say. He simply smiled and took her hand, and stood before us. She stood a bit behind him, almost as if in hiding, staring at Yae the way a large, hungry cat stares at a mouse.
"Chitose, you must say goodbye—this may be the last time you see our good friends."
Chitose looked between the two of us, and suddenly a smile burst over her face—a foul, savage smile, full of so many unspoken intents that I sucked in a breath in shock. She hid the smile from Itsuki, so only we could see.
"Goodbye, Yae and Sae," she said, her voice a happy bell-like tone, belying the terrible look she gave us. "I pray your sacrifice goes well."
I noticed Itsuki's grip on her hand tighten slightly, but his face was pleasant, unreadable.
"Thank you, Chitose," Yae said, smiling down at the devil child. "We hope so, too." There was a mocking, almost sarcastic lilt to that last comment. If Chitose wanted to us ripped apart, the joke would be on her...we would run away, and be together...forever.
"Is your father in?" Itsuki said, his voice showing the barest hint of strain.
"Yes," Yae said.
"Would he mind terribly if I borrowed his daughters for a walk about the village?"
"I-I should ask..." I mumbled this nervously, and got up to dart inside the house. I wasn't sure why, but today I could hardly stand before him without blushing. I was having an embarrassingly difficult time hiding my feelings for him; they were playing over my face for all the world to see, and know. Know my forbidden desire.
"Sae."
I turned to look at Yae. She was gazing at me with serious eyes. Eyes wise beyond her years.
"Come with us. Father will no longer be our master after tomorrow...let us share this one...final pleasure."
She held out her hand to me. Chitose was almost fully hidden behind the billowing sleeve of Itsuki's kimono, only those soulless, angry eyes showing suspicion.
"Okay...Yae."
I took her outstretched hand, and she smiled. Istuki took my other hand, smiling at me as well, and I had to glance away because my face began to heat up. Why was I being so shy? We've been best of friends since we were small children!
We walked across the holy bridge hand-in-hand, the four of us, and it was a peaceful walk. Over the lake there was only silence—silence that you could sink into, drown in, with only warm human hands to pull you back. They pulled me back, kept me from sinking too far into the silence, kept me from dying deep inside myself. Istuki's hand was warm, as was Yae's. Chitose was a cold shadow at my back, but I could feel nothing but the warmth of my two greatest loves. I think that moment was the greatest moment of content in my short life. The world was whole as it never had been. Fate was as clear and shimmering as the gentle waters we walked over.
As we passed through the gates and entered into the village, I had to smile. Everyone here was bustling with life and joy. Children with happy futures were playing games in the road, mothers and father making their purchases in the market, merchants selling their wares. I loved the village, in all its light and life.
We strolled in no hurry through this bustling hub. Istuki asked Chitose several times if she wished to play with the children, but she refused. As we passed under the sky bridge, a happy couple ran laughing by us, and Istuki gave my hand a meaningful squeeze. I swallowed, wondering if there would be time for confessions or if I would have to leave him here, never knowing.
"I wish to go home, Istuki," Chitose said after we had been sitting on the stairs in silence for a time, enjoying the fresh breeze.
"It's such a lovely day, Chitose," he told her. "Why on earth would you want to be in the house. Don't tell me you want to curl up in your dark, dank closet."
Chitose looked away, her lip trembling.
"Now, don't cry," he said, laughing quietly. "I'll take you home, dear sister." He looked towards Yae and I, still clutching our hands together. "Will you two stay here? I'll be back in a few moments."
"No, no," Yae said, and there was an almost sad smile on her face. "No, I will head back. Our father must be in hysterics by now...Sae, you should spend some more time with Itsuki."
She stood swiftly, leaving me stammering in shock beside Itsuki.
"Yes, Sae. Go walk Chitose home with him. Come back to Kurosawa whenever you wish...I'll be waiting." She looked up at Itsuki, who had stood, leaving only me standing. "Itsuki...until we meet again."
"Yes," Itsuki said, and the three of us watched her turn and vanish into the thick crowd as though a phantom.
Chitose threw me a swift glare, but I only watched where I had seen my sister disappear. I hated seeing her go. I wanted always to be with her. I never felt safe without her. She was my other half, the missing piece of my soul. She didn't want to become one with me through the ritual, so we could only be together in this way. This way which was not truly together, but as close we would ever come.
"Sae?"
His soft voice startle me out of a daze, and I looked up at him with the shocked eyes of a doe blinking at a wolf. So close to him, he was so breathtaking in his beauty...I was frozen in his gentle gaze. He touched my face gently, and I started.
"Come, Sae," he breathed, his eyes saying other things. I had to look away before I could stand and walk with them. There was silence until we came to his home, and we watched Chitose run into the gloom of the place, and heard her jingle long after she had vanished. Then we walked in silence once more, down the path towards the forest, where less and less people walked. It was not a comfortable silence. Without my other half with me, it was never a comfortable silence.
We stopped when we reached the foot of the stairs to the Kureha Shrine. We stopped for no reason in particular...simply instinct, I suppose. Or perhaps any closer to the Old Tree was considered forbidden territory. Whatever the reason, we stopped, and faced one another. I could feel his gaze on me, but I stared instead at the leaves pouring from the trees.
"Sae," he breathed once again in that silken whisper.
"Yes," I said, my voice hoarse, and I could not look at him.
"Sae," he said again, louder this time, and I felt his fingers come under my chin, tipping my head back so I had to look at him or look like an idiot. I met his eyes, and felt crimson heat wash over my cheeks almost instantly. He only gave a small knowing smile, and without a word, leaned his head toward me.
It was a mere brushing of lips, a soft caress of skin, but the entire world converged where we met. I shuddered violently, as if it had been more than the physical touch—our souls had brushed against one another as well. He stayed hovering over me, breathing softly onto my cheek, gazing down at me with half-lidded lion eyes, and I was helpless. I leaned into him, and a single tear spilled out of my eye, rolling down my cheek to lay itself on his hand, still holding my chin.
"Why do you cry?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
I shut my eyes. "Oh, Itsuki...I...this is...our last day! This is the last day!"
I collapsed against him as more tears poured forth, and his arms folded around me. I was encased his pulsing warmth, in the strength of his arms, and it was as if I was once again in the womb, where nothing could touch or harm me. Where there was no tragedy, where life's misery could not find me. He held me against him, and I realized something.
I realized that Yae was only one part of my soul. I felt whole with her, but afraid of the world. Here in Itsuki's arms, I also felt whole...yet unafraid. Unafraid because I knew I had Yae with me, and we would run where we could be together forever. I knew this as I pressed myself to his chest, and I felt I had at last gathered all the pieces of my soul into my hands...yet they were fragile, and I had to fight to keep them together.
"Come with us, Itsuki," I said, and I was smiling as the tears came. "Run away with us...be one with us..."
His head rested atop mine, and I his lips move against my scalp as he said, "Yes...yes, I will, Sae. I will leave this village, too." There was a moment of blissful silence, then he said softly, "But Chitose..."
"Chitose wishes us dead," I said, pressing even closer to him. "Chitose will rip apart our soul...she will kill us, and leave our soul in pieces..."
He didn't say anything to that. He only held me...
"I want more," I said.
He pulled a bit, so he could see my face.
"More," I repeated.
"Of what?" he said, and there was confusion on his face.
"You," I said in a whisper almost lost to the wind.
There. I had said it. I had spoken my most forbidden desire. I wanted to be one with Itsuki, to meld my soul to his in ways I could not with Yae. I wanted him to love me in every way, every way, before it was too late--!
He stared down at me, and I wasn't sure if he was comprehending what I had said. Or if he could believe I had just said it.
"Me?" he said, still confused, uncomprehending.
"All of you," I said, and I smoothed my hands up his chest so there could be no doubt as to what I meant. The change on his face was instantaneous: from confusion to a flash of panic to numb shock and finally, the look that men get when you say such things. "Before it's too late, Itsuki," I said, and my voice was no longer low and inviting, but a bit louder with an edge of panic. I had just realized what I said, and what would happen if Itsuki accepted my invitation. I began to feel scared, like a rabbit trapped in a net...and suddenly Itsuki smiled down at me, and it was a teasing, almost lazy smile. Full-blown panic flooded through me, laced with something else, something more primal. I saw his grin falter as the fear ran through my eyes, but I grabbed the front of his shirt quickly, almost desperately, because I wanted it more than anything, and I would not let him slip away.
"No!" I said. "No, I am not afraid! I...I love you, Itsuki!"
He froze, and his lips were half-parted in utter surprise. I stared up at him wide-eyed, just now realizing what I had said, and I almost stepped away from him, but his arms gained ungodly strength and held me tight against him. There was no escape from these parting emotions.
Then he kissed me again, at first the silk caress of timid lovers, and then a crushing embrace, a deep, shocking kiss, as if he would drink my soul and make it one with his. More tears spilled forth, and as we kissed at long last, the world was a bright, shining thing—nothing but the splendor of the sun, and greenness of the trees, thrumming with life, and the simplest and purest joy I would ever know.
He took me then, within Kureha Shrine, in the dancing shadows of sacred candles. He took me there, all of me, and he loved me in every possible way. He made me laugh, scream, and cry. He filled me with his body and spirit, and I held the pieces of our soul together as he held me in that comforting warmth. We were together there until it was almost time. We only pulled apart when one of the priests came in to pray, nearly bursting in on us...and even then, when we should have been scared, we only hid in the corner, clinging to one another, hardly able to keep from laughing. I will never forget the happiness that shone in his eyes, because days later, those same eyes would stare at me, dull and haunted; dead.
It was the last day for many things.
The last day Itsuki and I would kiss and become one.
The last day Yae would smile her strong, confident smile at me.
The last day I would be whole and happy.
The last day my laughter would bring others joy.
The last day I would see the sun.
.......................kill me.........
