Scene: Hannibal Lecter's Prison

[Enter Dr. Chilton]

Chilton: Good evening, Dr. Lecter. There is someone here to see you from the FBI. May I send him over?

Lecter: Yes, in just a moment. I have to put away my NASCAR pictures and up my pictures of Florence so I look sufficiently sophisticated yet at the same time.. Evvvillllll. Mwah wah wah.

Chilton: Whatever.

Lecter: What is his name?

Chilton: Special Agent Fred Rogers

Lecter: Send him over.

[Exit Chilton. Enter Rogers]

Rogers: Hello, Mr. Lecter. How are you today? Do you feel happy?

Hannibal: Yessss. I feel even better now that you're here because I plan to eat your spleen, because I'm so eeevil! Ha ha ha ha!

Rogers: That's wonderful, friend. Eating is good. Would you like to see pictures of the food factory I visited with our friend Mr. McFeely last week? It is fun. Let's look in picture picture. I like being your friend.

Hannibal: Tit for tat, Mr. Rogers! I will tell you the location of the killer, if you give me something, Mwa wa wa wa!

Rogers: So here we are inside the factory. Can you say factory?

Hannibal: The answer to your murder is right in front of you, but it's really behind a veil, No, here it is. The murder is right on the cover of the book you are reading, but you've turned past the page. Wait, I know. To see the murder, you have to. Oh I'm not as good at this any more. You're distracting me with your crazy talk.

Rogers: You are special, Hannibal. I like being your friend. I like you just the way you are.

Hannibal: Like me the way I am? I like to eat people's organs while they are still alive, remember? I'm a violent, murderous sociopath!

Rogers: You know, when I feel down, like that I like to sing a song. Would you like to hear it?

Hannibal: I'm a killer, don't you get it? Don't you get my persona? I'm down here in this dungeon prison thing because I'm supposed to be a dangerous man!

Rogers: It's such a good, feeling, a feeling inside.

Hannibal: I like the feeling inside the human body when I'm eating a liver! Ha! Hey, that's kind of gross.

Rogers: It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor.

Hannibal: I ate my neighbor with a nice Chianti and a fava, wait, I did that one already. I ate my neighbor and used him with a sno-cone and a caviar. No, you're throwing me off.

Rogers: It's a neighborly day in this beautiwood a neighborly day for a beauty.

Hannibal: Ok, how about this for a deal. I'll give you 50 bucks to stop singing. Deal?

Rogers: I like you just the way you are, neighbor.

Hannibal: Ahh! I can't stand it!

Rogers: Won't you be, won't you be..

Hannibal: Tit for tat, err, I love the suit, Senator. I can't think straight any more! How am I supposed to be menacing, when faced with this?

Rogers: Please won't you be, my neighbor.

Hannibal: Before we go any further, I'd like to point out that this little parody was written by someone with the email funnyhatus@yahoo.com, and the website www.geocities.com/funnyhatus. He would encourage you to write to him.

Rogers: So long, neighbor, see you tomorrow.

[Exit Rogers]

Hannibal: Chilton!

[Enter Doctor Chilton]

Chilton: What/

Hannibal: He's left !

Chilton: Oh no. I've got to call security. Security! Security! Rogers is on the loose! Emergency! We need a lockdown! Right away!

Hannibal: I'll never feel safe again.

[end]