I started this while I was watching Saved!, so the general plot line is loosely based on the movie. And, just so you know, the characters a little out of character. There's your warning. Here's the introduction:


Everything was supposed to be perfect. I was going to be a junior. Two years and I would be off to college. I had summer plans with everyone before starting the long boring school year. The beginning of summer was amazing. I had my friends, my family, and a new boyfriend. We had been going out for a while, maybe four or five months. He told me he loved me, like five times a day. I believed him. He wanted to sleep with me. Part of me did too, but part of me thought I should wait. I'm not talking marriage or anything, but I don't know, I just felt I should wait. He thought I didn't think he was special enough for me or something. I guess that is kind of true. Why else wouldn't I want to sleep with him? A couple days later he said he was going away for a week. It was to some place on the beach, um, I'm pretty sure it was Martha's Vineyard. I try hard to block that memory out of my head.

Anyway I had to beg my mom to let me go. I really did beg too, literally on my hands and knees. She didn't trust us to be alone. I should have listened to her. I regret it every single day of my life. The not listening to my mom part, but what teenager actually thinks that their parent is trying to help them? It was a horrible week. I'm surprised I came home at all. I couldn't face my mother. What would she think of me? The entire ordeal was stressful and beyond horrible. I lost myself; I lost everything I believed in. I felt like everything I had been doing, like the demonstrations and protests, the whole "Green Peace" cause was a total waste of time. What did it matter? It didn't prepare me for anything.

The trip to Martha's Vineyard was a disaster. I got back the first day of August. School was starting soon. I didn't feel right. At first I thought it was just because of what I had gone through on the trip. It wasn't, well it was, but it wasn't the whole reason. I felt distant from everyone; I wouldn't let anyone touch me. It was a horrible beginning to the school year, to my junior year. That isn't even the beginning. I found out that Jay was let back in school. Honestly it didn't bother me all that much; my plate was too full with everything else that I had to deal with. Besides, I wasn't the same Tree Hugger, so Jay was not on my list of priorities.

I had it all under control. I was by myself, and handling it. Manny and them thought something was wrong. I mean we have been friends forever so she knew something was up. She had the whole Spirit Squad with Darcy and whatever so I just slowly pulled away. She had her own life to live, and her own movie star dreams to fulfill. I really didn't want anyone to worry about me. Everyone had their own worlds with their own drama. Mom and Snake had Jack, Manny had her dreams, along with all the other people I talked to or hung out with. I didn't want to be a bother, and I didn't want them to know.

I didn't want anyone to know how big of a mistake I made. I couldn't face it, the situation, the people, or my problem. I had no clue how this was going to go, or what was going to happen the next day. If someone found out then that would be the end. It would be the end of me. Everyone would talk and talk about what they didn't know. I couldn't handle it; I didn't want to have to handle it. I didn't want to deal with it at all.

The first couple of months were fine. Mom and Snake were a little worried that I didn't talk much or touch them at all, or even look them in the eye. I always made them shrug it off when they saw me with Jack. He was the only one I went near, or touched. I could sit there for hours and play with him. I didn't have anyone at school, or at all, but I could always come home to Jack. He was the only one I had.