Drops of blood

WARNING : Self-harm, angst.

I'm a french girl who are trying to write stories in english, so please be gentle if it's too scolar or if you see some mistakes !


One drop, two drops, let me cry.

Three drops, four drops, let me scream.

Five drops, six drops, let me leave

I heard that death was nothing, just the awakening from an insignificant sleep.

However I see the others, and they are so afraid of this death. What are they afraid of? Death is our friend, our deliverance. I look into her eyes, and she is so beautiful.

It's been a long time that she doesn't disappoint me. She always amazes me at the worst time. She waves me and throws me, she shakes me and dismisses me. She comes to see me and abandon me. She asks me to come just for breaking my legs. I'll never be able to walk again. My heart a long time ago ceased flying alone. Maybe it's her, to prolong my agony, that tears it but never kill it. Death always holds her scythe over my head.

She seems happy in my sorrow.

She seems to delight in my despair

So come, come my friend

I am at your disposal

Surprises me, abyss me, hurt me, flay me, messes me, torn me.

And if that is my destiny

Just come get me too.


It became a ritual. Every evening, after he came back from Pearson Hardman, Mike grabs his blade and draws lines of fire on his disfigured body. Sighing with relief, he sees on his wrists blood escaping of his wounds. He stares then, absorbing the pain gushing from his wrists, and he laughed. And when the pain disappears, and his laughter subsides, he does that again. And when the physical pain takes over his inner discomfort, he stops and stretches.

And every night at this point, Mike thinks about his wasted life, the life he'd like to end for so long. Since his desire of diying far exceeded his desire of living.

His body is streaked with scars. He cares to remember them all, and every moments.


The first time Harvey saw his scars and wounds, Mike saw in his eyes a mixture of disgust, pity and incomprehension.

"Kid, what are you doing to yourself?"

And the oldest took him in his arms, trying to remove the pain of his younger friend. In the crook of his shoulder, he felt Mike smiling.

"Why, Harvey? It's nothing, you know. It's just a help, it's my refuge. The buoy that keeps me from sinking. "

Harvey broke the embrace to plunge his gaze in the younger's one.

"Will I become this buoy one day?"

"Maybe, Harvey. Maybe you'll save me from drowning. "


When Mike slept for the first time at Harvey's after an evening of work, he didn't even think to cut himself. In fact, his older became this aid, this shelter. Slowly, he felt that his last wound was healing, and panic washed over him. Then Harvey enters a little more in his life, trying to replace the soothing pain by his presence.

"You're not alone, kid. I'll be there, always."

"I know Harvey. But how can I heal if I'm not even sure I want to? "

"I don't know, Mike. But I will find. "

And Mike trusted him.


The first time Harvey kissed his partner was in the hospital. Mike had relapsed a few days earlier and his addiction to mutilation had almost cost him his life.

One drop, two drops, let me cry.

Three drops, four drops, let me scream.

Five drops, six drops, let me leave.

Mike lived that moment as a rebirth. This time, he cut his skin deeply, enjoying every moment that gave him the blade. Sat against his bath, he thought back to his grandmother. Death had played him a trick again. She had burned his heart again. 5,10,20 drops fell to the ground but he doesn't care.

When he fainted, he didn't feel he left, he just closed his eyes and let the darkness take him.

When Harvey met him, he discovered him there, pale as death, the veins of his two wrists open. Blood completely covered his forearms, and a moment Harvey thought he was dead. He found a weak pulse and called 911 immediately.

"Mike! Mike come back ! I'm begging you. You're not allowed to do that. "

And while his tears mingled with hemoglobin that still flowed of the slashed wrists of the blonde guy, Harvey screamed.

"I didn't gave you the right to go! Damn it. Come back ! I forbid you to die!"

He continued to shake Mike's lifeless body until the paramedics arrived, after what seemed like hours of waiting.

Harvey didn't think to do a thing like that. Not that he hadn't thought of it before, but Mike seemed too fragile for considering any relationship. But his partner had almost died.

"Family of Michael Ross?"

Harvey automatically raised in the direction of a doctor.

"Are you family?" Asked the man.

"I'm his superior."

"I'm sorry, only family can-"

"The last family member he had died two days ago. Tell me. "

"Well." The doctor said with a sigh. " Michael has been very lucky, we were able to revive him just in time. However, if you had arrived 10 minutes late, it wouldn't have been the case. So we put him on a suicide watch. He's awake, you can go see him in the room 232."

"Thank you doctor."

He nodded and leave. Harvey walked to the bedroom and opened the door. His eyes met Mike's, who looked down immediatly. The oldest sat down and sighed.

"Mike. Don't do that again. I thought .. that .. "

"That I was dead?"

"Yes."

"I am dead inside."

Harvey looked up to Mike.

"I will bring you back to the light."

Mike smiled.

"Maybe."

They said nothing until the youngest spoke again.

"Why are you here with me? I am worthless. "

Harvey rose to approach the bed Mike. He gently put his hand on his cheek.

"You're not worthless kiddo. In reality, you worth more than anything. "

"I don't understand. I'm just a young suicid- "

Harvey cut him off by putting his lips on Mike's. It was chaste and quick, but enough to make it stop talking. Mike looked at him with wide eyes and Harvey wondered if he hadn't made a huge mistake.

"Do that again."

"What?"

"I said do that again."

Harvey leaned in to kiss his again, and this time he felt Mike's weak arms around his neck to prevent him from leaving. The kiss became feverish, as if the youngest rejected his pain inside, as if it was urgent to them to show their affection.


TBC

Sorry if this is too dark. It's just came to my mind one evening when I felt depressed. Don't forget to review please !