A/N: Yes, another Always fic, but we're months behind in Australia and it still hasn't aired here. I resisted downloading it until this week and after I watched it, this just poured out of me. It's my first so be kind – no actually, be honest.

Disclaimer: Love 'em, but don't own 'em!

Always Breathe

When he doesn't answer her call, she can't breathe. When she knocks on his door, freezing, dripping wet and desperate, she can't breathe. When she thinks he's pushing her away as she tries to convey her apology, her love through soft whispers and heartfelt kisses, she can't breathe. And now, as her back hits Castle's front door with a thud, what little air is left in her lungs escapes with an 'oomph', and suddenly she's breathing.

Well, breathing is probably not the most accurate adjective to use as Castle's mouth descends on hers. Gasping and panting seem to be infinitely more appropriate descriptions, and Kate is having trouble deciding whether the ragged breathing is hers or is coming from the man currently touching her everywhere, one leg pressed firmly between both of her own and his weight crowding her further into his door.

She's here. With him, Castle, Rick, her partner, her best friend, the man who has told her more than once that he loves her, the man who has shown patience, devotion and now, hopefully forgiveness. She knows it's probably more than she deserves and it's overwhelming and a little humbling; but as she loses all ability to think, she lets her feelings take over and God, it feels so good, so right and so hot.

His mouth and hands are all over her and the way he's looking at her reveals a plethora of emotions behind those wonderfully blue eyes. There's a hint of disbelief, and of awe. There are some things Kate can't quite read but there's definitely elation, adoration, love and as those passion-darkened baby blues also reveal a hint of raw, unadulterated lust, her stomach flips and her pulse races. Actually, maybe it's more than a hint and there's every chance he's seeing that, and a myriad other emotions reflected back in her wide hazel-green eyes. What she hopes he sees is her certainty and her commitment to this… to him.

Their mouths are warm and moist, and like most of their movements, slightly uncoordinated, because what they're doing is so far removed from the way this day might have ended that their brains are having trouble processing everything. Their lips are everywhere, their tongues insistent, and the gravity of the moment is so overwhelming, so emotionally charged and so wonderfully desperate that when Castles fingertips graze her breast, his nose nuzzles her chest and he pops her top button before brushing his lips over the puckered scar there, they both draw in a shuddering breath and momentarily pause.

With hearts pounding and lungs heaving they hesitate, but it's fleeting - at least it is for Kate. She doesn't want to stop, doesn't want Castle to stop, to doubt this, doubt her, and most of all she doesn't want him to go back there… to that awful day almost a year ago. She grabs his hand and brings it to her chest, presses it there as she leans in to kiss him with a soft brush of her lips over his, a gentle but insistent press of her tongue into his warm, willing mouth and eventually a gentle puff of breath as their mouths separate and she smiles. She's alive and she's not going anywhere.

Castle has always thought Beckett's smile could light up a room, melt hearts and it had certainly melted his long ago, but the smile she's just given him, full of confidence, invitation and promise is something he thinks he'll remember forever. As they twine their hands together, he can't take his eyes off her face, her mouth, and when she bites her lip and tugs him away from the loft's entrance, his knees wobble just a little. He wonders if she notices, if she'll tease him later about the 'unmanliness' of his reaction.

Apart from their clasped hands, they don't touch each other again as they head for his office, nor do they break eye contact. They both finally understand Lanie's term 'eye sex' as they gaze lovingly, lustfully at each other and once they breach the threshold of the exclusively-Castle part of the loft, they crash together like waves onto a break-wall.

Castle plunges one hand into her wet, tangled hair, his thumb brushing behind her ear as the rest of his hand cups the back of her head and they kiss feverishly until their need for air forces them to slow down. They become less frantic but are still all warm, wet lips, gliding tongues and nipping teeth, and Beckett tugs at his bottom lip as she touches the side of his face.

It suddenly occurs to Kate that neither of them has spoken since she was pressed so thoroughly against the hard surface of his front door and as Castle backs her into one of the many book-laden shelves lining the walls of the room where Nikki Heat was born, she feels an equally hard surface against her shoulder blades and tail bone and she chuckles softly.

"What?" Castle asks as he trails a series of wet kisses down the side if her neck and across the skin just above her collarbone.

"I just realised that for someone who came here with every intention of talking, I've been decidedly non-verbal," she mumbles. "Not to mention your silence."

"We can talk later?" Castle says against the side of her neck and it's both a statement and a question. "Besides, you're always saying I talk too much. Maybe you should've tried this method of silencing me sooner."

"Shut up Castle," Kate says with a smirk, and to ensure his silence she covers his mouth with her own and slowly begins unbuttoning his shirt. They really do need to talk and she knows Castle must have a million questions, but for now, the fact that they are in his loft and they're undressing each other is enough.

Castle gets the hint and while her hands are busy between their bodies, he pulls her away from the bookshelf and his arms creep around her back. As their lips meet again, one large hand gently cups the back of her neck, as the other slips under the hem of her shirt. Even though the touch is tentative and the small circular movements on her lower back are gentle, almost comforting, the skin on skin contact generates a spark of electricity that elicits a soft gasp from both of them and Becket's fingers fumble with the last button of his shirt.

They make eye contact again and this time they both smile as their kiss softens, and they press their foreheads together, noses brushing Eskimo-style. Beckett is torn between leaning back into his touch or pressing herself shamelessly into the front of him and his now partially exposed chest.

Before she can decide, Castle kisses her behind her left ear and whispers, "Are you sure?"

"I'm not sure about everything, but I'm sure about you and I'm sure about this… us."

"God, you're beautiful," he blurts in a breathless whisper and pulls her towards him.

Kate isn't sure what she expected him to say in response to her admission, but telling her she's beautiful makes her breath catch and when he pulls her against him, soft curves meet solid muscle and she gasps.

"Take me to bed Castle," she says as she relieves him completely of his shirt and plants a soft kiss at the hollow of his throat.

Needing no further encouragement, Castle spins Kate around and as he propels her towards his bedroom, his chest at her back, he somehow manages to have her shirt unbuttoned by the time they stumble through the door. His lips are roaming the back of her neck as he slides her saturated shirt from her shoulders and as he splays his large, warm palm across the cool flesh of her stomach, Kate gives an involuntary shiver that's got absolutely nothing to do with being cold.

They are both torn between wanting to give into the desperate, passionate need for each other that's been four long years in the making, and taking their time to savour every second of something that's more than just unresolved sexual tension finally simmering over.

Castle spins her gently to face him and cups her cheeks in his hands. She meets his gaze and for someone as guarded as Kate Beckett, her eyes at this moment are definitely the windows to her soul. Castle can see everything there, all those emotions she was hoping he'd see, but it's the way her sometimes green eyes have darkened to a rich brown that has him wanting to tumble immediately onto his bed and press her firmly into his luxurious Egyptian cotton sheets.

"I want you so badly but I don't want to ruin this by rushing," he confesses as he leans in to run his tongue over her bottom lip. "I'm just not sure how slow I can go with you looking at me like that."

"I can't not look at you, Castle," Kate says with a grin, before she parts her lips to allow him access and places both her palms to his broad chest, loving the feel of the hair there tickling her fingertips and pleased with herself at the shudder it elicits from him. She shudders a little herself as their hips brush and she feels his obvious arousal. "I can't not touch you either."

Castle swallows a moan and draws a deep shuddering breath in an attempt to temper himself, but it's all in vain the minute Beckett grazes her fingernails down either side of his chest and across his stomach, her hands coming to rest at his belt buckle.

"God," he almost whimpers as he manoeuvres them the last few feet to the end of his bed and once he feels the mattress at the back of his knees he presses his right thigh firmly between hers and crashes his mouth back to her slightly parted lips.

Barely contained passion momentarily gives way to male pride as Castle notices the way Kate's breath hitches, how her hips rock forward against his thigh and how her tongue mimics that very same movement. However, when her fingers actually tug on his belt and he feels at least one digit slip inside his waistband, his traitorous hips do the same.

Kate can sense his barely intact restraint and she doesn't want either of them to feel like they have to hold anything back – not emotions, not words and certainly not the passion they're both finally allowing themselves to give in to.

"We've held everything in for too long Castle," Kate whispers against his jaw as she tugs his belt from its buckle. "We hid our feelings, didn't say things we should have said and it's cost us both dearly. We need to let our hearts and maybe our hormones rule our heads for a while, so honesty from now on and no holding back. This is going to be perfect no matter how fast or slow we go because it's us, Rick. We fit, we always have and if this is over thirty seconds after you get me naked then we'll just slow it down the next time."

They both smile then, at Kate's sudden 'wordiness' and at the realisation that whilst this might be their first time, it's the first of many times and they are both done waiting. Kate gently shoves Castle and he slides his hands to her waist as his butt hits the mattress. She's standing between his thighs now with her hands on his shoulders and he immediately presses a series of soft kisses to her stomach. Castle notices the bruises near her ribs and gently skims his fingers over them as he looks up, eyes questioning. She gives an almost imperceptible shake of her head and smiles, a message that she's okay and will explain later, clearly evident in her eyes. He lets it go and returns his lips to her stomach as his hands move to the clasp of her pants. With slightly tremulous fingers, Castle opens the fly and as he flattens his tongue just under her navel, he tugs the still wet garment over her hips and down her endlessly long legs.

"Boots, Castle," she mumbles, almost completely distracted by what his tongue is doing against her belly and finding herself wondering what else his tongue might be capable of.

He chuckles as he looks down at the pants around her ankles and with a surprising amount of coordination and speed, Castle divests her of her boots, socks and trousers until she's standing before him in only her sheer black bra and matching panties.

"I hate to repeat myself, but God you're beautiful," he croaks as he runs his hands from the backs of her knees, up the smooth skin of her thighs to the cheeks of her ass and this time presses his nose to her stomach, his lips just above the elastic of her panties. He can smell her - rain, cherries and arousal and the scent, along with her state of near-undress is almost more than he can take.

He hooks his thumbs under each side of her panties and slowly drags them down as Kate clutches at his shoulder with one hand and grabs a large handful of his hair with the other.

"Castle wait. Rick, I…" She doesn't get to finish her sentence because at that moment he runs his thumbs from the inside crease of each thigh, up to her hip bones as he circles her with his tongue. Kate isn't even sure what she was going to say, or why she was going to say it and as his tongue creates warm, wet magic against her throbbing centre she doesn't care about anything except that, except him and her words along with her knees, fail her.

Castle feels her knees begin to buckle and with one final stroke of his tongue against her most sensitive spot, he returns his hands to the cheeks of her butt and pulls her onto his lap. Her knees are on the mattress on either side of his thighs and she's straddling his still-covered erection.

"Hi," he says with a wide, if not slightly smug grin, as their eyes meet and his male pride surfaces again at her knee-trembling reaction. He briefly considers how satisfied he'd feel if he'd made her come then and there, but she wipes the self satisfied grin off his face with one swipe of her tongue against his upper lip and the sudden downward pressure of her warm, wet centre against his now painfully hard arousal.

She chuckles as an expletive leaves his lips at her sudden movement and she begins a determined assault on his jaw, throat and clavicle. "I'm going to take your pants off now Castle," she whispers against the base of his throat and she thinks he actually whimpers.

"Jesus Kate," he gasps as she wiggles backwards on his lap, just enough to lower his zipper before she pushes him back onto the bed. The non-verbal communication they've always been so good at comes to the fore now and he lifts his hips and wriggles towards the centre of the bed as she drags his pants down his hips. She stands up briefly, pulls them over his sock-clad feet and tosses them over her shoulder with a flourish.

They're both breathing heavily and grinning almost disbelievingly because this doesn't seem quite real, while at the same time, it feels like it's where they were always destined to end up. Kate takes in the sight of him, leaning back on both elbows in nothing but his socks and black cotton Calvin Klein's, which are barley containing the evidence of his arousal. Castle wants to commit this exact moment to memory and briefly wonders if it's creepy that he wishes he could take a photo. Katherine Beckett, Detective Kate Beckett standing at the end if his bed in nothing but her bra, grinning at him with lustful eyes like she's going to pounce on him… and then she does.

Well, she doesn't pounce exactly. Instead she crawls up the bed and over him until they are pressed together from lips to hips, kissing each other senseless and letting their hands begin a torturous exploration of all the places they've both fantasised about touching. Castle deftly unclasps her bra with one hand while his other hand cups her left breast, it's thumb grazing over her nipple again and again. He pauses only briefly to completely remove the flimsy garment before his hand resumes its ministrations and as he kisses her neck, his other fingers are gently caressing the length of her spine.

Kate just gives in to sensation, in awe of the sixth sense he seems to have about where and how to touch her and when he rolls her onto her back, moves his hand from her breast to her core and slides one finger inside she moans into his mouth and shamelessly tilts her pelvis towards his hand. Castle responds by slipping another finger inside her as his thumb makes wide, slow circles around her clit and he revels in the fact that she's dripping wet with arousal, for him. He feels her begin to tighten around his fingers and he wants nothing more than for her to come – to see her, hear her and feel her completely let go.

"You said no more holding back, Kate," he whispers against the shell of her ear, just before he takes the lobe between his teeth and curls his fingers as they move torturously in and out of her. "Come for me."

Kate couldn't have stopped it then, even if she wanted to. With a strangled "Oh God" she arches off the bed, squeezes her eyes and legs closed and gets lost in sensation. She knows he's watching her and she wants to open her eyes but it's too overwhelming, too intense and it's not until he's bringing her down, just one finger barely brushing against her folds, that she manages to look at him. She's met with a mixture of lust, longing and tenderness, and she knows if he keeps looking at her like that she might actually cry. So she breaks eye contact and kisses him, hard.

Normally Kate takes a while to emerge from her post-orgasmic fog and she has never in her life been ready again almost immediately, but she's never felt anything like this before and she can't get enough; can't get close enough, can't kiss him or touch him enough and she feels like she's on fire within seconds. She's sprawled half on top of him now and the fingers of her right hand gently caress his chest, then splay briefly over his stomach before sneaking under the waistband of his Calvin's to stroke him. Castle huffs out another expletive as his hips buck involuntarily into her palm and Kate smiles against the side of his neck. He's warm, hard and satiny-smooth and Kate wants his underwear gone so she raises herself up to once again straddle his thighs and hastily removes the last barrier between them. She looks down, can't help herself and her eyes must widen slightly because Castle asks her if she's okay.

"Just appreciating the view," she whispers, not convinced her voice isn't shaking as she says it. He really is quite the specimen. Not overly muscled, not ridiculously tanned or waxed, and he's maybe a bit softer around the edges than when they met, but still lean and toned and with his impressive length now lying against his belly she feels a familiar ache in her core, her pulse quickens and her mouth goes dry.

"The view from down here isn't bad either," he says with a heavy-lidded appraisal of her; from her uncharacteristically wild hair, to her bare breasts, taut stomach and toned thighs, all the way to the tips of her purple-painted toenails.

"Less looking, more touching," Kate teases, and as if he's reading her mind, Castle pulls her mouth down to his for a scorching kiss that sets them both aflame and all the foreplay, the teasing and admiring is done.

There's no keeping them from their goal now. Castle wants to feel her under him, her legs around him and he rolls them over until he's hovering above her with his hips cradled between her thighs. Kate, who normally prefers to be on top, finds herself wanting to feel Castle's weight on top of her, craving the feeling of being pressed into his mattress as he slides his hard length inside her. She can feel him pressed between their bodies and she wants to touch him again, but at the first twitch of her hand towards him, Castle anticipates her intention and grabs her hand.

"If you touch me now, this is all over in about ten seconds," he admits with a strangled rush of breath against the side of her neck and she rocks her pelvis against him in frustration. It's almost more than he can take and as he grabs her other hand and presses both of them into the mattress on either side of her head, he shifts his hips so that his erection is pressed firmly against her and she whimpers his name.

"You do realise you can't ever call me Rick in public now," he croaks at her whimpered use of his first name. "Not unless you want everyone to know what you do to me."

Kate rolls her eyes and pretends to glare at him and there it is… the Beckett death stare; so much less intimidating here in his bed, with her hair feathered out over his pillow and her naked body stretched out beneath him. He doesn't dare laugh however.

Instead, Castle leans down and kisses her like he wants to devour her and Kate would let him if she could. Their tongues thrust together several times, eliciting moans from them both, but when Kate rocks her hips against him again, he hisses out a sudden gasp and begins to press into her. He inches in, pressing slightly forward then withdrawing until he can't hold back any longer. With a long slow thrust, he slides all the way into the moist, tight heat of her body and he can't help but still for a moment. He wants to savour everything about this moment and he wants to look at her. He expects to find Kate's eyes closed but he discovers her watching him, all wide dark eyes and kiss-swollen lips and he almost topples over the edge.

They begin to move together in the same instant, that non-verbal thing between them again, and Castle watches to see if she's adjusted to his invasion of her body. Kate stares back at him with equal intensity as their movements synchronise, and when she wraps those ridiculously long legs around his waist he settles deeper inside and lets go of her hands so they are both free to touch each other.

Kate clutches at his back, trying to pull him closer, deeper and when he adjusts the angle of his pelvis it changes the depth and angle of his thrusts and Kate immediately arches off the bed with the intense pleasure of it and this time it's her that hisses an expletive.

"You like that?" Castle chuckles softly into her hair and before she can respond, he does it again.

Kate bites her bottom lip, scrunches her eyes closed and nods in the affirmative, but she's determined not to give into the pleasure threatening to take her over. She wants to wait for him this time but when he repeats the movement a third time she's almost beside herself. The feel of him inside her, the delicious friction of his pubic bone against her clit, the rhythm of them thrusting together is excruciating in a very good way… too good. He's too good.

"Not yet Rick. I want us to…"

He knows what she's about to say but he wants to see her come undone again and he thrusts the same way as before. He can feel her clench around him and within seconds she's pressing crescent-shaped fingernail marks into the skin of his back and moaning his name as her orgasm overwhelms her. The sensation of her inner muscles twitching then tightening vice-like around him is more than Castle can take and despite his best intentions of prolonging this, his thrusts become erratic, as does his breathing and after only two or three short sharp movements he's chanting her name as he comes.

He collapses on top of her, their lower bodies still joined, their heaving, sweat-slick chests pressing together. Neither of them can speak, nor do they feel inclined to do so and the only sound in the room for several minutes is their ragged breathing as it slows. They don't move until Castle begins to worry he'll crush her and proceeds to raise his chest slightly, supporting himself on his forearms just enough to allow him to look at her. He uses both hands to gently brush her now sweat-dampened hair from her forehead and they both smile.

Castle feathers a kiss over the tip of her nose and asks, "You okay?"

Beckett's smile widens and she nods. "Better than okay."

"I feel like I should quote poetry or something," Castle blurts with a soft chuckle. "This feels like a moment that needs beautiful words but all I want to do is look at you."

Kate's breath catches then, and her eyes sting ever so slightly with what she suspects are tears but she blinks them back and reaches up to caress his face. "Someone else's words would never mean more or be as perfect as what you just said."

"I love you," Castle whispers and before Kate can even think about or attempt a response, he gently presses a silencing finger to her lips. "Every other time I've said it, it's been in the heat of some pretty unpleasant moment, and those words deserve better than that. You deserve better than that so I just had to say them again 'cos this right here, this is definitely a moment. One that I'm never going to forget."

He's done it now. That threatening sting behind Kate's eyes become actual tears despite the chuckle his comment elicits. "Rick, those words meant everything, every time you said them and I'm so sorry I let you think they didn't mean anything to me. I'm so sorry for so many different reasons and…"

He silences her again with his finger and kisses his way from her tear-streaked cheeks to her mouth, but just as her lips part with a sigh and she begins kissing him back, he suddenly shifts his body and half grins, half grimaces. "Gotta move. Cramp."

They both smile despite missing the connection of their bodies and while Castle rubs at his cramping hamstring, Kate stretches contentedly despite a number of obviously fight-related aches and pains making her wince. Castle doesn't miss the signs of her discomfort but they're both distracted by a sudden, loud rumble in the room that has nothing to do with the still-active storm outside.

"Was that your stomach?" Castle asks, eyes wide.

"Apparently."

"When did you eat last?"

"I don't remember," Kate confesses and bites so Beckett-like at her lower lip.

"I was about to try and drag you into my ridiculously large bath tub to wash away our aches and pains," Castle says, his eyes clearly sending her a message that at some point he fully intends to interrogate her about the events of the day. "But right now, food first."

They climb out of Castle's large bed and begin rummaging for clothes, only to remember Kate's are still soaked and most of Castle's seem to be tangled with hers. Castle dons a pair of sweats and offers Kate a navy blue robe as he gathers their wet clothes for the washer. They head to the living room together, hands entwined just as they were when they tread this path in reverse only hours ago.

"You raid the fridge while I put these on to wash and dry," Castle suggests with a peck on her cheek as he disappears into the laundry.

Kate is pulling food from the fridge when Castle reappears and as he steals a grape, she hands him a sports drink. "For your cramps. Gotta replace those body fluids you just lost."

"What about you?" Castle asks with a quirk if his eyebrow. "We were both exchanging body fluids."

Castle meant the comment to be funny, but a sudden epiphany has him inhaling sharply and glancing panic-stricken in Beckett's direction.

"What's wrong?"

"We uhh…shouldn't have been exchanging body fluids because we should've used a cond…."

"It's okay Castle," Kate interrupts. "Unless there's something infectious you need to divulge, I've got it covered."

"Yeah, but Kate, I'm the one who should've had it covered… literally." Castle says as he rakes a hand roughly through his hair. "I've never been this careless, ever. And with you of all people. Wait, actually, that's not true. Once before, and I have a teenage redhead to prove..."

"Castle. Calm down. Yes, we both should've thought about it but it was kind of... unexpected, and if that's the only time either of us has made that mistake, then we've got nothing to worry about," Kate reassures him. "Besides, it's done now… exceptionally well done I might add, so lets just bask in the afterglow. Okay?"

"You, are magnificent, Kate Beckett," Castle chuckles into her hair as he pulls her against him, before adding, "It was good wasn't it."

"Magnificent." Kate laughs and then teases him as she steps towards the now food-littered kitchen counter. "But I thought I was extraordinary?"

Castle laughs and throws a grape at her. They are as extraordinary together as he knew they would be and so far, they weren't doing too badly at the afterglow.