Wammy's House
England, 2001
Snow piled on the outside ledge of the nursery window, falling faster and faster from the white sky. Mello sat on the window seat and poked at the glass, hoping the vibration would push the snow off outside. It was growing increasingly difficult to see out, not that there was much to see.
He pouted, resting his forehead on the glass. The cold seemed to seep through his skin and into his brain. He could hear the distinct beeping of some video game by his feet, and the accompanying mutter when something went terribly wrong.
"Wanna play?" The Game Boy materialized by Mello's arm.
"No thanks."
The corner of the Game Boy prodded his arm. "C'mon, Mello. It's your birthday."
Another birthday at Wammy's. Another birthday that no one cared to notice.
Besides Matt.
"You go ahead," Mello said, readjusting his position. He folded one leg beneath him and hugged the other, resting his cheek on his knee. Twelve years old today. He already felt much, much older.
Theoretically, he should have graduated from the nursery by now. Well, as of six hours ago, when he woke up another year older. But the matron hadn't mentioned it when he walked in. The babies were in a separate room, so that wasn't so bad, but he felt stupid hanging around here with a bunch of five-year-olds. He shifted his eyes toward Matt sitting on the floor, hunched over his Game Boy. Well, if he had to leave, Matt would have to come with him—even if he was a year younger.
"Aw man!"
Mello looked down. "What happened?"
"Batteries are dead." Matt shook the Game Boy and held it to his ear, like he was listening for signs of life. He sighed heavily. "I need to get some new ones. Wanna come?"
"Where?"
"They're in my trunk."
Technically they weren't allowed to leave the nursery without adult supervision, but that rule was for babies, anyway. The matron was preoccupied, trying to calm two little girls fighting over a dollhouse in the opposite corner of the room. She would never notice. "Okay."
No one was watching, not like the other kids paid them much attention, anyway. Mello should have felt accomplished sneaking out unnoticed, but it was embarrassing how easy it had been. It was a wonder they hadn't tried it before.
The hallway to the boys' common room was empty, though there were a few lights on in some rooms on the way over. They had to sneak by Roger's office, but Roger was always so busy that he wouldn't have noticed two small shadows passing by his half-open door.
"What are you boys doing?" Matt and Mello turned simultaneously, guilty looks crossing both their faces. The nurse had exited the washroom, still drying her hands on her apron.
Matt held up his Game Boy. "I need some batteries."
She was a lot taller than they were, and had to look down to see them properly. Mello imagined what they must have looked like to her—two errant boys wandering around during play time, their eyes wide with the guilt of being caught unattended. He willed his face to look normal, intimidating. He shook his head slightly so his fringe would fall over his eyes as he stared up at her.
"Well all right." She sighed. "But hurry it up."
They both turned and dashed down the hallway, turning the sharp corner into the common room.
There was no one there. Sets of bunk beds lined both sides of the room; this was where they had both slept since their arrival at Wammy's: them and twelve other boys. Mello couldn't wait for the day he graduated to a proper room, somewhere he could have a closet and his own desk to do his homework and maybe a roommate that he didn't hate.
Matt crouched before the trunk at the end of their shared bunk, rummaging through his clothes and books in search for the AA batteries. Mello stood by, supposedly keeping watch, but his gaze continued to settle on Matt. His brown hair was messy, and the strap of his goggles was pressed into the back of his head. As he crouched, his shirt lifted a little and Mello could see the waistband of his grey underwear. He stared at the strip of exposed skin on his back.
"Matt?"
"Hrm?" He looked up from the trunk, his eyes magnified through the lenses of the goggles.
"Do you like girls?"
If Matt was surprised by the question, he didn't show it. He shrugged, returning to his rummaging. "Dunno." But he paused, then looked back up. "Should I?"
Mello was suddenly self-conscious, feeling daft just standing there. His foot was only inches away from Matt's, but it would look stupid if he moved it now. He crossed his arms, then put his hands in his pockets, then crossed his arms again. "I don't. I guess."
Matt nodded, smiling slightly. "Yeah. Me too."
When Matt leaned over his trunk again, still in search for the batteries, Mello extended a hand. What was he planning to do? His palm was frozen over Matt's head when he heard the distinct click of heels on the linoleum. He pulled his hand away and jumped back several inches just as the nurse materialized in the doorway.
"Boys, it's time to go back now."
"Found them!" Matt held the batteries over his head, triumphant. "Let's go, Mello."
Matt walked and changed the batteries at the same time, and Mello offered a hand to hold the dead ones. This is what he was settling on. Dead batteries. He dropped them into his pocket, and his pants sagged on one side.
"Mello?" The boys turned again, this time face-to-face with Roger after passing his open door. He stood leaned against the doorframe.
"I was just getting new batteries," Matt said defensively, holding up the Game Boy.
Roger furrowed his eyebrows, then shook his head. "Fine. Mello, can you come in for a moment?"
"Catch you later," Matt said, his head already bent over his game.
Mello entered the office first, standing in front of the desk as he waited for Roger to close the door, slowly, then walk around to his desk, slowly, before sitting down. He steepled his fingers.
"First, happy birthday."
Mello's eyes widened in surprise. In all his years, Roger has never acknowledged a birthday. "Uh, thanks."
Roger opened a desk drawer, then slid a small, rectangular package across the desk. "It's not much, but I know you like it."
Mello smiled when he recognized the bar of chocolate. He slid it off the desk, holding it eagerly in both hands. "Thanks, Roger."
"Now, you know most boys don't get their own rooms until they're older, but we would like to make an exception for you." Mello had already started to unwrap the chocolate but he froze, a shining square of the wrapper in his hand. "You are one of our brightest students, and it is only proper that you have space of your own to concentrate on your studies."
"That would be really cool," he said, breaking off a piece of chocolate.
"Ideally your roommate would be Near, but Near is a little too young—"
"I don't wanna live with Near," Mello said, his mouth full of chocolate. "I wanna live with Matt."
Roger raised his eyebrows, watching as Mello broke off another piece of chocolate between his teeth. Had that sounded too eager? Matt was his best friend, the only one he could really call a friend, so that wouldn't be so weird...
"Matt?" Roger leaned back slightly in his chair, his steepled fingers tapping his nose. "I suppose that would be all right. Have you discussed this with him?" Mello shook his head, as his mouth was full again. He was determined to prove he was already an adult, and he promised Roger that he would ask Matt himself. He didn't want Roger to do it. Roger would botch things up.
When Mello left the office, he suddenly felt a mixture of both excitement and dread. The moment he clicked the door shut, Matt's head popped sideways out of an adjacent doorway. He waved him in, and Mello scanned the hallway before they ducked into the empty classroom. Matt leaned against the door to close it.
"Didja get in trouble?"
"What? No." Mello broke off a piece of the chocolate bar and handed it to Matt, who gladly inhaled it. "I'm getting my own room."
"Really?" Matt's lips were speckled with chocolate, the half-chewed piece visible in his gaping mouth. "Lucky."
Mello repeatedly poked at the shiny wrapper of the chocolate bar. The foil ripped in pieces beneath his fingernail. He gritted his teeth, forcing himself to look Matt in the face like a man. "Wanna be my roommate?"
In an instant, Matt's arms were around him in a suffocating hug. Mello's arms were crushed between their chests, still grasping the chocolate bar. "Yeah!" he cried. "This'll be so cool."
"Matt, I can't breathe." He backed away, but he kept his arms rested on Mello's shoulders. Matt went on and on about how great their room would be—the greatest room at Wammy's, obviously—as Mello stared at the chocolate speckling his cheek. Matt was such a slob sometimes. He tucked the remainder of the bar into his empty pocket and, as Matt was still holding him by the shoulders, he tentatively reached to put a hand on his waist. He felt Matt's body stiffen and he abruptly stopped talking, which caused him to pull back.
"Nah, man," Matt said. "It's... okay."
"You sure?"
He nodded.
Mello watched his hand like it was a foreign object disconnected from his body. He had no control over it. It rested on Matt's hip, then disappeared around his waist to press into the small of his back. At the same time, he felt fingers lacing behind his neck. He looked up. Matt was smiling. Good sign. With the thumb of his free hand, he swiped a smear of chocolate from his cheek. Matt's nose bumped his. He thought he heard him giggle. Matt's lips were soft when they brushed against his. His eyes were still open. Should he close his eyes? Matt did. So he did.
He tasted like chocolate. His lips were so soft. Did his own lips feel the same way, pressed against Matt's? Did Matt notice? Fingertips stroked the back of his neck and an unfamiliar chill crawled down his spine, through his legs, and into his toes. It was kind of like the chill of winter, but he wasn't at all cold. He actually felt warm, with the cotton of Matt's T-shirt under his palms and the slippery feel of Matt's tongue entwined with his.
He didn't want to pull away.
He pulled away.
Matt grinned. "Wanna do it again?" he whispered. Mello stared at Matt's lips, fascinated that he had just kissed them. He thought it impossible that Matt couldn't hear the thumping of his heart. "C'mon, it's your birthday."
