It was a true deal that the eyes of many had been never known to see. James Buchanan Barnes firmly grasped his treasured keepsake of ages since past: the burger Steve got him at Five Guys.
Bucky set the burger on a pedestal where his prized Furby, Leeroy Jenkins, had once resided before the incident. He then set himself in a chair, perusing the TV guide because it was still the 90s and edgy was the new the veggie.
Bruce stopped by with a fresh can of Swedish Barnacle Balls. He just needed to borrow the Winter Soldier's can opener.
"Nay," said Bucky tersely. He then reached over to his precious burger and examined its excellency.
Bruce began to shed tears of misery. "Wny not? I shall starve," said the science boi.
"It is the 90s, my bro," said Bucky as he dual wielded a PS1 and N64 controller. The SNES and Genesis were so yesterday.
Steve came into the house with Stephen. Stephen went by "Strange" because he was not weird.
Bucky was very glad to see Steve because friendship was radical. He wanted to sing to the skies for his hearty fortune.
Bruce was found weeping and Stephen diagnosed the woe as a horrifying case of third-degree butt.
Tony walked into the room. He had a righteous mohawk today because it was that time to get hip and happenin' with the cool kids. He road a skateboard too and it had a cool skeleton design with gnarly attitude.
"What would your son Petey think?" asked Steve to Tony.
Tony considered the following:
1. Banana
2. Slamma
It was a miracle. Through the power and money of Stark Enterprises and the righteous science expertise of Bruce's cranium, the Donkey Kong TV show was directed and produced in France.
Bucky stared at his television. "Where is my clicker?" the lusciously maned warrior enquired of his Five Guy's gift.
The burger did not respond.
So, Bucky had to mandatorily press the button on his fat old CRT and set up his VCR with a loaded VHS in order to record his TV on channel 3.
"What a grand procedure!" Steve shouted as he swallowed a clove of garlic to prove that you did not have to be a vampire in order to be a hunk. This was the 90s after all.
Just then, Clint came in weeping even more than Bruce had. "My humble dudes," said the arrow person. "Hark! My Tamagotchi has succumbed to an early demise."
No one cared. That is because when it came to neatness and coolness, edgy was better. That's why Rhodey entered the building and brandished his bodacious Street Sharks collection. Everybody had one except for Clint because he was not a neat and cool individual.
Steve rushed over to his portable bacon radio and turned up the sick, nasty beats. It wasn't playing no stinkin' "Wonderwall", it was time for The Beets!
"I need more allowance," sang Tony as he popped on his shades and flew into the sunset.
Bucky smiled at the occurrence of faith, love, and freedom. He then picked up his Burger and transformed into the greatest 90s icon of all time:
Bob.
FIN
Don't miss the 45th annual Loki's Choice Awards, hosted by Groot Redgrave! This Saturday at 5 on Disney Channel!
