This is picking up after the attack on Ana from Jack Hyde. Ana is in hospital, with Christian by her side.
My story is going to take a different turn of events... all things sad and sexual are still alive in this novel. Please, join and read the forever lasting story that is Ana and Christian Grey.
-x-
Chapter one: Blip.
I can hear voices surrounding me but I cannot for the life of me open my eyes. My body doesn't feel alive. I try to move my arms up but the thought is all I can do. I want to open my eyes so badly to look at my beautiful husbands face. I know he's there, I have heard him.
"No dad, I am not leaving her side. I will be here when she wakes up". Oh? Carrick is here too?
"Son, she needs to rest. Please go home; change" Carrick's voice sounds so soft and caring towards his lost son.
"No" Christian growls back and he's not to be argued with.
I hear the door close and I'm alone with my fifty. I want to see him, I want his arms around me, protecting me.
"Please Ana, baby, wake up. I can't do this with out you".
Yes, Christian I am trying. I wont leave you. Then my thoughts drift away and I'm back in the world of unconsciousness.
"Mom, how am I going to tell her?" Christian's voice sound so nervous, so sad? What has happened? Is it Mia?
"Oh Christian, it'll be okay. We can help you both get through this" Grace responds.
Get through what? I'm starting to panic though my body is still concrete. Do I want to wake up?
I have this horrible pressure against my bladder and I really need to pee. I finally open my eyes with ease and gaze around the room. It's bright – too bright but then I get distracted by the beautiful man. Christian is asleep on the chair, head against my bed, arms folded underneath. His clothes look dirty, how long have I been out for?
I place my hand on his hair, relieved that my body responds to what I want it to do. Christian starts to stir and looks at me, straight in my eyes – blinking as if he's trying to awake from a dream.
"Hi" I speak and my voice is hideously croaky. I really need a glass of water.
"ANA!" he shouts and he has his lips on my forehead. I want to indulge in him but my bladder is screaming for it's own release.
"I need to pee" and christian looks at me, eyebrows arched.
"I'll get a nurse" as he walks out of the room slowly, he turns to look back at me one time and smiles. I think he's missed me.
Nurse Nora comes in and introduces herself to me. I just really need to pee.
"I need to pee" I repeat again.
"you have a catheter" she replies. Ew, no. I need to move.
"I need to move. Please can I go to the bathroom?" I try to give her some puppy dog eyes.
"I advise you to stay on the bed, Mrs Grey"
"Please?" I try the eyes again.
Nurse Nora huffs and nods her head, walking around to help steady me off of the bed. Christian intervenes and grabs my arms ever so gently.
"I'll take her" and he holds me close. He breathes in my hair and sighs.
"I've missed you Mrs Grey" and I you, Christian. He steers me to my bathroom and places me on the toilet but he doesn't move.
"No, out Christian".
"Ana, for gods sake – just pee" and I wanted to argue him out but I really need to pee.
Christian helped me back to bed, whilst Nurse Nora had fetched me a pitcher of water.
"I'll go grab the doctor" she spoke as she handed me the cold glass.
"Small sips" she mentions and walks out of the door.
I look at my husband and he has this horrified look on his face. He's scared of something, but I can't put my finger on it.
"What?" I ask and his expression changes quickly and he smiles trying to hide every ounce of fear.
"I know you Grey, what has happened? Is it Mia?" he brushes his hair with hand and sighs. OH dear, this is bad – very bad.
"No, no – Mia is okay, well due to the circumstances. We should wait for the doctor Ana".
What is it that he isn't telling me? I frown wanting to extract all the information but I don't push him any further. I don't have the strength.
In walks Dr Crowe. She's an older lady with wrinkled eyes. Dr Crowe smiles at me and I can't help but fear whats coming next.
"Ah, Mrs Grey. It's good to see you awake" whilst she talks Christian is rubbing my knuckles with his finger. Soothing me? His eyes are on mine and they don't move.
"How are you feeling?" she asks me and I want to laugh. I have just been beaten by my ex-boss and sustained what feels like a million injuries. I feel horrible.
"Okay, I think. How's the baby?" and I want to touch my belly but Christian has my hold.
Dr Crowe's eyes deepen and her face falls ever so slightly. I look at Christian and his gray eyes are huge with fear.
Oh no. Please no.
"… What's happened?" my voice is merely a whisper but I already know the answer and I don't want to hear it.
"Mrs Grey, the severe blow and contusion to your body has caused.." she stops talking looking at me.
I feel a little sob escape my mouth and I turn to look Christian in the face. He doesn't say anything but I can see water developing around his eyes.
I turn back to Dr Crowe.
"I… Lost the baby?" I choke out and Dr Crowe places her hand on my shoulder – I guess trying to comfort me.
"I am sorry, Mrs Grey. I'll give you some time. Please buzz the button if you are in distress". Dr Crowe leaves my room and I feel as if she's kicked the wind out of me. I don't know what to say. I stare Christian in the face and he's still silent.
I can't breathe. Tears pool at the corners of my eyes and I feel numb. I know this was too early. We didn't want kids now, but we were going to do this. I saw my little blip. He was there inside me and now? Now he's gone and I won't ever meet him.. or her. The little person that is half me and half Christian. I had envisioned a little boy with copper hair and Gray eyes, running around the grass – laughing loudly. So now what? Is Christian happy with this? He didn't want blip. He walked out on us, he ran to her. Is he relieved that he doesn't -as he put it – have to deal with diapers and shit?
Christian places his hand on my cheek, wiping away the tears that are cascading down my face.
"Ana.. "he starts but doesn't continue. Mr Grey doesn't know what to say either.
"I'm… I'm sorry" I sniffle out and he looks confused at me.
"No, Ana, baby. It's not your fault" he kissed my lips, my eyelids and forehead.
"I did this. I went to Jack.. If, If I didn't..." He takes my face in his hands.
"No. He did this. I very well nearly killed him. Oh Ana!" and it was a sob.
I was so numb that I was scared this feeling wasn't going to go.
"Mia?" I ask.
"She's fine, she's gone home. We had to wait until the tranquilizers were out of her system" I gasp- so they did have her?
"She's angry – which is natural. She owes her life to you Ana". I saved one life but I detroyed another? Oh this pain is just too much. I sob into Christian's arms and wish I never took the job at SIP and never met that fucker Jack Hyde.
I awoke from what must have been one hell of a nap to find myself alone. Christian? I spoke but he wasn't here. I frowned but proceeded to go to the toilet.
I feel my body coming back to life- though I also feel the aching pain of my missing blip too.
"Ana?" I hear Christian's voice laced with worry.
"Coming" I reply and slowly make my way back to the bed. Displayed on the table across my current bed, are a wonderful selection of breakfast foods. Pancakes, Bacon, Orange juice, oatmeal. My mouth waters. What to eat first?
I pick up my fork not really acknowledging the fact Christian is watching me, and dig in to the glorious food.
"Oh Ana, it's good to see you eat". Yeah, yeah Grey.
Dr Crowe comes in to check on my vitals and everything is looking good. I can go home this evening if I continue today. I want to go back to reality- I do however this pain in my chest is dragging me down.
"Does anyone know? "I ask christian and he looks at me slightly confused.
"Y'know- about the baby?" and even saying the words make me want to cry.
"Only my mom and dad. She looked at your chart when you came in" his eyes sadden "I wish she didn't. Her congratulations didn't last long".
I look down at my hands. This is hard.
"Hey, we'll get through this" and he speaks with so much love and care and I just want to bury myself in his arms forever.
In the car ride home Taylor drove extra carefully- I suspect to Christian's advice. I am not made of china you know? Jeez.
Christian carefully helps me out of the car and to the elevator. The ride to our home is quiet but Christian never takes his hand off of mine. The doors open and I'm back in the reality I know. Last time I was here – I had blip.
Then it all hit me. Jack, the pain – losing blip. I start to shake and tears cascade down my face.
"No, Ana no- not my strong Ana" and he picks me up gently and takes me to his bathroom.
"Ana, what do you need? A bath?" I shake my head. No, not like Leila.
"Shower?" yes, I need to rinse away the demons from these last few weeks. I nod and he starts the shower. Christian quickly undresses himself and then slowly with me, doe the same.
"Let me look at you" he speaks and hold me at arms distance. There are bruises all over my body- the biggest being on my side and abdomen.
"That's for SIP you fucking bitch" his words replay in my head and I sob a little more. Christian intakes a breath as he looks over my body. Then he places his hand on my belly. That's where blip was. His eyes are weary. I feel a strange feeling of anxiousness. This feels unbearable.
"Ana, I'm sorry. I can't imagine.." but he stops. He's right. He didn't want this. I say nothing, just stare into his eyes.
Christian grabs the shower gel and squeezes it into a puff and washes me all over. The feeling is soothing me but I halt when he washes my belly. I feel uncomfortable. I can't bear it. All this time I wanted to touch him. I wanted to run my fingers through his chest hair and now, the sides have swapped and the feeling of his hands wiping over my belly are making me cringe.
I step back and he watches me carefully. I can see he doesn't understand why and to be honest I don't fully.
"I can't" I say and I can see the hurt in his eyes.
"Ana..."
"Christian, I can't "and I grab my towel and leave the bathroom. I don't want to be touched. I feel empty. I couldn't protect this little being inside me. I tried little blip. I did.
I lay on our bed knowing that Christian will follow soon after me. He did. I turn to look at him.
"I hate that you won't let me touch you". And I'm pretty sure I've said those words to him in the past too.
"Are you sad at all?" I ask him.
"Ana. I feel numb. Broken. We lost a child. Our child. There is a constant ache in my heart". But how can he say that? He didn't want him.
"But you didn't want him" tears are still falling down my face "I tried Christian. I tried to protect him" and the sobs are too much. I'm full on crying and he pulls me into his chest. I wipe my nose on his t-shirt.
"Baby, please. I know. I'm sorry. Sorry for everything. I should have been there. I could've.." and then he chokes back a sob himself. He feels guilty. "Ana I want to protect you" he's said that to me over and over.
I can't take this out on him. He's just as fragile as I at this minute. We are now both lost souls.
"I feel numb" I say.
"I'll look after you Ana. I promise" and he kisses my forehead. The events of that last few days have caught up with me and my eyes close. I drift off into a deep sleep involving a copper haired little boy shouting mama across the green field.
"mama, mama, mama" He's shouting at me and I run to him. I can hear his little voice but I can't see him. Blip I shout. BLIP! Over and over again I shout his name.
Where are you?
"mama, mama"
He's nowhere to be seen. Christian? I shout and he's not there either. But I spot something at the bottom of the field and run to it.
The voices have stopped but he's there. A little boy. A beautiful boy. Led on the ground. I kneel down to touch his arm. Why is he sleeping? But when I place my hand on his, he is freezing. I roll him over but he disappears from underneath me.
BLIP? BLIP? I start crying and shouting his name.
"ANA! ANA! WAKE UP!" I'm shaken awake by Christian and I can feel the beads of sweat all over my body.
Oh, I'm home? I'm not in a field. I look at Christian and he scared. I grab him and pull him close to me. He wraps his arms around me and I start to cry into the arms of the man I love.
