It rained outside my window pain, pitter patter. Why does it always rain on days like this, when you feel like shit, its always terrible weather whenever anything goes wrong in your life, like now. Niall or Danielle? my heart or my head? My heart says Niall because deep in those blue eyes I know there is something, I can't pin point it but I can't stop thinking about it. Danielle is a dream come true, she is any mans hope but right now everything feels like a nightmare. I can hear the keys twitch in the keyhole and the door of my hotel room swings open, Danielle is standing there with a bag of food, Niall would be happy. She skips over to me and sits on my lap, "your fans are dedicated that's for sure" she mutters, I don't reply but stare into her brown eyes as I stroke my fingers through her curls. We hold a long embrace and I stare off into the distance "Danielle, I have to tell you something" I try to make it seem like its important but it comes off as a bit of a joke, "yes, Liam" she says smiling. "I think there is someone else in my life that means as much to me as you" I say while tears start to well up in my eyes; I hold them back. "Who?" Danielle asks, her voice is shaky and its obvious she can sense my nerves, I can't tell her and a gulp back my pain and grin while muttering "my turtles" oh god, why didn't I just tell her then everything would be over quickly and I can start to figure out my place in this world. "Your turtles?" she giggles "you had me worried there" her smile is glued from ear to ear as she leans in a kisses me softly on my lips, she leans in again and I hold back.
In rehearsal I feel at home, safe from all the worries spinning around in my head like a rollercoaster. Niall walks in the room and smiles at me as he sits down beside me, "how are you Sir Liam Payne?" Niall asks with his funny little accent, "I'm alright, it's been such a long time since we've spoken Governor Niall Horan" I joke. Niall bursts out in laughter and falls out of his deck chair, he recovers and I pull him up off the ground, our eyes meet for a small moment, but that moment meant everything to me. "We need some Nandos" Niall yells to Paul, Paul just laughs and says "would you like fries with that Nialler?" that's what I call Niall; I feel such a strong pain because of such small things as a nickname. But I can't fight these feelings anymore.
I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling fan "if this fan fell on me right now, it probably wouldn't be the worst thing" I think. I drift in and out of consciousness all night; nightmares fill my head with confusion. Niall or Danielle?, Niall or Danielle?
The words spin around and around in my head. The sight of my Nialler dead; Niall or Danielle? Danielle dancing around my apartment; Niall or Danielle? The names haunt my dreams, like a ghost. The sun finally rises and the tingling of keys in my keyhole fills me with guilt, guilt of seeing her and knowing that my feelings for her aren't real, aren't genuine, aren't…. she stands in the doorway with tears rolling down her cheek, her makeup smudged across her eyelids, her heart obviously broken. "Its Niall isn't it?" she says shaking and shivering from the cold Britain winter or maybe from hurt and pain, maybe because of me. There is a long period of silence before the words sink in and I sit up and whisper "yes". Danielle breaks down into a hysterical mess and lies down on my bed next to me and stares at the ceiling fan, tears streaming down her face, "its always been Niall, hasn't it?" she whispered back. I can tell she's hoping that the ceiling fan will put her out of her misery just like I had, the night before. I didn't reply but slowly lifted myself out of bed and dragged some clothes over my head and lay back down next to her, the tears this time didn't hold back and we both lay there, crying.
Food, I couldn't digest without throwing it back up, the television stayed turned on for days… on mute, I hadn't changed my clothes or left my room in three days, I lay on my bed rubbing my fingers over the place where Danielle laid, for 5 hours with me. Knock knock, the sound of clenched fist rapping that door was familiar, every person I didn't want to see had walked through that door and stared me in the eyes, nodded and walked back out, so far the only person I wanted to see had never turned up. Until today, he pushed open the door walked in and stared me in the eyes just like Harry, Louis, and Zayn and nodded in my way just like them, but instead of leaving he walked over to my bed and lay on my bed. Replacing Danielle's broken body and my heart, I turned on my side and so did he. We stared at each other for a moment as he reached and pulled my face towards his and held me in his arms, the kiss, as delicate as ever, his blonde hair rustled through my fingertips and he pulled away. His hand reached out and placed his hand gently into mine and whispered into my ear "I love you too"
