Doom: Oneshot! HappyHappyJoyJoy
Ruth: You have like a million Fics in teh making, when are you going to finish them? Hmm?
Doom: ... -Holds up Yaoi HieixKurama hentai pic-
Ruth: -Drools- Awwwaaah!
Doom: -Tosses it in a closet-
Ruth: -Jumps in after-
Doom: -Closes closet door and locks it- Oneshot! I do not own Tobi or anyother Akatsuki member... I only wish I did. -CryCry-
Key
'Blah' is Thoughts
Blah is Exasperation
"Blah," is Talking
(Blah) is My little Tid-Bits
---------- is Scene change
-Blah- is Tobi Talking in Flashback
Blah is Black Zetsu
Blah is White Zetsu
It was originally a quiet day in the Akatsuki hide out.
They were suprisingly in the largest, the main hidout.
Due to the interference in the extraction of Shukaku and the death of Sasori, bless his soul, they had to re-group.
Deidara now had no partner and Sasori's ring was recovered by none other than Tobi.
So narturaly, it was only safe to assume that Tobi would be the blonds partner.
He didn't think so.
"Why do I have to partner up with that dumbass, un?!"
The clay user fumed, slamming his balled fist on the leaders desk, making a hole in it with a resounding crack.The leader, seemingly unfazed by the boys rage, held up a hand to silence him. "Tobi has his ring now, and he has been following Zetsu around for years now, it is only natural for him to finally join in the ranks of the Akatsuki. And I don't want any lip from you." The last part was said in a semi growl, as a glare was sent Deidara's way.
Even though Deidara had enough since to know he wanted him to quit arguing, he still left something out in the air, just to see if the leader would respond. "Ok, ok, I understand that, un. I just want to know why he is so important to the group? I mean, no one has seen him fight, we don't even know what village he comes from, or what his face looks like, un!"
In saying that, Deidara noticed the mood had changed. The Leader now was staring straight at Deidara, and a slow, evil looking grin spread over his shadowed face, "Ah, that is where you are wrong. I have seen his face, seen what he can do, and trust me," His grin got wider still, and his eyes got a manaical twing, "Tobi is very, useful." It was then, that Deidara decided to leave, "Yes, Leader-sama, I understand, I'll go find him and inform him of the partner change." As he walked out of the room, he could feel the leaders eyes on his retreating form, and he shudered. The smile had utterly creeped him out, so he decided to do what calmed him down most.
Blow stuff up.
-------------------------------------------------With Tobi------------------------------------------------->
Tobi was wandering the large, mansion-like hideout, looking for the Leader's office. Ever since his conversation with Hiden, Kakuzu and Zetsu, he had to ask him something. Just then he heard a large explosion, and turned to the combat room to find Deidara. "Deidara-sempai!" He chirped, running over to his supirior, arms flailing slightly. "Can you help me please!" He chirped. Deidara sighed, 'Great, just what I needed,' he thought grumpaly, 'A spazztic Tobi.' "What do you want, un?" he mumbled.
Tobi gave an unseen smile, "I was wondering if Deidara-sempai would show me to the Leader's Office! Tobi has a question he needs to ask!" Deidara heaved a great sigh. Even if he said no, Tobi would pester him until he had to say, yes. Then he would have to escort Tobi to the office and have a headache. "Fine, un. Just stay near me, I don't want yo find your sorry lost ass." he mumbled. Tobi gave a curt nod and followed Deidara as they walked to the office.
--------------------------------------With Kisame, Kakuzu, Hiden, and Zetsu--------------------------------------->
"Holy Shit!" Hiden cursed, as he watched Tobi and Deidara enter the Leaders office. "He's acctually going to ask!" Hiden yelped, still laughing a bit, and yet on the brink of tears, as at the same time, as he thought of the consiquences of what they had done. "I thought he was kidding..." Kakuzu replied, walking in the same way as Zetsu and Kisame had moments earlier, "So Did I, Otherwise I wouldn't have told him to go ask the Leader..." Hiden jogged to catch up to the three. "So..." Hiden mumbled, not having much to say.
"...We're Fucked aren't we?" Zetsu grumbled.
"Oh, most definantly." he replied to himself politly.
-------------------------------------------In The Office------------------------------------------->
As all of the transgressions were going on in the hallway, The Leader had just finished telling Tobi that he would be partnering up with Deidara. In the middle of the conversation, Tobi had gone and gotten some coffee from the small, one room sized machine and gave everyone a cup. Deidara took it and mumbeld a thank you, still not at all pleased with the new team pairings. The leader nodded a thank you and took a sip.
"So, do you understand everything?" Tobi nodded, and set his cup down. Deidara was amazed to find the cup empty. 'How the hell did he drink that without moving his mask out of the way?' He thought, bewildered. "I do have one question though..." He asked, slightly twiddling his thumbs, and messing with his ring. "Well, now is the time for it, so shoot," The Leader nodded as he and Deidara took a long drink of coffee.
"Ok... umm... where do babies come from?"
Coffee went everywhere.
Deidara was in a coughing fit as he chocked on the dark liquid, as the Leader thumped himself on the chest to get it to go down his esophagas, rather than his windpipe. And poor little Tobi was covered from head to toe with coffee spew, that dripped from his hair onto his cloak. Kakuzu would have a fit, if he knew how much dry-cleaning cost.
After recovering, slightly, and gaining back a bit of composure, the Leader looked at Tobi, "Alright Tobi, where did you get the incentive to ask... such a question?" "Serously! What the hell?!" Deidara yelped as he busied himself with the task of brush off his robes, trying to hide the blush on his face. "Well... you see..." Tobi mumbled slightly.
About An Hour Earlier
-It started out when I asked Zetsu a question-
"Hey, Zetsu-sama?" Tobi questioned as he walked with his soon-to-not-be, team mate. "What the hell do you want, runt?" "Yes, Tobi?" Tobi looked up to the taller man and smiled, "Whats your favorite food?" Zetsu laughed, a calm, pleased laugh, and a barking laughter, both at the same time.
"Humans, little one," "You already knew that, stupid," "Oh, hush, Tobi is a Good boy." Tobi nodded his head, "I know you like to eat people, Zetsu-sama, but what kind? Women, Men, Old...?" he left the question open to his preferance. Zetsu nodded his head, Thinking for a moment, "Well, I enjoy boys and men," "Kinda around your age," Half of Zetsu's face smirked, trying to scare the boy. Tobi stepped back a bit. "But, Favorite?" "Hmmm..." Zetsu grumbled in thought "I gotta say babies top my list, though they are hard to find."
Tobi stood there in thought for a moment, he then looked up to Zetsu again and asked, "Zetsu-sama? Where do Babbies come from?" The Giant man-plant blanched on air and gave a suprised look down at the boy, "You don't know?" He mumbled offhandidly. "Well..." Tobi pondered, putting a finger where the tip of his chin would be, if not for the mask, "I'm assuming I knew once, but after you found me, I don't remember anything from my past." Zetsu Sighed. He did not want to go over the, 'Birds and the Bees' (-Shot-) with his subordinate, so he thought of the next best person. "Why don't you go ask Hiden?" "Okay Zetsu-sama!" he chirped as he ran off to find the loudmouthed imortal.
Somehow Zetsu just knew he was going to get a whole lot of hell later on today.
-------------------------------With Hiden--------------------------------->
Lucky little Hiden was with Kisame and Kakuzu. They were all arguing about something trivial when Tobi ran up to them.
"Hey, newbie," Hiden smirked to the panting Tobi. "I pant need to pant ask you pant something," Tobi weakly gasped out, Hand on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. "Well Go on, Kid, spit it out," Kakuzu told him, awaiting for the question that needed to be answered by Hiden, of all people. "Okay, Where do babies come from?" He asked, completely serious.
There was a long, semi-awkward pause.
Then the three burst out in laughter. "Babies?" Hiden howled, sliding to the ground, his back to a wall, his scyth clattered to the floor, as he laughed as if what Tobi had said was the most funny thing in the world. Kisame was laughing almost as hard, though he was still standing, doubled over with his hands over his stomach. Kakuzu wasn't really laughing, just chuckling... loudly, with a hand over his mouth. Poor Tobi was confused. Why were they lauhging at him? He was completly serious, unless the making of babies was funny, he didn't see the reason why they were laughing. Kisame, who gained a very small amount of composure, before bursting into laughter again, told him, "Why don't you ask the Leader? I'm sure he'd know!" Tobi nodded happily, "Okay!"
And then he left to find the Leader.
Present Time
Deidara and The Leader looked at him like he had just grown another little orange masked head.
"What? Are you guies going to tell me?" Tobi asked innocently. Deidara blanched, 'Hell no! I don't want to have to explain... that to Tobi!' he thought, utterly embaressed for one of the first times in his life.
The Leader came out of his stupitor and nodded, "Well, it's very simple Tobi," "It is?" Deidara asked, a bit bewildered. "Yes," the Leader sent a pointed look Deidara's way, "It is, you see, when a mother and father love each other very much..." Deidara's face grew red, as he listened to The Leader, The Leader, explain how babies were made to his new team mate, as Tobi listened intently. "They call upon 'The Stork Ninja' and he brings them a little boy or girl."
Tobi gasped and turned to The blushing blonde, "Is that true Deidara-sempai?" Deidara's head snapped to attention, and the leader gave him a look that said 'Agree-or-die', "Umm, yup! Thats exatily how it happens, un! Leader-sama nailed it on the head, un!" He nodded furiously. Tobi smiled an unseen smile, though it was herd in his voice, "Thank you Leader-sama! Deidara-Sempai! I'm going to find Zetsu-sama now!" He chirped, getting up and shirking out of his coffee-stained cloak, and headed out the door.
"Oh, Tobi?" The leader called after him. "Yes?" Tobi's head popped back into the room for a moment.
"Could you quickly fetch me those four?"
Tobi waited for Zetsu outside The Leader's office so he could share his discovery with him. There was a lot of yelling and in the. end, all four of them walked out, Hiden mumbling a few obscenaties about extra house duties, then Kisame, his head bowed, and Kakuzu, his head held high, taking the apparent punishment like a man. Zetsu came out last, and looked at Tobi, "So..." "Did you figure out what you wanted to know?" Tobi nodded his head, "Yup!" he cirped, as they walked to the large kitchen, "I'm Hungry Zetsu-sama, can we get dinner?"
"Sure Runt,"
"Tobi is a good boy"
Tobi just smiled.
I can almost bet you all are wondering... where in the world was Itachi and what was he doing during all of this?
In a dark room, there was a large dresser, rug and bed, nothing more, nothing less. In that bed was a person shaped lump, Itachi Uchiha. He had heard everything that had just gone on, and all he did was lay in the bed and smirk, 'I knew today was a good day to stay in bed,' he thought to himself smugly.
Indeed it was Itachi, indeed it was...
Doom: Good? Bad? Cracktacular?
Ruth: Lemmie out of the closet!
Doom: -Sigh- Read and Review! Tobi is a good boy!
