Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. Do you really think I would be writing fanfiction if I did?
WARNING: Mentions of self-harm
Spoilers through the end of season 4
He was a monster.
He hadn't always been this way. In fact, when Sam first came into the world, he had been simply human. A pure, undefiled human. That all changed the day he turned six months old, when a yellow-eyed demon crept into his bedroom and forced foul blood down his throat.
From that day on, the demon's blood coursed through his veins, waiting for the moment when it could awaken and curse him with powers beyond those of a human.
From that day on, Sam had a monster inside him.
The first time Ruby proposed he drink her blood, Sam was horrified. Why would he willingly consume the very thing that had taken away his humanity?
And yet, he could see the logic in it. It would make him stronger, strong enough to exercise demons on his own. He could help people!
He accepted eventually, telling himself that it would give him the power to save lives. He drank the accursed substance, allowing the monster a firmer hold inside him, all the while trying to convince himself it was right.
Just a few weeks after he drank willingly for the first time, Ruby offered him her blood again. She continued to do so with increasing frequency in the following months. Every time he accepted, and every time he felt some of his humanity slipping away, fleeing him with each sip of the poison to make room for the monster growing inside him.
He was beginning to think that he had been wrong, that the blood wasn't worth it. Try as he might to stop, he kept coming back to the blood. He couldn't help it; the call of the blood was too strong, too powerful to resist for even a second. How he wished it didn't have to be this way, that he didn't have to lie to his brother at every turn and pretend that he was still the normal, human Sam he had once been so long ago.
He wanted nothing more than to be human again.
And so, every time he drank the blood, he would later return to his motel room to purge it from himself.
He would cut into his own skin, as Ruby had done to hers just earlier, and watch as the taint drained from his body. Each drop of crimson took with it a piece of the monster Sam was becoming, and little by little he could feel his fading humanity returning. Not enough to make him truly human-he could never be that again, not after what he'd done-but enough that he could pretend in front of his brother. The monster was held at bay for another day.
Still, he knew he could not run from the monster forever.
He couldn't help but reflect on the events that led to this moment as he drained the blood of yet another demon into a jar. He would need to drink every drop of it if he wanted to defeat Lilith on his own.
And he would defeat Lilith, if it was the last thing he did. Considering how much blood he had to drink, he thought it very well could be.
Knowing what he had to do, he tipped the jar back and drank. Once he set it down, he had changed. Gone was the last remainder of his humanity, chased out by the demon blood.
There was no more Sam; there was only the monster.
I don't even know what that was. That was my first fanfic, so tell me what you thought. Did it suck? Did it really suck? You tell me! (But it would be better if you could put it nicely.) Unbeta'd, so all mistakes are my own.
