Cold Night
By the Empress of the Eclipse
Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon.
Mild Taito-y hints.
This is set after Sub-Zero IcePunch, in the night Matt and Tai must have spent together on that island. This is what I think happened.
"It's getting dark," Tai said quietly.
Matt didn't respond. He was staring out at Infinity Mountain, biting his lower lip.
"Matt," Tai said "Matt."
Matt looked at him.
"Sorry Tai. I wasn't listening."
Tai suppressed a wave of irritation. He knew that Matt was behaving the way he was because he was worried about TK. But his friend's silence and distraction was really getting on his nerves.
"Night is falling," he said, speaking like someone talking to a young child "We should find shelter and go to sleep."
"Oh," Matt said "Yeah. Good idea."
He glanced back towards the mountain.
"Yeah."
"We can shelter in that cave you and Gabumon were in," Tai said.
"Yeah."
Tai bit his lip and tired mentally counting to ten.
"Come on Matt," he said.
Matt followed him back to the cave obediently. Agumon and Gabumon were already there, making a fire. Matt blinked.
"How'd they get here?"
"I sent them here Matt!"
Tai took another deep breath. Sora had once told him that taking deep breaths was a calming activity and helped restrain temper.
Tai had never found that it worked in his case.
"Why'd you do that?" Matt asked.
"So we wouldn't freeze?" Tai suggested.
Matt stared at him for a moment. Then he went and sat beside the fire, drawing his legs up and staring into the centre of the flames. Tai pulled a face, then sat next to his friend, poking the fire with a stray stick.
"Should I take first watch?" he asked eventually.
"I don't mind."
"I can do it Tai," Agumon spoke up "You two need your rest."
"Thanks Agumon. You're a pal," Tai said.
"You two should go to the back," Gabumon said "Because if anything attacks, we'll be able to protect you better."
"Good idea," Tai agreed.
He looked at Matt.
"Matt," he said "We're going to the back of the cave to sleep because it's safer there. Okay?"
"Oh...yes."
Tai mentally groaned and restrained himself. He really wanted to punch Matt's face. Instead, he settled himself for hustling Matt roughly to the back. They both sat down and watched the fire at the cave entrance.
The flickering of the flames made Tai sleepy. Closing his eyes, he let himself begin to doze.
He was nearing sleep when he felt Matt shiver beside him and heard the sounds of muffled sobbing.
"Matt?"
Matt had his head pressed in his hands. Tai could see the glitter of the firelight on his tears.
"Matt, stop! Don't cry!"
Matt looked at him, eyes glimmering with unshed tears.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he said miserably, before burying his face in his hands again, his shoulders shaking.
Tai paused, staring nervously at his friend. What were you supposed to do when someone started crying? It was bad enough when Kari cried at home but when a boy cried? Were you supposed to hug or what? When they'd been on the cliff, the problem had be solved for him by the cliff collapsing.
He rather hoped the cave floor would open up for a distraction.
"Matt," he said eventually "Please stop. Please don't cry. I'm sure TK's just fine. And the others. I bet they're all having a nice safe sleep right now and having a great time. You don't have to cry."
He paused nervously before patting Matt's shoulder. Matt twitched away.
"Matt!"
He looked hopefully up to the front of the cave, hoping that Gabumon and Agumon would come to help. To his fury, they seemed to have slid out. Agumon peered in and waved an encouraging hand before vanishing. Obviously, the Digimon had decided that Tai need to deal with this one on his own. Tai glowered frantically after Agumon, then looked back at the sobbing Matt.
"Matt..."
Matt didn't respond. Tai lost his temper.
"Matt, cut it out!" he ordered "Stop bawling like a baby! I know you're worried about TK but get over it!"
Matt looked at him. Tai swallowed.
"I'm sorry Matt but you need to keep your head," he said "Look, by tomorrow, we'll be at Infinity Mountain and we'll be able to find TK and the others and beat Devimon. You know we will."
"I...I know."
Matt blinked, tears glimmering on his long eyelashes.
"I'm sorry," he said softly "I just..."
He shook his head and turned away, wiping his face.
"Sorry."
Tai swallowed. Awkwardly, he patted Matt's shoulder again. This time, Matt didn't try to escape. To Tai's horror, he suddenly leaned against Tai and pressed his face into his friend's neck. Tai gulped, then nervously wrapped his arms round Matt's shivering body and petted his shoulder blades uncertainly.
"D-don't worry," he said "It's okay Matt. I'm not mad."
Matt didn't respond, just kept his face pressed into Tai's neck. His shoulders were heaving with silent sobs, his fingers digging into Tai's shoulders. Tai gulped.
"Matt," he said nervously "Um...can you get off now?"
Matt pulled away. His eyes suddenly went hard and his body stiffened.
"Sorry."
He moved away from Tai, drawing himself up. To Tai's surprise, he was quite upset by it.
"Matt, I didn't mean..."
"I know what you meant."
There was a silence. Tai stared at the cave mouth, willing the Digimon to come back in. They didn't.
Matt suddenly coughed into the silence, a harsh noise. Tai looked startledly at him.
"Matt?" he said "You okay?"
Matt nodded, still coughing.
"Not got rid of...all my cold yet!" he choked.
Tai crawled over and looked at him anxiously. Matt glanced at him, then looked away.
"What have I done now?" Tai said "Why aren't you talking to me?"
"I am talking to you."
"No you aren't. You're sulking."
Matt looked at him.
"I guess," he said slowly.
Tai sat beside him. He pretended to himself that it was so they could talk properly but it was mainly because he was cold and wanted to share Matt's body heat. He almost wished Matt could snuggle up to him again.
"Matt, what's going on in your head?" he asked.
"Nothing."
"Tell me about it. Maybe I can help," Tai said "Is it TK?"
"Partly."
Tai mentally groaned. He desperately wanted Matt to open up and talk to him but Matt seemed to have gone unresponsive after his crying spree.
"Matt, TALK to me!" he yelled eventually.
Matt stared at him.
"You don't want me to," he said, his voice hard "You'll get uncomfortable, you'll draw away, look at me like a freak..."
"Don't be stupid!" Tai said loudly, beginning to blush.
Matt just turned his face away again. Tai paused then leaned over and put a hand between Matt's shoulder blades. Matt flinched a little but didn't move away. Tai wriggled close and timidly wrapped an arm round Matt's skinny shoulders. Matt shivered and looked at him. He looked tired and young.
"I know TK'll be fine," he said "Patamon can take care of him. And the others can be taken care of by their Digimon. But..."
"But what?"
"Even though I know that TK's going to be okay, it's not the same."
Matt paused, biting his lip.
"If I'm there, I know," he said "I know that he's safe - or that he isn't safe."
He swallowed.
"When Mum and Dad first split up, I wanted TK to live with me and Dad," he said slowly, as though reliving something unpleasant and scary "Dad said no. He said that...said that Mum needed TK because then they wouldn't have to fight over custody or something, I don't remember exactly. It didn't make sense at the time anyway."
He swallowed again and stared at his hands which were resting in his lap.
"I...I...when Mum and Dad fought, I'd got used to looking after TK. Sometimes they'd have such huge rows that they'd forget about us. Mum would go and cry and Dad would go out for hours. I used to get TK his dinner and ask him about stuff and make sure he was doing okay. I always used to be the one who stopped him doing stupid stuff, like playing balance beams on the bathtub side. I'd try and distract him from Mum and Dad's fights. When Dad and I left, I'd got so used to it that I kept trying to do it, then remembering TK wasn't around. I was so sure that TK wouldn't be able to cope without me."
His shoulders shook.
"Then one day Mum called. TK had broken his arm at home. He'd been messing about in the bath and slipped off. I knew that it was all my fault."
"How could it be?" Tai said before he could help it "You weren't even there!"
Matt flinched violently and Tai grimaced, wishing he hadn't interrupted.
"Sorry."
"I wasn't there to protect him," Matt whispered "I should have been there. I should have been there to stop him being dumb. I should have told someone that he used to do that. And even if I couldn't stop him, I should have been there to hold his hand and stop him crying."
A tear ran down his face.
"I wasn't. I let him down. I let everyone down."
"Matt, stop," Tai said "That's not true. You've never let us down!"
Matt looked at him. Tai swallowed.
"Look Matt," he said "You're being stupid okay? You...you don't let everyone down. And I know TK's fine. And...and..."
Tai ran out of words. What were you supposed to say to someone after they'd just spilled out their heart in a confusing manner? Especially if it was someone like Matt who was always quiet and reserved.
To his absolute horror, Matt put his head in his hands and started crying again. Tai groaned.
"Matt, please don't," he said helplessly "I want to help but I..."
He turned and glowered murderously at the cave-mouth, privately swearing that he was going to kill Agumon as soon as he had the chance. Why weren't the Digimon helping him?
"Matt, please!"
He wrapped both arms round Matt and hugged him close, settling for the way his mother looked after him when he'd had a nightmare.
"It's okay," he whispered, hoping he sounded soothing "It's okay Matt. It's going to be fine, I promise, it'll be fine..."
Matt's sobs slowed and then stopped. He leaned tightly against Tai's chest and closed his eyes.
"You're nice and warm," he said.
Tai laughed.
"You too."
Matt sighed.
"Tai, I'm sorry I've heaped all this on you," he muttered "I know it's hard for you. I...I didn't mean to say all this stuff."
"Don't be daft," Tai said "You know that's fine with me. Whatever you want to say."
Matt looked at him, blue eyes still watery with tears.
"You're a good friend Tai."
Tai blushed.
"I think the cold's gone to your head," he joked "You've gone all soppy on me."
Matt looked down again but didn't move out of Tai's arms. Tai swallowed. He enjoyed holding Matt. Matt was warm and comforting and something to hold onto. But at the same time he felt vaguely uncomfortable about holding Matt, like he was doing something that he shouldn't.
"Matt," he said eventually "Are...are you okay with this?"
"Hm?"
"I mean...guys don't normally...cuddle...other guys."
"Hm?"
Matt looked at him. To Tai's surprise, Matt was looking sleepy and peaceful. He'd obviously been dozing against Tai's chest.
"Never mind," Tai said softly "You just go to sleep. It's late."
Matt smiled and snuggled up in Tai's arms again. Tai rearranged himself so he was leaning against the wall, then closed his own eyes, listening as Matt's breathing slowly got steadier and deeper.
The last thing he heard before he dozed off was the sound of Agumon and Gabumon creeping back into the cave.
* * * *
"It's morning you two! Wake up! We're nearly at Infinity Mountain!"
Tai jerked away. The Digimon were staring at him cheerfully. He realised that Matt had wriggled up and entwined himself tighter around Tai's body. He stirred awake, dopey blue eyes meeting Tai's. Then his face flushed and he jerked away.
"Tai. Morning."
Tai realised that Matt was embarrassed about everything he'd said the night before. He decided the best thing to do would be to not mention it. To anyone. Ever.
Especially with the snuggling. Boys were NOT supposed to snuggle.
"Er...Agumon and Gabumon say we're almost at Infinity Mountain," he said, fighting his own blushes.
"Great," Matt said "Er...I'll just go and have a look."He fled the cave, Gabumon following. Tai gave Agumon a killer glare.
"You are dead meat you little toad!"
"Why? What did I do?"
"Leaving me and Matt alone! I didn't know what to do!"
Agumon shrugged.
"We just thought that you'd do a better job than us Digimon could," he said.
"Arrragh!" Tai growled.
"Come on Tai," Agumon said "We should go and join up with Matt and Gabumon."
"Okay," Tai said with a sigh "Oh Agumon, could you hear what we were saying?"
"Yes."
"Then do me a favour? Don't tell anyone about this. Ever."
"Oh. But why not Tai?"
"Because you don't. In fact, let's never mention anything that happened here ever again," Tai said.
He turned and walked out after Matt and Gabumon. Agumon blinked, then followed him, deciding that however close he got to Tai and the others, he would never fully understand humans.
The End.
By the Empress of the Eclipse
Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon.
Mild Taito-y hints.
This is set after Sub-Zero IcePunch, in the night Matt and Tai must have spent together on that island. This is what I think happened.
"It's getting dark," Tai said quietly.
Matt didn't respond. He was staring out at Infinity Mountain, biting his lower lip.
"Matt," Tai said "Matt."
Matt looked at him.
"Sorry Tai. I wasn't listening."
Tai suppressed a wave of irritation. He knew that Matt was behaving the way he was because he was worried about TK. But his friend's silence and distraction was really getting on his nerves.
"Night is falling," he said, speaking like someone talking to a young child "We should find shelter and go to sleep."
"Oh," Matt said "Yeah. Good idea."
He glanced back towards the mountain.
"Yeah."
"We can shelter in that cave you and Gabumon were in," Tai said.
"Yeah."
Tai bit his lip and tired mentally counting to ten.
"Come on Matt," he said.
Matt followed him back to the cave obediently. Agumon and Gabumon were already there, making a fire. Matt blinked.
"How'd they get here?"
"I sent them here Matt!"
Tai took another deep breath. Sora had once told him that taking deep breaths was a calming activity and helped restrain temper.
Tai had never found that it worked in his case.
"Why'd you do that?" Matt asked.
"So we wouldn't freeze?" Tai suggested.
Matt stared at him for a moment. Then he went and sat beside the fire, drawing his legs up and staring into the centre of the flames. Tai pulled a face, then sat next to his friend, poking the fire with a stray stick.
"Should I take first watch?" he asked eventually.
"I don't mind."
"I can do it Tai," Agumon spoke up "You two need your rest."
"Thanks Agumon. You're a pal," Tai said.
"You two should go to the back," Gabumon said "Because if anything attacks, we'll be able to protect you better."
"Good idea," Tai agreed.
He looked at Matt.
"Matt," he said "We're going to the back of the cave to sleep because it's safer there. Okay?"
"Oh...yes."
Tai mentally groaned and restrained himself. He really wanted to punch Matt's face. Instead, he settled himself for hustling Matt roughly to the back. They both sat down and watched the fire at the cave entrance.
The flickering of the flames made Tai sleepy. Closing his eyes, he let himself begin to doze.
He was nearing sleep when he felt Matt shiver beside him and heard the sounds of muffled sobbing.
"Matt?"
Matt had his head pressed in his hands. Tai could see the glitter of the firelight on his tears.
"Matt, stop! Don't cry!"
Matt looked at him, eyes glimmering with unshed tears.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he said miserably, before burying his face in his hands again, his shoulders shaking.
Tai paused, staring nervously at his friend. What were you supposed to do when someone started crying? It was bad enough when Kari cried at home but when a boy cried? Were you supposed to hug or what? When they'd been on the cliff, the problem had be solved for him by the cliff collapsing.
He rather hoped the cave floor would open up for a distraction.
"Matt," he said eventually "Please stop. Please don't cry. I'm sure TK's just fine. And the others. I bet they're all having a nice safe sleep right now and having a great time. You don't have to cry."
He paused nervously before patting Matt's shoulder. Matt twitched away.
"Matt!"
He looked hopefully up to the front of the cave, hoping that Gabumon and Agumon would come to help. To his fury, they seemed to have slid out. Agumon peered in and waved an encouraging hand before vanishing. Obviously, the Digimon had decided that Tai need to deal with this one on his own. Tai glowered frantically after Agumon, then looked back at the sobbing Matt.
"Matt..."
Matt didn't respond. Tai lost his temper.
"Matt, cut it out!" he ordered "Stop bawling like a baby! I know you're worried about TK but get over it!"
Matt looked at him. Tai swallowed.
"I'm sorry Matt but you need to keep your head," he said "Look, by tomorrow, we'll be at Infinity Mountain and we'll be able to find TK and the others and beat Devimon. You know we will."
"I...I know."
Matt blinked, tears glimmering on his long eyelashes.
"I'm sorry," he said softly "I just..."
He shook his head and turned away, wiping his face.
"Sorry."
Tai swallowed. Awkwardly, he patted Matt's shoulder again. This time, Matt didn't try to escape. To Tai's horror, he suddenly leaned against Tai and pressed his face into his friend's neck. Tai gulped, then nervously wrapped his arms round Matt's shivering body and petted his shoulder blades uncertainly.
"D-don't worry," he said "It's okay Matt. I'm not mad."
Matt didn't respond, just kept his face pressed into Tai's neck. His shoulders were heaving with silent sobs, his fingers digging into Tai's shoulders. Tai gulped.
"Matt," he said nervously "Um...can you get off now?"
Matt pulled away. His eyes suddenly went hard and his body stiffened.
"Sorry."
He moved away from Tai, drawing himself up. To Tai's surprise, he was quite upset by it.
"Matt, I didn't mean..."
"I know what you meant."
There was a silence. Tai stared at the cave mouth, willing the Digimon to come back in. They didn't.
Matt suddenly coughed into the silence, a harsh noise. Tai looked startledly at him.
"Matt?" he said "You okay?"
Matt nodded, still coughing.
"Not got rid of...all my cold yet!" he choked.
Tai crawled over and looked at him anxiously. Matt glanced at him, then looked away.
"What have I done now?" Tai said "Why aren't you talking to me?"
"I am talking to you."
"No you aren't. You're sulking."
Matt looked at him.
"I guess," he said slowly.
Tai sat beside him. He pretended to himself that it was so they could talk properly but it was mainly because he was cold and wanted to share Matt's body heat. He almost wished Matt could snuggle up to him again.
"Matt, what's going on in your head?" he asked.
"Nothing."
"Tell me about it. Maybe I can help," Tai said "Is it TK?"
"Partly."
Tai mentally groaned. He desperately wanted Matt to open up and talk to him but Matt seemed to have gone unresponsive after his crying spree.
"Matt, TALK to me!" he yelled eventually.
Matt stared at him.
"You don't want me to," he said, his voice hard "You'll get uncomfortable, you'll draw away, look at me like a freak..."
"Don't be stupid!" Tai said loudly, beginning to blush.
Matt just turned his face away again. Tai paused then leaned over and put a hand between Matt's shoulder blades. Matt flinched a little but didn't move away. Tai wriggled close and timidly wrapped an arm round Matt's skinny shoulders. Matt shivered and looked at him. He looked tired and young.
"I know TK'll be fine," he said "Patamon can take care of him. And the others can be taken care of by their Digimon. But..."
"But what?"
"Even though I know that TK's going to be okay, it's not the same."
Matt paused, biting his lip.
"If I'm there, I know," he said "I know that he's safe - or that he isn't safe."
He swallowed.
"When Mum and Dad first split up, I wanted TK to live with me and Dad," he said slowly, as though reliving something unpleasant and scary "Dad said no. He said that...said that Mum needed TK because then they wouldn't have to fight over custody or something, I don't remember exactly. It didn't make sense at the time anyway."
He swallowed again and stared at his hands which were resting in his lap.
"I...I...when Mum and Dad fought, I'd got used to looking after TK. Sometimes they'd have such huge rows that they'd forget about us. Mum would go and cry and Dad would go out for hours. I used to get TK his dinner and ask him about stuff and make sure he was doing okay. I always used to be the one who stopped him doing stupid stuff, like playing balance beams on the bathtub side. I'd try and distract him from Mum and Dad's fights. When Dad and I left, I'd got so used to it that I kept trying to do it, then remembering TK wasn't around. I was so sure that TK wouldn't be able to cope without me."
His shoulders shook.
"Then one day Mum called. TK had broken his arm at home. He'd been messing about in the bath and slipped off. I knew that it was all my fault."
"How could it be?" Tai said before he could help it "You weren't even there!"
Matt flinched violently and Tai grimaced, wishing he hadn't interrupted.
"Sorry."
"I wasn't there to protect him," Matt whispered "I should have been there. I should have been there to stop him being dumb. I should have told someone that he used to do that. And even if I couldn't stop him, I should have been there to hold his hand and stop him crying."
A tear ran down his face.
"I wasn't. I let him down. I let everyone down."
"Matt, stop," Tai said "That's not true. You've never let us down!"
Matt looked at him. Tai swallowed.
"Look Matt," he said "You're being stupid okay? You...you don't let everyone down. And I know TK's fine. And...and..."
Tai ran out of words. What were you supposed to say to someone after they'd just spilled out their heart in a confusing manner? Especially if it was someone like Matt who was always quiet and reserved.
To his absolute horror, Matt put his head in his hands and started crying again. Tai groaned.
"Matt, please don't," he said helplessly "I want to help but I..."
He turned and glowered murderously at the cave-mouth, privately swearing that he was going to kill Agumon as soon as he had the chance. Why weren't the Digimon helping him?
"Matt, please!"
He wrapped both arms round Matt and hugged him close, settling for the way his mother looked after him when he'd had a nightmare.
"It's okay," he whispered, hoping he sounded soothing "It's okay Matt. It's going to be fine, I promise, it'll be fine..."
Matt's sobs slowed and then stopped. He leaned tightly against Tai's chest and closed his eyes.
"You're nice and warm," he said.
Tai laughed.
"You too."
Matt sighed.
"Tai, I'm sorry I've heaped all this on you," he muttered "I know it's hard for you. I...I didn't mean to say all this stuff."
"Don't be daft," Tai said "You know that's fine with me. Whatever you want to say."
Matt looked at him, blue eyes still watery with tears.
"You're a good friend Tai."
Tai blushed.
"I think the cold's gone to your head," he joked "You've gone all soppy on me."
Matt looked down again but didn't move out of Tai's arms. Tai swallowed. He enjoyed holding Matt. Matt was warm and comforting and something to hold onto. But at the same time he felt vaguely uncomfortable about holding Matt, like he was doing something that he shouldn't.
"Matt," he said eventually "Are...are you okay with this?"
"Hm?"
"I mean...guys don't normally...cuddle...other guys."
"Hm?"
Matt looked at him. To Tai's surprise, Matt was looking sleepy and peaceful. He'd obviously been dozing against Tai's chest.
"Never mind," Tai said softly "You just go to sleep. It's late."
Matt smiled and snuggled up in Tai's arms again. Tai rearranged himself so he was leaning against the wall, then closed his own eyes, listening as Matt's breathing slowly got steadier and deeper.
The last thing he heard before he dozed off was the sound of Agumon and Gabumon creeping back into the cave.
* * * *
"It's morning you two! Wake up! We're nearly at Infinity Mountain!"
Tai jerked away. The Digimon were staring at him cheerfully. He realised that Matt had wriggled up and entwined himself tighter around Tai's body. He stirred awake, dopey blue eyes meeting Tai's. Then his face flushed and he jerked away.
"Tai. Morning."
Tai realised that Matt was embarrassed about everything he'd said the night before. He decided the best thing to do would be to not mention it. To anyone. Ever.
Especially with the snuggling. Boys were NOT supposed to snuggle.
"Er...Agumon and Gabumon say we're almost at Infinity Mountain," he said, fighting his own blushes.
"Great," Matt said "Er...I'll just go and have a look."He fled the cave, Gabumon following. Tai gave Agumon a killer glare.
"You are dead meat you little toad!"
"Why? What did I do?"
"Leaving me and Matt alone! I didn't know what to do!"
Agumon shrugged.
"We just thought that you'd do a better job than us Digimon could," he said.
"Arrragh!" Tai growled.
"Come on Tai," Agumon said "We should go and join up with Matt and Gabumon."
"Okay," Tai said with a sigh "Oh Agumon, could you hear what we were saying?"
"Yes."
"Then do me a favour? Don't tell anyone about this. Ever."
"Oh. But why not Tai?"
"Because you don't. In fact, let's never mention anything that happened here ever again," Tai said.
He turned and walked out after Matt and Gabumon. Agumon blinked, then followed him, deciding that however close he got to Tai and the others, he would never fully understand humans.
The End.
