Screw this, screw her, screw it all. Dammit, he had been an idiot to think that he would have something that good happen to him again. He had already had his shot, he had already had his life. It had ended the minute Morgana died. The last three years had really just been borrowed time, going on because he didn't think he had any other choice.
But damn it he had thought there was another way. When he met her, there had been that spark to her. Something about her, well if he was honest it reminded him of Morgana and he had thought he'd be able to have something with her. That it could be right again and he wouldn't have to be so alone.
It was torture, going through Manaan, watching Reina take Jolee and Canderous instead of him. He didn't want to go, he reminded himself. He didn't want her in his sight. He wanted her gone. As soon as they found these damned Star Maps it'd be over. Thank the Force he could go back to his life as a soldier. He could find Dustil again, but then he would remember he had Reina to thank for that too.
He knew she was unhappy. He tried not to acknowledge it, that he knew she was crying into her pillow in her little room all alone. That she and Jolee were having long, whispered conversations. That Mission and Zaalbar were the only ones who didn't look at her differently and that she knew it.
She was pale the day they emerged from under the oceans and said they had the last Star Map. Jolee kept shooting him pointed looks, but Carth ignored them. Whatever the old man wanted, he didn't care. He had to remember he did not care. She was the reason Morgana and countless others, his friends and comrades and family, were dead. The reason they were fighting this war in the first place.
And then he would remember all the things she had done, all the people she had helped on their journey. All the times she had done some blasted stupid thing he told her not to, because she wanted to help someone. She was a better person than he was damn it.
Even on this forsaken planet filled with fish faced aliens she was trying to help them as she tried to get to the Star Forge. He watched as one of the children ran up to her handing her flowers, gabbling away about something and she bent down and listened, slowly replied. The kid's eyes lit up, it nodded, then scampered away.
Damn it why couldn't she act like a damn Sith Lord? Why did she have to act like her?
"She said thank you," Reina said defensively, glowering at him and Jolee. "For killing the rancors. Don't look at me like I'm crazy."
He hated her right now. Why did she have to make it so damn hard for him to hate her?
It killed him a little on the inside that he couldn't go into the temple. Not that he wanted to. But someone had to keep an eye on her and make sure she didn't run off to the Sith and tell them everything. He couldn't help but flashback to the night after the Leviathan, when she had come into the cockpit to talk to him.
"I'm still me."
He didn't respond.
"Carth, I am. I'm not Revan!"
She sounded like she was about to cry.
"Look at me damn you!"
He didn't look over. "Get out."
"You said you were going to protect me," she said. "You promised."
And it was like a knife to the heart because he remembered the whispered words to her in the tomb in Korriban when she had broken down and confessed how afraid she was of falling to the dark side.
"I didn't promise Revan anything."
"You said you lov-"
"Get out!" he thundered, because more than anything, he didn't want to remember the words he had whispered to her that last night on Tatooine when Bastila was with her mother and for once not worrying about what Reina was doing.
She turned and fled.
Damn it, he didn't want to remember this.
He started pacing. Mission and Zaalbar were watching him from their perch on the rocks by the water, whispering. Something was happening, he knew it. He could feel it, something going wrong, something poking at him, where were they? Where was she?
When they stumbled down, even Jolee looked shaken, but Reina was clutching the pieces they needed to fix the ship. She thrust them at Carth and without a word, gray eyes huge in her face, took off, half running towards the water, as far as she could get from the Hawk without leaving the inlet.
"What the hell happened?" Carth demanded.
"Bastila," Jolee said tensely. "She tried to convince Reina to join her. To join the Dark Side."
"Revan-"
"Reina said no," Jolee said in a clipped voice.
He left Canderous to fix the Hawk and stomped back outside, Reina was sitting on that rock, holding her knees against her chest, staring out into the water. Her mouth was moving, he thought she was singing, but he couldn't hear her over the wind.
"She never was the most stable," Jolee said, not looking at him. "Before the war or after."
Carth didn't respond. He didn't care.
"You aren't being the least bit fair to her," he said quietly. "If you're trying to drive her away, from yourself, from the light side, from us all, you're doing an excellent job."
He left and Carth was left watching her.
Damn it.
He found himself walking towards her, climbing up on the rock next to her. She looked over, wariness in her eyes, breaking off in half note. "What?"
"You don't make the least bit of sense," he said. "I should hate you."
"You do."
"I can't."
"But you do." A tear slipped down her face.
"Reina-look at me."
It was the first time he had called her that since the Leviathan and it startled her enough that she looked over. He didn't have the words to say to her, so he leaned forward and kissed her instead. She started in surprise, then her hands slid over his hips, clutching his jacket like she would never let go.
He couldn't explain it, even to himself. It was one of those moments where everything fell into place. Where it didn't make sense. When the wrong words started to rhyme and out of all that doubt, he realized she was it. Somehow, in all the galaxy they had found each other. Despite it all they had each other and in the middle of a war torn galaxy they had managed to collide.
A/N: After a very long semester I'm back! This was one of those 'pop into your head and write it down NOW' stories, my take on when Carth gets over the whole Revan thing. Inspired by the Howie Day song 'Collide' (see how I paraphrased it there, huh, huh?). Hopefully got the canons down well and Reina is my version of Revan, maybe there'll be more of her in the future, maybe not, we'll see how things play out. Thanks for reading and reviews are always appreciated!
