I'm Osgood-

-and I'm Osgood-

-and no matter what other people will tell you, we're both exactly the same. We know that you probably think that one of us is Zygon and one of us is human-

-or maybe you think that we're both Zygon. But the truth is, we're kind of a mix.

A hybrid.

We complement each other. Without one another, we're not quite complete.

We cried for ages when the other Osgood died.

Felt like forever. We couldn't let it go. When someone close to you dies, it feels like your heart's been ripped out of where it should be. Suddenly, everything's cold and distant and nothing's right. And when you lose someone who's actually linked to you-

-it's like nothing that can ever be described. Take the pain of your best friend dying, multiply it by a million, then cut open your chest and shove it. Leave it to fester for a year and a day. Wouldn't that just drive you mad if it happened to you?

It did to us. I'm Osgood-

-and I'm Osgood-

-and sometimes we both cry at night. Why shouldn't we?

We sleep together, you know.

In a completely platonic way, of course. I'm not sure what it would be called otherwise. Incest? Twincest? Selfcest? We're one- or two- of a kind, so I suppose there's no real way to describe our situation.

We're best friends. Partners in crime.

When people, normal people, see us together, they ask, "is she your sister?" "your twin?" "your doppelganger?"

The answer to that, of course, is no. I'm Osgood-

-and I'm Osgood-

-and the Doctor still doesn't understand that. He drops in, from time to time, and every time he asks what we are. Human, or Zygon? Human, or Zygon? He doesn't seem to understand.

We're Osgood. That's all that matters. We don't need labels, because we simply are.

Schrodinger's Girl. Entangled at the quantum label.

I can tell what Osgood is thinking-

-and I can tell what Osgood is thinking, too.

It's really useful, and we think that Kate thinks so too, although she doesn't quite understand it.

We're like the ultimate pair of walkie-talkies. Walking, talking, walkie-talkies. Take one of us somewhere, and the other will instinctively know where they are.

Like I said- Schrodinger's Girl. Wonder what our kids will be like.

If we have kids, that is.

We'd have to find someone else like us, though. Schrodinger's Boy, I suppose.

But what's the likelihood of that happening?

That's not the point, though. We're happy with what we have. Working at UNIT is the most amazing job. Aliens and artefacts, and plenty of science-y stuff for both of us to handle.

You know what they say, after all- two heads are better than one!

Hey, Osgood!

Yes, Osgood?

Want to go get icecream?

Excellent idea. Who's buying?

Let's share. We share everything else, anyway.

I'm Osgood-

-and I'm Osgood-

-and that's good enough for the both of us.