DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything but the storyline! All characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya.
A/N: Lots of out of characterness, for two reasons. 1. I've never written these characters before, so finding my way with their speech will take time. 2. This is obviously a situation in which we've never seen the characters in, so there's obviously going to be somewhat of a change in the characters. I will try my hardest to make them as in character as I can though.
October, 3rd, 2018
You'd think as a country I'd be used to change. Used to life flipping upside down in the blink of an eye. But nothing could have prepared me for this. Nothing in all of those years training with you and Japan could have ever prepared me for the outbreak. It happened so fast. One minute everything was fine, the next the world was filled with these lifeless beings. Literally. Human beings that lived purely to kill and eat other living beings.
It was strange really. You always told me the training was worth the effort, you always said I'd be prepared for anything. Any attack. How wrong you were. I really wish you had been right. I wish your training had prepared me for the horror that is the world right now.
Big brother Spain told me everything was going to be okay, that everything and everyone was going to be okay. He was wrong too. It seems a lot of people have been wrong about things when being right is really what matters. I wish big brother Spain was right, I wish everything was okay. I wish he was here. I wish someone was here.
I lied to you last time we spoke. I told you I wasn't scared. I wish I was a better liar.
Big brother Romano called me a few days ago, I think it was a mistake. There's no way it could have really been him. He didn't talk, but that was okay. It was nice to just pretend I was talking to him, it's been so long. I pretend to talk to you sometimes. When I'm lying in the scratchy sheets, alone and cold, I pretend you're beside me, counting sheep and smiling. It hurts more than it helps, but I can't stop myself. I guess in some sick way it's soothing. It distracts from the physical pain for a while.
Sleeping is harder these days. The cold keeps me awake, and the few times I do get to sleep the nightmares wake me back up, shivering in the thin sheets due to the thin layer of sweat covering my body. Nights are getting really cold, and my body is getting weaker due to lack of food. I'm so hungry, I could even eat some wurst right now. Ha. Imagine that. I must really be starving.
I've cried a lot recently. I wish you were here to tell me off for that. I can just imagine you yelling at me to stop being a baby. Although, I'm not sure you would yell at me in this situation. In fact, I think you'd pull me against you and cry along with me, whilst still promising me that we'd get through this as long as we stuck together. And then I'd nod, wipe my eyes and go about my day, all because I trusted you. I'd be able to pretend that I wasn't scared for just a little longer. Wishful thinking's a bitch though, because you're not here.
I think that's all I can write for tonight. I don't know when I'll write again.
I know it's futile, and maybe a little pathetic, but writing these letters to you makes me feel less alone. Less like I'm by myself in this shithole of a world. I'll try to write again soon. Maybe in some parallel universe you're reading these notes. These futile attempts to get through to you.
Oh, and one last thing. Happy birthday. I really wish I could be with you. I tried to make you a cake, but I didn't have any eggs. Or flour. Or sugar. Or really anything. Instead I drew a cake in some mud, with candles and everything! But the wind blew it away. It was nice whilst it lasted. Oh! I also got you a present, you'll get it as soon as I see you. I love you.
Italy closed the small journal, and placed the pen beside the dirty mattress he was currently residing on. He lay back against it, pulling the journal flush to his chest, gripping it as tightly as his thin arms could manage. "Happy Birthday, my beloved." Italy wiggled slightly, getting as comfortable as was possible. "I'll see you soon, Germany. I promise."
