The other, much longer piece, for Delphi1138, for winning the second category of the Crystal Hearts contest! This one is really long, but I hope that is all right, and that Delphi1138 does enjoy it. I hope it's the kind of family fic you were looking for. I'm still nervous. Requests...this is my first time doing em, that's for sure. But I hope you all enjoy! Especially you Delphi!

Things to know: Established Hope and Lightning, AU-ish, and maybe cursing (I don't recall).


Lightning blinked. Then blinked again, leaning against the edge of the white sink in her and Hope's small bathroom. Her reflection in the mirror revealed slightly wide blue eyes as she stared down at a small, almost thermometer like piece of plastic in her hands. Her eyes were on the little window that had a bright, pink plus sign, before she clenched it in her hands. She took a deep breath, brushing her strawberry pink hair behind her shoulder and pinching the bridge of her nose with her free hand.

"Did that really say what I think it said?" she muttered, bringing it back up to her face and peering into it. The plus sign still flashed and she swallowed, setting it on the counter and heading for the toilet. She set the lid down and sat on the toilet, burying her face in her hands. She did not acknowledge that her hands were shaking or that her heart was about to jump out of her chest.

"It really said that…" Lightning sighed, reaching a toned arm over and pulling the strap of her tank top back up, her usually calm eyes darting around the room, unable to focus on anything for long. Her face was tight, small lines appearing around her eyes, and she bit her lower lip before standing up and heading for the little meter on the counter. She picked it up, pinching it in her fingers before bringing it to her eyes, only to nod and place it back on the counter.

"What do I say to him?" She shook her head, turning the knobs on the sink until water was pouring down the drain, cupping her hands under the small torrent and splashing her face with water. "What will he do?" Lightning bit her lip again, wiping the water away from her mouth and turning the water off. What do I do about this? I mean-I mean, we never even talked about it. I just assumed-he never did say anything about it though. Will he be mad? And what about-what do we do?

Why didn't we talk about this?

Lightning groaned, shaking her head and leaning over the sink, pressing her forehead against the mirror. It fogged from her breath and she glanced up at her reflection, blinking at how dark her eyes looked from the angle. She glanced back down at the pregnancy test before grabbing it and throwing it into a nearby trash bin, walking out of the bathroom without a second thought.

And in four in the morning she was back, puking her guts out from morning sickness. As she heaved over the toilet, dinner and dessert coming up in chunks while the acid burned her mouth, her thoughts raced.

What do I tell Hope? How? I never even-we never even talked about this? Does it ruin anything? Will he be mad or something? I don't know. Crap, I don't know. What are we going to do?

What am I going to do?


Hope tucked the covers around Lightning, ignoring the angry, flashing glare she gave him as he worried over her, hovering nearby and always asking if she needed anything. Hope Estheim, now much older and married to none other than Lightning Farron, had grown well over the years. He was taller, although only a few inches more than Lightning, and his silver hair had only seemed to poof and soften with age. His eyes were small but bright, the green shining whenever he got to look at his wife. He was still slender though and was sure that if Lightning had been well, she would have kicked his ass for calling her in sick at the base.

It was one of the few things that worked out with her sickness.

"I'm sorry, Lightning," Hope said, walking around the earth toned double bed to close the curtains to the window, "But this is the third day in the row you've woken up and had to rush into the bathroom. That means you're sick."

"I'm fine," she muttered, looking away from him and toward her stomach. Hope instinctively stepped closer to her, placing a hand on her shoulder and a kiss on her forehead. His heart clenched as he watched her turn in bed, bringing the covers closer to her chin anyway and looking away from him. Her hair fell in front of her face and she refused to look him in the eye, making him swallow hard as he sat on the bed next to her. He wrung his hands in his lap, glancing at her and his legs as he tried to think of what to say to her.

"I know you don't like staying home Light," he started, voice soft, "But I don't want you to get sick anymore than you already are. I mean, you haven't been able to keep your dinner down these past few days, and I already scheduled a doctor's appointment and everything." He reached for her knees sticking up under the covers, cupping it in his hand, "I don't want you to get worse Light. Not at all. You-You've done so much for me, since I was little really, so I just-I want this opportunity to try and return the favor."

"You don't have to," she said sharply, sitting up fast only to press a hand to her forehead as the nausea hit her. She shushed Hope as he started to worry over her again, asking her if she was all right and what he should get her. She looked down at her knees, biting her lip before looking back up at him. Hope tilted his head to the side, blinking when she just stared at him, before a small smile formed on his face.

"Lightning," he muttered, leaning in, his eyes half-lidded. Lightning's eyes widened as he pressed his lips to hers, the kiss small and quick, but still hot enough to leave her lips tingling when he pulled away. He smiled at her, face soft as he brushed a few locks of hair behind her ear. "I love you."

Lightning nodded, opening her mouth to say it back, to say it back to him.

"I'm pregnant."

But that was not it.

Lightning's face flushed and she looked away from Hope, her cheeks stained bright, shining red. She bit her lip and clenched her hands around the blankets, refusing to even glance at Hope.

Hope, for his part, was stunned. His eyes were wide, looking straight through Lightning as he delved into his own racing thoughts. His mouth was hanging open, his shoulders going up and down with each breath. The blood was roaring in his ears and his heart quickened, and by the time he snapped out of it, Lightning was already moving from the bed.

"I'm sorry-"

"No!" Hope jumped from the bed and grabbed Lightning's wrist, pulling her back down so she could face him. She looked at her lap at first, but then her eyes hardened and she looked up at him, narrowing her eyes and fisting her hands. Hope swallowed, sitting back down on the bed, never letting his eyes move from Lightning's. His hand traveled from her wrist to her shoulder, fingers trailing along her stiff arms before resting on her neck. His eyes bored into hers, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of what to say.

"How-How did it-"

"How do you think it happened? The stork?" Hope winced, nodding at Lightning's biting tone, but her face softened when he looked away. "Hope-"

"I mean," Hope said, cutting across her, "It's not like I don't know what happened, but-but I don't know-know what to think right now. I guess-how did you find out? Did you see a doctor?" Hope tried, looking back at her, eyebrows raised.

Lightning sighed, "We'll have to, but all the signs are there. I checked a few days ago with one of those at home tests. I've been having…morning sickness for a while too, and I-I guess after a while, I just thought…" Lightning trailed off, shrugging, but her eyes met his again. Hope almost flinched at the blankness in her face, the way she was drawn in on herself, refusing to let any of her emotions show. "So what should we do?"

Hope looked down at his hands, mind still trying to wrap around the fact that Lightning was pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.

"You're pregnant, Lightning," Hope said, looking back up at her. "You're…" Hope trailed off when Lightning lifted an eyebrow at him, his face feeling hot. "Sorry. I just-I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say or-or anything. I mean-I mean, do you want to-to keep it or-or-I just don't know, Light."

"You're not…mad?" she asked, the words slow as she said them. This wasn't what we planned. We didn't plan for this at all. She narrowed her eyes, "You don't mind?"

"I-" Hope stopped, eyes glazing over, "I guess…I've always wondered what it would be like. To have a kid, I mean." He smiled, shaking his head as he looked at his hands, "I never asked though. I guess we should have-should have talked about it before, but I figured that because you work for the military, and all the trouble it would be for you to go through both the pregnancy and the training you would need to get back into shape-I just didn't think you'd be all that all right with it." Hope shrugged, eyes lost as he looked ahead, "I never really thought this would happen."

"But…would you want to try and raise them?" She scooted closer to Hope, taking his hands in hers and staring into his eyes. "You would want this? You'd want to try and raise a child with me?"

"Of course, Light," he muttered, eyes searching hers as her face tightened more. "I'd love-love-to be able to raise a child with you." He squeezed her hands, blinking hard, "But more than that…more than that I want you to be happy. So-So I want to know what you want to do as well." He smiled at her, soft and caring, eyes washed over with love and care. Lightning was almost taken aback by it, and even after all the years they had been together, she could not seem to get used to it.

Hope's love always took her by surprise.

She nodded though, looking away and taking a deep breath, "Are you sure though? Are you sure that you'd want to?"

Hope blinked, shaking his head, "What do you mean Light?"

"You know how I can be…" she muttered, "You know how much trouble I have with things like this. I don't know-I don't know if I can raise a child the way-the way they're supposed to." The words came out as barely more than a whisper, and Hope's chest swelled at the thought of it. He made to reach for Lightning but she stood from the bed before he could, shaking her head and sighing. "I mean-I mean, I was able to help raise Serah, but that was different. And even then…even then, it didn't turn out the way it was supposed to. I wasn't there for her as much as she needed me, I wasn't able to help her the same ways a mom and dad could have…"

Hope shook his head, standing up and stepping behind Lightning. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him, wedging his chin into her shoulder, "I don't think that's true Lightning. You did everything for you sister, everything you could to make sure she would be okay and live a normal life. She's grateful for that, I know it. And you know it too."

Lightning shook her head again, "That doesn't make it enough Hope. I couldn't do that to someone again. I couldn't leave them to fend for themselves or to be-be hated by society. I can't run away from problems I think are too big or too unreal to happen. I can't do things like that. I can't…make the same mistakes again."

"You save me Lightning. You saved me all those years ago. You took care of me, and you helped me survive-"

"I almost let your hatred kill you, because I was too blinded by my own," she snapped back.

"But you made it in time. You fixed things. You saved me and you saved Serah." Hope's voice rose as Lightning shook her head, pushing herself out of his arms, face red. "You helped us Lightning. You helped all of us."

"I can't do this! I can't!" she shouted, shaking her head, "I don't know what makes you think I can raise a child without-without screwing them up in some horrible way. I'm not a warm person, I can't-"

"You are!" Hope shouted, taking a step toward her, "I know you are! This! This!" Hope waved his hands around him, eyes pleading, "This, what we have here, is just one big sign of how loving and kind you are!"

"No, Hope. It's a sign of patient and loving you are. This shows how much you love me, and how willing you are to deal with me. It shows that you can somehow peel apart this fortress around me, and make it so that I can be me, and so that I can love you. It shows how much you-"

"Lightning!" Hope shook his head, a desperate, cracked smile on his face as he stepped toward her, grasping her arms and burying his face into her shoulder. "Lightning, Lightning, Lightning. Can't you see it? Can't you see what I see? When you smile and when you reach out and do these things for people. You are kind and caring. You're loving, and I know that if you really want to…if you really want to, we can do this. It's up to you." Hope lifted his face from her shoulder, blinking his eyes when he felt how wet and hot they were, "It's up to you. But I will not have you say that you're not kind and loving. I won't hear you talk about all the things you think you've destroyed, or how you think you've screwed things up." Hope shook his head when Lightning opened her mouth to speak, eyes bright.

"I love you Lightning," he said, running his hands along her cheek and letting them rest in her hair, "And I know you love me. And whether you want to or not, I know you can be loving, and you can raise a child." He reached for her with his free hand, locking their fingers together, "Together…together we can…I know it."

"Hope…" Lightning choked, shutting her eyes tight as Hope brought her head down to rest against his chest. Her face was hot and vision blurry, but it was not from tears and it was not because she was afraid.

She refused to think it was.

"It'll be all right, Lightning." Hope's voice was calm and soothing, and he stroked her hair, warmth flooding into her, "I'm here with you Lightning. I'm always here with you. I'm always going to be here with you. No matter what you decide, I'm here. I promise."

Lightning nodded, wrapping her arms around him and breathing him in. He smelled like waffles and thick, goopy syrup, and musk, and all the things she liked about him. This person in front of her, who loved her, and would support her. No matter what. 'No matter what' he had said. He was there.

It was more than Lightning could have ever asked for. But she didn't have to.

Hope would be there, no matter what.


"Hope said you had to talk to me, sis?" Lightning winced as she picked up the phone Hope handed to her, only for her sister's voice to come in from the other side. Hope was already long gone, the door to their bedroom slamming shut behind him. She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Hello, Serah." Lightning almost winced again from how stiff her voice sounded, and took a deep breath, trying to pull herself together. "How are you?"

"I'm all right…" Serah said slowly, her voice filled with apprehension, "I miss you two though. We haven't seen each other in forever! Hope said that you would have to be taking a break from work soon though, because you had some important stuff coming up and that it would make it a lot harder to work and all that."

Lightning smiled, eyes warm as her sister started to relay her thoughts and worries, but she jumped when she realized her sister was waiting for an actually answer to her questions, the line going silent except for each sister's breathing. "Light?" Serah asked.

"I-I have to take a break…because…I'm having a baby." The silence that followed was deafening, crippling to Lightning's ears and enough to almost make her take the phone and fling it across the room. Her head was pounding in her ears and she could feel her vision start to swim as a wave of nausea hit her. The intense heat made her lay down on the bed, and she curled around herself as she waited for her sister's response.

"A-Are you serious?" Serah's voice was barely above a breath, and Lightning swallowed.

"Yes…Hope and I talked about it, and maybe-maybe this is something we could try together-with work, of course, but maybe-"

Lightning jolted, the phone falling from her hands as her sister screamed into the phone, loud and shrill. Lightning shook her head, ears ringing as she scrambled for the phone, holding it away until she was Serah was done, and even then she placed it gingerly near her ear. "Was that really necessary?"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, it's just-just-oh my, my sis is going to have a baby! Oh my, I mean, aren't you excited? I know I am! I can't wait to be able to come and visit and see how everything's going! Did you already talk with the base then, about having the baby? What did they say? But I'm sure they were fine with it, I mean, it is you after all," Serah said, words almost running together she was talking so fast, "But seriously, this is going to be great! I don't know what made you decide to have one, but I'm sure you can tell me later. And don't worry about getting fat, Lightning, I'll show these neat tricks I learned for getting your body back after being pregnant and I bet you'll look even better than before and-"

"Serah," Lightning muttered, cutting her sister off, "I…"

"Yeah, Lightning?" Her sister's voice was low, and Lightning took a deep breath.

"I…do you think I can do this?" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and Lightning felt her face heat up. I'm glad she's not here to see me like this. This is bad enough as it is. I just-it doesn't feel real. It feels like a dream or a nightmare or something in between. It's driving me nuts.

"Of course you can, Light." She blinked at her sister's response, and Lightning brought the phone away from ear and down to her lap, swallowing hard before placing the phone back, "-raised me after all, and I turned out okay, didn't I? I know you can do this Lightning. You're there and Hope's there. I'm just…surprised is all. I didn't know that you wanted children."

Do I?

I mean, we never talked about it before. That's why I was so worried about telling him. I know...I know that I can bounce back. I know I can. But-But am I ready emotionally? Am I really ready to commit to this, even when-even when I-

"Serah...when you were growing up, were you happy?" Lightning's eyes fluttered closed and her wrist twitched, tempted to put the phone down before her sister could answer. Her voice had sounded so small and uncertain, and she didn't want that. She didn't want to seem weak, even if she had no idea what she was doing. Even if she wasn't sure, she was making the biggest decision of her life.

"Of course I was Lightning," Serah said, her voice sounding surprised over the phone, "What makes you think I didn't-" Serah stopped, and Lightning could hear the small breath of shock from her sister. Her face started to warm up again and she looked to the side, imagining her sister holding her hands to her mouth. "Lightning, do you really think you can't do this?"

There was a pause. Lightning sighed, "Well, I'm not the most...warm and loving person out there, you know. I don't want to wind up screwing this kid...mine and Hope's kid up. I just-I couldn't live with myself." Lightning shook her head. "I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I don't want to hurt this child or make-make them hate me, or Hope, or the world. I don't know Serah, I don't know what I'm so-so worried about, but I know that if I'm not careful I could-"

"Lightning." She stopped when Serah cut across her, mouth snapping shut. She ran a hand through her hair, letting herself fall back on the pillow and a sigh to escape her lips. "I don't know-well, yes, I think I know where you got this. But that doesn't make it true. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you could do this. It would be hard, and it would be a lot of work, but I know that you could do it if you set your mind to it."

Lightning closed her eyes when her sister took a deep breath on the other side, "And really Lightning...after you raised me, after you did all of this for me. Sacrificed so much of your life just so I could have a normal one, there is no way I could call you unloving. A little sarcastic and dry? Very punch-happy with my husband? Yes and yes. But you-" Lightning's chest tightened when Serah's voice cracked, "But you've done it all for me. And I don't think I will ever be able to tell you how much it meant to me."

Lightning blinked hard when her eyes started to sting, biting her lip and forcing the swelling in her chest to go down, only for Serah to speak again, "I love you for that, Claire. You're the best sister, and mother, I could have ever asked for. Never forget that."

Lightning nodded, taking a deep breath and ignoring the strange, wet hotness on her cheek. She shook her head, remembering Serah couldn't see her, and managed to keep her voice steady.

"I won't."


"And if we go now, we'll be able to really see if it's a boy or girl?" Hope asked, jumping out of the small car and heading for the other side, opening the door and reaching a hand inside to help Lightning out. She glanced at his outstretched hand before placing her own on her belly and swinging her legs over the seat and onto the freshly paved road, wincing when several bulldozers sounded in the distance. Hope rolled his eyes as she let herself out of the car, hand still on the bulge that was growing around her belly.

Wind whipped through them and Lightning shut her eyes as the cold hit her face, only to peek her eyes open when it suddenly stopped. Hope was in front of her, shielding her from the cold, and she smiled, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her blue coat closer to her, "Don't want either of you two getting sick, now do we?"

Lightning snorted but nodded, smiling slightly when Hope stepped away, only for him to wrap his arm around her and start to lead them into the small clinic. She glanced up at him, nodding her head, "Yes. Serah said that we can go here and see for ourselves if we're having a boy or a girl. That will make planning a lot easier."

Hope smiled, his green scarf moving as he did. He shifted his black coat around and glanced at her, bright eyes darkening, "But-But again, Lightning. Are you sure...I mean, I know we keep talking about it and talking about it, but I don't want you-you to be unhappy with this, I just-"

Lightning closed her eyes, thinking of all the things they had discussed over the last few months.

There was adoption. Then there was...the other thing. Then adoption again. Then another breakdown. Then more morning sickness, then adoption. Then more, "I'm not good enough to be a mom" and more uncertainty. Hope freaking out that I would die if I pushed myself too hard, then me kicking him to prove I was just fine-

"Light?"

"What is it, Hope?"

"You're kind of spacing out." Lightning blinked, her eyes focusing on Hope as his face popped before her. "Are you sure about this? We can always come back tomorrow and find out. Or we could wait and have it be a surprise and all of that." Hope looked away from her. His cheeks starting to tint pink as he considered the ground, 'I just-I don't want you to feel pushed into this. I want you to be happy too, all right? And if you're not ready for a child, then you're not ready. I can respect that Lightning, and I know-"

Lightning rolled her eyes and pulled Hope by the collar of his coat, pressing her lips to his. Hope's voice died immediately and he smiled into the kiss, returning the kiss in kind and licking her lips. Lightning's body flared to life, heat licking her skin while her arms traveled to Hope's waist. Hope's arms wrapped around her as well and they stood on the small sidewalk, wrapped in one another even after they had broken the kiss.

Lightning pressed her forehead to Hope's, looking down at her swelled stomach through her bangs, "I really am…ready Hope. Or…as ready as I'm going to be. This isn't easy, you know, so I can't just-"

"I know it's not easy, Lightning."

"No, Hope. I mean-" Lightning looked back at him, her bright blue eyes clouded over with love and heat. Hope's eyes widened at the sight before a small, soft smile formed on his face. Lightning took a deep breath, "I mean that as long as I'm…with you, I can do this. That's how I know I'm ready." Lightning shook her head, moving away from Hope's forehead, "If I wasn't with you, I know I wouldn't be able to do this. But-But now we have this child here…between us, and I know-I know I wouldn't want it to be with anyone else. So quit bringing it up before I smack you upside the head. Again."

Hope chuckled, nodding his head as he stepped away from Lightning, his hand locking with hers, "All right then, no more questions."

Lightning nodded, face relaxing as she pulled up beside Hope and started to walk the rest of the distance to the small clinic. It was nestled between several small buildings, all erected in the small city that had blossomed after Cocoon's fall. Wood and old machinery made up a lot of the buildings, and they looked dulled, rusted, and at times, misshapen, but Lightning couldn't help but smile as she looked at them all.

So…this is where my kid will grow up.

Amazing…

"I was scared too, when you said you were pregnant." Lightning jolted at Hope's voice, her eyes going to the back of his head as he slowed to a stop just a foot away from her. He didn't looked back at her, but kept his head bowed to the ground, thumb rubbing circles into her hand. "Actually, I was petrified. I mean, here we were, just-just doing what we do, and suddenly you have this baby growing inside of you. I was happy-but so freaking scared that I didn't know what to do, or what to think."

"Hope…" Lightning mumbled.

Hope shook his head, turning to Lightning with a small, almost sad smile. "I mean, when I thought about it Lightning, I wasn't sure I'd be a good parent either. I had a pretty messed up life, and even after what happened with Cocoon and the Fal'Cie and all of it, I just wasn't sure I could really be a dad. My own…well, you know what happened there. We were never really close, even after we got back together." Hope sighed, shaking his head while he looked up at the gray sky that stretched above them. "It's gotten better over the years, don't get me wrong. When I told him you were pregnant, he gave me this really long lecture, and started talking about being a granddad and all of that."

Hope chuckled slightly and Lightning gave him a tiny smile. Hope looked back at her, squeezing her hand before he continued, "But us being closer…it doesn't mean I know everything about being a dad. I don't…I don't want to be like my dad in every respect. I want to be there for our daughter, or our son, and I want to be able to give them all the love I can." Hope closed his eyes, biting his lip, "I was sure though…and am still scared, that I will do what my father did. That I'll just…break this family before I realize what I'm doing. And even if I manage to bring it back together, like my father did between us…I know it wouldn't be the same."

"But Hope…"

"So I guess I wasn't sure either, if I wanted this to happen. I didn't want to mess up; I didn't want something horrible to happen. I just didn't. Family…family is precious. I know that. You know that. Maybe it's because of what we've lost…or what we've found, but we know how important it is." Hope's face relaxed and he gazed at Lightning, face calm.

Lightning blinked, swallowing hard as she stared back at Hope, her hand squeezing his, "Hope, if you were so scared, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me that you were-"

"Because I had you," Hope said simply. Lightning's eyebrows rose and her face reddened when Hope stepped closer to her, eyes loving and warm, "And I knew you'd be more scared than me. I didn't want to make it worse, by telling you that I was worried about how I'd be parent-"

"You'd be a great parent Hope, don't sell yourself short-"

"About how I'd never be able to give them enough love-"

"Hope, shut up! That's a lie and you know it!" Lightning almost shouted, stepping closer to him.

"But as long as I had you, I knew I'd be all right." Lightning's breath escaped her lungs. The air was pressed from her chest and flew into the air as nothing but a gasp, and she stared at him. Hope grabbed her other hand and brought them to his lips, kissing her fingers. His breath was hot and his lips were cold, and Lightning could hardly breathe with him next to her. "And you have me. We just have to remind each other of that every now and again." Hope smiled, releasing one of her hands and pressing it against her belly. "I know we can do this."

Lightning smiled, then blinked, then shook her head and blinked harder. "Jerk, I should hit you for being so sappy," she muttered, pressing her free hand to her eye, "You could have told me."

"I know. I just…wanted you to feel better about this." Hope stopped, eyes widening before he smiled and grabbed Lightning's hand and pushed it on her stomach, crouching down as well.

"Hope, what are you-" Lightning stopped when she felt something thump inside of her, then again, her hand bouncing slightly. She smiled, shaking her head as her chest suddenly seemed to burst with love and warmth.

"Hope."

"The baby's kicking…" Hope mumbled, his voice filled with silent awe, "I can't believe it."

Lightning watched as Hope's smile grew into a grin, his face light, lines forming around his mouth as he smiled. His eyes were soft, the same kind of warmth she saw when he looked at her, and her heart swelled. She thought she was choking on it, and she almost smirked.

When did you get so soft, Farron?

"Lightning…I love you." Hope's words were a whisper, quickly swallowed by the wind. But Lightning smiled.

"I love you too."

Silently, Hope stood straight and twined their hands together, nodding once before they started to the clinic. Lightning smiled to herself, pressing herself against Hope's side and letting her chest release a deep, tight knot inside of her.

But I guess it doesn't matter if I'm here with you.