Dear Cedric,

I'm so sorry that I've waited this long to write this. You probably never even knew that I existed, did you? We were in the same year. I suppose that may be all that I have going for me, but there's a part of me that hopes you noticed me.

I'm sorry that it's too late for me to do anything for you. I'm sorry that it took me so long to realize. I'm sorry that I wasn't there to save you, and I'm sorry that I never said any of this while you were still here. But I thought it. Some nights, I couldn't sleep because my thoughts were taken up with memories of you. It was always your face in my dreams when I slept.

They say that it's the thoughts that count, but thoughts can only get you so far in life. I've learned that now. I've seemed to have learned so much-the only issue is that I've learned it too late.

I just can't fathom it-you were there, but now-now... I don't know what to do with myself anymore, it seems. I know it seems foolish.

Just when I felt like you lived in some other world than I did, just when I felt like giving up on you, it happened.

After the first task of that damned tournament, you were pacing in the forest, remember. I do. You were muttering to yourself. I myself had been taking a stroll. That whole year had been so odd without playing Quidditch. I missed the fresh air, so I had gotten accustomed to taking walks. I had never come across anyone before, though. But when I saw you looking so... looking so different, I had to stop. I'd realized that we'd never truly had a proper conversation, and I was hoping you'd notice me. You didn't, obviously. But I was foolish and inquisitive and just plain nosy, so I hid and listened to what you said.

You were talking about Cho Chang that night. I never understood what you saw in her, but I respected your decisions, so I didn't question you. You talked about your past girlfriends, and though I knew it was wrong, I somehow couldn't get myself to leave you in peace. I wanted to know all that I could about you. You weren't necessarily what you'd call an open book. You were mysterious and brilliant and handsome. I suppose that's what all the girls thought of you, too.

You seemed to like walking near the forest. I was the same way. For nights on end, you would go there and talk through all your problems, and I would listen in to everything. You never knew, and I feel terrible for knowing everything that I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, Ced.

The forest was our meeting place, it always had been. The only thing was, only I knew that. I knew your hidden secrets, but you? You only knew my name and nothing else, did you? Nevertheless, the forest was ours. It was the gathering place where you could share your feelings and emotions and talk through your thoughts.

At the time, I only thought of the whole situation as myself learning prized information about the 'mysterious' Cedric Diggory. I never made the connection until now. I never thought about what you would say if you knew that someone else knew everything you had been trying to keep to yourself.

I know that I've waited too long to write this. It only makes me wonder what would have happened between us if I would have told you earlier. But now the moment's gone; it's like your life was a burning candle, all your secrets I overheard pouring over like hot wax. And then, all too soon, your flame was blown out along with all the hope of any relationship between the two of us.

So this is simply me saying that, though I know you'll never read this, I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for keeping this from you Ced, and most importantly, I'm sorry for knowing everything and not helping you. I knew you were struggling with that bloody tournament, but I just let you pull yourself through it. I promise you that if I knew how this would've turned out, I never would have done those things.

Forever sorry,

Roger Davies


A.N:

(This was written by teddylupin-snape)

For:

The Big/Lil Sis Team Prompt Competition: Round Two. Prompts used: Emotion: grief; Item: candle.