This idea was given to me by Breatheorange. I'm not really sure where I'm going with it, but it'll be mostly AU. Toby and Spencer did break up because he's part of the A Team. Emily is with Paige, but not quite as happy. Please bare with the slow development of this story.

I sigh deeply as I roll toward the clock, not at all surprised when my face encounters the wetness on the pillow next to me. I've been crying in my sleep again. It's been two months since I caught Toby in my kitchen stealing back the A key and confirming those few horrible weeks of suspicion that he couldn't be trusted, and I still couldn't keep the dreams away.

Dreams of memories and fantasies, worries and fears, all painful and all about him. The worst part isn't even what Toby has done to me; it's that I've been threatened into secrecy. I can't tell a single soul I trust because some unknown asshole, with nothing better to do than torture a group dishonest high school girls, wants me quiet, wants me to break. Well, guess what…they're getting what they want.

I'm clearly not functioning at school, I can't stand to be with anyone else because I'm worried about confessing my secret, and all I can do when I'm alone is cry. I don't ever remember feeling this broken, and I don't know a single person that can fix me.

My increasing turmoil and a fresh wave of tears are interrupted by the doorbell. It's 11:37am on a school day and I'm almost too worried to go investigate. But after a moment, and a few more rings of the bell, I pull my light blanket off the bed, swaddle myself in it, and head down to the door, not bothering to worry about my appearance.

I creep suspiciously down the stairs, peeking around the corner to check out my visitor before they realize I'm here when I see Emily standing anxiously by my door with a worried expression. I take my steps quicker now and swing the door open, attempting a look of surprise, but I'm sure it's moderately stoic. Expression hasn't been the easiest for me lately, either.

"Spencer, why aren't you in school?" her tone is almost chastising, but her expression is still one of worry.

"Why aren't you?" I deadpan, monotonously.

"You haven't been in school for three days. I'm worried… I mean, we're worried." She whispers, appearing oddly guilty and refusing to look at my face. I don't know what to say. They know Toby and I broke up, they know how I felt about him, and they apparently expected a different response had this situation arose.

"Sorry." I say, surely looking anything but. "I didn't mean to worry you, Em." She shifts feet and drapes an arm across her chest to nervously grab her own elbow. I don't know what's on her mind, but it's beginning to make my stomach churn.

"Well, okay." She starts, backing toward the door. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Her left hand reaches for the knob and I sigh, knowing I can't let my friend, who was kind enough to check my wellbeing, just leave.

"Why don't you stay? We're already skipping school…and I was about to eat something." That's a lie, but it has been a while since I've had any food at all and, though I know it's a very bad idea, I really do want her here. I turn without waiting for a response and head to the refrigerator. I don't even know what I can force myself to choke down, but we'll find something.

I hear her gentle footsteps behind me and I actually feel a flutter of relief. I really miss her, all the girls, and I think I can keep my mouth shut about Toby and the A Team long enough to spend part of the afternoon with my best friend.

She sits quietly at the counter and I can feel her eyes on me. I take out some leftover spinach lasagna Mom and Melissa must've made last night, setting it on the counter to fetch some bowls. I don't know when she got off the stool on the other side of the table, but as I turn, bowls in hand, we bump hips and she reaches out to prevent me from falling.

"Sorry. I just wanted to help." She looks guilty again and removes her hands from my arms as quickly as she put them there. I miss her warmth the second she does. It takes me a few more seconds to process why it matters so much if Emily touches my arms, but I don't dwell. I have enough to think about and it's clearly just how alone I've been recently.

We stand near to each other without speaking as we wait for the pasta to heat. I know I shouldn't, but I let my mind wander and the next thing I know Emily is brushing her thumbs lightly over my cheeks. I must be crying again. I look down, ashamed, and start for the microwave when her arms stop me. She stares into my eyes and I realize how truly beautiful she is. She pulls me in for a tight hug and I feel myself start to cry again, harder. I haven't cried like this since that night outside of Toby's apartment.

And she just holds me. For fifteen minutes Emily lets me sob into her neck as she delicately rubs my back. I finally pull away, sniffling and attempting to regain composure, and Emily tucks some stray hair behind my ear and smiles sadly at me. I think she's surprised by how much I'm hurting. If only you knew, Em.

I wonder what she's thinking about as we stand there looking at each other and maintaining subtle contact. I see conflict in her eyes before she leans in slowly and kisses my cheek. Toby is now briefly stricken from my thoughts as an idea takes up residence at the forefront of my brain.

Emily's always been there for me, always given me everything I've ever needed. I wonder how extended that offer really is.

I chew softly on my bottom lip as I make a decision. I need to feel something, who better to feel with than Emily. I give her no time to react before pressing my lips against hers, but her reaction is not what I expect.

She pulls away swiftly, like she's been burned, and with wide eyes she rushes out of my house without saying a word, accidentally slamming the door behind her as she goes.

I'm not really sure what I just did or my motives behind it, but I can't begin to process. I throw away the again cold lasagna and trudge back up the stairs. I crawl into bed and cover my face entirely with my soft comforter, hoping it provides just that.

Well. I guess that's that. I wonder what Spencer will do. Criticism is welcome. Until next time…