A/N: This story will deal with mature subject matter. This story is not for everyone. This story may be triggering. This warning is set for every chapter in this story.

Reader's discretion is VERY STRONGLY advised.

Special thanks to queseraone for editing and providing input/reactions.


I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take

When people run in circles it's a very, very

Mad world, mad world

- Mad World by Gary Jules

Everything was perfect.

No, it was beyond perfect. It was a life neither of them ever saw themselves living—yet secretly always wanted.

It had all changed sixteen years earlier. Sixteen years earlier when their baby boy—Shawn William Halstead—was born, pink cheeks and full of life. That's when life took a dramatic turn. Instead of focusing on themselves and their relationship, they needed to focus on a little boy that depended on them.

It was different. A good kind of different, but different. Both Erin and Jay had envisioned the kind of life they would want to give to their children—a life neither of them had. They would always be hands-on parents, being there for every milestone their children would have. They would support their children in whatever they wanted to do and would do anything in their power to help them achieve their goals.

So yes, life was perfect.

Until that day.

There was life before, and then there was life after. And the after was absolute hell.


So I've been writing this fic for a while and I have a lot of it done (explains why I don't update my other fics much) but I've been really hesitant to post. The main topic will be heavy (and likely disturbing to some) so any negative comments after this warning will result in forfeiture in this story. Thank you.