Based on a prompt on tumblr, also Happy Birthday to AstroBookwormSinger! This was originally posted at Christmas on Ao3... Hence the whole Christmas theme? I forgot to post it so Merry Christmas from May! This is set in the same universe as The First Mistake, before Bucky gets drafted, but works fine on its own. So much mutual pining though...
Steve's fingers were trembling as he swept the brush across the old wooden sign of the grocery store. It wasn't exactly art but it paid more than selling his sketches down by the river and Mr Fletcher always made him a cup of cocoa before he went home. The sun was setting fast behind the buildings of Brooklyn and the snowflakes were catching in his eyelashes. Mr Fletcher had tried to insist that Steve went home early tonight so he could spend Christmas Eve with his family but Steve didn't have any family left. His Ma had died the previous summer so now he only had Bucky, and Steve almost had enough money to buy a decent frame for Bucky's Christmas present. Once he was finished with this sign he would be making a mad dash to the art shop, hopefully before it closed. Some of the shops were closing early tonight.
"Steven. Your fingers are turning blue. Go home before you make a mess of my shopfront." Mr Fletcher called from the door way. Steve almost slipped off the rickety ladder that was propped up against the wall as Mr Fletcher's voice startled him, but he managed to steady himself.
"I'm fine, I'll be done soon!" Steve shouted back.
The cold air was starting to make his chest tighten and there was a definite wheeze to his breathing. Steve pulled his coat collar up towards his chin and went to dip his brush back into the paint pot beside him. It was one of Bucky's old coat. He'd given it to Steve when he had turned 18 not long after they met. It was thick and far too long for Steve but he absolutely adored it, especially when he first wore it and it still smelled like his new best friend. The scent of Bucky was long gone now, that was almost two years ago but it was still warm. Steve suspected that Bucky had used it as an excuse to get himself a brand new coat but Bucky always insisted it was because Steve was one bad winter away from death.
"Nonsense, I'll pay you in advance. Call it a Christmas bonus. Now get inside before you turn to ice." Mr Fletcher insisted. Steve thought about protesting but his fingers were shivering and it would make the brushstrokes messy. Mr Fletcher deserved better than a shit sign for Christmas. Steve just hoped he could make it to the art shop in time.
He gathered his supplies and hurried into the shop. Mr Fletcher pressed a small purse of money into his hands and Steve grinned. He had done it. They would be able to hang Bucky's picture up in their small apartment, if Bucky liked it of course.
"No cocoa today. I've gotta run, the art shop closes soon." He smiled as he skipped out of the shop.
"Merry Christmas Steven!" The old shop owner called as he ran.
"Merry Christmas Mr Fletcher!" Steve yelled back. He almost slipped on some ice on the pavement and his knee twisted. He winced but kept going, it was hardly the worst pain he'd felt.
There were carollers in the streets as he dashed through the crowds, ignoring the burn in his chest as he tried to keep his breathing steady. He would not have an asthma attack now, he didn't have time for it. He was almost at the art shop when he heard someone call his name.
"Oi Rogers!" Steve scowled and spun round on his heels. He was red-faced and out of breath but that didn't mean he couldn't stand up for himself.
"Hello Brandon." He wheezed, he meant to sound calm and collected but fate wasn't on his side. "I'd say it was a pleasure to see you but my Ma told me never to lie." Steve didn't mean to encourage the fight. He really didn't but the taller boy had always been picking on kids half his size, including Steve, and no once ever seemed to care except Steve.
"Awfully brave for someone who doesn't have his guard dog with him" Brandon sneered.
"At least I can say I'm brave. How many lackeys do you need to have before you beat up a kid three years younger than you? Two isn't it?" Steve shot back. He smirked as he heard Bucky yelling at him to leave it be and move on. Steve's voice of reason always sounded like Bucky, not that Steve ever paid much attention.
"Oh yeah, well. At least I ain't a fairy!" Brandon stuttered clearly taken back by Steve's insult. Steve's eyes narrowed as he glared at the taller boy.
"What did you call me?" He hissed. It wasn't the first time he'd been called that, or some other variation, but it still stung like a bitch. It was true, he wasn't good the girls like Bucky was but he still liked them. He still had dreams like any other fella but sometimes he had different dreams, dreams about Bucky or his friends from the docks. He knew it was wrong but he never acted on it. He didn't want to get Bucky into trouble, not like that, not the kind that could get them both killed.
"I said you're a fairy. You and that fella of yours. Right pair of -" Brandon didn't finish his sentence because Steve had socked him in the mouth. The surprise advantage didn't last long and soon enough Steve was curled up on the ground trying to avoid the sole of Brandon's boot as he kicked him relentless in the ribs. Steve tried to push himself off the ground but he never got far before he was thrown back against the tarmac.
"What do we have here?" Brandon sneered as he reached down to grab something off the floor.
Steve scrambled to his feet ready to throw another punch whilst his attacked was distracted but he froze. Brandon was holding a piece of paper. Steve panicked and reached into his coat pockets but it was gone. Bucky's present, the picture that Steve had spent over a week trying to make sure was perfect, was now in Brandon's hands. Steve wanted to cry, to beg him to let it be. It was Christmas Eve and he would never have time to find a new present for Bucky. It was a picture of Bucky and Becca. Bucky had his arm slung round his sister's shoulders and they were both laughing. They had the same smile and creased eyes when they laughed and Steve was completely smitten. He'd spent hours alone trying to capture the sparkle in Bucky's eyes and the way Becca's hair blew in wisps around her head as it tried to escape the bobby pins. There was something off about the shape of Bucky's nose but he couldn't work out for the life of him what it was and even if it wasn't perfect he thought Bucky might like a reminder that he still had some family left.
That reminder was now being held by a thug from Steve's school years, a real bully. Steve's heart broke as he watched Brandon tear right down the middle of the picture. Bucky's arm was ripped off and the two siblings were torn apart. Steve wanted to say he fought even harder but he couldn't. He sank to his knees and let Brandon walk away laughing like a coyote. The drawing fluttered down beside him and he managed to scoop it up before the snow seeped into the paper. His fingers shook as he folded it carefully back up and tucked it into his pocket. He barely even noticed the taste of iron in his mouth and the dull ache in his head as he trudged back to the apartment.
Christmas was ruined.
Bucky stood by the stove stirring some very questionable broth. It was lumpy, with bits of vegetables floating in the water. It really didn't look very appetising at all but it was all him and Steve could afford if they wanted to have a treat for Christmas day. Bucky had been working double hours down at the docks so he could afford to get Steve a new notepad for a present and a tiny goose for the pair of them to share for dinner. The notepad was tucked in with this socks, wrapped in tattered brown paper that he had to reuse from his birthday. It didn't look like a lot by the paper was better quality than Steve's current pad that tore easily if he pressed too hard with his pencil. Bucky regretted the fact he couldn't get Steve some pretty coloured pencils to go with the pad but he knew they would both rather have food on the table tomorrow. Bucky took a sip of the broth and grimaced. It was bland and watery but at least the vegetables would help stop Steve get sick for a while.
The door crashed open and Bucky jumped around with the spoon still in his hand as the noise startled him. Steve stood in the doorway looking like he'd been dragged from the depth of hell. The spoon clattered on the floor as Bucky rushed to his friend to inspect the injuries. There was blood matted in his soft blond hair, his bottom lip was split and swollen and there was bruising on his knuckles. Bucky just about managed to resist stroking his thumb along Steve's lips to catch the blood that was trickling from his nose.
"God Stevie…" He whispered. His heart reached out to his friend. He hated seeing him like this. It was his fault, he should have been there to stop the bullies. That was Bucky's job. He should have known that was Steve was in trouble, he was never back this late in the winter. It was too cold and the frozen air always got to his lungs.
"S'fine Buck." Steve turned his face away and pushed passed Bucky towards the kitchen, wiping his nose with his sleeve. "Broth?" He asked as he peered into the pot.
"Yeah. We don't have any bread with it. They only had fresh stuff at the bakery and I thought it best we save the money, what with Christmas tomorrow and all." Bucky sighed as he watched his friend look anywhere but in his direction. "Don't think I don't realise you're changing the subject, Punk. What they do this time?"
"Don't want to talk about it." Steve replied, his voice was like ice and fire all at the same time.
He was so full of rage and passion but no one else seemed to see passed the bony fragile small boy on the outside. Bucky knew better though. He ran his fingers through his hair and got the bowls ready for dinner. He knew that Steve would talk when he was ready. They ate their broth in silence. Steve winced as the hot water hit the cuts on his lip but he didn't say anything. Bucky would help clean him up once they were finished eating. They couldn't afford much in the way of medical supplies but he could at least wash the blood out of his hair. Steve tried to protest when Bucky started to heat up some water for the tub but Bucky wasn't having any of it. He ordered Steve to strip down and get in, otherwise he'd have to go find the bullies that did this to him instead. Steve grumbled but pulled his oversized shirt over his head. Bucky blushed but couldn't tear his gaze away. He marvelled at the creamy pale skin of Steve's torso and the way his underwear sat low on his defined hip bones. He could do with gaining some weight but only because Bucky was worried that he'd get sick again. Steve thought he looked weak, bony and ugly. Bucky thought he looked beautiful. He was lean and his hands were always too big for his body in a way that Bucky found very distracting.
"You gonna pour the water in the tub or are you just gonna keep staring?" Steve asked with a smirk.
"Quit your whining punk." Bucky shot back as his cheeks flushed a deeper red. Rogers was a damn tease. "Like I'd keep staring at your ugly mug."
"Have you looked in the mirror lately Buck?" Steve raised his eyebrow as he sunk into the warm water. There wasn't much water in the tub. They didn't have the money to heat up that much in one go but two pans of hot water to one pan of cold water was enough to clean the blood of Steve's body.
"I have and I look real handsome so shut up and take your bath Rogers." Bucky rolled his eyes. Steve just couldn't help but fight, even if it was all teasing.
Bucky sat beside Steve as he help pour the water over his blond hair. Steve hissed as the water burned against the cuts on his skin but let Bucky drag his fingers through the matted strands of hair. It didn't take long to clean the blood off his best friend but Bucky made the most of every moment. He enjoyed running his fingers through Steve's hair. It needed a cut, the blond strands were starting to fall into his eyes but Steve never seemed to notice. He would always subconsciously brush the hair away with his long fingers and carry on with whatever he was doing. It drove Bucky crazy. He always wanted to reach up and tuck the hair behind his ears so he could see those pretty blue eyes that always reminded Bucky of summer by the seaside. Bucky kept his focus on Steve's hair, not daring to look away, in case his gaze drifted over his friend's naked body. He wasn't supposed to look there, not with Steve. It didn't matter with the men he found in the bars down by the river. They were nameless, meaningless, nothing. This was Steve and he couldn't risk that, couldn't risk them being found out. He'd seen what happens to men like him and Steve if they got found out.
"I… umm… I won't have your present ready for tomorrow." Steve muttered bringing Bucky back to room. He blinked as he realised his fingers had been stroking through Steve's hair the whole time. His hair was clean now and the water was murky but Steve hadn't said anything. They had both enjoyed the moment of closeness and intimacy.
"Yeah?" Bucky asked quietly.
"Yeah… They ruined it. I drew you and Becca. I just had enough to get it framed too." Steve was staring sadly at the wall. Bucky's heart broke, he wanted to pull him into a kiss and tell him it was ok, that he didn't need a present anyway, that having Steve near was enough. He didn't though. He sighed and stepped away from the tub. It was too close and he was struggling to resist the pull that was ever-present between them.
"It's ok Steve." He tried to keep his voice calm and comforting. Sure it sucked that he wouldn't get a present but Steve had survived and that was all that matter.
"No it's not! God damn it Buck. It isn't fair." Steve splashed against the water and stormed off to the bedroom to get changed.
Bucky sighed again, wondering how he could make this better for his best friend. He ran his hands through his hair as he looked around the small apartment. He noticed some paper sticking out of Steve's coat. Curious, he pulled the corner of the paper. It was his Christmas present. The paper had a long tear all the way down the middle, right where he had his arm slung around his sister. The details on the paper were incredible, it was just a pencil sketch but Bucky could swear he could he see his sister laughing. He could almost hear the sound in his ears. His own face was smiling happily. He looked handsome, far more handsome than he actually looked but this was how Steve saw him. Steve always saw the best in him.
He rummaged through the draw in the kitchen looking for something he could use to stick the picture on the wall. He hoped if it was stuck down, then he could mask the tear. He managed to find an old bottle of glue that hadn't completely dried out and got to work. By the time Steve had finished in the bedroom, Bucky had finished his mission. He didn't think it looked too bad.
"Buck…" Steve's whispered into the cold air of the apartment. He stared in awe at the wall where Bucky had decided to place the picture.
"Merry Christmas Stevie." He answered with a grin.
Steve stood frozen for a moment before launching himself into Bucky's arms. Bucky hummed happily as he buried his nose into Steve's hair. They stayed like that for a long time, Steve's body shook against his chest and Bucky suspected he was crying but he didn't say anything. Steve hated to appear weak. Instead Bucky sang Silent Night under his breath. It was one of his favourites and Sarah had always sung it when Bucky went round for Christmas before she died.
"Hey Buck." Steve mumbled against his chest.
"Yeah Stevie?" He responded. Steve looked up at him through his eyelashes with those beautiful blue eyes and Bucky's heart skipped a beat. Only an angel would have eyelashes that long and eyes that sparkled like sunlight bouncing off the river in the moonlight.
"Merry Christmas." Steve reached up and kissed his cheek. Bucky's heart fluttered happily, If he died in this moment he would be happy. His face burned as his cheeks blushed redder than a robin's chest. He grinned dopily down at his best friend who had gone a delightful shade of pink. His cheek tingled from where Steve's lips had brushed against his skin and he couldn't stop smiling. It was going to be the best Christmas yet.
Hope you all enjoyed it! I'm on tumblr avengersbarnes if anyone would like to come chat with me about Stucky or MCU.
Until next time!
