The Boring Author's Note: (Well, if you're reading this, I hope it's the note you might find boring, and not the author).

I came up with this idea after reading one too many FMS story. Don't get me wrong, I like that kind of stories, but though it always ends well in JAFF, it isn't so in Real Life, and the characters don't know they are Meant To Be. So ... I wanted to write about a Compromising Situation That Would Typically Lead To A Forced Marriage, and have the characters decide that there are Other Options. Moreover, I wanted to have fun with the situation. I hope you'll smile when reading this, too. Thanks in advance for your reviews. I can't promise I'll answer all of them (I will do so if you are logged in and have a question), but they are always appreciated.

As always when anyone writes FanFiction, the characters are not exactly in character. Because I'm not Jane Austen. And in this particular story, I'm not quite certain about what's in Bingley's head.

Happy New Year!


Netherfield, too early in the morning of Saturday, November 16 for it to be early in the morning

The corridor was pitch black. Elizabeth, who had been on her way back to her room after having been to her sister's to check on her, felt that she was walking for a longer time than she should have. Before she began to doubt herself too much, however, her hand touched the familiar table that was just at the left of her door. Mindful of not waking anyone, she carefully entered the room and tiptoed to the bed. The only piece of furniture she had been wary about was the table in the hall. She had deemed it unnecessary to light a candle and had bumped into it on her way to Jane's room. Crossing the room without difficulty, she slipped out of her dressing gown and under the covers, grateful that they were still warm.


That same room, after the sun had risen

She woke up to the sound of a hushed conversation. A conversation between men, she realised with a start. Elizabeth frowned, wondering why footmen would be speaking in her room. On sitting, she found that the interloper was a gentleman.

"Mr Bingley! What are you doing in my—" Suddenly, the pattern on the curtains felt wrong. So were the wall coverings and the rest of the room's decoration; only the way the furniture was arranged was familiar. Elizabeth forced herself to stay calm and failed. "This is not my room!"

"Your powers of observation are astonishing," the gentleman sitting next to her dryly answered. "But perhaps this realisation is coming a touch late."

Elizabeth's head snapped towards him, and she blanched further as she realised who the speaker was—none other than Mr Darcy. Oh, dear. What on Earth happened?

"Please tell me this is just a nightmare. I am having a nightmare, and I will wake up momentarily," she said, eyes tightly closed and skin rapidly reddening in shame at the growing realisation that she must be awake—thus the situation was real. Tears of mortification were welling up in her eyes, and she willed them away. She felt humiliated for being seen in her nightdress by two men and, worse, for having apparently slept alongside one, but was also worried at the thought of a possible scandal.

"I am afraid it is not," her bedmate answered. He had determined that he might have paid the young lady too much attention during her stay under Bingley's roof and had vowed to avoid her as much as he could before her departure. That resolution was moot now; he could not quite decide whether he was pleased or aggravated by this development. One thing was certain: he would not let her trap him. As she appeared to be fighting to retain her composure, he decided that it might not have been her intent anyway.

"What are you doing here?" Darcy asked when it became clear that the other two were momentarily at a loss for words.

"I don't understand," she said, her breath short. "I am certain I felt the table as usual when I came back—and that I encountered only the one between Jane's room and my ... well, this room."

"Which table do you mean?" Bingley asked.

"The one that was just beside my room's door. I stumbled on it when going to check on Jane, and I paid attention to its location on my way back."

Bingley frowned and stepped in the hall; he was back in an instant.

"There is a table in the hall, just beside this door."

"Are you certain, Bingley? There was none yesterday night. It was further down the hall, between Miss Elizabeth's and Miss Bennet's doors."

"I am certain. But now that you say it, I had the feeling something was different in the hall this morning. That must have been it."

"Now that the source of this … situation has been identified, would you please turn away while I get my dressing gown back? The sooner I am in my room again, the less likely it is that this will be discovered. I trust you will not breathe a word about it; neither shall I."

Neither of the gentlemen moved. Elizabeth thought Bingley looked a little abashed; she did not dare to look at Mr Darcy. Before she could apply to them again, however, Mr Darcy spoke.

"I am afraid it is not that simple, Miss Bennet."

The lady frowned. "How so, sir?"

"Did you not wonder why Bingley was here, rather than my man or a housemaid?"

Elizabeth avowed that she had not.

"Before you woke up, Bingley had been telling me that his valet was the one to inform him of the situation we were in, for the staff was speaking about it in the kitchen."

Elizabeth pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a deep breath.

"The situation can still be managed."

"Are you not afraid that word of the situation might leak further? It would harm your reputation."

"Of course I am!" she snapped. "This is why I am looking for a way to contain the gossip. The best would be to find the person who entered this room and convince her, or him, to say it was nothing but a lark and that there is no truth in what he or she told."

To this Darcy did not answer. He would not have believed it possible, but his admiration for Elizabeth rose again. The situation, though innocent, had the potential to be uncomfortable for her, yet she would not even try to take advantage of him.

"Rogers told me that Mildred spotted you together," said Bingley.

Elizabeth squinted. "Not Mildred Davies, I hope?"

"Er, I think that might be her name—" a nonplussed Bingley began before being interrupted by a groan.

"I really hope you have another Mildred in your household, sir. Mildred Davies should never be allowed in a bedroom—or a study, or any private room. She is far too indiscreet for that ! How can Mrs Smith have assigned her such a task?" Elizabeth was nearly shouting at that point.

As Bingley mumbled something about his sister having ordered the housekeeper to have only good-looking staff above stairs, Darcy tried to think of something that was not commendation of Miss Bennet's reasoning or admiration of her form. Not that there was much form to be seen, for she was covered up to the neck and wrists by a shapeless nightgown. Nonetheless, there was something alluring in seeing her seated in his bed, hair escaping her braid, and so caught up in her discourse that she had not noticed that the sheet she had been clutching under her chin had now fallen to her lap.

"You are rather well-informed about Bingley's staff," he eventually said. "Do you think that the girl would agree to the plan if given a reasonable amount of money?"

"With anyone else it would work, but not with her. If it is her. Mildred Davies was formerly employed at Longbourn and was let go perhaps five years ago, after having been caught prying through my father's papers. I was the one who reported her, and I fear that she has neither forgotten nor forgiven that."

Silence followed.

"I see only one possibility, then," Mr Bingley said. "You must marry."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Certainly not!"

Elizabeth's categoric refusal of the scheme surprised Darcy. If he had not already believed she was not trying to trap him, he would have been convinced at this instant. Her stance did nothing to injure her in his eyes and only made her rise in his esteem. He began to think that marrying her might not be such a bad idea. True, they did not love each other, but he was attracted to her and liked her more with each discussion they had. They had a good chance to do well together. She had neither money nor connections, but she also was an interesting conversationalist, knew how to run a household, and had some common sense. As far as he was concerned, that would be enough. These qualities would balance the inconvenience of being tied to the Bennet family, as long as they did not have to see them often.

While he was pondering this, his friend endeavoured to make Miss Bennet see reason.

"Surely, you must see that this will reflect badly on you and your sisters if it is known you spent the night in Darcy's bed."

"We do not know for certain that it will be known. Even if it were, the people around here know me and would believe me if I said that nothing happened. Besides, all of this is moot, because I certainly shall not marry someone I do not know."

"I thought," said Darcy, "that we had begun to know each other these last couple of days."

Elizabeth looked at him in shock. "You cannot be serious? Do you really wish for us to be tied to each other until one of us dies?"

"I do not wish you to suffer the consequence of mean-spirited gossip."

"As I already said, we have yet to determine that there will be such gossip!"

"If the chambermaid was your Mildred Davies, we can be certain there will be, correct?"

"Maybe, maybe not. Her animosity towards me is well-known, so the gossip may well be about how she was trying to create some outlandish rumour, in which case there will be nothing to worry about."

"Very well. However, we shall not be able to determine this before deciding on a plan. Therefore, I suggest that we take the time to get better acquainted until Miss Bennet feels well enough to go back to Longbourn. That way, if I were to call on your father to ask for a courtship—"

"For her hand, Darcy."

"—for a courtship, our attachment will not seem to come out of nowhere, and perhaps there will be some additional, less damaging gossip which will drown the existing one."

"I want to make it clear that I do not want to marry you, or anyone for that matter!"

"I understand this, Miss Bennet. But I fear that a woman's reputation is no less brittle than it is beautiful, and I should hate it if your misstep involved you and your sisters in endless ruin were it in my power to prevent it."

"You sound like my sister Mary, sir!" huffed Elizabeth.

She really is lovely when she is vexed, Darcy mused.

"My family would not be thrilled were I to make such a match but, for myself, I should not be displeased to marry you. Regarding any gossip in London, it would be known that I spent some time near your father's estate, so I do not think people would think anything amiss."

"Which is why you should announce an engagement very soon," insisted Bingley.

"I cannot agree with that," protested Elizabeth. "I do understand it would be wise for us to get to know each other more in order to give us more options in case damaging gossip spreads to a problematic level, but I do not see the need for an engagement. Why take the risk of ending stuck with each other when we do not yet know if it will be necessary to take action? Even then, I am reluctant to sacrifice my long-term felicity to avoid an inconvenience which would be short-lived anyway."

"I agree with your reasoning," Darcy answered as Bingley scowled. "I still think that, if the maid is who you fear she is, we should display some degree of commitment; I shall come to visit with your father the day after you are gone home and explain the situation to him. Will it be agreeable if I were to call on you at Longbourn? That way we shall have the opportunity to get more acquainted, but if nothing came of it, no matter what was said, it would not reflect badly on you."

"It would also give us the opportunity to discuss further developments in relative privacy," mused Elizabeth. "I should prefer it, though, if my mother were not made aware of the situation. It will be difficult enough to reason with her when there is no talk and we part ways."

Darcy agreed to her request and they both looked at Bingley.

"You cannot be serious!"

Darcy and Elizabeth frowned, glanced at each other, then back at Bingley.

"Darcy is much sought after. You cannot entertain the notion to refuse him!"

"I have not made her any offer, Bingley."

"But you will! And she would be a fool not to accept."

"Be as it may, Mr Bingley, I am not about to have someone as wholly unconnected to me as you take decisions regarding my future."

Though he still appeared displeased, Bingley eventually nodded before leaving the room in search of the name of the gossip. Elizabeth quickly followed him and regained her room without encountering anyone.


Later, in the breakfast parlour

When a maid had come to help her dress, Elizabeth had told her she thought she had recognised someone and received confirmation that the Mildred Davies who had worked at Longbourn was now employed at Netherfield. Hoping, against all expectations, that it was not she who had entered Mr Darcy's room earlier, Elizabeth had gone down for breakfast. She was the last of the party to enter the parlour; the others were already seated. Mr Bingley's look was grim, giving the impression that he had some bad information to impart, but given his previous stance, it could mean anything; Elizabeth did not put past him to be put out at the thought that the gossip was contained already and not even a courtship would be necessary.

Elizabeth somehow managed to go through breakfast without letting her trepidation show. When Mr Darcy and his friend retired to the study, she forced herself not to stare and, after assuring herself that Jane was content in the company of Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst, went to the library in search of a book to distract herself. She had not been seated long when Mr Darcy entered the room and sat near her. She closed her book and looked at him expectantly.

"It is as you feared," he said. "Bingley went as far as to call for the maid just now, and she had no compunction to tell us that she would be happy to besmirch your name no matter the consequences for her. I am sorry."

"No more than I am," Elizabeth sighed. "Perhaps nothing will come out of it anyway. As I told you, her animosity towards me is known, and the tales she would share must be taken with a pinch of salt."

"Perhaps, if her news is seen as old, there will be less interest in sharing it."

"What do you mean?"

"It appears that this woman will stay at Netherfield this Sunday, as she had the day off last week. This should leave enough time for the gossip to die down here and not be exported."

"I hope you have the right of it, though there is always the possibility that someone else speaks about it."

"You are a very singular woman, Miss Bennet."

"How so, sir?" Elizabeth frowned, wondering at the change in conversation and the airy tone Mr Darcy had used.

"I do not know many who would actively try to avoid being connected with me. I am usually careful to prevent the opposite."

"How can you be so arrogant?"

"I speak merely the truth."

"Oh, yes, I forgot we had established you had no faults."

"Because you are perfect and are never ever affected by vanity or pride, I presume?"

Elizabeth huffed and left the room. They scarcely exchanged ten words until they took leave of each other coldly on Sunday, and then only to ascertain that Mr Darcy would indeed call on Mr Bennet the following Tuesday. Despite her mother's reproaches when they arrived earlier than she had hoped, Elizabeth had never been so happy to be home.

Longbourn, Monday

The day after they returned, Mr Bennet shared with his family a letter from a long-estranged cousin who came to visit with the avowed goal of making amends to the family for the injury he made them in being the heir of the estate. Elizabeth could not help but roll her eyes at the pompous style of his letter but reflected that, should this Mr Collins be more sensible than his writing foretold, an alliance with him might be another way to put an end to the most damaging gossip making its way towards the Bennet family.

She was quickly disappointed. The tall man was, if possible, even more obsequious than she had imagined him to be. Mr Darcy, if he was willing to look past their quarrel, was certainly the better choice if gossip became impossible to control. Even bearing with such gossip would be preferable to tying herself to such a fool as her cousin! Evidently, it would be even better if nothing transpired and life continued as before.


On the road from Longbourn to Meryton, Tuesday morning

While Elizabeth had dismissed Mr Collins as a possible partner in life, the man visibly had not done the same. Some of what he said hinted at his being encouraged in his goal by her mother. The two youngest and two eldest sisters were on their way to visit their aunt and the shops in Meryton and, in the case of Kitty and Lydia, the officers, especially a Mr Denny who had been in London recently. On learning this, their cousin insisted on accompanying them and attached himself to Elizabeth.

When they reached the outskirts of the town, her patience was at an end, and she was only too happy when Kitty and Lydia engineered an introduction to a newcomer who had just taken a commission in the regiment. Mr Wickham was eager to please, and his ability to distract her from Mr Collins endeared him to Elizabeth. He was telling them how fortuitous it was that he had met Mr Denny in London when Mr Bingley and Mr Darcy entered Meryton on their horses. On seeing the Bennet ladies, they joined the group. Bingley greeted them amiably, but on seeing Mr Wickham, Darcy scowled. They barely exchanged a nod, and with a tip of his hat towards the Bennet ladies, Darcy took off in direction of Longbourn. Elizabeth shrugged and redirected her attention toward Mr Bingley's and Mr Wickham's conversations.


Longbourn, Tuesday afternoon

"Will you join me in my bookroom, Lizzy?" said Mr Bennet after tea. "Not you, Mr Collins. I should like to have a private talk with my daughter."

Mr Collins sat back while Elizabeth followed her father in his study. Once they were seated, he began.

"I had a surprising visit today."

"How so?"

"Had I been asked to guess which gentleman from Netherfield would request my permission to court one of my daughters, my money would have been on Mr Bingley."

All of a sudden, Elizabeth seemed very interested in her hands.

"There is no need to be coy about this. Mr Darcy mentioned everything that happened at Netherfield."

Elizabeth looked at her father expectantly.

"Have you nothing to say?" Mr Bennet asked.

"What would you have me say? I trust Mr Darcy presented a reasonable view of the events."

"Reasonable! There is nothing reasonable in this at all. I am only grateful that he asked to call on you rather than for an engagement."

"Would you have agreed to it?"

"I doubt I should have easily refused the man. Still, I am uneasy with the situation and should have liked to have your opinion before giving Mr Darcy my permission. I shall support you should you decide that you do not want to see the man after all."

"I am happy to receive him, Father. Moreso since Mr Collins arrived."

Mr Bennet sniggered.

"You are welcome to keep me company for a time."


Mrs Phillips's drawing-room, Wednesday evening

The Bennet sisters had been invited by their aunt to a card party that evening. To their delight, the officers were to be present, though the fact their cousin had also been invited dampened their mood. They managed to attach him to Mrs Phillips and enjoy the attentions of the officers instead. Mr Wickham was amongst them and seated himself near Elizabeth. Her vanity was gratified by his attentions, and she hoped that her curiosity would soon be satisfied, for she had not forgotten the strange way the new officer and Mr Darcy had greeted each other the previous day. She was pleased when, after they had exchanged a few sentences about the neighbourhood, Mr Wickham specifically enquired about the inhabitants of Netherfield. He made cautious enquiries about the way Mr Darcy was seen by the locals and, on learning that he had made himself disagreeable to them, told her that he had been personally injured by the gentleman.

Elizabeth, wanting to learn more of this, kept silent about her somewhat improved opinion of Mr Darcy. After Mr Wickham had detailed his grievance, she could not believe that Mr Darcy would act in so dishonourable a manner, and concluded that there was more to the story. Mr Darcy must have a valid reason for refusing Mr Wickham the living, but the latter must disagree with the former's assessment of the situation. Since Mr Wickham was now in the army, she tended to side with Mr Darcy's position: had he been serious about making sermons, Mr Wickham would have taken orders and sought a curacy somewhere. This led her to wonder about her new acquaintance's reliability. If he had not applied himself to find another living when the one he thought reserved for him went to another, what did it say of his character?


Longbourn, Thursday

The Netherfield party—sans Mr Hurst—came to Longbourn to deliver an invitation to the ball that would be given the following Tuesday. Miss Bingley did not appear overly happy—Darcy told Elizabeth that she had done everything in her power and would be their staunchest ally when it came to quelling the gossip. The gentleman, by virtue of his officially calling on Elizabeth, stayed longer than his friend, but Mr Bingley, before his sisters insisted they took their leave, succeeded in asking Miss Bennet for her first set. Mr Darcy was not so lucky, for Mr Collins had already sought and obtained Elizabeth's first dances. He settled on asking for her supper set, thus catching Mrs Bennet's attention. It struck him that, until that moment, she had never seriously considered him as a potential suitor for her daughters. Even now, she looked at him warily. Her gaze then took a speculative tinge as it alternated from him to Mr Collins.

That gentleman lauded him profusely. His speech was long-winded, but it appeared that he was under the impression that, by asking the lady he had selected at the companion of his future life to dance, his patroness's nephew publicly approved of his choice. That Mr Collins could twist the facts so much to make them fit to his vision of the world astonished Darcy, but as he did not wish to create a scene, he let it be and resolved to ask Miss Bingley for the first set—it was his duty to his hostess, after all.


Netherfield, Tuesday 26 November, evening

While Elizabeth endured a dance with Mr Collins, Mr Darcy had danced with Miss Bingley. The lady was happy enough with her guest's attention, but she saw where his gaze occasionally went and could not help thinking that he only asked her because the one he truly wished to dance with was not free. It dampened somewhat her enjoyment of the set.

Elizabeth then danced with a neighbour and some officers. Before they danced together, Mr Darcy had asked Elizabeth if they could have a quiet discussion. A look at the balcony revealed it to be already occupied by guests, thus they settled for the library. The room was dark; Mr Darcy lighted a candelabra and they sat in armchairs on both sides of the pedestal table where it stood.

"I believe we are safe, Miss Bennet."

"Are we?"

"Yes. My man reported to me that the servants' gossip had taken another direction, and that last week's mishap is well on its way to being forgotten."

Elizabeth's relief on hearing this was great, and she told Darcy so.

"I suppose that there is no need for you to call at Longbourn any more. I shall appraise my father of it. Still, sir, I am grateful for your willingness to help me. Not anyone would have acted so."

"Any gentleman would."

"Perhaps," she said, shrugging. "But there are others who would accuse you of being untrustworthy. I believe you know who I mean—you were on your way to Longbourn when we made his acquaintance the other day."

At this, Mr Darcy's mien darkened.

"I suppose," she continued, "that you already guess he had nothing complimentary to tell about you."

"You do not seem to take his part, though. This surprises me. The man has a talent to make himself sympathetic to new acquaintances."

She shrugged again. "Perhaps I should have believed him, if you and I had not been on our way to becoming friends—we are friends, are we not? I also had the proof that you would always do the right thing, even if it is unpalatable." She paused. "Of course, you might be more honourable now than you were then, but—"


Anoter Note: Yes, I stop here. Because I'm Mean. I promise the rest will follow soon.