A/N: Another diamond plucked from the rough depths of childhood- this time, it's a poem I originally wrote in eighth grade. Five years on, it still gleams brightly, so I dusted it off in the hopes that it may become another jewel in my crown.
I shall stop with the metaphors.
This centers around Elie Wiesel's relationship with his father. Violence and major character death ahead.
The title is Yiddish for "animal".
When I arrived at the concentration camp
Life as I had known it
Disintegrated.
Such lofty and exalted values
As loyalty and family and love
All dissipated
Before the primal instincts
Of self-preservation
And of food.
All that mattered
Was food
Be it a ration of soup
Discarded potato peels
a moldy crust of bread
Friends and family
Who were once the cornerstones of my life
Now became burdens, encumbrances, millstones.
In the reality of starvation
Bonds of blood and friendship meant nothing.
All that mattered was my stomach.
But, reinforced by a lifetime
Of values of loyalty and honor
And centuries of human civilization,
I rebelled furiously against the animal within myself.
Foolishly I vowed I could fight my primal instincts,
That I could resist the temptation of food.
That even when on the threshold of death
I would stand by my father
Even should it mean my starvation
But already
I could feel the ties
Of father and son
Disappearing
My father politely asking the Blockälteste
To go to the bathroom
A slap was the mere response
So strong that he fell down
I should have clawed this sinner
Who had beat my father
In response to a civil request
But I felt nothing at all
Only a desire to avoid the same blow
One day in a concentration camp
and I had already succumbed
to the animal within.
Again a few weeks later
The temperamental overseer Idek
Beating my poor father with an iron bar
All I felt
Was anger at my father
For being lazy enough to be punished
And a cowardly fear
Not to suffer the same punishment
I was not alone in my betrayal
There was Rabbi Eliahu's son
And a son who murdered his father
For a crust of bread
But I strived to stay human
I prayed to a God
I no longer believed in
To help me stand by my father
Over and over
I stayed by my father
I gave him what food I could
I fought tooth and nail
To save his unconscious body.
But in the end
I failed
His last wish
Was to have me by his side
At his death
Not for a drink of water
Not for one last crust of bread
Nothing
Just my presence
This last wish I could not grant him
A man who had lost nearly his whole family
Starved and beaten, tortured and humiliated
Yet all he asked for
Was his son's presence by his side
And yet I could not grant him his last wish
I was a bunk away
Even in my famished, feeble state
I could have rushed to his side
Taken his hand
Comforted him as he traveled out of this life
But I was afraid.
Afraid.
Of the blows
The SS beating my father for crying out
A blow to his skull, ending his tormented life
I remained on my bed
Pinned by fear of the club
And irrational anger at my father
And the animal within me.
In the end
I was not human
I could not fight hunger and self-preservation
I could not comfort my father in his last moments
I struggled, long and hard
Tried for so long to honor my father
But in the end, I failed.
His last word was my name.
And I did not respond.
After he died, my life devolved to nothing
But my rations of bread and soup
Eventually I was liberated
Fed and hydrated and healed and treated
I rebuilt my life
I wrote many books
Started a family
But I will never be able to forgive myself
Or mankind
For I never should have been put in that position
Never should any of it have happened
Never should I have lost my parents and sister
Never should I have been starved, beaten, and humiliated
Never should millions of people have been
murdered for their faith
Or millions more have been murdered trying to save them
Never should countries have been wrecked
Never should lives have been ruined
Never should a world have been forever marred
Never should it have been humans' doing
to other humans
It's not too hard
To succumb
To the animal within
We must fight the animal within ourselves
Remember our humanity and our good hearts
Only then shall it be possible
That this does not happen again
That people may worship in peace
That a son may not turn against his father
That people may not suffer
Only then shall it be possible.
And it is possible.
For we are not animals.
We are humans.
And we must remember that.
