Author's Note- So I was trying to sleep and this popped up in my head.
Who needs sleep?
But seriously, Cobra why are you so smexy? I can't. I just can't.
This will be a small series with, um, four-five chapters? I am not sure. But it won't be long. Actually this was supposed to be a one-shot, but here I am.
Just take it.
Disclaimer- I don't in any form whatsoever own Fairy Tail.
intoxicate
ɪnˈtɒksɪkeɪt/
past tense: intoxicated; past participle: intoxicated
verb
•(of alcoholic drink or a drug) cause (someone) to lose control of their faculties or behaviour.
•excite or exhilarate (someone).
archaic
•poison (someone).
Dokuryuu No Cobra had seen many things in life. Many horrifying, chilling, dastardly things. He had seen malnourished people being worked to the bone, he had seen newborn babes being ripped from the arms of their mothers. Hell, he had seen Brain's dick. Accidentally, but nonetheless he had seen it. But never in his life would he have imagined he would see THIS.
He had never seen such chaos in front of him. Ever.
But to really understand what was happening one would have to go back to the starting of the day.
It was a bright morning in Magnolia, with birds chirping and squirrels running about. Everyone was calmly going about their daily business, and the world was at peace. At least till you reached the guild Magnolia was famous for having. About a hundred yards before the entrance of the guild, one could hear the noise that Fairy Tail was producing. But if you were a dragonslayer with special hearing, your head would start aching the moment you reached the outskirts of the city because of the sheer sound the of the guild.
And that was exactly what had happened to Cobra as he and the members of the independent guild Crime Sorciere trudged towards the hellhole that is Fairy Tail. At least to Cobra it is a hellhole. He stared at the pavement underneath him, trying to hide his face underneath the hood he was wearing. They could not afford to let anyone see their faces as they were still very much wanted by the Magic Council. Hell, he was happy in their caves in the forests, but NO. Their Master, Jellal, HAD to go and consult his hammer-wielding psychotic childhood sweetheart about something she had heard on a job. And the girls, Sorano and Meredy, HAD to tag along to meet their latest friend and fellow conspirator (thanks to communication lacrimas and Erza's regular calling) the she-devil of Fairy Tail. So Jellal decided to have everyone go to the fucking guild with him, because GOD FORBID the ex-members of the former dark guild should be left alone without either him or Meredy to keep an eye on them. And the worst part was that Cobra knew that while Erza could very well communicate through the lacrima, when she had offered blueberry the chance to come and meet her, he had pounced on it like no tomorrow. While he couldn't hear the redhead's thoughts through the lacrima, he could definitely hear the debate being held in blueberry's head.
And the debate never really ended. He could still hear it. I don't deserve her, and yet she called me. I should have refused. She is in the light but I am not, and nothing can change that. But she smiled! She actually smiled when I said yes! Although, what was the giggling going on behind her? Ah well, good thing I have told her I have a fiancé, she deserves someone better than me. Sometimes Cobra was convinced that Jellal had a thing for berating himself. He tried to tune out the blueberry, his self-sacrificing monologue was irritating him. His feet were killing him, maybe he should ask Jellal to stop for a minute.
Ugh, my feet! Wish I still had my keys, I could have had Aries carry me. Seriously, this better be worth it. Meredy is convinced that Mirajane is the best in the business. But if she manages to tackle someone as sour as Cobra, maybe I will be too. Cobra felt a shiver go down his spine. Best in the business? Just why were the girls so keen to go to the guild anyway? He didn't like it one bit. The she-devil was going to tackle him? And Meredy knew something about this. He focused his ears on the pink-haired girl and winced. Her soul was like a bunch of voilins being played and it hurt his ears. I wonder if Juvia has managed to get Gray!? Oh, and maybe Lucy has finally gotten together with Natsu! Kyaaa, this will be so much fun! Although SHE did say that recently she has felt that NaLu may not be canon anymore. Sigh, that will be such a waste. But Lucy has so much potential! And with so many people! Ah! Maybe Gray! Angel did say something...
Cobra stopped walking and stared at the girl in horror. While occasionally he did catch her brooding about other people's love-lives, this was something on a whole new level. Maybe this was normal for her. Usually all he caught from her was her high-pitched soul, so he was barely able to hear her thoughts. Deciding that it's dangerous territory, he just gave up and focused in the noises of Fairy Tail, which were becoming more unbearable by the minute.
Just when they were about to reach, Angel dropped on her knees. "I can't go any further. You guys go on without me!" Cobra felt a vein throbbing on his forehead. Seriously, if Angel would just turn she would be able to see that the guild was barely ten steps ahead. But she just collapsed the moment they took a ninety degree turn. Meredy cheerfully grabbed Sorano by the collar of her cloak and started dragging her towards the guild.
Sawyer started chuckling and everyone continued, taking the occurrence in their stride. Midnight actually sighed, used to tantrums by the platinum-blond mage. In a minute they were at the front door of the guild. Angel stared in surprise, not expecting to reach so soon. As Cobra followed Jellal inside, he heard a sound he would equate to someone scraping nails (not the organic kind) over iron.
"Sho-bee-doo-baa"
Cobra thought his head would explode. The noise was deafening for a normal person, and he wasn't normal. Then he looked up and stopped dead in his tracks. But he wasn't the only one, entire Crime Sorciere was shocked.
The entire guild was dark and there was a spotlight focused on the centre of the stage. A man he knew as the ferocious iron dragonslayer was on the stage in a sparkly suit and a guitar in his hand. And then Cobra located the source of the awful noise he heard. The man was singing.
It was fucking horrible.
Why do we have to sit through this?
Metalhead should just give up.
I really hope he doesn't see me, I don't want to dance in a bunny costume only to be boo'ed because of him. I am pretty sure I look an absolute KNOCKOUT in it, but thanks to him nobody notices!
Apparently he wasn't the only one who thought so. The entire guild was thinking the same thing, save for one weirdo who was lamenting over a (he thought he heard wrong and strained to listen again and turned out his hearing was just fine) bunny costume. And just like that he knew for sure that the mages in Fairy Tail were crazy.
Jellal had apparently found the psychotic redhead while the rest of the members of the independent guild were still staring at the stage in shock. Cobra, bring the rest near the bar. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT speak. He heard the blueberry and motioned for the rest to go to the bar, while signalling them to zip their mouths. They went to the bar with curious expressions.
Ah, hammer-wielding psychotic bitch was standing right next to the bar with blueberry. Cobra heard her thoughts and stared at her. It was as though her brain had short circuited, it was stuck on repeat. Jellal, Jellal, Jellal, Jellal...
And then her soul. It was a bass being strummed at a single scale. It was totally complementing Jellal's bass which was strumming at a higher scale. The only thing was that his soul was playing a very melancholic tune while her's was resembling a war cry. Maybe that is why she was so high strung.
Sweet relife came to Cobra as the tuneless dragonslayer left the stage. The entire audience came to life as they cheered when he left the stage, which he mistook for praise. "So, why couldn't we speak?" Angel asked Jellal, but it was the woman standing next to him who answered. "Gajeel was performing. He is a little, sensitive, about his performances and doesn't like it when someone interrupts him, even if you are in the crowd." Cobra heard her recall an incident when the pyromaniac had started speaking and Gajeel had punched the living daylight's out of him. "Point noted." He told her.
"Erza, it seems you have guests." An old man sitting on the bar spoke to her. Cobra tried to listen to his thoughts and found that he couldn't. His memories rushed back as he recalled that this was the guild master. "Yes Master. Jellal has new guild members, but they will do no harm." Afraid they might, she glared at them. Do anything, and you are dead. Now how could Cobra ignore a point blank threat? He nodded at the Master.
"I knew there is good in you, because I remember seeing you some time ago." Cobra understood the reference and again nodded at the man. "Good. Now I have a very important question for all of you." All of the ex-criminals looked at the serious face of the guild master.
"Have you ever been to a party?" Cobra looked around to see that his shock was mirrored in the faces of his team members. All at once, they shook their heads.
The guild master grinned and turned to face his guild. "Brats!" His voice was somehow magnified and tore at Cobra's eardrums. He instantly slapped his palms against his ears to provide some relief. The guild fell silent and stared at the master. "It looks like we have some guests." At that he pointed at them and Cobra felt all of the guild's eyes on himself. "Guests who have never seen a party it seems." Somehow the fact that they hadn't been to a party in their entire lives was a bigger deal to all the mages, because the shock showed on their faces.
"Let's show them what a party really is!" A woman sitting on the side of the bar with a barrel next to her screamed. Suddenly the whole guild was shooting in agreement. "Brats! Show them what Fairy Tail is best known for! Let's have their first party as the beat one!" The master was grinning at his charges as they cheered. Then he waved at the people and suddenly the guild broke back into their chattering.
"So, Jellal, this is the area I was talking about."
As blueberry and his armoured love poured their attention over a map which the psycho had laid out, the two ladies (seriously, they were anything BUT ladies since they didn't have one ounce of grace between the two of them) went in search of their 'Mirajane'. Richard and Sawyer went off to the bar and Midnight plopped himself on a chair the table on which the map was laid and closed his eyes.
Cobra didn't know what to do. He just stood there and slowly started observing his surroundings.
God she is so hot. Lucy wasn't kidding when she said the girl wears feathers.
Wait, isn't that Mystogan? I remember seeing him at the Grand Magic Games...
Oh I am so jealous of his makeup! I wish I knew how to put eyeliner like him, it is perfect!
Wow! Another dragonslayer! He looks like a badass with his scar! I wonder whether Natsu-nee will fight him or not...
Cobra couldn't believe it. They were ex-criminals and had attacked their guild members twice. And no one was even thinking about that. Maybe these people really were batshit crazy.
And then Cobra heard a mind far worse than redhead. But unlike the psycho hammer-wielder this was apparently the permanent state of the mind. Fight, fight, food, fight, fight...
Even his soul was chaotic. It was a unorderly mess of drums and trumpet blaring an unholy tune. It was making him get on the edge, and he didn't like it one bit.
"Oi! Cobra! Fight me!" He turned to see the pyro-idiot heading towards him. "Not in the mood, you fucking pyro." But the pink-haired man didn't slow down one bit. Sighing, he punched him straight in the face and he went flying and collided into someone he recognised as the ice mage. But why was he semi-naked? The man instantly started punching the fire dragonslayer, who returned the favour. His soul was not bad, a saxophone belting out a jazzy tune.
But then he heard a single violin playing the most depressing tune and saw a blue-haired girl in the shadows. But somehow the violin was harmonising with the saxophone. But the thoughts of all the mages were giving him a head ache.
"Flamebrain!" Pyromaniac!
"Snow Queen!" Ice princess!
Apparently they were thinking and speaking abuses for each other. And then came the creepiest of them all.
Gray-sama is looking heavenly without his shirt. And Juvia got another one of his clothes! Ah, Gray-sama, please take off your pants next, with your boxers.
Stalkers, drunkards, maniacs and idiots comprised a good chunk of the Fairy Tail population it seems. Cobra went up to the bar and saw Meredy, Sorano and the guild's resident she-devil behind it. The girls were giggling and again Cobra felt something sinister was about to happen. Suddenly the woman turned and faced him.
Cobra froze when he heard not one but multiple voices inside the woman's head.
Ah, Lucy is really the person for this!
Oi, he is listening.
Yeah, let's tell him something he will never be able to forget!
"So, Cobra. I am Mirajane, but you can call me Mira. What will you have? This is a party, so the drinks are on the house!" The woman, Mira, cracked a big smile. Before he could speak, Angel beat him to it. "He doesn't drink, since he can't get drunk. The alcohol get absorbed by his lacrima right away." Somehow the smile which Mira gave the two girls made him think she already knew that.
"Well, still doesn't hurt to try!" As the words he had heard in Sorano's head resurfaced, he decided against it. "Thanks, but not so early. I don't really want to drink before at least nine. It is seven right now."
Suddenly he heard something whizzing towards him and ducked just in time. The thing (as it turned out, it was a person) struck the wall and collapsed. Cobra snarled as got up to see who had dared to thrown something at him and then he heard it.
A perfect symphony. Everything was on time, nothing misplaced. But when it came to the actual tune, it was whack. Completely and totally off. It was not anything he had ever heard before. There was no order and method to the actual symphony, but it was perfect. Every damn note was perfect, but the overall result was not anything. It was ordered chaos. Controlled crazy.
And he loved it.
He tried to locate the source and his eye rested on the most perfect ass if he ever saw one. "Natsu! Gray! You almost hit Cobra! Don't you ever see what you both are doing?!" The voice. He knew that voice. Damn his luck.
"Lucy Heartfilia. We meet again." She turned and faced him. In all fairness, this was the encounter he had been dreading the most. After all, if anyone had the authority to hold a grudge against him, it was her. He had tried (and succeeded) to abduct her. "Hello Cobra. How are you?
Oh. My. God. I have never seen Cobra this up close! Oh that scar is making him look like such a bad boy. And oh, his skin looks like coffee, so creamy and smooth! I just want to taste him once. His voice, oh, I think my panty just drowned. Fuck, he looks edible! Wait, didn't Natsu say that he can hear everyone's thoughts? STOP LUCY YOU MIGHT BE DROOLING.
Cobra stared at the blonde girl in front of him. He could hear everything that had gone through her head and was, to say in the least, surprised. And she wasn't kidding, he could smell her arousal. It was alluring, sweet and fruity.
But he didn't know how to deal with it. Usually when the opposite sex saw him, they screamed in fear. He had never heard anyone finding him even remotely attractive. And definitely not people like Lucy Heartfilia, who could have pretty much any man under the sun with her charms.
"Um, I'm fine. What did that flaming cunt throw at me?" At that she simply pointed to the wall behind him and he saw the mage from before, now only in his boxers. "Where did his clothes go?" Cobra asked the girl. "Yeah, Gray has a stripping habit."
"Stripping habit? How does one manage that?" Lucy simply shrugged. Wait till he loses his underwear. I can never forget the day I joined the guild thanks to that. The words she said in her head made him raise one eyebrow at her. "What did he do at your first day?" Lucy jumped at the question, and remembered that he can hear what she thinks. "Um, he lost all of his clothes and asked me for my underwear." Incredulously, he stared at her to see whether or not she was bluffing.
"The fuck is wrong with these people?" He muttered. Oh, Lucy is with Cobra. He looks so intimidating, I wonder should I go or not. Now these thoughts he was used to. "Yo, blondie. Someone wants to talk to you." Lucy turned to see whoever it was and waved to Cobra. Talk to you later.
Sighing, Cobra went back to the bar. "Mira, I have changed my mind." The platinum-blond smiled at him. "So, what will you have then?" She asked him.
"Coffee, and make it extra creamy."
Oh dear lord, what have I written?
