PROLOUGE: CUNT'S FUCKED
"YOU DO NOT KNOW THE WAY"
"It's echoing through my head, going back to left and right... and it won't stop!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH"
Charlie Kelly woke up in his bed, grabbing his hair out of fear. "Oh geez, what the hell was that?" He muttered, patting around himself to check if he's okay.
Charlie let out a sigh. "Well, seems like it's just another nightmare" He rolled out of his fold-out bed couch. "Time to start my day and head over to Paddy's." He grabs an energy ball out of a nearby jar, bites into it, and changes into his classic attire of black pants, black t-shirt and green jacket, and leaves his small apartment.
As soon as he locked his door, he felt something off about his apartment hallway. "Has it always been this... clean?"
Gone were the patchy yellow carpets that covered the floor, gone were the crusty old wood walls, gone were the faded yellow lights. The hallway is clean, white and well-lit. "Geez, I must still be tripping off of that acid Frank gave me last night... speaking of Frank... where is he?"
Charlie looks left and right for his portly, foul-mouthed roommate who may be his biological father. "Huh, must've either gone off early or he forgot to come back after blowing coke off of all of those hookers... geez."
Charlie walks down the hallway to an elevator, just as sleek and clean as the hallway he walked on. "Man, this is some really pleasant acid." Charlie presses a sole elevator button
*ding*
Charlie walks out of the elevator, into a fancy courtyard. The courtyard itself is marble, with dozens of pillar outcroppings surrounding it. Freshly cut patches of grass formed wonderful designs surrounding the center, within them a water fountain about 7 feet high with a pool of a diameter of 10 feet. "Woah, this has to be the best acid trip I've ever had, seriously... where did Frank get that acid? When did I take that acid?"
Charlie walks through the center of the courtyard, wading through the water fountain along the way. He exits the courtyard, his pants dripping wet. Charlie smiles to him self as he exits the door. "Ah, wow, this is gonna be a GREAT day, I don't see how this can go wrong at all!"
As soon as he steps through the door, he finds himself in a gymnasium, similar to one you'd find in a high school. At the very back of the room is a stage and podium, red curtains behind it. "Woah-woah wait, this is getting weird..." Charlie looks around and finds 15 other people in front of him, sitting and standing around the gymnasium.
One of them stood up."Ahhhh, look! There's one more person that just arrived! I just wish he was a very attractive, big breasted, scantily clad white girl, ayyyyyy sus!" He yelled, his voice gravely, old and thick with a Filipino accent. Charlie took a closer look towards him. He has a darker complexion, brown sunglasses and a very gelled-up hair-do. He wears a black wifebeater, tight fit jeans, and brown loafers; completing his look is a gold necklace and gold rings. "Welcome, my boy! Call me Tito Dick, I'm the leader of these band of idiots you see here! The ladies here just love me so-so much!"
Charlie blinked for a second "Shit, this acid trip is starting to go badly"
"Oh be quiet, you old pervert!." A girl stood up, her voice stern and deep. Her hair is a somewhat purplish black, her eyes an emerald green and a mole underneath the right of her lip. She's dressed in a Japanese "sailor" style uniform, colored gray and white. She finishes her look with black high socks and black dress shoes. "I've had it with your sexual harassment and horrible innuendos, we've all been listening to it for the past 4 hours!" She stomped her feet in exasperation.
"Hey now, hey now." A younger man stood up, his hair red and ending in a long overhang past his left eye. He wears an all green boys high school uniform and wears cherry style earrings. "We're all just as tired as you are of the old codger, but fighting isn't gonna do us any good right now in the situation we're in." The man looks towards Tito Dick, as he gives a very sexual stroking gesture towards them. He grimaces for a second. "Even if the company we're in is very unsavory"
A man with frazzled hair, a yellow and red Hawaiian print shirt, and khakis stood up: "What I'm really wondering is when we're gonna get some food here, huh?" He looks around, an awkward smile on his face. It's the kind of smile your friend makes after delivering a joke he spent hours working on, anticipating his delivery to be the comedic equivalent of the unveiling of the Mona Lisa, but in reality it's more like a hipster art piece made out of day old cheese left out in the sun. "Huh? I'm STAHVING here guys." He said, waving his arms in dramatic effect in hopes of getting some laughter.
"FUCKING SHIT I NEED MOUNTAIN DEW" could be heard in the background from an exasperated gremlin.
"Holy shit" Charlie thought to himself, rubbing his temples. "This is not how I wanted to start my morning."
"FEAR NOT BRUDDAS" A voice boomed across the gymnasium, being blared out of speakers in the corners of the room, everybody looking around.
A boy wearing glasses, shorts and a collared shirt bolts up."Ah, fucking shit mate, cunt's FUCKED!" Yelled one of the other members trapped, grabbing his forehead in fear as his curly hair shakes.
"BRUDDAS, IF YEW WOOD PLEASE LUUK AT DE PODIYUM" Everyone looked toward the podium at the end of the gymnasium, as the tension in the room intensified.
"Oh my fucking god" one of the girls muttered. Her hair is long and blue, and her body is in a funny, cylindrical shape. She's wearing a sailor high school unifor- okay, fuck it, if I describe every sailor uniform here, that's, what, about ΒΌ or1/5th of the cast? God, describing this shit is gonna be tedious, it should be fucking obvious who I'm talking about after you read the cast list at the bottom, kill me.
"This acid trip isn't fun anymore"
As time passes by, the tension in the room gets stronger and stronger, footsteps could be heard from behind the stage. As the foot steps get louder and louder, a shape emerges from behind the stage...
"HELLO MY BRUDDAS." A red echinda pops out, his eyes bulging out of his head. His mouth droops down, and his chest is very wide and splayed out. He shuffles himself onto the podium. "AYE AM YOUR HEDMASTA', KNUCKLES. AYE AM HEYA TOO SHO' YEW DE WHEY."
The tension in the room starts to intensify, as the air grows ever more stagnant.
"BUT TOO FIND DE WHEY... YEW WILL KNEAD TOO FIN'DIT IN A KILLIN' GAME."
"Oh my fucking god." Charlie pinches himself. "Ow!" Charlie lets go as his cheek starts to bleed from too much pressure applied. "Shit, this isn't a dream..." Charlie flicks his hand out and shoves his hand in his pocket to starts patting himself in an attempt to find a band-aid. "Well, at least this acid trip's gonna end soon" Charlie then feels something in his pocket, very thin and papery. He pulls it out... it's a tab of acid. "... son of a b-"
THE "IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA" THEME SONG STARTS TO PLAY
DANGANRONPA: SHITPOST HAPPY HAVOC
Prolouge: finished. I should have Chapter 1 up within the week or two, so expect some more terrible shitposting by then, as I fully expect this to devolve into out-of-character shitposting as time goes on.
I have nothing else to say because I'm sleep deprived, so here's the character/franchise list:
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia- Charlie Kelly
Zero Escape- Akane Kurashiki
Transformers- Bumblebee
Power Rangers- Mighty Morphin' Pink
Jojo's Bizzare Adventure part 3: Stardust Crusaders- Kakyoin Noriaki
Love Live Sunshine- Dia Kurosawa
Type Moon- Astolfo (Rider of Black)
K-On- Mio Akiyama
The Nutshack- Tito Dick "Dickman"
Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4- Yukiko Amagi
Seinfeld- Cosmos Kramer
Popteamepic- Pipimi
Maxmoefoe (Youtuber)
My Little Witch Academia- Atsuko Kagari
Rick and Morty- Rick Sanchez
Overwatch- DVa
Sonic the Hedgehog (Memed)- Knuckles (VRChat Ugandan version)
