Standard Disclamer: Not mine, Tolkien's
"I could not tell you any of this while our friends were still alive. They gave themselves for me and I would not tarnish that memory or defile the cause that brought them to this terrible fate."
"It started slowly. My brother had sent her after the Bragolach to stay here in safety. She was beautiful. Her long golden hair from her father's side, her new found womanhood had blossomed. She resembled my beloved who did not follow me, I believe that was the initial spark. As an Elf of knowledge and wisdom, taught her many things, she craved knowledge and spent long hours under my tutelage. We would walk under the trees discussing philosophy, biology, physics, artistry. Her questions were never ending and my enjoyment at teaching grew. She was in love with one of the lords here, and I was happy with her new found glee. She would ask me about romance and courting and advice on all things about what to do with him. I became her confidant and beloved uncle, a role I was happy to accept. At first. Her proximity stirred feelings I thought long dead, left in Tirion on that terrible day long ago. At first they were fond memories of the one I left but then the stirrings moved lower. My body began to yearn for things it could not have. She intoxicated me, her smell enveloped and captured me. I longed to run my fingers through her hair in a tender gesture, to touch her smooth skin in a loving caress. But she was untouchable. Her and my heart were given to others but my body ignored these facts. I would dream of a woman in a loving embrace only to awaken with a start when my niece's face replaced that of my beloved. My dreams seeped into my waking hours and I would have to look away during our teaching sessions. I became more distant, not wanting her to see the dark thoughts in my eyes. The thoughts of taking her, the thoughts of tasting her, feeling her flesh surround me, hearing her cryout. The things I wanted would destroy me. I could not banish them from my mind. Her very appearance would elicit a response from my body and I would have to excuse myself. I cannot explain why my body had betrayed my mind so. I had the power of life and death in my hands, I could command an army sending all my soldiers to their deaths but I had no command over my body. I say my body because that is all it was, my heart still belonged to my beloved but my body had thirsts it wanted slaked here, now. Our meetings became further and further apart, she asked if she had done something wrong or had I grown tired of tutoring her, I lied and formed excuses about the affairs of state. I certainly could not tell her of my unclean lust. Eventually, Minas Tirith fell and her father entered my house. I was glad that she had other distractions and I would not have to continue to make excuses. But the scarcity of our meetings only increased my hunger. And then you came. My savior. I saw a way out. Only in the Halls of Mandos could my fea be purged of these black desires. I could return to Amarie with a cleansed soul, these infected desires only a hazy memory. I could fulfill my oath and rid my hroa of this curse that was overtaking me."
"So Beren, son of Barahir, morn not that you brought me to death and torment, you have released me from a doom far worse than Gorthaur's * mongrel "
"Farewell. he comes for us"
*Gorthaur= Sindarin for Sauron
Comments welcome of course
"I could not tell you any of this while our friends were still alive. They gave themselves for me and I would not tarnish that memory or defile the cause that brought them to this terrible fate."
"It started slowly. My brother had sent her after the Bragolach to stay here in safety. She was beautiful. Her long golden hair from her father's side, her new found womanhood had blossomed. She resembled my beloved who did not follow me, I believe that was the initial spark. As an Elf of knowledge and wisdom, taught her many things, she craved knowledge and spent long hours under my tutelage. We would walk under the trees discussing philosophy, biology, physics, artistry. Her questions were never ending and my enjoyment at teaching grew. She was in love with one of the lords here, and I was happy with her new found glee. She would ask me about romance and courting and advice on all things about what to do with him. I became her confidant and beloved uncle, a role I was happy to accept. At first. Her proximity stirred feelings I thought long dead, left in Tirion on that terrible day long ago. At first they were fond memories of the one I left but then the stirrings moved lower. My body began to yearn for things it could not have. She intoxicated me, her smell enveloped and captured me. I longed to run my fingers through her hair in a tender gesture, to touch her smooth skin in a loving caress. But she was untouchable. Her and my heart were given to others but my body ignored these facts. I would dream of a woman in a loving embrace only to awaken with a start when my niece's face replaced that of my beloved. My dreams seeped into my waking hours and I would have to look away during our teaching sessions. I became more distant, not wanting her to see the dark thoughts in my eyes. The thoughts of taking her, the thoughts of tasting her, feeling her flesh surround me, hearing her cryout. The things I wanted would destroy me. I could not banish them from my mind. Her very appearance would elicit a response from my body and I would have to excuse myself. I cannot explain why my body had betrayed my mind so. I had the power of life and death in my hands, I could command an army sending all my soldiers to their deaths but I had no command over my body. I say my body because that is all it was, my heart still belonged to my beloved but my body had thirsts it wanted slaked here, now. Our meetings became further and further apart, she asked if she had done something wrong or had I grown tired of tutoring her, I lied and formed excuses about the affairs of state. I certainly could not tell her of my unclean lust. Eventually, Minas Tirith fell and her father entered my house. I was glad that she had other distractions and I would not have to continue to make excuses. But the scarcity of our meetings only increased my hunger. And then you came. My savior. I saw a way out. Only in the Halls of Mandos could my fea be purged of these black desires. I could return to Amarie with a cleansed soul, these infected desires only a hazy memory. I could fulfill my oath and rid my hroa of this curse that was overtaking me."
"So Beren, son of Barahir, morn not that you brought me to death and torment, you have released me from a doom far worse than Gorthaur's * mongrel "
"Farewell. he comes for us"
*Gorthaur= Sindarin for Sauron
Comments welcome of course
