DISCLAIMER: WELCOME TO EMBRY'S WORLD. ALL THINGS BELONG TO STEPHANIE AS PER USUAL… I HAVE JUST DECIDED TO TAKE EMBRY, ANGSTIFY HIM AND SPIN A STORY. ENJOY
TWENTY ONE AND HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS
There are things in this world that would scare you right back in to your mother's womb. There are factors that shape your very existence that don't give a damn whether you live, die or crap out gold. What I am trying to tell you is that… the universe you are living in… the life you live… the place you live… the people you live with… none of it matters.
Nothing matters.
"Embry!"
If I close my eyes tight enough and press the pillow hard enough over my head, I can hear heaven…
"Embry, get the FUCK down here…!"
If I hold my breath and bite my tongue real hard, I can taste freedom….
"Embry…!" she yells through the door, out of breath. Her small fists are banging hard on the door now, and with each bang she tells me how ungrateful I am. She stops after a minute, heaving and gasping, and then opts to try the door. I think she just remembered she took the key from me last week…
The door squeaks open and she shuffles in.
"You make me seem so evil…"she murmurs. "You make me out like the wicked witch to all these… all these…"
My head is buried in the mattress; the pillow lay over my head and my hands motionless at my sides. I'm pretending to be dead. Let's see if that will stop her from…
"Well, you and me both know the truth" she snarls and she hobbles fast towards the bed I lay on. The smell of whiskey hits me hard. "You ungrateful…"
And this time she starts lashing on my still body, her little hands slapping my exposed legs with each word and curse about my unknown son of a bitch father, with each reminder of how I messed up everything and each question of why I was at Sue's house for supper when she had made me dinner.
She hadn't made me dinner. I had checked on her before I headed out into the forest and sprinted to the town for a night of peace. She had been on the kitchen table, in front of Jack and Daniel… pouring three glasses for a party of one.
The rest of what she had said, well-the truth. My mother lashing and punching my body while I pretend to be dead-or to her, be passed out after whoring in the town and messing up some other good girl's life? It didn't matter, I was a Wolf. I didn't really feel the pain and if she somehow managed to hit hard enough to bruise my supernaturally strong skin… the bruise would disappear in seconds.
When I had been human and a kid, I had had to resort to sweaters and long sleeved t-shirts-which isn't really a problem since it used to always be cold. Now it's always hot. Like I am in hell.
"Mom" I sigh, getting up. She still slaps me and punches me, breathing hard like she is doing a work out. I let her. "Mom, I have to go take a shower and go see Sam later on…"
"Fuck Sam!"
"Mom… you need anything?" she stops her assault, hands levitating unsurely in the air and recognition filters into her eyes.
"Embry?" she says, unsure.
"Yeah mom?" my voice is level, like I wasn't receiving a painless thrashing from the woman who birthed me about how I should not exist.
"You'll be a good boy and pop by the liquor store and…"
"Just wine, mom. No hard stuff" I sigh.
"That's fine. That'll do…" she murmurs, stroking my hair; like you would stroke a strange pet in a strange house.
"And only if you bathe…" there are certain smells a son should never smell from his mother. I wished she'd spilt the Jack Daniels all over her purple night gown just to throw it off…
"I bathed two days ago, what's with you and smells anyway" she snarls and then remembers I still have to get her wine so she smoothes her expression.
It always surprised me how much she notices and sees although she is either seriously drunk or recovering from a hangover all the time. She noticed how big I had gotten. She noticed how much I had begun to eat. She noticed how I now had to not be around when she was having her drunken tirades… my temper couldn't handle those or my phasing capabilities.
"Okay, I'm going to go take a shower and be off, okay?" I ask her.
"Okay, I'll make you breakfast" she lies, smiling sweetly while backing out of my bedroom. "I still don't like that Sam…"
I miss how a hot shower used to feel. The water is set to hot but warm water cascades down my back, through my hair and on my face. I miss having my own mind and not having to share everything… I miss not having to constantly have walls up in my mind-it scares me how good I am at it. Maybe I should be grateful there are fewer wolves; even if it isn't by much-but their departure signalled the end to feeling useful. Sure, patrolling was still something we did but seriously… the vampire population of the world is not that big that we would be getting any action until another dumb plain girl fell for a dead living hundred year old leech…
Well, that thought put my erection down quickly… guess no 'me time' help today.
I actually wish some of what mom said was true now; I wish I had been in town, ravishing nubile women and drinking merrily with hero-worshipping friends. What I had been doing instead was walking alone in Port Angeles, hair over my face self consciously, not making eye contact in case I imprint and hands shoved in my pockets- pockets that were so empty and roomy for said hands.
The one girl I knew I couldn't imprint on-we had made eye contact already-worked in a little jewellery store by this fancy restaurant and I had taken to stalking her. I was quite disciplined in the matter-I only walked past the store twice before roaming the streets and watching car's I would never drive, drive past me and clothes I would never wear worn by lifeless mannequin's.
I wish I was a lifeless mannequin. Maybe I already am?
It's been three years since I graduated from high school, four years since Jacob left and five years since I had some purpose. Is it sad that that purpose had been to protect Jacob's imprint? No, that's what friends do… lay down their lives for the soul trapping half human and half leech babies of their sworn enemies in order to keep their Alpha sane… were the fuck was my title as Saint?
"Hey Embry… so I'm heading to Leah's for the weekend, before she returns" Seth murmurs, eyeing me strangely.
"that's nice"
"yeah, it is… thing is she always leaves me alone and goes off with her friends and I'm left at her place all sad" he actually looks at me with puppy dog eyes when he says this.
"that sounds horrible"
"it wouldn't be so bad if I had my own friend with me" he says, and subsequently answers the nagging question on why he had made me sandwich.
"no"
"come on… I need a wing man!" he whines, even in his wolf growth spurt and twenty-five year old features-his eighteen year old face goes into sulk mode, lips pouting.
"stop that" I sigh.
"please come… Leah isn't so bad to you anymore"
"Seth, my mum…" I begin, and I feel my face twist in a panicked grimace of uncertainty and despair.
"Come on, you need a break big guy" he smiles understandingly, leaning over the table to pat my shoulder quickly. "My mum can check up on her… she's strong enough!"
"Yeah, your mum has balls…" I begin. "Uh, I mean she is brave"
"So, you coming?" he asks, grinning too widely.
"What the hell" I shrug. "A night out around the town huh…"
"Exactly! We leave today, pack light… We're going via Wolf Express!"
She is twirling her hair between her fingers, staring at the giant menu on the wall. Her lips are pouting, her eyes wide and the thick lashes too long… so impossibly beautifully long. I should look away, this is the moment I set my eyes on the menu, look away Embry…
"What are you ordering?" she asks, not looking at me.
"Lashes"
"What…?" she looks at me questioningly. One eyebrow raised and her old scowl on her face. It has changed over the years, now it's just a side-pout…
"Embry, lashes?" Leah asks a quirky grin playing on her cherry caramel lips.
"Uh, coffee... De-café"
"One de-café and a latte and croissant" she murmurs.
We sit by the little coffee table in silence, she is looking at her phone and I am trying not to stare.
"Stop looking at me Embry" she sighs. "Seriously, you need to cut the weird shit out now"
"Sorry" I mumble, briefly looking at a couple over her head but then my eyes slide right back to her face and meet her eyes. I blush.
"You have seen me naked many times from phasing and it's me in the shower that has you acting stupid?"
"Uh…"
"Just shut up and get over it already" she says, smiling at the waitress as she brings our coffee and sets her croissant in front of her.
"I am over it. You're not all that, you know" oh, how not over it I was. Shimmering, steaming, hazy mist around her long lean body with all those soft dunes….
"You better not be thinking about it" she snaps.
"I wasn't" I chuckle nervously. She is sending me death glares but all they do is cause a shiver up my spine, a hot liquid dripping back down and snaking in my lap.
"Well, your mode of transport back to La Push is Wolf Express right?" she says, smiling behind her cup. She enjoys it, my squirming and mock refusal of her. She enjoys my blush and inability to look away…
"Why?"
"Seth will be joining you, so I know you won't be thinking about me in the shower. Wet in the shower. Steaming in the shower…" she lowers her eyes to the paper in front of her, impish grin on her cherry lip gloss coated lips.
What's so fascinating about lashes?
Why is showering so hot? I thought you hated them because the water never gets hot enough…?
Embry why why why he whines and I am slipping up
Why are you singing the national anthem?
If Seth had just concentrated on his path and not been asking me three thousand questions that required one answer, I wouldn't have slipped up. If Seth had just butted out for once in his life, the memory of Leah scowling at me while standing under the artificial rain called a shower would have been locked away for a more appropriate time…
EW! Seth howls. He immediately carries of from where I left the national anthem.
"I really don't want to be here" Leah grumbles as Seth lets her go from his bear hug. I wish I could give her a bear hug…
"Embry dude, get the bags?" Seth says his eyes wide and expression impatient. "You were whining to come with me and get Leah from the airport so you could stand around with your hands in your pockets…?"
"He was whining to come?"Leah asks Seth, fiddling with something in her bag. She takes out her phone and flips it open; pressing the little buttons rapidly, her eyes staring intently at the screen.
I ignore them both as they go into sibling mode and pile her suitcases into the boot. She couldn't come back home via Wolf Express with all these bags she has-if she was still phasing that is... Who needs three jumbo suitcases for a week stay in freaking La Push?
"You are always on the phone" Seth whines.
"That's because I have a life outside of knowing freaky wolf people, college and work. Huh Embry?"
Why is she roping me into this? I am happy being invisible in the back seat, watching all the other cars drive into the airport and inhale her scent. She smells like rain…
"You're weird dude" Seth says, peering at me briefly before looking at the road.
"We are all weird" Leah sighs, finally closing the phone. "How many people do you know turn into a giant wolf?"
"True, but Embry…"
"Leave Embry alone" Leah says. I feel emasculated having her defend me from little Seth, the sunshine boy.
"My flight was pleasant. Thanks for asking Embry" she says, smirking at me from her seat in the front of the car.
"I… I was getting to that" I stammer.
"Sure you were" she chuckles, shaking her head. "You're still getting to a lot of things…"
Seth snickers, his eyes twinkling as they look back at me from the rear-view mirror. He smiles knowingly and I know exactly what's going on in his mind…
My inability to get a girl when we where at Leah's place. My inability to talk to that Samantha when she sauntered over with Gayle. Samantha walking away in a huff after being left with a six foot four mute while her friend was somewhere doing something with Seth…
My excuse had been worrying about all my responsibilities. I told Seth he had no responsibilities. I had to worry about a manic alcoholic mother and all he had to worry about in his life was remembering to put on a condom…
He laughed so hard, tears streaming down his cheeks and called me out.
Embry, virgin… really? Why…
I was still getting to a lot of things… I had better hurry up since I didn't want to live forever. Maybe if I did live forever, I wouldn't have to worry about it… but then I wouldn't have the luck of being hit by a bus and finally getting some peace.
IF YOU LIKEY, AND WANT MORE-REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW. IT'S A LITTLE SIDE THING I HAD STARTED AND STOPPED. JUST DECIDED TO POST WHILE I GO THROUGH A BIT OF WRITERS BLOCK FOR 'THE MOHICAN PROJECT'.
TJ
