seasons change

by jenn S


Did you want me to change?

Do you honestly think the real me wasn't good enough for you?

You took this long to realize I am who I am and the rest is all damned?

It took me a while, I know, I'm sorry. Sometimes that's how things are—sometimes I'm going to fail you.

You've changed.

I don't know why because I liked who you were as opposed to who you are now. You were a whole different person last year—only a few months ago; only a few bitter thoughts ago. The difference is significant: ask anybody. They all know it too.

What exactly changed? Your standards? Your lacking emotions? Your entire personality?

You.

You changed.

You changed without me.

It won't be long now.

You can change all you want. You can shift personalities every hour; lash out at anybody every waking minute, but it won't be long now.

You can run from every familiar part of yourself. But it won't be long now—I promise.

You'll catch up.

You can spit any hurtful words out, just to feel in control, to hurt, to empower…but where will that get you? Right back where you started; without me.

You're different now; I can't guarantee the surety I used to know. I can't guarantee a thing about you now. I barely can tell that anything between us happened—I can't see it in your eyes…I've searched them. And…nothing. I can't see it anywhere on your face.

Only photos are the palpable lacking evidence of proof that you weren't always this way.

A simple photo of your lips curved upwards in that half lazy smile you always wore around me. It shined in your pretty brown eyes.

I'm (a little) haunted.

You're different. I'm still the same writer who remembers your quiet chuckle, and remembers every word and each and every feeling you've made me feel that I wasn't sure I was capable of feeling; apparently it meant nothing and you've forgotten.

You're a step

Forward.

And I am a step

Behind.

It's tough to look at you and know that in your mind—nothing happened; nothing has changed between now and those warm spring days.

It's frozen again.

I like the warmth that the sun gives off, it makes your eyes sparkle in certain glints.

I like the heat that the ground provides,

It was a simple balance between two palms: biting breaking ice and sweaty fiery heat.

I think the invisible is seen more than the solids: you look right past me—do I mean

nothing

(anymore)?

You're a season

ahead

of

me.

I'm still a few months

behind

you.

It used to be obvious—so clear.

Now it is

disappearing

POOF.

gone.


Review? Maybe?(:

Sorry about the lack of communication on here

I've been super busy with school.

As always though,

another moment gone