Pairing: Rachel/Puck
Prompt: Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night. - Texts From Last Night
Warnings: Angst in the form of general freaking out and panicking; Reasons why drinking is sometimes a bad idea.
Word Count: 532

A/N: I'm not really a fan of this pairing, but this prompt idea was just too excellent to pass up.


Bad Judgment Call

There was sunlight bright on her eyelids, making Rachel groan and throw her arm over her eyes. She couldn't remember much of what went on last night as she slowly began to wake. The taste of vomit greeted Rachel's groan and she made a face, sitting up to gag a little. She remembered that; remembered puking in the back of Quinn's car as they drove... somewhere.

Her head was pounding so it was a moment before she opened her eyes, deciding it would be better to take a moment to try and recollect her memory. Vomit mouth, pounding headache, and soreness - everywhere, and she meant everywhere. She'd be drinking, which explained the first two unfortunate things. The third was a mystery.

"It feels like someone punched me in the crotch," Rachel mumbled to herself, wincing slightly as she shifted.

"Nah, it was just a good ole fashioned finger bang, followed by a ride on little Puck," Puck spoke up, making Rachel jump and open her eyes as wide as a cartoon character.

"Oh. My. God."

"He's my God too," Puck smirked. "Jew Power."

He held up his arm for a fist bump but Rachel could only gape at him before scrambling quickly out of bed, clinging to the blanket like it was a shield and Puck was a dragon.

"Nonononononono. NO. That did not happen."

Puck looked amused. "It did happen. Why else would I be lying naked in your bed at six in the am?"

Quickly searching her room for some kind of answer, all she could see was his and her clothing strewn about the room, items knocked around, even his boxers had knocked over her bedside lamp. Heart racing, Rachel stared at Puck for a moment and then fled to her bathroom to collect her thoughts. Surprisingly, her jeans were on the floor in there with her phone lying on the counter beside the sink. Diving for it, she quickly texted Quinn.

What happened last night?

It was a long time before the blonde wrote back.

You threw up in my car. I'm sending you the cleaning bill.

Rachel rolled her eyes. Cleaning bills were the least of her concerns.

After that. Puckerman is in my bed. NAKED!

A moment later Quinn responded.

You snuck him into your bedroom last I saw. I told you it was a bad idea but you laughed and said it was a great idea, 'Silly-Face'.

Rachel's cheeks burned red. She knew Quinn must be laughing at her.

Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.

Rachel sat atop her toilet with the blanket pulled tightly around her still as she waited for Quinn's response.

I'm sure you weren't complaining last night.

Rachel glared at her phone, hoping Quinn could feel the weight of it somehow. Abandoning the phone and chewing her lip for a long time, Rachel got up to open the bathroom door slowly so she could peek out. Puck was half-laying, half-leaning against the headboard with a top hat over his crotch.

"Ready to go again?" he asked cheerily.

Rachel paled. Dammit, she was never going to drink again.

-End-