Hey, Just me...this story is something that's been tumbling around my wee little brain for a while and I finally wrote it. I have been horribly insecure about it as a couple of friends can attest from my freaked out e-mails. So I hope you enjoy. It's based on a Dylan song because I am a lunatic so the lyrics follow the story. There's another author's note there and I have some questions for you so please read it and respond because I am really unsure of this.-J


Butterflies began to flutter within the man's stomach as he drew closer to the house, his house. 'No,' he thought, 'My home.' The butterflies grew more active the closer he got and he began to realize they were less from excitement than from fear. It had been far too long since he'd seen her and he hadn't even been able to get word to her for so long that he knew she was never expecting to see him again. In fact, he'd only recently discovered that she had been notified of his death. It broke his heart and tore at the very fabric of his soul to think of the pain that would have caused her. He hated that somehow he just kept causing pain to the one person he never wanted to see hurt.

His thoughts drifted back to before he left. She hadn't wanted for him to leave and she'd made that clear but, just as he had learned to step back from what he wanted and allow her to be who she was, she had to learn to give him the same consideration. She tried for a brave face but as he rode off, he turned to see her crumble and her face dissolve into tears. Her letter had come a month later with the news that she was expecting his child. He was never even able to find out if he had a son or daughter. That child would not be a baby anymore.

He paused a moment in that reality. He'd been gone over five years and that would make the child mere months from a fifth birthday. Certainly not a baby anymore and the man once known to all as Kid—although he realized that name no longer fit—slowly dismounted his horse and stood stock still for a moment and wept silently. He had missed all those happy firsts starting of course with his child's first cry upon entering the world. He had not been there to dote on his darling Louise as she carried their child within her, had not been there to assure her that she was beautiful and glowing when she complained she felt fat. His child had taken first steps and said first words without a father there to be amazed at these accomplishments. He wondered what she had told the child about his or her father. Had she been angry and resentful to do this all alone and had that anger and resentment come across in her telling? Or perhaps she had found a way to give the child a heroic father and if she had, could he live up to what she'd created. Would the child be angry to see him or frightened of this stranger?

He dried his eyes and walked on leading the horse along until he saw the house below the hilltop on which he stood. It was just as he remembered and he wondered how she had kept it in such good repair all alone but then he remembered who he was thinking about. If Lou wanted something done, she'd get it done and God help the soul who dared tell her she wouldn't or couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to go down to the house at first. He didn't know what to say or how to say it. He felt almost afraid to speak to her and that did seem odd to him to be so afraid to speak to his own wife but it had been such a long time. The entire way to his home he tried to rehearse in his mind how things would go, what he'd say and how she'd react. In more than one of his imagined scenarios, she slapped him and slammed the door in his face. In his happiest wishings she flung herself into his arms and wept tears of happiness.

He was going over in his head how he would speak to her, the words he would use to tell her he was back and he was sorry he'd ever gone away and that he'd never, ever leave her again when he saw someone exit the house. It was a young boy, about four or five years of age he was too far away to see the boy's bright blue eyes but he recognized his own face when he saw it and knew that was his son. His heart leapt and broke in the same instant. He was overjoyed to see his son but felt crushed by the weight of all he had missed and that he knew nothing of this boy.

The child was barely out the door when he saw her and he nearly ran to her right then and there but something stopped him cold. He wasn't sure which something it was as it might have been the little girl at her heels looking like a miniature of her mother in nearly every way down to the chastising look on her face as she followed behind Lou who was bringing a jacket to the boy. Perhaps though it was the infant in her arms though all he could see of that child was the blonde curls peeking over the edge of the blanket Lou had the babe wrapped in.

The sight before him was like a punch in the gut and he doubled over to try to work air into his lungs. He finally was able to take a deep breath and he closed his eyes for a minute and tried to think. She had thought him dead after all. She had gotten that word before his son was even born. An attractive woman like Louise could have had her pick of men even with a child to raise. He should be glad she hadn't been alone and she looked a natural mother. Was it even fair to believe that she had been sitting and pining for him for all these years? The girl looked to be not quite two so it's not as if she moved on that very next day. Besides, she might be alone now, life being the uncertain thing it was. He sat and watched as she sat on the porch and tilted her face to the sun before smiling at her children playing around her feet and cradling the infant even closer to her body. Kid lost track of how long he watched the scene play out below him so mesmerized was he by her beauty. His memories had not done her justice.

A sound caused him to look up and her to stand. A man came out of the house. He was a tall, muscular blonde man and Lou's face lit up at seeing him walk toward her. The man embraced her and kissed her tenderly and then kissed the infant in her arms as well. He picked up the girl and swung her around in a circle until her giggles carried to the hilltop. The final dagger in his heart was the way the boy—his boy—grabbed the man's hand and pulled him along to whatever they'd had planned for the day.

"Pa!" Kid could hear the call from where he sat and he thought it might do what lead balls and black powder explosions had not been able to do. He thought it might kill him right where he sat.

He thought of the hurt in Lou's eyes when he told her he just had to go. Her words at once pleading and heartbroken and venomous as she wrote him she was with child. He thought of what it must have done to her to get that telegram that he was dead. He knew the times he had hurt her before they were ever married and he'd sworn, not only to her but to himself as well that he'd never be the cause of her tears ever again. But he'd caused her nothing but pain. She was happy. He could see that and he had no right to take that from her.

Slowly he stood and mounted his horse and rode off the way he had come.

It's All Over Now, Baby Blue

You must leave now, take what you need, you think will last
But whatever you wish to keep, you better grab it fast
Yonder stands your orphan with his gun
Crying like a fire in the sun
Look out the saints are comin' through
And it's all over now, Baby Blue

The highway is for gamblers, better use your sense
Take what you have gathered from coincidence
The empty-handed painter from your streets
Is drawing crazy patterns on your sheets
This sky, too, is folding under you
And it's all over now, Baby Blue

All your seasick sailors, they are rowing home
All your reindeer armies, are all going home
The lover who just walked out your door
Has taken all his blankets from the floor
The carpet, too, is moving under you
And it's all over now, Baby Blue

Leave your stepping stones behind, something calls for you
Forget the dead you've left, they will not follow you
The vagabond who's rapping at your door
Is standing in the clothes that you once wore
Strike another match, go start anew
And it's all over now, Baby Blue


So, did we like? I mean not in like a "hey that was fun" sort of thing. I don't mean that you liked it like a hot fudge sundae or anything but did it move you? Okay so I am wondering if it's right to leave it there. I know a couple of my dear faithful readers are Kid lovers and I am sorry it was not too happy for him. My question is...should there be a follow up? Should I explore Lou's side and her life with this new man? Should Kid reveal himself at some point? He may not have a chance to win Lou back but perhaps to have a place in his son's life or at least to even know the child? I feel very unsure of this and what it is. I think ending it there is powerful but is it true to the character or how he would think or feel? I don't typically write Kid very much so I feel maybe I don't have the grasp on him that perhaps I should for writing something like this. Oh all you Kid loving ladies please help me!-J