This is a shortie, probably only four or five chaps and it will be bittersweet so I hope you can take it. It won't be flowers and rainbows in the end, you've been warned, but I hope you'll give it a shot anyway.
Everday holds a suprise. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always unexpected.
Brennan took a deep breath and rubbed her sweaty palms on her jeans, a nervous gesture she'd been performing off and on for the past half hour of standing outside this door.
This stupid faux wood door she'd stood outside of so many times before and knocked without even the slightest hesitation.
But things were different back then. Back before he'd kissed her, before they shared a bed for nearly six months…before he asked her to spend the rest of his life with him. And before she ran away.
Four years, three months and twelve days. That's how long she'd been gone. How long she'd stayed as far away from him as possible at her new job in California. That's how long it had been since she'd even spoken to the man she'd unwillingly given her heart to all those years ago.
Closing her eyes, ordered her heart to beat at a normal speed and haphazardly brushed auburn hair out of her face. She couldn't believe how long it was taking to work up the courage to move her wrist in a simple knocking motion.
He'd be happy to see her. She was his friend after all.
'Was' being the operative word. That forever present little voice whispered.
She rolled her eyes at herself and threw back her shoulders. She was going to knock on this door, if it was the last thing she did.
She lifted her fist and exhaled slowly.
This is it.
In an instant her hand was back at her side, resuming it's nervous fidgeting.
She frowned. Pots and pans were clanging on the other side of the door, sounds of movement and child's laughter.
He must have Parker.
Immediately a wave of guilt hit her. Not only had she been away for over four years, was showing up uninvited and unannounced, but now she was interrupting his precious time with his son.
Some friend I am.
Her thoughts were interrupted when the tell-tale click of a door being unlocked echoed in the hallway and she snapped to attention, absently tugging at her unwrinkled clothes, smoothing the lipstick she didn't have on.
She held her breath as the door opened and was met with the gaze of the one man who always saw right to the center of her soul.
"Booth." She breathed, just the sight of him knocking the breath right out of her.
Seeley Booth stood frozen at his front door, he couldn't even move. He'd never expected to see her again.
"Temperance." Was all he could think to say.
The two stood staring at each other, memories of past laughter and betrayals playing in both their minds as sure as they froze them in place.
Booth was the first to come out of the stunned reverie and speak, reflexively stepping to the side and wedging himself between the door frame and the door. Had Brennan known anything about psychology she would have understood his unconscious gesture as a sign that the apartment she used to be as comfortable in as her own, was now off limits.
"What are you doing here?"
Brennan opened her mouth to speak, and closed it again. What was she doing there? Had she really thought she could just walk back into his life and into his arms now that so much time had passed? Was she really so presumptuous to think she could pretend nothing had happened, that she hadn't abandoned him the way everyone had always abandoned her?...No, she wasn't. But she had hoped, and she hated that because…he was the one who taught her how. Only now she could see all her hopes had been wrong.
It wasn't fair.
"I um…"
Booth couldn't believe she was there, standing at his front door looking as beautiful and pure as ever. Even as he was awed by this he could feel the anger he'd pushed aside so long ago boiling up again. She had no right to be there. He'd given her a chance, hell he'd given her everything, including his heart. And she'd pushed him away, rebuilt her walls stronger and thicker than before. She'd told him he wasn't what she wanted and she left, what right did she have to show up now that he'd finally managed to move past that and get on with his life?
It wasn't fair.
"Temperance?" He questioned quietly. She still didn't respond but he could see the blush creeping up her neck and to her ears and cheeks.
Without his knowledge or consent, a look of concern fell across his face and his muscles relaxed.
"Is everything okay?"
She slowly shook her head and he pursed his lips, with a glance back inside his apartment, he stepped outside and gently shut the door.
"What is it?" He asked, folding his arms to keep from reaching out to her.
She could sense the concern in his voice and feel the intensity in his gaze. He'd asked if everything was okay and the look in his eyes when he first saw her flashed in her mind. His eyes, the same ones that used to be so full of love and warmth were now neutral, if not tinged with hostility and she couldn't help but shake her head.
No, everything was not alright, not even close.
Brennan took a deep breath and willed her eyes not to be bloodshot when she looked up at him, she didn't have any right to cry.
"I just…I messed everything up, didn't I Seeley?" She caught her breath. What was she saying? That was not what she'd intended to say. Something along the lines of 'Hi, I'm back' would have done nicely. Instead she came up with that?
Booth's mouth dropped and he paused for a moment, at a loss. She'd always been blunt, but this was ridiculous. Four years gone by without a word and she couldn't even ease them into their reunion with a 'hi'?
"I…Temperance…"
She groaned unexpectedly and shook her head. "Don't call me that. You only call me that when you're upset about something."
This time his face darkened. "Well, I am upset. I haven't seen or heard from you in over four years and you show up on my doorstep at nine at night and want to just…what? Pick up where we left off?" He hadn't intended to shout, but somehow that's exactly what he was doing by the time he was done.
His outburst fueled her courage and she stepped toward him, oddly comforted to be fighting with him after all this time.
"Yes. It's not like you didn't know what you were getting into when we started out Booth. You know I always run. Why didn't you ever try and find me?"
Booth gritted his teeth and out of habit, stepped toward her challengingly. Their bodies were nearly touching, eyes locked, faces separated by a breath.
"And how was I supposed to do that Temperance? It's not like you left a forwarding address. Or a phone number for that matter."
"Don't give me that Booth, you're FBI! You could have found me if you wanted to."
"That's right, I could have."
"But you didn't."
"No I didn't."
"Well why the Hell not?!"
The words fell out of his mouth before he could catch them. "Because it hurt too much. Alright?! It hurt too much."
She blinked, finding no response to his confession, she just stood there.
They were both breathing heavily, eyes blazing in an old, familiar flame. Her mouth parted slightly with labored breath and in a moment of weakness he allowed his gaze to fall to her plump lips, practically begging for his attention.
And he almost…
In that exact moment Booth's apartment door flung open and a woman in her mid thirties, long blonde hair and blue slacks stared open-mouthed at them.
"Seeley?"
Startled, Booth jumped away from Brennan and smiled at the other woman.
"Hey."
"What are you doing?" She asked, gaping at him for a moment. When he didn't move she narrowed her eyes suspiciously as she studied the woman standing next to him.
Brennan pushed her hair back, it was matted from hours in the car and she suddenly wished she'd thought to change out of her sweats and brown jacket, in the presence of this other woman who looked so well thought out and put together and called Booth by his first name.
Before Booth had a chance to answer a little girl, not even waist height, appeared at the door, clear blue eyes peaking out from beneath white-blonde hair.
"Daddy, why was you yellin?"
Smiling brightly, he leaned down and scooped the girl off the floor. "Nothing Pumpkin. Grown up stuff."
"Daddy." Brennan whispered to herself, her heartbeat returning to normal as she studied the small girl in Booth's arms. Silently, she catalogued the similarities between the girl and Booth. The same eyes and smile, but everything else was that of the woman. She was a vision in pink bunny pajamas and the spitting image of her mother. She giggled when Booth placed a kiss on her cheek.
"You have a daughter?" Brennan asked, almost accusingly.
Booth looked over at her, his smile attempting to hide the shadows in his eyes.
"Things have changed, Bones."
With her astonished gaze still on him, he turned as the woman cleared her throat. Shifting the girl from one hip to the other, he put a polite smile on his face and coughed.
"Um, this is Grace, my daughter. Gracie, say hi."
Grace's head rested on Booth's shoulder, fatigue weighing heavily on her eyelids as she lifted her arm and gave a half-hearted wave to the disheveled woman in their doorway.
"She'll be three next month. And um, Jenna, this is Dr. Temperance Brennan my…former partner. Bones, this is Jenna…my wife."
Jenna extended her hand and gave a tight smile.
"Very nice to meet you, now I hope you'll excuse me, it's bed time." Then, without another word, or look at either of them, she carefully extracted the now sleeping Grace from Booth's arms and went inside.
Booth shoved his hands in his pockets and averted his gaze from Brennan.
"Your wife." She repeated softly.
Booth only nodded, the itching need to find out why she was back in DC and standing at his door was no longer prevalent, instead his only wish was not to feel like a stranger in his own skin.
"I have to um…" He began lamely, trailing off when he couldn't find a suitable end for his sentence.
Brennan nodded and swallowed hard.
"Yeah, me too. I'll just…"
"Yeah."
They shifted on their feet a few times before Brennan took a deep breath and looked up for the first time.
"I'll see you later."
Booth nodded and watched as she gave him a small smile and turned, practically running, down the hallway to the stairs.
He waited until the stomping of her shoes on the stairs had echoed away and the sound of her car engine had faded before turning and entering his apartment, trying to forget the look of disappointment and tears in her eyes.
Well, I hope you angst addicts out there will continue with me. Like I said, this is bittersweet, it's about dealing with the effects of the choices we make even when things don't turn out right, and things can't always be perfect. So, tell me what you thought, there's a few more chaps.
