A/N: Geeze, I hate transcribing my scribbles. My comp's still not fixed, because my entire family is being lazy... Anyway, this is a series of different songficlets that I've written, and don't feel like publishing as one-shots. I may eventually tie them together somehow. They all focus on Fai and Kurogane and their relationship and pasts and such. There will be spoilers. REVEIW!

The song I used in this chapter is "What I've Done" by Linkin' Park. Lyrics are included for literary purposes.


Chapter One: What I've Done

I want to leave… This world, this life…

But if I say goodbye, there will be no reason for it, because I must stay.

Thoughts like these swim in my mind, confusing me even more. All I can understand, all that is coherent is…

They know. They know!


The boy looked down once more at his bloody brother.

"… I am Fai…" he whispered.

He crossed himself out, thinking it would erase what he did, so he could strive to fix it without being himself, without the guilt. It was a way of letting go.

Yuui killed himself, just as he killed his brother.

He hoped that he would not have to face himself as Yuui until the day he resurrected his other half.

With that hope, he stepped into the life of lies and hollow smiles. Into a life that most should never face, but the emptiness was better than what he had, and he found truth in his assumed self.

But slowly, it faded, and the line he had drawn so definitely began to blur. Truth became lies and the lies became truth. And he began to regret.

Sorrow panged into his heart every time he smiled, every time he heard his name. There were times where he wanted most of all to sit and cry, let his smile falter and fall to the ground, his sobs breaking the fragileness that was his current self.

Then there was the chance to die.

As he lay limply on the pathways underground in Acid Tokyo, he began to think, feeling leaving him with his blood.

This must be what I deserve. So I will die as him… Twice dead, twice born.

The world faded to black, and he begged to die. It would be easier, and it would be better.

Because once again, he made such another stupid mistake, one that would once more cost lives of those that he cared for.

And caring was a mistake in itself.

I am stupid, stupid, stupid! I know what I cause, and I know why I'm here…

Even though the witch said it wasn't the same as back then… He knew, one day that it would become the same. He was sure that she knew too.

It would be better for him to die, than for them to die because of him.

Because he was a coward who would rather run than face who he was. He ran from his brother by taking his name; he ran from Ashura by going to different worlds; he ran from relationships by gently pushing his comrades away with his smile; now he was running away from it all by letting himself die.

Then… as he felt himself drift away, something fell into his mouth, and pain shocked through his body. He heard someone cry out and a command to hold him down.

That idiot… that ninja must have… Even though I told him not to!

As he dreamt, he knew he was too close. Too close to them. He could never forgive himself, but most importantly the one who must keep him alive. The closeness, the friendship… it brings only pain.

And then…

"Waiting is more painful than going together."

What was he waiting for anyway? Why did fate have it in hand for him to live?

Even though they appreciate him being alive, it just made him feel all the worse.


"The past doesn't matter!"

He stilled, listening to the words ring out across the castle, overpowering the crashing of the memory spell.

The past… doesn't matter?

"Wh-what?"

Kurogane looked fiercely down at the magician, who was weakly looking up.

"The past doesn't change you. It's useless to feel sorry for yourself over something that can't be changed."

For a long moment, the blonde looked absolutely horror-struck… then, he shattered.

Sobs spilled from the man, and he curled against himself on the cold marble.

Kurogane leaned down and put a hand on the man's shoulder.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

He truly meant it… He decided then and there… He'd start over again; for real this time.

Sure there would be pain, but he could stop running and hurting those he'd inadvertently grown close to. It could finally end… The first step was to forgive himself.

Himself as Yuui.

"Thank you for telling me that," he whispered, slowly smiling.


In this farewell

There's no blood

There's no alibi

'Cause I've drawn regret

From the truth

Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come

And wash away

What I've done!

I'll face myself

To cross out what I've become

Erase myself

And let go of what I've done!

Put to rest

What you thought of me

While I clean this slate

With the hands

Of uncertainty

So let mercy come

And wash away

What I've done!

I'll face myself

To cross out what I've become

Erase myself

And let go of what I've done!

For what I've done

I start again

And whatever pain may come

Today this ends!

I'm forgiving what I've done

I'll face myself

To cross out what I've become

Erase myself

And let go of what I've done!

What I've done

Forgiving what I've done