It had started when they were all young midshipmen together. Then it had just been James, Theodore and Andrew, not Groves, Gillette, and sir, not Commodore and the Lieutenants. Then they had been young and more carefree. They had laughed when they were able and didn't have pressure bearing down on them. They were young.
It had been back then that Andrew noticed James differently. He was more fascinated by exposed skin and deep dark eyes. When they laughed together Andrew would smile more at the sound of James' voice. Physical contact of any kind made Andrew feel strange, gave him chills. James was just more interesting.
Even back then, when it was just faint and underlying, even back then Theodore had noticed.
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It had been a one time thing. Just one time. They had been young and lonely and far too long at sea. It had begun as only innocent whispers, letting out a little emotion to a best friend.
Yet it spiraled into more. It changed into hands slowly caressing then flooded into kisses and skillful hands and biting of lips and choked back moans. Andrew had called him Teddy in the softest of tones and tangled his fingers deep into Teddy's hair.
They got away with it, no one the wiser, especially James. It was just the one time. But Andrew kissed Theodore twice afterward on two separate occasions, chastely on deck one night with no one else on watch and passionately below deck while securing the cargo. Never again after that. It had been just the once but it had been a very good once and Theodore did not forget.
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"Congratulations, James!" Teddy said.
James grinned at both of them.
"You are going to make a very good captain," Andrew added.
"I'll finally have my own ship." James looked out the window as he spoke, a smile on his face.
The other two men watched his silent contemplation. The glasses of wine in all their hands were still half full from their toast. The party was beginning downstairs and they would soon return to it.
"I will miss you both." He turned and looked back at them.
"Don't worry about us," Andrew said. "You are going to be keeping the seas safe and we will see you again, soon I should hope."
Teddy looked side long at Andrew and saw how Andrew's smile did not reach his eyes.
"Perhaps you will be on my ship someday," James added.
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James was perfection in every way.
Andrew did not understand how a man could ever be satisfied will the artifice and confusion of women. Women were pale creatures, powdered and done up like dolls. They simpered and smiled and didn't mean a word they spoke. Women were all flattery and falseness with no depth beneath. They looked like marionettes or toys; they were not real.
James was absolutely real. His body was all edges with smooth skin in between. He only smiled when he meant it and he did not lie for sport. His eyes could be terrifying and entrancing in two consecutive moments. He was strong and brave and everything a man should be. James was the only captain Andrew could obey without question, without thought. James cared about what he did, about his duty, about his men. James was so very very real and it tore straight through to Andrew's heart.
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James enjoyed the Caribbean even though it was not nearly as exalted as England. It was hot and wild and full of pirates. However, it was a challenge and James Norrington enjoyed a challenge. It allowed him every day to show that he was up to the task and he was a true Navy man.
Standing over the maps on the table James glanced over to the other desk in the room. Gillette and Groves were sifting through his mountains of paper work to find what was most pressing for the day. The paper work never did seem to end. However, as a Captain he had a lot of items to look over and tasks to complete when it concerned his ship and crew.
"Sir, here are those needed to be looked at today," Gillette handed him the pile.
Their fingers brushed as Gillette handed him the papers and he swore for a moment that he saw Gillette blush. When he attempted to look again his Lieutenant was already turning back to the other papers on the desk.
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"It is bloody hot tonight," Andrew said as the two of them stood among the sentries at guard duty on the fort.
Theodore smiled lightly and looked side long at Andrew.
"It's always hot in the Caribbean."
"Yes, but tonight it is extra hot."
Theodore only snorted slightly in response and looked back out at the sea. Beside him Andrew sighed and leaned a little against Theodore. He swallowed slightly and chanced a look at Andrew. It was only because they were such good friends that Theodore was allowed such simple physical contact. In the day light, in normal circumstance, according to decorum this would never happen.
Why did Theodore have to realize too late that he was in love just as surely as Andrew was? Why did he have to have fallen so deeply in that he didn't even realize what it was until it was too late to go back, too late to distance himself from the beautiful red hair and quick temper and boyish face? Why did he have to love where it could not be given back?
"At least we are shipping out in a few days and will be out on the sea again," Andrew murmured beside him.
Oh, why?
"Indeed."
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"Andrew, get a hold of yourself."
Andrew sat on the cot with his head in his hands. Theodore was crouched in front of him, looking up at Andrew. He put his hands on Andrew's shoulders and tired to be soothing.
"It is not the end of the world and I am sure he barely noticed."
"That is just the point, barely noticed."
Theodore sighed and sat back on his haunches. "You were not staring too long I assure you and no he did not hear what you said in your haze even though I did, believe me."
"Perhaps he was just being kind or maybe he thinks I am mad. Oh, God, to be daydreaming right on deck so stupidly like that…"
Repressing a chuckle Theodore put one of his hands on Andrew's, "The heat has done stranger things to most navy men." Andrew looked up at Theodore with beautiful eyes. Theodore nodded and smiled at him reassuringly as any best friend would. "It will be fine."
Andrew glanced away from him and pursed his lips. Closing his eyes once and opening them again Theodore stood up. "And maybe," Andrew looked back at him. "Maybe he will do more than barely notice next time."
The words tasted terrible in his mouth.
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Andrew had very nice hair. It was strange to think such a thing about another officer, especially one of his subordinates but it was the truth. When the red locks were not hidden by the white powdered wig it was such a wonderful sight to see. It was the perfect color for Andrew and James found himself wondering what it felt like.
James coughed suddenly in surprise at his own thoughts, blinking rapidly.
"Are you all right sir?" Groves asked him.
"Yes, Lieutenant, I am quite all right."
Andrew glanced up from the deck at the two of them and smiled. James suddenly felt his face grow hot.
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"I cannot believe he is going to be promoted again. Well, actually I can believe it. He is the finest officer in the Caribbean. There is none braver or stauncher in his duty."
Theodore sat behind his desk and listened patiently as Andrew paced around the room babbling away making the candles flicker.
"Commodore! Commodore Norrington. It sounds perfect doesn't it? Not that Captain was bad but he certainly does deserve it. He has worked very hard. He is the ideal model of a naval officer, I must say."
Resisting rolling his eyes was very hard for Theodore in that moment. However, he had to admit Andrew looked quite beautiful in the candle light. His cravat was undone and a few sprigs of his hair had come free of the tie around the majority to hang in his face. It was very becoming.
"Commodore James Norrington!" Andrew sighed and smiled happily. Then he spoke again in softer tones. "He does deserve it Teddy and I will be happy to be by his side on his ship as he climbs ever higher in the ranks."
The way Andrew smiled made Theodore want to stand up and kiss him but the way he spoke made Theodore want to cry.
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There were times when Andrew would lie awake all night thinking of only one face and only one name. He would stare at the ceiling, stand by the window, even walk the fort late at night.
Why was he so in love when nothing could come of it? Why was he tortured so by a commanding voice and intense eyes? Why could he not think of someone else but James Norrington?
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"I am going to propose to Elizabeth Swann."
Andrew dropped his wine glass and mumbled a quick apology as he bent to pick it up. No one paid the three navy men a second glance in the crowded ball room despite the clatter.
"Good luck, James!" Theodore said and tried to smile genuinely.
Placing the glass on a passing servant's tray Andrew smiled at James as well.
"Do you think she will say yes, Gillette?" James asked in a somewhat uncharacteristic display of vulnerability.
Andrew glanced over at Theodore quickly then back to James. "Who wouldn't?"
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The storm was ripping through the ship as though it were tissue. It felt as though at any moment they would all be tossed into the raging waters with scarce a hope of breathing air again. Already they had seen seven honest sailors thrown into the waves with no chance of recovery. James had run down the steps onto the main deck, shouting so the men could hear his orders. Andrew had tried to hold onto the wheel and force the ship into some semblance of control. It was like trying to hold back the wind, Theodore knew. Lighting flashed around them in the night and the rain kept beating them to the bone. In a sudden painful moment Theodore realized that now, for real this time, they all might die. Now could be the very last time.
Theodore ran up the stairs to Andrew's side and pulled him away from the wheel. The others were pulling on ropes, blinded by the waves, hiding in corners, deafen by the storm; it was as if they two were alone in the night. If anyone asked later it would only be a trick of storm, easily doubted in their memory.
Theodore pulled Andrew to him, wrapped one arm tightly around Andrew's waist, the other tangled into his hair and Theodore kissed him hard with everything he had felt for years. He kissed Andrew like this storm was the last time and he would never have another chance. He kissed Andrew so he would know what Theodore felt.
"I love you," He said as they broke apart and the rain beat on around them. "And I know you love James and always have. I know what we had was only one time when we were very young. I know all that. But if you don't want to wait for James any more, if you don't want to be unnoticed, if we live through this storm, please choose me. I would never hurt you and would always love you. I have always noticed you and always cared and I love you, Andrew."
All Theodore was given the chance to see was the surprise and care in Andrew's eyes before another wave of the storm over took the ship and sent them both falling to the deck and smashing into the rails.
If any one on the deck, if James looked up to the head for only a moment and saw in a crash of lightening two men, arms around each other, lips together it was only for a moment. In a blink of the dying lightening James only saw a wave of the ocean crushing Groves and Gillette to the deck again. It must have been a trick of the storm. Yet why did James feel as though there was a battle he had lost which had nothing to do with the storm?
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From the wreckage of the ship there were twelve survivors. Back at Port Royal James stood beside Theodore both of them still wearing their drenched and torn uniforms. The other men saved from the sea by The Rose were trudging back to the fort attended by fellow soldiers. However, they remained on the dock alone looking out at the sea in silence.
"I will never forgive you for this," Theodore suddenly said.
James looked over at him in surprise. Theodore turned boldly to look at James straight in the face.
"It was your fault we sailed into that storm. It was your obsession with that pirate which made you risk us, your crew, your ship like that." His words came from his throat thick with anger and malice. "It is your fault that he is now dead!"
James continued to stare, unable to respond or even do his duty and rebuke Groves for insubordination.
"I will never, ever forgive you for sacrificing his life for just one more pirate to hang!"
Theodore turned away from him and walked back toward the fort. James stood there in silence. Theodore's words circled in his head and he could not be bothered to try and defend himself. He knew that Theodore was all too right. He knew that the feeling in his chest was failure, failure to his men, to his duty. He felt the failure of everything he was supposed to be. However, most acutely James felt the pain of only realizing then what that feeling had been when he brushed Andrew's perfect hand or looked at his beautiful face or listened to his charming voice. How could he only realize this now when it was too late?
