Welcome to Half-Baked Ideas with crazy on top!
Any scribble or drabble I do that's not its own fic will go in here.
This idea just came to me and asked to get put out. I couldn't refuse a nice idea like that.
Half-Baked Idea 1:
(BtVS) Xander Harris in Dragon Age: Origins.
Duncan examined the empty Joining goblet and looked again at the comatose figure snoring on the ground. He nudged the man with his foot.
"Hmwa? Huh?" The man stirred.
"Who are you, and why are you here?" Duncan asked, drawing his knife.
"Uhhh," the man responded, "I'm Xander. Where's here?"
(to be expanded)
...In the Circle Tower...
"Resistance!" whined the Uldred-Pride-Demon, "Everywhere I go. Resistance!"
"Well, you know why, right?" Xander asked, pointing his sword at the nearest abomination.
"Because humans are obstinate and insufferable!" Uldred gestured angrily.
Xander snorted. "No, man, it's because we have pride."
Uldred froze. "What?"
Xander gestured at the abominations. "The guys take one look at what you turn them into and think, 'I'll never get chicks if I look like that!' So they resist."
"But they get such power for accepting this!"
Xander nodded. "Yes, but what do you do with power?"
Uldred was silent.
"Okay. That's a point I hadn't considered." Uldred admitted.
Xander waved a hand towards the captive female mages. "The girls look at that and think 'Eww! I'll lose all my hair! I can't wear lipstick or jewelry! Look at the size of those thighs...er, that thigh!'"
Uldred gaped at Xander. "Are you serious?"
"I'd rather look like Wynne than look like that." Morrigan said bluntly.
"You're so kind," Wynne murmured.
Morrigan gestured dismissively. "I only said that because I would rather look like you when I age than look like my mother."
Wynne bowed her head at Morrigan. "Thank you for that much, at least."
Uldred shook his head and looked at Xander. "You're joking. You've got to be joking."
Xander shook his head. "Nope."
"You can't find a dress for that size!" Wynne said angrily. "And...that..shape! Ugh!"
"Could you even get shoes for that?" Leliana asked. "And, even if you could, I don't think they'd help much."
Uldred turned to look at the women. "You're not even thinking about the power you could get?"
Alistair shook his head."The complexion is all wrong. The cosmetics would cost a fortune."
All the women in the room nodded.
"You are so not the one I wanted to hear that from, but well said," Xander muttered.
"You wound me! Have I ever said anything bad to you?" Alistair mock-sniffed.
"You suggested wearing dresses and dancing the Remigold? Down the Darkspawn line?"
"Oh, come on! I said that's where I drew the line! You know! If the king had asked...I'll shut up now."
"Please don't," Morrigan pleaded, "I want to see if you can get more of your foot in your mouth."
"Keep your foot fetish to yourself, please!" Alistair glared at Morrigan.
"I don't have a foot fetish," Morrigan replied. "That's Leliana. I just like to watch."
"Well, keep your voyeuristic tendencies to yourself, then, please!"
"Please don't talk about other people's...likes and dislikes...on front of everybody like that. It's not polite," Leliana interjected, "and you really shouldn't do it in public...in case there are children present."
Morrigan grinned, trying to think of what else she could get Leliana to admit to.
"Well, damn," Uldred said, "This plan's shot to hell. I mean, I can still make it work, but that's more effort than I really want to use to seize the world."
Xander nodded in agreement. "I know what you mean. Besides, you'd rather work with a person's pride than against it, right?"
Uldred's eyes widened. "You understand! Finally, someone at least understands!"
"Yeah, sorry. Didn't mean to offend you with the resisting earlier."
"You won't resist, then? You'll accept?"
"Of course not!" Xander said, "Can't get any chicks like that. Weren't you listening?"
"Right, I forgot," Uldred snapped his fingers. "My bad."
"Best retreat back to the Fade for now and try again with a new plan later", Xander suggested
"Retreat, maybe, but not to the Fade. Why to the Fade?" Uldred stroked his chin thoughtfully.
Xander grinned. "Because all Templar forces within Ferelden are about to arrive at the only door to the Tower. And there are no spells that would save you from a fall if you tried to leap from up here...which I do think is a serious oversight for any magic system."
Uldred sagged. "This is waaay harder than it should be. *Sigh* To hell with it. I'm going back to the Fade."
The mages in the room breathed a sigh of relief.
"Oh. Irving, promise me you'll work on a spell to save a person from a fall?" Uldred asked.
"It is a great error to not have one. I'll do everything I can to remediate that," First Enchanter Irving lied through his teeth.
"Thanks, I appreciate that. Really." Uldred raised his arms to shoulder level and...went blank.
As Uldred began to sag, Xander swung and decapitated him. Uldred's head bounced on the floor and rolled away a few feet.
Xander looked around for the abominations. There were none; the mages who had been turned were lying unconcious on the ground.
"Well, huh," Xander said, "Wasn't quite expecting that, but I won't argue."
"Why did you kill Uldred?" Wynne asked, "We have trials...processes...before execution."
"Because Commander Gregoir would probably not stop the Rite of Annulment if Uldred was alive," Xander said, cleaning his sword, "because he would not have been able to tell if Uldred was trying to trick him."
"Also, we don't know if the demon really went back to the Fade or was faking it," Alistair added.
"It's not like the Circle holds trials for apostates or maleficar. Why change now?" Morrigan asked.
Irving shook his head. "My Backcountry Reserve is not helping anymore," he said, "I think I need to open the Golden Scythe."
"I'll help," Wynne volunteered.
"Excuse me?" One of the female captive mages asked Xander. "Can I borrow you for a little bit? I made an Oath that I need your help with."
"I can never refuse doe eyes," Xander replied. "Lead me." The mage took Xander's hand and began to walk away.
"Hey!" One of the other female mages shouted. "We need help with our Oaths, too!"
Wynne snorted.
"Don't worry," Xander said, "I'm all about the help. We'll get it taken care of. Ok?"
Wynne was turning red and silently shaking, while trying to keep a straight face.
The female mages and Xander disappeared down the stairs.
Wynne fell down on the floor and rolled, laughing out loud,"Haha! Woohoohoo! Hahaha!"
Irving glanced at her disapprovingly. "Mage Oaths are serious, Wynne. I would not laugh at them. Or take them lightly."
"Heehee!" Wynne chortled, "I know! Haha! It's just – *snort* heehee – I know what Oath they made! Oohaha!"
Irving sighed. "Please forgive her. She's almost never like this."
"Speak for yourself," Alistair grinned, "I'm never letting her forget rolling around laughing like a child."
Morrigan, careful to make sure she was behind Alistair where he couldn't see her, nodded in agreement.
After a few minutes, Wynne calmed herself – somewhat – and stood up. "Most young female mages may seem...aloof, or uninterested in relationships in their early years."
"There's a reason for that?" Irving asked. "I...er, most of the guys thought it was a side effect of the Fade making you all more serious."
"There is a legend that female mages have whispered to female initiates for – since long before my time," Wynne explained, "The legend is that, *snort* if a female mage is about to suffer a horrible fate and she makes an Oath to give her virginity to whoever gets her out of it, she will be rescued."
"I see," Irving said, "I think. Has this legend ever proven true?"
Wynne burst out laughing.
Morrigan looked towards the stairs Xander and the mages had disappeared down. "I think it did today."
AN: Comments/suggestions for improvement/development appreciated. Thanks!
