A million thank you's to my amazing betas, Helen8462 and Cheile. You're both so wonderful and I couldn't have done this without you!
The bridge was anything but quiet with burst pipes hissing, fire crackling, and the repetitive pulsing of the klaxon. Despite the cacophony, Kathryn's mind felt empty and quiet. The lights flickered and the bridge was lit only by fires for several seconds until power was restored. Kathryn sighed heavily, tiredly, and allowed her eyes to close briefly as she leaned against the conn. The view screen provided a constant reminder of what had happened, debris hitting an already battered Voyager. If she allowed her eyes to focus long enough, she could barely make out the escape pods in the distance.
As long as the crew is safe, she sighed, allowing her eyes to close once more. As long as Chakotay is safe.
There was a planet within reach of the escape pods and a people willing to provide her crew with another ship and another chance at getting home. She knew Chakotay and Tuvok could make the hard decisions to keep her crew safe, and she had provided the distraction necessary to get the escape pods to safety.
A harsh cough brought tears to her eyes and she wiped at them, spreading grease and soot across her cheeks. With the smoke building up in the bridge, she knew she wouldn't be able to last much longer, but she felt a stubborn need to stay. She coughed again and checked to make sure the distress signal was still broadcasting, only hoping she could get additional support for her crew. Something to save them, not herself.
Resigning herself to her fate, she pushed herself to her feet and looked around the bridge. It was an empty shell of a ship and she couldn't help but picture the first time she had stood at her captain's chair, the first time she'd heard "Captain on the bridge" there. A brief smile tugged at her lips as she sank into Chakotay's chair, her fingers lightly running over the flickering console and the over the armrest. His chair felt different than hers, the view of the bridge unusual despite being shifted over less than a meter. She felt an ache growing in her chest at his absence and the improbability of never seeing him again.
She quickly closed her eyes, against both the memories and the smoke, and covered her face in her hands. The ache in her chest bubbled up until she felt the sobs catching in her throat. A few tears overflowed, leaving dirty trails down her cheeks. As she felt the first of them land on her hand, the dam burst and the sobs came tumbling out. Voyager shuddered, groaning and creaking loudly. A few pieces of her plating came free and drifted off behind the ship, unnoticed by Kathryn.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, her fingers digging in to her first officer—her love's—chair. "I love you, but I had to do this." Her breath was shaky from her sobs and the smoke, but she continued her whispers until she slipped into unconsciousness.
