Pervert Fu R
Niklas "Hawk" Jonsson

Summary: Who knew that a spot of rain in the wrong place at the wrong time, could have such a huge impact on the Ranma-verse. Or perhaps that should be, a spot of rain in the right place at the right time? Ranmaverse AU.

Disclaimer: Ranma ½, the characters and whatnot are not mine, though I certainly wish they were! The story is mine though, all mine. This series deals with mature subject matters and violence. If this disturbs you, don't read. But if it does, then why the heck are you watching the show/reading the manga in the first place?

Disclaimer addendum:
I do not now use, have never used and in all likelihood, will never use, a prereader of any brand, shape, colour or kind. Thus, I have nobody to blame but myself for any errors, grammatical oddities or inconsistencies.

So I'm damned fortunate that I never make any of those! ;D

It's all in the eyes of the beholder, y'know. So if you spot anything wrong, it's your own damn fault! Not mine! Nyah-nyah-nyah!

Feedback/Flames: Yes, please. Both of them are equally fun to read, although I must admit that I greatly prefer the first variety. :)
I can be found on ICQ as 21771860 or through e-mail as iamhawk at yahoo dot com, more stories are available at my nifty lil' site athawksgalaxy dot com or by clicking on my handle up above if you're reading this on fanfiction dot net.

"speech"
emphasis/shouts/Kindred Domination/post-hypnotic triggers
/thoughts/
/telepathy/
translation
+soundeffect/radio/telephone conversation/TV+

Mad Author Raving

Yes, yes, it's been done to death in piles of lemons and a few regular fics, I know. But I still wanted to do my take and well, here it is. If you've had it with fics based on this premise, then don't read it and live a happier life.

But if on the other hand you're interested in my demented take on things, g'ahead. Read it. Ah dare ya!

The relatively tame parts of this fic, will wind up on fanfiction dot net, though the lemon bits will only be posted on my own site and at fanfics R us, due to fanfiction dot nets policy on NC-17-rated fics. Because the lemon bits of this fic, will defenetively be NC-17 rated for graphic descriptions of sexual deviancy.

Mad Author is dragged away for his daily sedation

Chapter One:

It was raining.

Which might not seem like such an odd occurrence to most of us. After all, almost every part of the world is exposed to rain at one point or another during the course of a normal year. But the thing was, it wasn't supposed to rain in this particular spot, not now. In plenty of other universes, dimensions and timelines, it didn't rain or at least didn't rain as heavily as it did now and events unfolded in a very familiar way because of it.

But here, in this world, in this dimension, in this universe, in this timeline, it rained quite heavily.

The three men in the cave didn't much care about the rain. After all, one was well on his way to becoming roaring drunk and the other two had more disturbing things to fret about then weather the outside of the cave was becoming wet or not.

Unfortunately for the two more-or-less-sober men, the mountain area the cave was located in wasn't entirely stable and several cracks had developed over the years, allowing water to trickle down into it. Neither of the men noticed, nor would have particularly cared even if they had.

Had the balding fellow with a hankie on his head been a demolitions expert, or at the very least knowledgeable enough that he hadn't stolen plain candle wick to use as a fuse for the dynamite he'd 'liberated' from a construction site earlier, the rain wouldn't have mattered.

But fool that he was, and I guess we can all agree on the fact that Saotome Genma doesn't play with a full mental deck of cards, he had decided that candle wick would work well enough if he used enough of it.

Thus, it should come to no surprise that no explosion occurred after Master Happosai had drunk himself into unconsciousness, been trussed up and locked into the cave with a bundle of dynamite adorned with a handful of sloppily twisted burning candle wicks attached to it. As the ancient master rolled around in his slumber, he rolled over one of the aforementioned puddles and completely extinguished the faintly flickering flame.

Neither of his two students noticed that though, as they were far too busy running away from the site of the anticipated explosion.

Thus, it was one hung-over and faintly annoyed Grandmaster of Anything Goes that emerged out from the cave the following morning, intent on showing those two ingrates just how big a mistake they had made when they tried to get rid of him and failed. He thought he would have taught them better then that, but it appeared as if the two fools would require more and far harsher training to teach them the error of their ways.


"But Mas..." Genma tried to protest, but was cut off. He didn't have time for a training journey with the master, it was almost time to take Ranma on one but the master absolutely refused to bring Ranma with them.

"Silence, whelp!" Happosai snapped, then winced as the little brat started bawling again. Happosai liked children, but this was the noisy age and the bawling was well on the way to annoying the crap out of him. He couldn't go to the Tendo place either, since it was even worse there. Baby Akane had a voice that could bring down a badly built house, Nabiki wasn't all that much of an improvement over her baby sister and Kasumi had the very disturbing tendency to yank on his beard whenever he visited. All in all, it was time for an extended training journey.

"We are going and that's final. Now tell your wife and son goodbye, so we can get this show on the road!" Happosai continued, making baby Ranma cry even harder. "Don't dawdle, I want to snag up the other ingrate before he has a chance to find out what's going on and tries to escape."

And thus it was that the odd trio left on an extended training journey, not to return for several years.

Resulting in Tendo Kimiko having to stay at home to watch the children, requesting that one of her neighbours do her shopping for her on a very special day, thus completely avoiding an accidental meeting resulting in a horrible disease that would have stolen away much of her expected lifespan.

Also resulting in Ranma being raised by Saotome Nodoka, a woman with very firm beliefs on how a strapping young lad such as Ranma ought to behave.

All because of a spot of rain in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Or the right time at the right time, depending on ones point of view.


"I'm done!" eight-year old Saotome Ranma suddenly exclaimed, turning away from the hole he had drilled in the fence to look at his mother, who nodded approvingly.

"Excellent, Ranma. You're becoming such a marvellously studly young man already!" Nodoka gushed, shooing him towards the hole. "Now come on, son. Peep at them to your little hearts content!" she encouraged him. She smiled benignly as the young man turned his head around and started to peep on the women lounging in the onsen behind the wooden fence, giving a hushed running commentary on his observations to his mother who couldn't believe her good fortune in being graced with such a fine young son.

She only regretted that Genma wasn't around to further Ranma's studies in the Saotome School of Anything Goes. Nodoka herself had never been all that proficient and while she had ensured that Ranma had mastered the basics of the family school, she had been forced to rely on outsiders to train Ranma, which had rendered him very skilled in a wide variety of other Martial Arts. She was determined to have shaped him into a well-rounded Martial Artist by the time Genma returned and could take over Ranma's education in the Saotome Ryu.

And if he didn't return at all, well, several of Ranma's senseis had expressed an interest in taking the extremely talented boy under their wings, two had even offered to make him their official heir. Apparently, Ranma was a prodigy of unheard of ability, soaking up knowledge at astonishing rates. He'd already achieved first Dan in five different styles and was well on his way to it in three others. Such an achievement was deemed more or less impossible for someone his age, but her Ranma had managed it.

He was such a manly young boy!

And with her help, he'd grow into the man amongst men she'd always wanted. While he'd failed to see the point of many of his mothers little excursions now, she was sure he'd appreciate her tutelage when he grew a little older.

As would his future wife and many mistresses. Oh, the grandchildren she'd get!

"I think we'll be reviewing your oral skills this evening, Ranma." she commented. Oh, yes. The future Mrs Saotome and Ranma's many mistresses would thank her for all her hard work, over and over again.

"Aw, man. Again?" Ranma groused with a slight slump in his shoulders, then shrugged and kept watching, despite knowing he'd have a sore tongue tomorrow. He wanted to make his mother proud, even though he failed to see the point of many of the various exercises she had him go through. Perhaps this particular training exercise was helping him build up his observational skills or something. He wasn't sure, but since his mother said that it was important and praised him for what he did, he kept it up.

Just like he would when it came time to practise on his oral skills later in the evening.


"Nodoka? Ranma? I'm home." Genma announced as he stumbled into the house, dropping his backpack by the door. His once-white Gi was badly soiled, badly singed and had several ragged tears in it.

"Welcome home, husband. How was your little trip?" Nodoka gently inquired, walking up to him and placing an absent kiss on a dirty and bruised cheek.

"Little? I was gone for nine years." Genma groused.

"Oh? That long? I hardly noticed." Nodoka commented, then grinned happily. "Ranma is turning out very well. He's truly becoming a man amongst men!" she gushed, unable to contain her joy.

"Where is the boy? Today isn't a school day, is it?" Genma demanded, eager to see the son he hadn't seen since shortly after his birth.

"I sent him down to the public bathhouse for his daily panty raid and to peek at the women there." Nodoka happily replied.

"The one just down the road?" Genma asked suspiciously, a growing sense of dread slowly crawling up his spine, making him shiver. "The one where I just managed to esca... Eh... The one where I left Master Happosai to recover from our long journey while I went on ahead, to see my beloved wife and son?" he continued, neglecting to mention that he'd taken a bomb in order to land the kick which had thrown Happosai into the bathhouse. He'd sprinted home at full speed, hoping that the bathhouse would distract Happosai long enough for him to leave with Ranma, before Happosai got his greedy little paws on him.

"What a haul! What a haul!"

"What a haul! What a haul!"

Genma groaned in utmost defeat, as he heard the twin triumphant cries coming closer and closer to the Saotome home. He was too late. Now his chances of escaping with Ranma were less then zero, judging from the joyful exclamations.

As Ranma entered the house with Happosai trailing behind him, both of them were carrying sacks of female unmentionables on their backs and had handkerchiefs tied around their heads, Genma sighed and shook his head. He was too late to escape this nightmare now. What Nodoka had started, Happosai would finish.

"Genma! Truly an excellent son you've got here!" Happosai approved. "I have never before encountered such a promising young man in my entire life! I name him my chosen heir!" he exclaimed, glowing with joy.

"Oh... That's great, Master..." Genma stated neutrally, seeing before him a vision of what Ranma probably would turn out to become after training with Happosai. All his hopes and dreams of raising a loyal son, whom could take over the Tendo Dojo and allow him to live out the rest of his life in comfort were slowly turning into dust right before his very eyes.


"So, Ranma. Where did you go today and did you see any ten-pointers during your little patrol?" Nodoka inquired as she handed him a bowl of rice at supper.

"Well, there was one awesome babe I ran across in Nerima on my way back to Juuban. A real cute little number." Ranma replied with a wide grin, reaching into the sack behind his back where he rummaged around for a while, searching for the texture he well remembered from the item in question. "Ah, here it is. She had a nametag on them." he commented as he pulled out a pair of white cotton panties with a cute little blue pattern on them. "Ten-do Na-bi-ki. Tendo Nabiki." he revealed and sniffed at the panties, before he put them back into the sack.

"Cough! What!" Genma demanded, spewing rice all over the table. "Tendo Nabiki!"

"Yeah. Y'know her, pops?" Ranma inquired.

"Ranma, language..." Nodoka berated him.

"Sorry, mom. Do you know her, pops?" Ranma attempted again and Nodoka let the 'pops' slide after a moment's consideration.

"She's one of my friend Tendo Soun's daughters." Genma replied.

"Ah, I remember Tendo-san. He's another of Happosai's disciples, isn't he?" Nodoka commented after a moment to tryand recall where she had heard that name before. Then it clicked and she recalled Tendo Soun and his wife Kimiko. Nodoka had visited them right after Ranma had been born, when she'd also met Kimiko and Souns three daughters for the first time since Tendo-sans marriage to Kimiko.

"Yes. While we laboured under the drea-ah... Respected master to learn Anything Goes, developing the Saotome Ryu and Tendo Ryu, we became the best of friends. In fact, we even promised to unite our two schools through our children. Ranma will marry one of Soun's daughters and unite the two schools." Genma responded.

"I get to marry that babe? Cool." Ranma commented.

"Tendo-san had three daughters when last we met, Ranma. So there's at least three girls to choose from. Perhaps you shouldn't decide on Nabiki until you've checked out the others and learned whom you like the most." Nodoka suggested. "Besides, one or more of the others might make appropriate mistresses, even if you don't marry them."

"Great idea, mom. I'll take a closer look at 'em." Ranma exclaimed, then dug into his food with gusto as Genma sighed. While on his nine-year training journey, he had spent a lot of time worrying about the sort of nonsense Nodoka would be filling Ranma's head with. It appeared as if his fears had been well-founded.

His only comfort was that Ranma was a fine Martial Artist and that he didn't seem to be all that affected by the worst of Happosai's traits, despite the month of training that he had received from the dreaded master. He was already perverted thanks to Nodoka, so Happosai made little difference there.

But Ranma didn't care much for strong drink, though he occasionally drank to make his mother happy, as she insisted that all real men drank copiously on occasion. He didn't steal, as he had no need for such. He wasn't abusive, horrible, violent and crazy, like the fearsome master.

In fact, all the influence Happosai seemed to have on Ranma, was that he learned to take better advantage of the underwear that he stole and all the women that he groped, as the old Master taught Ranma various techniques to extract Chi from lingerie and women.

Perhaps he could still live out his life in comfort, living off his son? Perhaps things wouldn't turn out to become quite as bad as he had envisioned? After all, he seemed to be amendable enough to marrying one of Soun's girls.

"You can do that next month. I received permission from the Master to train you myself for a bit." Genma announced and his expression shifted to that of a proud father. He had sealed the techniques, that was true. However, the allure of teaching them to Ranma was just too big for Genma to ignore. Ranma was a fine and upstanding Martial Artist, no ill could possibly come off this and once Ranma had learned them, he would be even further ahead on the path to becoming the worlds greatest Martial Artist!

Genma only regretted that the boy was now too old for the Neko-ken training. It was a shame, that technique was supposed to turn one invincible!


"Woha. Babe-o-rama." Ranma mumbled to himself and allowed his roaming eyes to take it all in. It had been simple enough to sabotage the Tendo water heater and then follow the girls to this public bathhouse, thus enabling himself to peek and compare them all at the same time. And it was, just like he'd commented to himself, babe-o-rama. All three girls were gorgeous, the older two in particular. The younger was cute and certainly had potential, but still had a bit of growing left to do before she'd really blossom.

He desperately jumped out of the way as a woman carrying a pail of water tripped over a dropped towel. One never knew, it might just be warm water. With his luck, it almost certainly was. It just wouldn't do to be splashed with warm water and have him be revealed as a man.

He wasn't in the mood for dodging and evasive manoeuvres training right now.

Ranma reminded himself to beat up Genma rather badly in tomorrow's session. Again... While the curse he acquired on their brief training journey to China did have quite a few uses when it came to training, peeping and stealing underwear, it still annoyed the hell out of him most of the time.

Genma was an asshole, not only had their supposed month-long training journey turned out to become a five-year long one, but Genma had also had countless opportunities to unveil his incredible stupidity to young Ranma.

His mother hadn't been very pleased either, neither at the extended training or the curse, but she had recovered soon enough as she realized that the curse offered her manly son countless opportunities to peep from up close in his female form and also gave him the edge he needed to get lesbian mistresses. She was convinced that once they'd have a taste of his talents, he could 'straighten' them out easily enough and get her even more grandchildren.

He shuddered at that thought. While he was amendable enough to most of her ideas, he was still far from ready to get children. Of course, he couldn't tell his mother that! Nodoka seemed to measure true happiness in the amount of grandchildren one had.

He finished lathering himself up and washed it off with cold water, taking one last good look at the three sisters. It would have been nice with a soak in the hot water, but that wouldn't be a very good idea. Instead, he comforted himself by absconding with their underwear before he left the changing room. Their panties and bras were in good company as well, he'd found many delectable pieces of underwear in the lockers just waiting for him to liberate them from their captivity!

As he left the bathhouse, he started considering what to do. He would marry one to satisfy family honour and make mistresses out of the other two to satisfy his desires. Problem was, he didn't think that any of them was ready for anything of the sort. He had noticed that most girls vehemently and sometimes violently opposed most of his mothers and Happosais teachings. He suspected that this would be yet another hurdle.

The older one, Kasumi, might put up with mistresses, if he was discreet about it. But the two younger ones... No, never.

In fact, the youngest one didn't even seem to be interested in boys at all! She would become his first lesbian convert, Ranma instantly decided. But he needed to do something about them before the marriage and acquirement of mistresses could begin or there'd be no end of trouble and arguments. Something had to be done.

Fortunately, Uncle Happosai often had good ideas for just these kinds of situations. Ranma was certain that the old man would have some idea of how to proceed.


"Ah, I see." Happosai commented after Ranma had explained the problem he now faced. "You want to marry Kasumi, then make mistresses out of Nabiki and Akane? But you don't think that they will be amendable to it and have decided to come to me for a solution to your problem." he continued, then his eyes suddenly turned huge and moist, his expression happy. "I'm so proud of you! You're a better heir then I ever could have hoped for!" he exclaimed and leapt at Ranma, ignoring the fact that the boy was currently a male. He wrapped his little arms as far around Ranma's torso as he could. "You can count on Uncle Happosai! I'll teach you everything I've ever learned about women and how to handle them. You'll have them begging to follow your every command once I'm done with you! Them and more besides! Oh, just imagine all the lacy little lovelies I can get my hands on once you've acquired a suitable amount of mistresses and trained them properly!"

"I knew I could count on you, Uncle Happosai!" Ranma cheered, wrapping his arms around the perverted old man, his own eyes also huge and moist as the two resident perverts imagined themselves sitting on two mountains of silky undies, a horde of naked women surrounding them, pleading for their Masters to give them an order, any order.

"Why, oh why, didn't I make sure that the dynamite finished him off all those years ago?" Genma moaned out on the porch, holding a half-empty bottle of sake and staring morosely up at the night sky.

The End! ( For now... )