GARFIELD VS. THANOS.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: ARRUGGHH.


One day in Marvel World, people were suddenly vanishing. Garfield happened to coexist within this world and was sleeping in his box thing that he considers a bed. He awoke abruptly to witness Jon Arbuckle suddenly disintegrate into a pile of dust. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" Screeched Garfield. "DON'T YOU FUCKING LEAVE ME, YOU BASTARD."

"o ok." Said Jon as he became one of the vanished. "bi bitch."

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!" shouted Garfield infuriated at the insult. "BITCH. NO. YOU DO NOT JUST INSULT ME AND VANISH LIKE THAT." He kicked his 'bed' and flung his food bowl at the wall.

It was now his main objective to put a stop to whatever caused this. He exited his house in search of the source.


Meanwhile a few miles away in Asguard, Thor was busy throwing an enormous beer bash in his small house. "OY, WHO WANTS TO WATCH ME DRINK THIS ENTIRE BARREL OF BOOZE?"

No one responded.

He pulled out his axe. "I SAID WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO WATCH ME DRINK THIS BARREL OF BOOZE OR I WILL CUT OFF YOUR HEADS."

Yet again no one responded.

"Come on, guys! Watch me drink this barrel!"

Everyone exited Thor's house.

Captain America slowly rode into the building on a John Deer tractor wearing a wifebeater, shorts, crocs. His potbelly protruded through his sweaty clothes. "MCDONALDS." He shrieked. A shredded leaky Walmart bag hung off the back. "AMERICA."

"Hey Captain America." Muttered Thor. "Want to watch me drink this barrel of beer?"

"FUCK OFF!"


Several days have passed. Garfield was close to figuring out who was responsible for the vanishing. At last he picked up a trail.

"THANOS!" He screeched as he released explosive gas from his rear and then lit a match causing the obese orange feline to blast straight up into space. "BITCH, I'M COMING FOR YOU."

The mailman happened to be doing air delivery in an airplane. Garfield shot straight through his aviation vehicle causing it to violently explode. "FUCK OFF, MAIL MAN." Shouted Garfield as he shot straight into space towards the planet Thanos was hiding on.


Lightyears away, Thanos was occupied with harvesting spiked fruits for a feast he was planning. "Hmm, quite a lovely day of crops." He smiled beaming proudly over at the farmland he now owned. "Such hard work I placed into restoring the order of civilization! Now we all may thrive and not starve to death! Mass cullings of destructive species are important-"

Suddenly he was disrupted by a loud orange cat shooting through the air like a comet. "THAAAAAAAAANOOOOOSSSS!" Shrieked the comet. "ARRRRGHH!"

"Oh boy!" Grinned Thanos. "A delightful light show in the sky! This is going to be a beautiful night now that light pollution is no longer an issue! Sure am excited!"

Minutes later, Garfield crashed into the ground creating an enormous crater. "BIIIITCH!" His shriek sounding much like an enraged super Saiyan. "I WILL FUCK YOU UP!"

"Oh goody!" Thanos clapped in delight. "Some company today! I shall go brew some tea for us to share!"

Garfield immediately flew on over with his fists extended in an effort to increase damages with the punch he had in store for Thanos. "YOU KILLED JON ARBUCKLE. NOW YOU WILL DIE!"

"Ay, but I'm cooking a feast tonight! Would you care for some lasagna?"

"Oh." Garfield stopped flying and stood there pondering this decision for a few moments. "Fuck Jon."

Garfield went to join Thanos for dinner and became his new cat.
The two lived happily ever after.

THE END.