That's right, it's finally here, the long awaited sequel to I'm Still Here!!! Okay, so many of you have probably not been waiting for it (but that only means that you should go and read I'm Still Here), but at least a few of you hopefully have.
The first chapter is really just a lot of exposition to explain what's happened, in quite brief terms, since we last left off. I think it's pretty clear who's POV it is, but if you have trouble, it's from Vaughns. The second chapter, will prob have an even more brief look at the past time from Syd's POV, before finally getting this story going. :)
I have no clue how many chapters this will end up being.. I just have a starting and end point I'd like to aim for... so grab on and join the ride.. hopefully it'll be a lot of fun... but if it isn't just tell me so I can try to fix the situation.
Okay let's get it moving.
Oh.. but if you HAVEN'T READ I'M STILL HERE GO READ IT, OTHERWISE YOU'LL BE KIND OF CONFUSED....
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of these characters, except ones you don't recognize from the show.. like Josh. :) I don't make anything off of this, all it gives me is a chance to distress…
REWINDBy Joey
StopRight there where you stand
Can we start again
And write this book just one more time
It's sad
To think it's come to this
But this is where it is
And now our road is undefined
(Swirl 360 – Rewind)
As I enter the backyard, I feel as if I've been placed in the middle of a set for a music video for 99 Red Balloons. Although, looking around, I'm quite sure that there are, in fact, more than 99 balloons swaying in the wind, and while a large number are red, many are also green, blue and yellow. It appears as if any place that looked like it had the remote ability to have balloons attached to it, now supports clumps of varying sizes. Even many of the kids running amok are either clenching tightly to a balloon in their hand, or have one tied to their wrist. A couple of the very young, are staring at the balloons, as if mesmerized by the way they shift and float in the wind.
Tearing my eyes away from the bright colours, that beckon from all corners of the yard, I move my way slowly through the crowd, taking notice of everyone who'd showed up. Nodding pleasantly at the ones I recognized but don't know, and greeting the others who I remember by name, until I finally reach a table that looks like it's about to collapse underneath the wait of all the gifts that have been haphazardly placed upon it. After locating a spot where I could place my gift with out upsetting the delicate balance of the table, I slip it into place, before turning back to the crowd, eyes seeking out the hosts.
Carrie and Marshall stand in the middle of a crowd of fellow agents, analysts, technicians, wardrobe designers and neighbours. I notice Mitchell sitting on Carrie's lap, a birthday hat on his head, as he squirms about, wanting to join the other children who are free to roam the yard.
Today Mitchell turns one. Today marks the one year anniversary of Weiss joining the Church of Mammals, and therefore the one year anniversary of Carrie and Marshall's marriage.
Today also marks the sixth month anniversary since Sydney's suicide attempt.
It's been a bumpy few months since that fateful week all those months ago. Sydney did exactly what I knew she was going to do without her having to a say a word. She left. Not forever mind you, just for three weeks. She said she was caching in on vacation time, at least that what I heard from Weiss. After that meeting in the hospital, I didn't see or hear from her for those three weeks.
I didn't even know she had left until Weiss mentioned receiving a postcard from her. Weiss didn't talk to me for a week after mentioning the postcard. I don't really remember the event, but conversations with Weiss since that day, and as well as with the few agents who had been around when it happened, apparently, (and this is quoting Eric here) I went postal on his ass.
Although the three weeks she was gone gave much needed time to think through, and deicide how to deal with and handle the Lauren/Syd situation. I decided after leaving the hospital that day, that I had two options. I could try and work things out with Sydney or I would try and work things out with Lauren. Sydney's second disappearance made my decision for me. I took a week off, as did Lauren, and we headed off on a vacation to Koh Samet, a resort island in Thailand. We spent the entire week talking our way through all our problems, finally deciding to give our marriage another month, and see if anything changed.
The following month, after Sydney's return, will probably always remain in my mind as the hardest month I have ever lived, second only to the night and following month (which I don't recall at all) after her initial "death." But this time, I had to deal with a Sydney who returned from vacation ready to completely cut my out of her life. Thankfully luck, and Dixon, was on my side, and she wasn't completely granted her wish.
Sydney wanted to remove herself from all things Rambaldi, CIA and the like. A proposition, that I know, had it been at any other time, I would've fully supported. Dixon refused her request, going as far as to tell her that if she chose to leave the CIA, the CIA would then be forced to place her under custody, as her role as The Chosen was not something they could afford to ignore. We also can't afford to have her wandering around, available for whatever terrorist group to take.
Apparently, now this I only know from rumours, Sydney then asked Dixon to remove me from the case. I'm sure you can imagine just how much hearing that hurt. Dixon pulled through for me again, although I know it wasn't done at all for my favor, and I'm sure he would've granted Sydney's request, if I hadn't been involved with the Rambaldi mess for so long. He did though, agree to make sure that neither of us were ever placed on missions together. The only time we would be allowed to do one together, would be if it was a huge mission, and they ran out of other agents to fill the spots. Trust me, by the end of hearing about all this, I realized just how much I had lost Sydney. Not just as a girlfriend (which is a position I shouldn't have been thinking, marriage and all that) but as a friend. She didn't want to see me, deal with me, or be around me.
And so, for the month Lauren and I tried to mend our relationship, but we soon realize the damage had already been done, and was now irreversible. At the end of the month (we still made ourselves stick it out for the entire month) we filed for divorce. Surprisingly, considering her family's reputation, with the help of Dixon, and the willingness on both or parts, we've managed to keep the divorce proceedings quiet from everyone at the Op center. The divorce should be final in another week or so. I can finally feel the weight being lifted from my shoulders.
Lauren has continued on as the NSC liaison, and the two of us have grown even closer than when we were married. I guess without the idea of a romantic relationship hanging over our heads, we were able to do the one thing we probably would've been better off doing in the first place, become friends. We get together ever two weeks or so, depending on our workloads and go out for dinner to chat. She's even been confessing to me lately that she has a crush on a guy at work. I think soon we'll have to come out and tell everyone about the divorce, but we've both agreed that we'd like to wait for it to go through first, and that there are certain people that we should break it to in person.
Although, based on how my relationship with Sydney is at the moment, if you can call what we have a relationship of any form, it'll be doubtful that I'll ever get the chance to tell her the news myself.
And so that first month went by, hellish day by hellish day. But there was one bright spot. Two weeks in, Dixon announced that we were getting another agent to come and work on the Rambaldi case with us. Joshua Harper. Now Josh, Eric and I have been friends since we all met in CST training all those years ago, so I couldn't be more excited to have him come work. There'd finally be another guy to hang out with. Unfortunately, I forgot how friendly Josh was, and within the first week of his arrival, Sydney and him had hit it off, although Weiss constantly assured me that they were just friends.
This lead to awkward moment 247 during the course of that month with Sydney. Weiss and I had started to include Josh to our twice-weekly hockey evenings. Apparently Josh and Sydney had had a conversation that afternoon about hockey, where Sydney admitted she was a big fan. As much as this hurt me when I heard, I have to admit I was glad I managed to teach her about sometime I loved during those few short months we had together. But Josh, unknowing about Sydney and mine's history (it isn't, after all, something we like to talk about, the water cooler already hears enough), invited her along to that evening hockey night. In fact, I'm not sure that Sydney realized that Josh and I were good friends, because I don't think she would've accepted otherwise.
But suddenly that night, as I was skating around the rink, chasing after a puck, my gaze was snapped away from the ice when I heard her laugh. Maybe I'm quite stalkerish or something, but I've never forgotten the sound of her voice, her laugh, the way she likes her coffee or her nervous habit of tucking hair behind her ear. So when her laugh broke out across the arena, I was yanked from my thoughts, to glance up and see her sitting in the home players box with Josh, the two tying up a pair of skates. Now this definitely wasn't my most glamorous moment on ice, as I forgot that I was still traveling at high speeds, my gaze locked on her, when I crashed quite ungracefully into the side boards. As the crash echoed around the room, her gaze, like Josh's shot up from their skates, eyes locking in on mine from my position sprawled on my back on the ice.
Immediately shaking myself off, I got back to my feet, picking up my stick, and skating slowly towards the box to greet them.
"Hey Mike," Josh called out as I skated closer. "I hope you don't mind, but I brought my friend Sydney tonight. She was telling me today how much she enjoys hockey."
I tore my eyes away from Syd's to greet Josh, forcing a smile to my lips. Don't get me wrong, I was ecstatic that she was there. This was the first time all month I was going to get a chance to have a normal conversation with her. I wouldn't trade this for anything. "No worries Josh. Hey Syd," I didn't even realize I'd called her by my nickname for her until I saw her flinch as the word flowed out of my mouth. "-ney" I quickly added on, trying to make it sound as if it had been one word. "Sydney."
Josh shot me a funny look, but didn't say anything. The rest of the evening, was quite awkward, with Weiss trying his hardest to be funny and ease the tension. We had trouble splitting into two teams. See, I knew that Syd wouldn't want to be paired with me, she had after all, refused to remain my partner, and yet going opposite her was almost harder. Trying to defend her, when all I wanted to do was travel back in time to when it was just the two of us on the ice. When I'd play goal and she'd try to shoot on me, only to lose her balance, or be unable to stop, ending with the two of us locked in a hug, or tumbling to the ice together, myself always trying to desperately break her fall. If there was one thing I didn't want, it was to be the cause of anymore of her bruises. She got enough from work, she didn't need to receive more hanging out with me.
She got on my case about that once, telling me part of the experience of hockey was getting hurt, and that I couldn't protect her at all times. A statement that shook me back to reality when I heard it. There was nothing more that I wanted in life then to be able to protect her from everything, and it hurt to realize that it was an impossible dream. It's painful to think back to that conversation, because it occurred the last time we ever played hockey together, only days before that fateful night and never-taken trip to Santa Barbara.
Anyway, I'm getting off track here. But let's just say, after that night, Eric on my behalf (and Sydney's too I guess) had a very long talk with Josh, letting him into the know on the background of our relationship. Suffice to say that Sydney never showed up at another one of our hockey nights, or any get together for that matter after that.
Since that 1st month, I have only ever talked with Sydney if it was absolutely necessary. I've seen her walking across the ops center, or at mission briefings, but we never sit next or even near to each other, and she always takes the route that will guarantee she is farthest from my office no matter where she is going. It has also become an unspoken rule, that if I am talking to Eric or Josh she doesn't come by and vice versa. I feel like we're back in 3rd grade, but since I don't want to hurt her anymore than I have in the past, I feel it's best to stick to her rules.
But when Marshall announced a couple of weeks ago about Mitchell's upcoming celebration and the party attached, I jumped at the chance for purely selfish reasons. I know many agents accepted the invitation, if only because they owed their life to Marshall and one of his many gadgets. Others, because they truly were Marshall's friend, or had a son/daughter who attended the CIA daycare with Mitchell. But myself? Well I know Sydney enough to know that that she'd never miss her godson's first birthday. It would be the first chance since that hockey night, that I'd have a chance to be in a purely social non-work related situation with her again, and the day of the party just couldn't get here fast enough.
Back to the party at hand, I continued to let myself wander the backyard, searching desperately for the one person who could make me feel sane. The one person who made everything all better, even if she refused to be part of my life. I finally spotted her, sitting with a young boy, probably around the age of two or three, playing with a small collection of Tonka trucks, crashing them into each other.
Finding a vacated chair, I settled down, intent on enjoying the limited time I'd been granted to see Sydney, especially considering the time was going to allow me to see a happy Sydney. I let my mind drift off into a day dream, pretending the little boy actually belonged to me and Sydney, and that we had attended this party together, as a family.
