Inspired by the little preview trailer for 3x6. Hope you like it. As ever, I own nothing
Shoulda, Woulda
His face was the picture of calm composure as he stood before the cleric Geoffrey of Monmouth, his king and sire, Uther Pendragon and the entire court of Camelot alongside his soon-to-be wife, Princess Elena.
Yet beneath the calm exterior, Arthur's heart and mind were a whirlwind of emotions as he fought every fibre of his being that screamed at him to run away back down the aisle and out of Camelot, grabbing Gwen's hand on the way and taking her with him.
He couldn't bring himself to look in her direction – he could already feel her eyes on him, deep brown eyes that were filled with love and the sadness of longing that it was she who would stand next to him and not the blonde princess who the king had so quickly chosen to be Arthur's bride.
Arthur wished that he could be braver, or that he could be more selfish and defy his father's wishes. Hell, he wished that Gwen wasn't as noble of heart as she was. He wished that she had shouted or screamed at him when he had gone to tell her of his father's impending plans - anything that would assuage his guilt at betraying her just a little bit. However, she was Guinevere and shouting and screaming was not her way. His Guinevere had simply stood sombrely in front of him, listened to his words and calmly told him that she would watch him grow into the king that Camelot deserved.
Had she, instead, asked in some small way for him not to marry Elena, Arthur wouldn't have thought twice about whisking her away right then and there and Camelot be damned. But wait, Arthur caught himself, she wasn't his Guinevere – not anymore – and his heart weighed heavily in his chest.
There was a hollow roaring in his ears as he felt blood rush to his head and though he could see Geoffrey's lips moving, Arthur couldn't hear the words. Unbidden, he let his head move almost imperceptibly to the side and as if by some irresistible force, his eyes flickered immediately to the dark young woman standing at Morgana's side.
Gwen felt sick watching the man she had been in love with for so long about to marry someone else. She had known all along that this was how things must be but so far, Arthur had resisted any notion of marriage to another and she had let a part of herself believe that as unrealistic as it was, he would wed no-one but her.
Her stomach had churned horribly the day that he had spoken to her regarding the plans for him to marry the visiting princess and she was sure that he had seen her turn the sickly green colour that she was certain had flooded her skin.
Her brain had frozen for a few long moments as she processed what he was saying to her and her first instinct had been to throw her arms around him and beg him not to. However, she was Guinevere, daughter to the steady and noble blacksmith, Tom, and she was not given to histrionics even in the most dire of circumstances. Instead, she swallowed her grief and put on a brave face. She had to show Arthur that she would support him in whatever decision he made and that she'd never come between him and his love and duty to Camelot regardless of any personal attachment she might feel towards him. So she let her love go in deference to a greater cause.
Gwen felt her legs wobble beneath her and she was glad of the long skirts that hid their trembling. She thought that she might tell Morgana that she was unwell and needed to be excused from her service that day but she told herself not to be silly. She might very well not have to face this particular day but what about the next and the day after that and all the days after that? She couldn't be unwell forever. The maid hoped that nobody could see the yawning chasm of sorrow that had opened within her but a brief look in Merlin's eyes told her this was not the case. She looked away from her fellow servant and back to Arthur, just in time for his sapphire blue eyes to catch her gaze.
"Say something, one word and I'm yours!" Arthur pleaded silently to Gwen. "Just say it!" He knew it would be to no avail but his heart leapt into his throat when he thought he saw Gwen's lips part slightly and her mouth begin to open.
