Halo: Christmas Shopping

by Leonidas 82

In a cheap ad campaign, Microsoft and Bungie force the cast of Halo 2 to spend the day at a local shopping mall dressed as Santa and his Elves, to promote the game. All day they have to hear what kids, and even a few celebrities, want for Christmas. R&R welcome.

The Master Chief had not been looking forward to today. He stood in the dressing room and looked at himself in the mirror. He was wearing his Mark Six MJOLNIR battle armor, but today he had been forced to wear something that just took his dignity away. Over his helmet he wore a green pointed hat with a bell on the end, over his torso was an awful green and red Christmas sweater, and on his feet he wore little pointed shoes with bells on each tip. Today he was an elf. Even worse, he was one of Santa's elves.

He strode out of the fitting room and into malls courtyard, where Santas Workshop had been set up. Already the line of kids and parents had stretched around the malls entrance. The Chief sighed as he walked up too the empty seat and stood next too it. No one had told him who would be playing Santa, and it really intrigued who it might be. He noticed on the other side of the chair a metal box with a crystal surface. It was a holo projector. "Why is there holo pad here?" he thought to himself.

His thoughts were cut of by the stompping of loud boots and a deep gravelly voice yelling"HO!HO!HO!" The line parted and a loud, black, 'Santa' walked forward. In all his jolly goodness somthing just didn't seem right to the Chief. Just as the Santa had gotten about half way too the chair when it hit Chief who Santa was. "Oh God no...," he just muttered to himself, rubbing his temple. "They got you too play Santa, Johnson?"

Sergeant Johnson, in a bright red Santa suit and fat-padding, sat down. His fake white beard and long white whig just made him look foolish. Though he appeared to be as happy as ever, with the smell of Jack Daniels, on his breath, and a long Cuban cigar in his mouth."Yeah I showed up. Part of the contract I signed with Bungie."

"To play Santa?" the Chief asked.

"No. After the success of the first game I had too sign my pride and sense of shame over to Microsoft." replied Johnson.

"That dosen't seem fair."

"I thought so too at first, but in return their lawyers made those nasty charges involving Angela Bassett go away."

"Yeah , makes sense I guess. You really need to control yourselves at those E3 conferances. Slugging famous actresses isn't a great way to advance your career."

"Hey you mind your own damn bussiness! I heard what I heard. She made that proposition to me!"

"For the last time! She didn't say you could watch her make out with seventy-two virgins. It was one seven-foot-two Persian!"

The Sergeant muttered something under his breath.

"What?", asked the Chief.

"Nothing...", replied the Sergeant.

"Didn't think so."

After about five minutes akward silence, a womans voice cut in over the Chiefs comm."So Chief how are you feeling?"

It was Cortana. This was a pleasent surprise for the Chief, he hadn't known she was gonna be here either. "Like a corprate whore, if you must know."

"Well at least you don't look like one." Cortana replied. Suddenly the holo projector flared to life and the AI's image appeared over the crystal surface. Though instead of her standard appearance, she was dressed in a very short red skirt and form-hugging red top. She wore long elbow length red gloves, and knee high black, high-heeled boots, and it was all topped off with a red Santa hat. She wore her hair long and it touched her shoulders.

"You look...uh...nice"the Chief managed to stammer out.

The Sergeant just looked her up and down. "You're a program. So why do keep changing your hair-do."

"More like 'hair- don't'." The Chief cut in.

Both the Sergeant and the Chief started laughing, until Cortana's image grew to tower about twenty feet over them and turned a brilliant red ans orange to express her anger. " DO HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY DIFERENT WAYS I COULD KILL YOU AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT!?" the AI roared.

When the Sergeant opened his eyes he found both himself and the Master Chief cowering behind the Santa throne. He looked at the Spartan and said "Do something!"

"Like what?!?" the Chief growled.

"Tell her she looks pretty."

The Chief glared at him."She's a 'smart' AI! She'll never fall for that!"

"Just try it!"

The Chief hesitantly walked forward and said,"Hey Cortana."

The fuming AI looked down at him,"WHAT?!?"

"You look very pretty this morning." the Chief just crossed his fingers behind his back.

Suddenly Cortana's image shrank back down to normal size and her color went back to the bluish hue it normally had."Really? What kind of pretty? Like pretty pretty, or skanky pretty?"

Before the Chief could answer the mall manager yelled,"Santa's Workshop is open.!" and pulled back the velvet rope.

The Chief just looked up and mouthed,"Thank you, Jesus!"

To be Continued...