"Death fractured my porcelain skin so I could become adamantine."
adamantine (/ˌadəˈmantʌɪn/)
adjective
1. refers to any especially hard substance, whether composed of diamond, some other gemstone, or some type of metal.
2. unable to be broken
People don't fear death, not really. They fear the aftermath (where do I go from here? will it be painful?). So, it's from that fear, that religion was born. Priests would defend themselves by saying religion is love. False. You can't love something that you fear or fear something that you love. If you do, then it isn't love, or it isn't fear. It can't be both. However, the human mind is restless so it has never really stopped searching for answers. Gods, science, and the list could go on. Centuries made people forget that the most important things don't have behind a difficult algorithm or a divine being that "is too complex for us to understand". No, the most important things are simple, simple enough to be overlooked. Look around you and tell me what you see. Flowers die before the arrival of winter, only to reborn in spring. For a star to appear, another must explode. When animals die in a forest, their remains come back to the earth and the earth creates substance for other animals, younger, more in need, to feed on. It's a cycle. Life and Death, Death and Life. One can't be without the other so it's stupid to separate them, to draw a line when they are so closely connected.
Would you believe me if I told you I died with a smile on my face? Even better, that my rebirth was nothing short of traumatic? I cried. A lot. Most babies do but I took the cake. I cried so much that I had my parents running from one medic to another. Their answer? "Nothing is wrong with her". Whoa, rewind. Stop right there. Everything was wrong. From my food options to the hours of sleep I suddenly needed. I stopped once, though not for long. Seeing a ninja headband that didn't look like it was bought from Amazon had been a powerful memory trigger. Thus, I cried again, harder than ever and anatomy was no longer the cause.
The first few years of my life had been hell for reasons I'd rather not think about. Sadly, for me, that's borderline impossible since I'm forced to share space with two of these reasons.
"I'm not naming my daughter after the ocean Suigetsu! Get that through your thick skull!"
"Last time I checked, she was our daughter Karin. It takes two people to do it and what's wrong with the name Umi?"
"Were you the one to carry her and spend five hours in labour?"
I would have liked telling you the opposite, that no, I'm not a nameless four-year-old. Alas, I can't because it's true. The New Era of Shinobi has begun and it seems I got signed up for the ride. Boruto's time doesn't seem even half as bad as Naruto's, but when your parents happen to be Uzumaki Karin and Hozuki Suigetsu, Sasuke's crazy former teammates...you ought to be at least a little concerned. A little, was me putting it lightly. To tell the truth, I was mortified.
Suigetsu's lack of response breaks through my musings. I've gotten so used to their yelling that the absence of sound, for me at least, was now as loud as the presence of it. My eyes flicker between the two of them and I know today's argument had run its course. Whenever Karin pulls the 'nine months plus labour' card, he mumbles something under his breath, out of her hearing range and then - silence.
I eavesdrop on them often, often enough that I'm able to predict what they are going to do next. A while ago, I discovered how to hide my chakra, thus I'm no longer worried that they'd find out. My father isn't good at sensing people and my mother, since I had inherited her abilities and some part of her chakra, can't hope to sense me unless I let her. Which I don't, obviously. She is responsible for what I eat and I care about my food.
Normally, I'd let their argument slide and go on with my life but if I don't get involved... I'll turn forty and they will still be arguing about names.
"Kaa-san, tou-san?" I call, doing my best to look like the innocent four-year-old they think I am.
"Yes, Momo/Umi?" they turn to face me smiling. I know that they want nothing more than to strangle each other though.
"I was thinking..." I begin, tapping my chin as to imitate adults and earn more points for sweetness.
"Yes dear?" Karin asks patiently while Suigetsu silently encouraged me to go on.
I hesitate for effect.
"Can I choose my own name?" Silence succeeded my demand. Seriously, I would have laughed if I didn't have a mask to maintain. The two stared at each other which honestly made me resemble a freaking third wheel. Suigetsu and Karin are far from the word 'sane' while I can't be referred as anything but a disaster-in-the-making. So, at first glance, they might not seem like it but I know they are in love with each other.
"What did you have in mind, little warrior?" Dad wonders, picking me up in his arms.
"I like the name Seina." I declare in my proudest voice, hoping they'd agree.
They look thoughtful for a moment before their faces break into matching grins. It's scary...because I think my face mirrors their own.
"It's a very pretty name. I agree." Karin says, pressing a gentle kiss onto my forehead while Suigetsu nods along. "I don't see why not. Do you know what it means?"
Oh right. To tell the truth, I have no idea. I am still learning Japanese and it's kind of a slow process.
"Seina means holy child."
The irony didn't fail on me. I had chosen the one thing that I wasn't as my name: holy. Come on, is there such a thing as a holy person? I wanted to open my mouth and say I changed my mind but I kept it shut when I saw the look on their faces. Karin and Suigetsu believed I was the light, the purity that somehow managed to come out from their darkness and sins.
I didn't want to burst their bubble so I nodded along.
Hozuki Seina, my new self.
From the moment you are born, your family starts teaching you all sorts of things. 'don't lie' 'always ask before you take something' 'be polite', etc. They establish a set of rules which all sound like this 'don't do that' or 'do this'. Since a young age, you are shoved down a path and are expected to confirm. Ninja though, now ninja do things a lot more differently and for a good reason. They teach by example and regardless of how brutal those examples might be, they open eyes. Suddenly you have no other choice but to face reality and reality is far from pink.
Kill or be killed. It all comes down to that. It's the opposite of the civilian mindset. Lie, steal, become the lowest of the low if you must but complete the mission. Don't hesitate, never hesitate. Society, the one I was born into, liked hiding their trash. The ninja world I'm now living in encourages you to stare death in the face, to recognise your fears and your weaknesses and all your fucked-up agenda. Why? So, you'd learn to overcome them, live with them. Knowledge is power. How many had lost themselves and their lives because they refused to acknowledge their ugly parts, the world's dark side? Ignorance is a foreign concept among ninja.
Among the smart ones, anyway.
Boruto's Era is brighter...in a sense. People believe in Uzumaki Naruto, in the world he had built. However, what happens after he is gone? The man is a powerhouse, almost a God. Ninja from all over saw that years ago thus know going up against him would be suicide. The other Kage are on good terms with each other but that's now. Who can guarantee the bond between nations will endure after they die? Peace is fragile and conflict is so deep rooted in our nature that it's hard to believe war won't break out again. Boruto's Era promises light but no one can deny how four shinobi wars had left their mark on the psyche. As such, the first lesson remains. More so for me, whose origins go back to the Land of Whirlpools and the Hidden Village in the Mist and whose birthland is Orochimaru's former playground: The Hidden Sound.
To sum it up briefly, I was doomed from the start but enough complaining. All the curses in the world won't change my long-term predicament, why would crying and pleading do?
I lean backwards against a tree, breathing heavily. My last attempt ensured I'd have little energy left for trying again. I bite back a growl of frustration and stare at my hands like they wronged me greatly. I had begun my training early. At first, there were subtle stuff. Heavier toys for muscle building, complex puzzles for a sharp brain, the usual play sessions of hide and seek to absorb the basics of stealth, etc.
One month ago, things got far more interesting and a touch heavier. Suigetsu had given me a chakra paper. Much to his delight, the paper got wet. He didn't stop bragging for a week. I say a week because Karin told him he'd be sleeping on the couch if he doesn't shut-up. Otherwise, I'm confident his vocal display of excitement would have lasted longer than that. I understood his motives which is why I asked him to teach me. In a way, I brought the exhaustion upon myself. Water is tougher to master than I had initially thought. Thus, here I am, a paradox. Granted my Uzumaki genes, the amount of chakra I have is pretty impressive for a six-year-old. Unfortunately, out of the five elements, dad's affinity requires the most finesse.
Finesse I don't possess. Well, at least not yet. It's troublesome but if the anime taught me something, is how hard work pays off in the end. I hope. Otherwise I soaked several clothes and lost sleep for nothing.
"Dinner is ready Seina-chan!" Karin calls as she comes to sit down beside me. I imagine I look like the prime example of an upset kid because she narrows her eyebrows, concerned. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I mumble, trying, and failing to seem convincing. My rebirth was and still is, difficult. I struggled, every day, to do even the simplest stuff. I had to re-learn talking, walking, sitting down, even going to the toilet. And that's not even the worst part. I probably wouldn't feel so miserable if I had someone, anyone to talk to and no, my family isn't an option. I don't feel like being labelled as insane yet.
"That didn't sound like nothing to me." Karin replies. Her fingers brush my hair and for a moment, everything is silent. Then a triumphant and quiet 'aha' sound escapes her lips. She sighs. "You are upset because you didn't master the jutsu."
Bullseye. Sharp as ever.
"I don't want to disappoint dad or you."
"Disappoint us? Never. I am proud of you and so is Suigetsu." Karin seems sure of what she is telling but still...
"How do you know tou-san isn't upset? It's been a month already and I can't do it."
She smiles at me warmly and brushes my hair again. "Because I know him and I also know you. Even if it takes another month or a year, you will succeed. You have my spirit after all, Seina."
If you have never seen my mother smile, then let me tell you something. Her smile is contagious and if you look closely, it matches Kushina's and Naruto's in that aspect. Well, I suppose they are distant relatives and just like the brooding is found in most Uchiha, the bright smile is found in most Uzumaki. In the ones still left, anyway. I nod slowly and wrap my arms around her, not knowing how to respond. I have rarely had so much trust and faith placed in me. Most people didn't bother in my past life with that sort of things. Thus, I resigned myself to believing I wasn't worth any.
"Karin?" Suigetsu yells.
"Yes Anata?"
"Our dinner is burning..."
Her eyes widen, she curses, then her eyes widen yet again upon realizing she had done so in front of me. I suppress a smile.
"Kaa-san, the food." I remind her.
"Right." she murmurs to herself then runs back inside the house. I consider helping her but my grasp over water is still a gamble at best. Besides, they are both level-headed adults. Surely, they can handle a small...
"SUIGETSU!"
"Oh, come on sweetheart, don't give me that look. It was burning, I couldn't just..."
"EXCUSES. PETTY ONES. YOU JUST DROWNED MY KITCHEN."
"Our kitchen and Karin for fuck' sake you can't me make sleep on the couch..."
Never mind. Forget what I said. They are one of a kind.
Back in the real world, I often entertained the idea of multiple dimensions, time webs, worm holes and such theories. Time travel, especially, was tricky. It said the smallest change in the past could build or destroy the future (those are extreme cases but you get the point). Had I been reborn in Naruto's Generation, hell, even Kakashi's or Tsunade's, I wouldn't be feeling lost because I know what happened and what things needed fixing. No doubt it would have been dangerous but as I said before, knowledge is power.
Right now? My knowledge is heavily limited. Go figures I'd be thrown in the middle of an unknown timeline. The manga had only two chapters prior to my death which brings me to my next question:
What the fuck am I supposed to do here?
I already feel like I'm walking on egg shells. Never mind my current age. The world doesn't ask how old are you before it decides to get screwed over. Naruto and Sasuke are prime examples with the former having been a baby and the later just six years of age. The Kyuubi Attack and The Uchiha Massacre happened and I'm inclined to believe they couldn't have prevented those, no matter how mature their brains were. Naruto certainly not. Sasuke, maybe.
As for me, I'm aware I have two options: get as far away from the protagonist as possible (which should be easy considering the distance between Leaf and Sound) or number two, which is the opposite.
So, I casually bring up the subject of enrolling in the Academy during dinner. Karin and Suigetsu look pretty thrown-off, as if they thought this call was theirs to make. It wasn't, not really. I recognized their attempts at home-schooling, which I am thankful for but I can't become an official ninja without the approval of a hidden village.
"That's how you became a shinobi, by going there." I insist to get a reaction, something other than shock.
"Yes, I went to Kirigakure and your mother went to Grass." Suigetsu pauses, feigning ignorance. "Why are you asking little warrior?"
I look them right in the eyes and answer anyway.
"I want to become a ninja too."
Karin shares a meaningful look with Suigetsu across the table. "We...we will think about it, Seina-chan."
It's not a straight-out refusal but it's not an agreement either. Honestly, I don't understand their hesitation. I thought shinobi want their kids to follow in their footsteps...oh. Realisation hits me like a ton of bricks and guilt instantly follows. I should have known their past is still hovering over them like a shadow. The way Suigetsu cleans his swords as if there is still blood on them, long after you can see your reflection on the blade. The way Karin adverts her eyes when he dissolves into water, beating herself up over something she did when she worked for Orochimaru...
It's a long-lasting trauma they are experiencing and while it's understandable for them to want a different path for me, a brighter one, I should be allowed the freedom of choosing. Besides, like every child born to famous parents, I have a bounty on my head. One day someone from their past might hunt me down. When that time comes, I'd rather not resemble a sitting duck.
I want to be ready.
No more talk was done on the subject. That is, until my eighth birthday rolled around. I knew it as soon as I heard the words:
"Pack your things."
They were sending me away.
A/N: This first chapter is considerably longer than the former and contains aspects of chapter two. I wrote Fate Had It a year ago and my writing has significantly improved since then, hence the desire to do the story justice by rewriting it. Some things will stay the same while the rest is tabula rasa. Chapters will be longer but smaller in number, I suppose. I have one more massage for you.
For the ones who have just begun reading: I recommend not reading the old version since it might produce confusion. Thank you for giving this a chance!
For the ones who read the old and are curious about the new: I hope I will live up to your expectations and I thank you for giving this a second shot!
For both parties: Updates will be done weekly (or quicker) since I waited to write a couple of chapters before posting the first one. All so you wouldn't have to wait for long. If you have any questions to ask, you can always leave a review or pm me even! I love interacting with you! I'm also open to suggestions.
Happy Winter Holidays!
