Alanna Takes Driving Lessons (The horror!!)
~This is the first in a series of 'so-and-so' takes driving lessons. I think I'll start w/all Tamora Pierce Characters.
It was a typical day in Tortall, John and George were at the swoop making dinner when Alanna burst through the kitchen door saying (in a bored voice) "Roger's come back -again. I'll just go and kill him -again. I'll be back before dinner." George looked at her seriously "I hope so, I made your favorite dish -vegetarian lasagna." (okay, so maybe it wasn't quite normal).) Alanna smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek "I love you." she said as she dashed out the door.
Alanna ran to the stables -putting her sword and mail on as she went (with the help of a page-type-person)- and hopped on the horse some stableman or other had saddled for her. She yelled a thank you as she pushed the horse onward toward the palace. She arrived there in an amazingly short time but was still too late, Roger had already taken over the palace (pretty good for a guy who has been dead several times -Alanna killed him three times in the last month alone). Roger laughed evilly as he did some weird dance over the corpses of Thayet and a bunch of other important people who happened to be come him.
Alanna challenged him "You rat! Can't you stay dead?! Come down here and fight -again!" (seemingly unaffected by all of the dead people who were once her friends [etc.] ).
"You think I'm going to do that after the other *appears to be trying to count a rather large number on his fingers, fails and takes off his shoes and socks to get at his toes. Alanna sways and quickly covers her nose as the stench reaches her.* -well, never mind how many other times. You don't think I'd let you just kill me again do you? Hah! I will not!"
"Oh yeah?" says Alanna as she draws her sword and hurls it at Roger. The pommel of the sword takes him full in the face and he falls over dead. 'What a wimp.' Alanna thinks.
"Now what am I going to tell Jon?" she says as she looks down at the dead Thayet.
A 'poof' is heard and Alanna turns around to see Daine's parents standing there.
"What are you guys doing here?' Alanna asks in bewilderment.
"Well, Dear," said Daine's mother, a goddess named Sara known as the Green Lady
(a.n. I think that's right), "Wvyren (?) and I thought that we could start helping Daine's friends as well as Daine and we couldn't help but notice your predicament."
"I'm sure it helped you convince Wvyren that -in this case- helping me would help Daine as well." Wvyren looked uncomfortable and Sara grinned.
"I'll take that as a yes. So, what do you plan on doing about this?" Alanna gestures to the mass of dead people at her feet.
"Well, you see, I just talked to the Graveyard Hag and she said-"
"Never mind. I'll do anything to fix this, well...almost anything." Alanna interrupted. She has enough to worry about without The Graveyard Hag getting into her business (it was only okay now because she dreaded to think what would happen when she got back home, "Jon, I'm awfully sorry, but I was too slow and Roger killed your wife.").
"Okay, you just hold still and I'll do it all." Sara rolled up her sleeves and twiddled her fingers. Green magic gathered on her fingertips and started flowing slowly toward the bodies strewn all over the castle steps. Suddenly, the magic flared and all Alanna could see for a moment was green. The light faded and disappeared, Alanna could see that everyone was as good as new -for the most part. Thayet's hair was in slight disarray and that would upset her a bit later, Alanna could just imagine Thayet trying to kill Roger again for messing up her hair. She must have smiled at the image because Thayet turned to her and asked "What's so funny?".
Alanna covered her smile "Just glad to see you Your Majesty." she lied.
Thayet looked at her askance "Hm, yeah right. Well, thanks for the help but I think we really need to do something about this timing problem. We can't have them *Thayet gestures at the spot Daine's parents had been but had now disappeared from* coming here all the time. I thought they couldn't come here except on equinoxes anyway." she adds, thoughtfully.
Alanna taps her foot impatiently "What are you getting at? I can't just stand around Roger's coffin waiting for him to come back again, you know. If you ask me we should ignore that stupid law and burn him."
Thayet looked appalled "We couldn't possibly do that! If we went past that law then the people would think all of the laws could be overlooked!" A law had been made by some monarch long ago that no noble's body could be purposely burned. Alanna had suggested and 'accidental' fire in Roger's coffin -a result of his many experiments in dark magic or a failed attempt at coming back perhaps- but Thayet and Jon wouldn't allow it.
Thayet calmed down a bit and continued "I was suggesting that you learn how to drive a car."
Alanna looked at her blankly "A what?".
"A car. Those things the Kallegians drive around."
"You mean those loud metal monsters? What are you thinking?! I don't want to go anywhere near them!"
"Now, Alanna, the Kallegian ambassador assures us they are completely safe as long as they don't run into people."
"Exactly." Alanna mumbled as Thayet continued "We could shorten your traveling time to a mere 15 minutes possibly. We could surely hold Roger that long, especially since Numair and Daine are getting back from their honeymoon today. Maybe Numair should take lessons too (a.n. dun, dun, dun). Oh well, we can't have you both busy with that at the same time. I want you to go straight to the Kallegians and ask about those lessons he offered. I expect you to do this well and promptly so you better get started."
"Well, okay," said Alanna, thinking of getting into one of those 'cars' and never being able to get out " but I'm going home first. I told George and Jon that I'd be home in time for supper. You better call the royal coach, your supposed to be there too you know -and could we not tell anyone about this whole thing? It would be rather awkward."
"That's perfectly alright with me. I don't need people questioning me let alone asking me questions about what it's like to be dead. I don't know, I was dead, how would I know what I was feeling?"
Alanna blinked and held back the question she had been about to ask.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
So ends the first chapter. Review please!
~This is the first in a series of 'so-and-so' takes driving lessons. I think I'll start w/all Tamora Pierce Characters.
It was a typical day in Tortall, John and George were at the swoop making dinner when Alanna burst through the kitchen door saying (in a bored voice) "Roger's come back -again. I'll just go and kill him -again. I'll be back before dinner." George looked at her seriously "I hope so, I made your favorite dish -vegetarian lasagna." (okay, so maybe it wasn't quite normal).) Alanna smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek "I love you." she said as she dashed out the door.
Alanna ran to the stables -putting her sword and mail on as she went (with the help of a page-type-person)- and hopped on the horse some stableman or other had saddled for her. She yelled a thank you as she pushed the horse onward toward the palace. She arrived there in an amazingly short time but was still too late, Roger had already taken over the palace (pretty good for a guy who has been dead several times -Alanna killed him three times in the last month alone). Roger laughed evilly as he did some weird dance over the corpses of Thayet and a bunch of other important people who happened to be come him.
Alanna challenged him "You rat! Can't you stay dead?! Come down here and fight -again!" (seemingly unaffected by all of the dead people who were once her friends [etc.] ).
"You think I'm going to do that after the other *appears to be trying to count a rather large number on his fingers, fails and takes off his shoes and socks to get at his toes. Alanna sways and quickly covers her nose as the stench reaches her.* -well, never mind how many other times. You don't think I'd let you just kill me again do you? Hah! I will not!"
"Oh yeah?" says Alanna as she draws her sword and hurls it at Roger. The pommel of the sword takes him full in the face and he falls over dead. 'What a wimp.' Alanna thinks.
"Now what am I going to tell Jon?" she says as she looks down at the dead Thayet.
A 'poof' is heard and Alanna turns around to see Daine's parents standing there.
"What are you guys doing here?' Alanna asks in bewilderment.
"Well, Dear," said Daine's mother, a goddess named Sara known as the Green Lady
(a.n. I think that's right), "Wvyren (?) and I thought that we could start helping Daine's friends as well as Daine and we couldn't help but notice your predicament."
"I'm sure it helped you convince Wvyren that -in this case- helping me would help Daine as well." Wvyren looked uncomfortable and Sara grinned.
"I'll take that as a yes. So, what do you plan on doing about this?" Alanna gestures to the mass of dead people at her feet.
"Well, you see, I just talked to the Graveyard Hag and she said-"
"Never mind. I'll do anything to fix this, well...almost anything." Alanna interrupted. She has enough to worry about without The Graveyard Hag getting into her business (it was only okay now because she dreaded to think what would happen when she got back home, "Jon, I'm awfully sorry, but I was too slow and Roger killed your wife.").
"Okay, you just hold still and I'll do it all." Sara rolled up her sleeves and twiddled her fingers. Green magic gathered on her fingertips and started flowing slowly toward the bodies strewn all over the castle steps. Suddenly, the magic flared and all Alanna could see for a moment was green. The light faded and disappeared, Alanna could see that everyone was as good as new -for the most part. Thayet's hair was in slight disarray and that would upset her a bit later, Alanna could just imagine Thayet trying to kill Roger again for messing up her hair. She must have smiled at the image because Thayet turned to her and asked "What's so funny?".
Alanna covered her smile "Just glad to see you Your Majesty." she lied.
Thayet looked at her askance "Hm, yeah right. Well, thanks for the help but I think we really need to do something about this timing problem. We can't have them *Thayet gestures at the spot Daine's parents had been but had now disappeared from* coming here all the time. I thought they couldn't come here except on equinoxes anyway." she adds, thoughtfully.
Alanna taps her foot impatiently "What are you getting at? I can't just stand around Roger's coffin waiting for him to come back again, you know. If you ask me we should ignore that stupid law and burn him."
Thayet looked appalled "We couldn't possibly do that! If we went past that law then the people would think all of the laws could be overlooked!" A law had been made by some monarch long ago that no noble's body could be purposely burned. Alanna had suggested and 'accidental' fire in Roger's coffin -a result of his many experiments in dark magic or a failed attempt at coming back perhaps- but Thayet and Jon wouldn't allow it.
Thayet calmed down a bit and continued "I was suggesting that you learn how to drive a car."
Alanna looked at her blankly "A what?".
"A car. Those things the Kallegians drive around."
"You mean those loud metal monsters? What are you thinking?! I don't want to go anywhere near them!"
"Now, Alanna, the Kallegian ambassador assures us they are completely safe as long as they don't run into people."
"Exactly." Alanna mumbled as Thayet continued "We could shorten your traveling time to a mere 15 minutes possibly. We could surely hold Roger that long, especially since Numair and Daine are getting back from their honeymoon today. Maybe Numair should take lessons too (a.n. dun, dun, dun). Oh well, we can't have you both busy with that at the same time. I want you to go straight to the Kallegians and ask about those lessons he offered. I expect you to do this well and promptly so you better get started."
"Well, okay," said Alanna, thinking of getting into one of those 'cars' and never being able to get out " but I'm going home first. I told George and Jon that I'd be home in time for supper. You better call the royal coach, your supposed to be there too you know -and could we not tell anyone about this whole thing? It would be rather awkward."
"That's perfectly alright with me. I don't need people questioning me let alone asking me questions about what it's like to be dead. I don't know, I was dead, how would I know what I was feeling?"
Alanna blinked and held back the question she had been about to ask.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
So ends the first chapter. Review please!
