Chapter One – The Unexpected Introduction.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit, or twilight, or any of Sean Kingston's lyrics. Sorry.
Dear Readers,
About three things I was absolutely positive on.
First, Edward was a vampire.
Second, he's actually very good looking when he isn't looking so...constipated.
And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably unprepared to recite twilight, so I think I'll stop there. Because I'm not a genius and positive on everything all the time like Bella, I was unsure whether I was alive or not.
Indeed, that sounds dramatic, I guess it is. It wasn't like Eastenders, there wasn't a flash of car lights, a loud scream and I most certainly was not flung over a car in an attempt to look as realistic as possible. There was a sharp, skidding noise and I think I was dead. A bit like Moaning Myrtle though I wasn't killed by a huge snake that haunted my school of witchcraft and wizardry. That would be quite cool though, maybe it wasn't for Myrtle. Anyway as far as I could tell, heaven wasn't quite like I'd imagined it. It seemed very green and I must have missed out the small detail where you fall into a forest, on to a small horse and its rider. But let's start at the very beginning...
'There and never came back again. A Dwarf's tale by Ivy Jennings.'
I wrote on the parchment. I had decided that my past adventure would be spiffing to write up, it may even be famous. Unless that bloody Bilbo Baggins had written up the adventure himself, I had a hunch he would. But here is something he didn't have. He didn't have his best friend also writing up her story in it as well, did he?
'Written (a tiny bit) by Mendril Bromley.'
I added in at the bottom in smaller writing. There we go. Though, thinking of my old friends was quite emotional and did bring a tear to my eye, which was a bit odd as I had been living with them all or a rather long time now. They're very lucky I started writing this first as I was planning on writing up ''Confessions of an Orcoholic' that was based on a secret diary I found on our journey. No offence to the Orc, it was just dribble on how emotional and hormonal it had been (shudder). I guess this story was far more interesting.
'It all started on a typical British afternoon. Raining, poring and nonetheless it was soaking.'
Nifty. What a depressing way to start. I bet Bilbo has started like 'there once lived a Hobbit' or something along those lines. Don't get me wrong, I liked Bilbo, but he did take my idea. Hmmm...
So sit back readers, wherever you may be. You may be a Hobbit sitting in its Shire's library wishing your story was as brilliant as mine. Good luck.
You may be a pointy eared elf hoping to get mentioned in the story because you feel bad for keeping our company as prisoners while you slept all day and partied all night, without us.
Or you could be an emotionally distressed fan of mine, if so, I salute you good soldier. Many fans wait in Bombur's burger bar to wait for us. Let's just say, little Ori resurfaced from the crowd with large holes in his clothes, bless him.
Whoever you are, enjoy the ride as you experience adventure, romance and witty banter.
Signed Ivy Jennings, keeper of the keys.
A/N : Sorry for having such a bad beginning but I needed to introduce it somehow! The next chapters will actually involve Middle Earth so don't you worry your little curly heads. Thanks for reading!
