((A/N: Guess who, everyone? Yeahhh... I live. Even after all these years, I still keep getting the occasional notification from , telling me that someone's subscribed to my stories or added something to their favourites. That always fills me with tremendous guilt, because I never touch my account anymore and my stories are filled with fail. That's why, five years after the original's debut, I've decided to upload a rewrite for Idiot Seraphim. I always liked the premise, but I was young and rampant, so obviously the execution of this story was nothing short of horrifying. In this rewrite, I've decided to correct some of the biggest mistakes I made, such as the more rampant OOC, and basically improved a lot of aspects. Now, it's more like a parody story and less like something that seems like it was actually meant to be taken seriously.
Anyway. Uhm... Let's see... I don't own Tales of Symphonia or the characters. This story has Zelos/Lloyd and hintings of Kratos/Yuan and friendly-ish Mithos/Genis. I think that's all the warnings I need to give. I hope you guys will enjoy.
Prologue.
The strange story of Idiot Seraphim takes place in Alternate Land. Yes, that's right. Alternate land. For you see, the story diverts after Colette was kidnapped to the lower levels of the Tower of Salvation, her groupies risked their lives to save her but they were too late. Martel, the slumbering half-elf, was awakened for a few minutes. Let me tell you, this woman got up on the wrong side of the Great Seed. Terribly moody. However, in order to point out the relevance of this moment to Alternate land, I'll direct you to the fact that is, in fact, alternate. At that time, Lloyd was able to convince Mithos there was another way to free the world of discrimination. Said way involved bribery with cookies and Genis, but let's not worry about the random details. Therefore Mithos gave up on his age of lifeless beings and let Colette go, Martel's soul once again returning to the Great Seed where it belonged.
Celebrations were postponed, however, Lloyd still had to defeat Kratos, so Origin would be freed. One might think it's selfish for Kratos to exploit his son like that, just to come to terms with his past sins. After all, asking your own flesh and blood to kill you isn't exactly an example of proper fatherhood. Whoever thinks that would be correct. However, no harm was done thanks to Yuan's heroic and daring rescue. Obviously, the fact that the Renegade leader was hiding in bushes wasn't creepy at all.
Using the Eternal Sword, Lloyd reunited the worlds and bathed the Great Seed in Derris Kharlan's mana. The Summon Spirit Martel was awakened, and the new World Tree was born. Having lost the power of the Eternal Sword, Derris-Kharlan left the planet's orbit, taking Welgaia and Vinheim with it. The three Seraphim stayed behind, Kratos included. Because, let's face it, sending a man off on a flying rock with no company other than lifeless angels is the most cruel thing one can do. Having no place to live, the Seraphim created a new castle in the top of the Tower of Salvation, which had never been destroyed. This castle, aptly named Vinheim the Second, became their new base of operations. Their battle against discrimination continues to this day. Lloyd returned from his journey to search for Exspheres three days after he'd left, due to an incident at the Tethe'alla bridge. He got a much better job as guardian of the New World Tree. The fact that he's only eighteen years old matters not, apparently.
This story starts two months after the worlds were reunited. It was, however, not the Dawn of a New World.
Chapter One.
Today was the day which would later be known as "that day". Of course, "that day" is a very general concept. Any day can earn the added title of "that". However, what's worth noting is that this particular day earned a low-husky voice and narrowed eyes whenever someone spoke of it. It was the start of it all, and therefore "that day" was always treated with a sort of ominous contempt. It started, however, like most other days; with Mithos throwing a hissyfit.
"Hey, where are the cornflakes?" the blonde demanded in his usual voice of would-be authority, opened one of the empty kitchen cabinets only to slam it shut again.
"You ate them," Kratos replied slowly, not even bothering to look up from his newspaper. There were only few things which could distract the man from his daily newspaper, and common occurrences such as Mithos whining weren't one of them.
"Now what am I going to eat for breakfast? I demand cornflakes!" Cruxis' leader wasn't easily swayed, determined to get at least some form of attention.
"Either you eat one of the many other breakfast foods we have in the house, or you will have no choice but to wait. Yuan has yet to return from the store."
"The… store?" A completely blank expression on his face washed over Mithos' face. He sat down at the table, opposite of Kratos, staring at his fellow Seraph in an almost transfixed way.
"Yes. Yuan and I take turns in grocery shopping." Barely taking notice of the boy, Kratos' eyes were still fixed on the newspaper. There was a particularly interesting column about washtub rides in it, today. He did, however, manage to raise an eyebrow in response to Mithos' questioning. "Where did you think our food comes from?"
"Heaven?"
There was a deep, heavy sigh which could never be matched by anyone in either Sylvarant or Tethe'alla. "Just because we claim to be angels does not mean we get food from heaven."
"Well, that's not a very good deal now, is it?" Mithos said irritably. "So when's the food gonna get here?"
"I am not certain. Yuan should have returned by now. I must admit, I'm getting worried." For the first time in ten minutes, the swordsman's eyes moved away from the newspaper and travelled to the clock. Indeed, Yuan was one of those aforementioned few things which served as a distraction.
Of course, as always in this line of work, timing is a key issue. At that exact moment the door flew open and Yuan walked in, a heavy frown set on his face. He quickly dropped four large shopping bags on the floor and slumped down on a chair. One might think that he'd had a rough day, but those who knew him well would argue that nothing out of the ordinary had happened. If there was one person who suffered from the worst luck, it was this particular ex-Renegade leader.
"Fooood!" Mithos gave a loud cheer, lunging towards the bags filled with assorted goods. His companion's distress was completely ignored in favour of his own comfort, as was the norm in Cruxis.
"You're late," Kratos stated. To the casual observer, it might seem he was reprimanding his friend. Of course, the casual observer wouldn't know that Kratos is socially inept. This particular statement was, in fact, a clue to show that he'd missed Yuan.
It's too bad, really, that the half-elf in question tended to fall under 'casual observer' as well. The comment passed him without so much as a spark of recognition. "I was just outside the tower of Salvation when I found out I'd lost one of the bags. I had to fly all the way back to the grocery store, then battle a hobo to get it back. That Pope turned terribly vicious after he lost his job, let me tell you."
"Hm." This statement, sounding like a blank grunt, was in fact Kratos' way of showing sympathy. It too was virtually ignored.
"But that's not all," Yuan continued. "When I was on my way to the highest floor of the tower, the elevator broke down. You won't appreciate the height of this thing until you've had to fly to the top."
"Oh, booohooh!" Mithos offered in reply. Not only was this meant to be sarcastic, it was also reasonably disgusting. The boy's mouth was already full of potato chips. Meanwhile, the cereal lay forgotten at the bottom of one of the bags.
A small silence followed, in which a glare was sent from Yuan's eyes to Mithos' general direction. Then the Renegade leader leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. "Say, I was thinking…"
"That's never good."
Another glare zoomed towards Mithos, but like all other glares, it seemed the boy was immune. Which is why Yuan then tried to continue his words as if nothing had happened. "For four-thousand years now, we've been called the Four Seraphim. But for four-thousand years now, it's been only the three of us. Isn't it about time we found a new fourth Seraph?"
"What are you talking about? Martel is the fourth Seraph!" Mithos shouted, getting to his feet. Just to make his point more clear, he slammed his hands onto the table at the same time. If there was one subject that was still touchy for the boy, it was his dead sister.
Yuan raised both hands to his temples, rubbing them to stop an oncoming headache. "Mithos, Martel is gone. After the Great Seed was awakened, she merged with several other souls to become the guardian of the new World Tree. Get over it."
"No! She's not gone! We will revive her!" Mithos raged on, delusions still a great part of his personality. Much to the irritation of his companions, of course.
"Right. If you say so." A simple roll of the eyes was enough to show that Yuan was still doubtful of this fact. "Anyway, until that time comes, we could have a sort of... replacement Martel. Just think about it. One more Seraph means one more soldier in our battle against discrimination. Plus, he can help around the castle. I'm sick of pulling your hair out of the showerdrain."
"You can't prove it's mine!" Mithos growled.
"It's long and blonde."
At this point, Kratos finally decided to cut in. The conversation was relevant to his job and living situation, after all. "Mithos, Yuan has a valid point."
"About the hair?" the boy asked, nervously tugging at his blonde locks.
"No. About a fourth Seraph. We've lost all our Grand Cardinals, as well as the Desians. Frankly, we need all the help we can get."
"Yes. Exactly my point," Yuan chimed in, before turning to give his companion a bright grin. "Thank you, Kratos."
"Thank you, Kratos!~" Mithos echoed in a wonderfully high-pitched voice, which was supposedly an imitation of Yuan. It earned a blank stare from both men, causing Mithos to clear his throat. "Well, all right. Who did you have in mind? Is it Genis? Ohhh, I hope it's Genis."
"Obviously not," Yuan replied bluntly. "A Seraph needs to be in possession of a Cruxis crystal and angelic abilities. "
"But what if we-"
"No. We promised Lloyd we wouldn't make any more Cruxis crystals," Yuan spoke before Mithos could even finish his suggestion.
"Personally, I am fine with anyone. Though I have to object against Colette," Kratos offered. "Her cheerful attitude will no doubt end up conflicting with the serious, professional air we are trying to convey to the outside."
In truth, Kratos objected to the notion because Colette's cheerful attitude would conflict with his own emo ways. It was a problem he had run into four-thousand years ago, while travelling with Martel. Just before she had died, the swordsman had gotten horribly close to actually developing social skills. It'd been a close shave, indeed.
"Oh goddess no!" Yuan replied immediately, shuddering. He too had noticed the similarities between Colette and Martel.
"How about Lloyd? He's a Seraph, in a farfetched sort of way," Kratos suggested. Of course, a bias towards his son had nothing to do with this. Obviously.
"No! His wings are too big and shiny. People will think he's the leader. And he's not!" The blonde cut in. If there was one thing Mithos Yggdrasill couldn't stand, it was being upstaged.
For a while, there was silence. Considering how uncommon Cruxis Crystals were, it was difficult to find someone fit for the job. Aside from the four original Seraphim, there was only Lloyd and the two Chosen Ones.
"I think I know just the guy…" Yuan pondered suddenly.
And so the trio of Cruxis arrived at a certain mansion in Meltokio half an hour later, where they explained their situation to a certain red-haired Chosen One. Because, really, who saw this coming?
"So, you want me to be the new fourth Seraph?" Zelos Wilder asked, raising a perfectly lined eyebrow.
"One can't deny you're perfect for the job. You've got angel wings, just like us. You've betrayed Lloyd as least once, just like us. And you're gay, just like us." The words had left Yuan's mouth without so much as a hint of shame. Coming out of the closet had had a strange, almost personality-changing impact on the man.
It did, however, earn him a sharp nudge in the ribs from Kratos. It also earned him a shocked splutter and matching facial expression from Zelos, who jumped back and nearly stumbled over his own doorstep.
"Whoah, whoah! Hold on! I'm not gay!" The Chosen exclaimed desperately, waving his finely-manicured hands in front of him.
"Who do you think you're kidding? Surely we'd recognise our own kind," Mithos said, his voice carrying a slight tone of outrage.
"You're wrong then! I'm straight!" Zelos crossed his arms, sticking his nose as high up in the air as it could go in an indignant manner. Mithos coughed loudly to hide his laughter.
"Zelos' sexuality is hardly relevant to the situation, nor do I particularly care. So what's it going to be?" Yuan asked, effectively getting to the point.
For a moment, Zelos seemed to actually be considering the matter. A rather wondrous sight, as he'd earned the title of 'Idiot Chosen' for a reason. Opportunities to see him using his brain came only rare. "What's in it for me?"
"You'll be one of the four glorious Seraphim who watch over the world. You'll aid in the battle against discrimination, thus making Aselia a better place!" Mithos said proudly.
Zelos said nothing, nor did he seem to be even remotely impressed.
"The title ensures that you rule over Cruxis, the remaining Desians and the Church of Martel. Furthermore, we will grant you a place in our luxurious castle and you'll fall under the Cruxis insurance plans." Kratos added, trying to appeal to the Chosen's selfish nature.
"Hm…" Zelos was not quite convinced.
Yuan, however, did know how to handle arrogant slackers. Especially the type that was in denial, which is why he came up with the perfect argument. "Hunnies love guys with angelic powers."
"Wow, really? Lemme get my stuff!"
((Yeaaaah... Stay tuned!))
