What a Girl Wants.

Under the encouragement of Emmet and Jasper Edward decides to take advantage of the amount of women throwing themselves at him, however with no experience things aren't going as well as they should be. Desperate he confides in Bella and looks for advice so he won't lose face with the lads. Bella agrees to school him in the basics, but it ends up to be more than either of them anticipated.

Chapter one: The Lost Art of Tea Making

EPOV

"Come on Eddie, she's defiantly up for it man." Emmet whispered not so quietly to me while I waited for Jessica to win the struggle with the arms of her coat, I could have helped her but her boobs and I were having a staring competition. "Just say what we told you and don't forget to relax." Clapping me on the back he ran off to grab a taxi with Jasper.

Putting on my game face I helped Jessica button up her coat, she smiled at me from under her lashes as I brought my hands up to her face and cupped her cheek with my hand, bringing my other hand to rest on the small of her back. I smirked as she sucked in a breath from the line of soft kisses I made from her mouth to her ear. "Can I bring you home?" I asked gently. "Mmmmm yes please".

Ok Edward calm down, you just need to walk her home, she'll ask you if you want tea, you say yes, and then you rock her world!. . . Unless she doesn't like tea, or doesn't have any . . . shite! Should I have brought my own teabags just in case? I only have condoms, what good are they in this situation? . . . Christ I can't do this, I can't do this. . .

"Would you like to come in?"

NO. . . I'd love a cup of tea though!

"Sure."

Alright man you're through the front door, she's well up for it just be confident and act like you know what you're- "Oomph!"

Hmmm I appear to be pressed against the door and getting attacked by a woman, cool!

"Um- Jessica? Do you want to maybe go to your room or something?" She drew breath from peppering my neck, "No, I think here will do just fine." With that she captured my lips again and pulled me away from the front door, only to violently turn us around and slam herself against the door, pulling me closer to her. Jesus she's practically writhing against me here and I haven't done anything Emmet taught me to yet!

Unwrapping herself from her coat and throwing it on the ground without our lips parting, she began to push down on my shoulders, I ran my hand down her side to her thigh to bring her leg around my waist, but she stopped me. "No sweetie" she breathed, "I've heard too much about your talents to miss this opportunity."Momentarily stunned, I smirked at her and kissed my way down her throat.

SHITE! Oh brilliant! Great plan to have my 'talents' spread round the fuckin college like wildfire! What the hell am I going to do now? She's still pushing on my shoulders . . . getting to my knees in front of her I skimmed the backs of my hands up her legs beneath her dress to pull her knickers down. Throwing them aside I brought my hands slowly back up her thighs to roll up the end of her already indecent dress. Oh God! I now completely forever regret skipping every segment porn I've ever enjoyed past the eating her out bit. What the hell am I even looking at here?

"Stop teasing Ed" her voice startled me, until I realised I had been breathing heavily in bewilderment at her slit. Taking a deep breath and praying for a miracle I licked a line from bottom to top. "Mmmmm" Ok then, so that's what pussy tastes like, gross! However we have established licking up is good, stick to what you know, well now know.

Aright I'm doing well here five minutes in, at least and I must be getting somewhere. Although I feel like Dori from finding Nemo with "Just keep licking, just keep licking..." running through my head. "Seriously, Ed were you planning on making me come or are you finished messing around down there?" Guess I should start mixing it up a bit then, God I don't know how much longer I can stand this. "Just savouring the taste Jess" I replied hoping she would love that shit, and wouldn't notice the twisted face I was making. "Savour all you want on your way home sweetie, come on!" she gritted.

Ok business time. I bring one hand up and gently part her folds, trying to hide my gasp at the alien looking thing going on down here. Now I'm not a complete moron I know the logistics of what I wanted to accomplish here, but this is beyond a joke. Sliding my index finger up and down her wetness, I circled her entrance and slowly inserted my finger, and bringing my lips back to—

"What the fuck!" I was pushed to the ground by an angry looking Jessica, who was frantically pulling down her dress. "What in the name of God was that Edward? Seriously, do you really think just because you heard all about it from Mike that I'd really be up for THAT! We were going out for four months before we even talked about it for fuck sake! Who the hell do you think I am?" She stood over me looking disgusted. "B-but Jessica you-"

"I don't want to hear it. Out!" She wrenched open the door as I scrambled of the floor to leave this mad woman. "And don't think you can try that shit with anyone else Cullen" she said slamming the door behind me.

I stood there by her door for an entire minute before I shook my head and made my own way home. What in the name of God was that about? Women really are crazy, what other 'talents' did she want me to perform for her, a fucking shoe shine? Making my way out of Bolton Street to my apartment I congratulated myself on my progress. Technically I was doing well really, at least I got to go home with her, maybe next time I should bring teabags, maybe there's something in tea that calms whatever the hell apparently gets into women in these situations.

Emmet and Jasper decided that I was wasting the golden opportunity I had been presented with this year by not fucking every girl who looked twice at me. Since I had gotten my braces off, finally, during the summer, and had started to come out of my shell a bit more, my options seemed to be endless. Having never done anything like this before I needed all the help I could get. Jasper was the college bicycle; a title he hopes is included in his degree. Emmet has been going out with Rosalie since they were in second year in school. All three of them are studying Business and Finance in DCU. We met last year during the fresher's week foam party, ending up locked into the gents of The Big Tree overnight, we've been friends ever since.

Emmet and Rosalie share an apartment beside mine and Bella's. Bella and I have been best friends ever since my mother brought me to visit her in hospital the day after she was born. We're both in Pat's a sister college of DCU, where Bella's studying English and History to teach in a secondary school, and I'm studying to be a primary school teacher. Most of the time during the weekend, Bella spends writing the greatest novel not yet known to man, or so I'm told.

By the time I get to Griffith Avenue I've made up my mind that tonight was a definite step forward in the awkward sexual aspect of my life, and feel almost ok, as I come to my apartment. As I walk in through the doorway I immediately notice Bella, bouncing up and town on the balls of her feet with a giant smile on her face as she talks to whoever's on the other end of the phone. "Ok Jess thanks for the warning. Bye."

"She called already? Jesus I've only just left!" I exclaimed as I plopped down on the sofa. "Warn you about what?" Bella smiled evilly and kneeled up beside me resting her elbow on the back of the sofa and cupping her cheek. "Well Ted, it seems I should be locking my door at night because apparently Edward Cullen is all about anal"

Oh!


A/N Hey this is my first attempt at fanfic, be harsh, be very harsh! Hopefully I'll update every week, it gets good I promise, Edward's a fast learner :P