A/N: Hi, everyone! I thought I would make a Christmas special, just to get the feel of Christmas! Bear in mind, I don't actually perceive Santa like this; his appearance is purely for comedy purposes!

Chapter 1: A Visit to Santa Claus

Deidara and Tobi trudged through freezing temperatures, snow and ice flying around at full speed in the darkness. Tobi had suggested they walk this way for a short cut, but Deidara believed he may lose an ear and some fingers to frostbite on the way there. Tobi, however, was still teeming with life. Deidara resented him even more.

"C'mon, Senpai," Tobi exclaimed. "We want to get there before he leaves."

"Before who leaves, un?" Deidara snarled.

Tobi cowered away from him and fell into step beside him. "Santa."

"Santa doesn't exist you idiot," Deidara stopped. "Please don't tell me we went here in your mindless hopes to see Santa Claus."

Tobi pondered for a second.

He's probably thinking of a sophisticated lie or what the right answer should be, Deidara thought.

"Maybe?" Tobi guess, a lie which was neither sophisticated nor the right thing to say.

Deidara ground his teeth. "Well, then," he snapped. "Whilst you crawl around here looking for Santa, I'm taking a bird back home, un."

Tobi seemed to brighten a bit. He was like a dim light-bulb which believed it got brighter when it gained an idea, but it never did really. Deidara watched, his patience and body warmth wearing thin.

"Why can't we take a bird and search for Santa?" Tobi suggested.

"Because Santa doesn't exist," Deidara sighed.

"Can't you just try?" Tobi begged, falling to his knees. "I mean, if we can't find Santa it would prove your point?"

Deidara liked that idea. He smiled. "If you say so…"

He reached into his clay bag, and chewed on some clay, before throwing his hand out to produce a large bird.

He climbed on top, as did Tobi, much to Deidara's disdain. The bird launched itself into the air and glided along. Tobi peered over one side.

"You look the other side," Tobi said excitedly.

Deidara moodily looked to the other side. It was colder up here than on the ground, but a lot faster. Suddenly, he spotted a domed building with a thick plume of black smoke billowing from its chimney. It was the most disgusting factory Deidara had ever seen. However, he wanted to know what it was doing there so he subtly willed the bird to move in that direction. He desperately didn't want Tobi to be right.

As they neared, he could see small people in rags loading several reindeer attached to a sleigh with presents, the wrappings all different colours with pretty little bows. He noticed the small people had cute, upturned faces and little pointed ears. He would've instantly guessed they were elves had it not been the bruises on their faces and miserable frowns.

Other than that, there was a massive sign pointing to the factory, saying "Santa's Present Factory". Tobi was right. Deidara reached into his pockets, deciding that there should never be a time when Tobi was right.

"Well, I can't see anything," Tobi chatted. "It's just a lot of snow and no happiness. I was kind of hoping to find Santa, since he's my childhood dream. It's such a shame that what we really tell children is just a lie and are you even listening to me, Senpai?"

Deidara pushed his hands together and created an enormous present shaped bomb.

"Even Christmas can end with an explosion," he grinned.

"What are doing, Senpai?" Tobi cried. "That's Santa's house, isn't it? You can't blow things up just because you want to be right!"

Tobi grabbed Deidara's arm and tried to pull it back. Deidara snatched the bomb with his other hand and lobbed it towards the factory.

"No!" Tobi screeched, leaning forwards and hazardously tilting the bird towards the factory.

"You idiot!" Deidara yelled.

The bomb hit the factory, flames and smoke erupting instantly. Hot air rushed past them as Santa and his legacy were blown to pieces. Tobi was crying and flailing his arms around, dragging the bird towards the explosion. Deidara froze. The bird would also explode if it got to close.

The bird lost balance and started to fall towards the explosion. They were still on the bird.

"Get off me!" Deidara yelled, pushing Tobi aside. "We need to get off before we die!"

He abandoned the bird and started falling through the air. He turned his body and saw Tobi not too far.

"Tobi, you moron!" he snarled. "You almost killed us."

"I'm sorry, Senpai!" Tobi wailed.

Deidara clenched his fists and then reached for Tobi's throat. Tobi twirled out of his grasp in mid-air.

"Humph," Deidara turned away from Tobi and concentrated on making a clay pillow to land on.

They landed softly, and then bounced off into the cold snow. Deidara climbed to his feet to and watched as the bird collided with the previous explosion and another followed. His hair whipped back from the force of this explosion. He watched in fascination.

"I hope you're happy," Tobi sulked. "You've just destroyed a million kid's dreams, including your own present."

"I have other presents," Deidara sneered.

"Not from Santa," Tobi said. "Or me."

Deidara didn't care whether he got a present from Tobi or not. He didn't need a present from Tobi or Santa. Him and Sasori often shared an understanding at Christmas and bought each other fine art equipment.

From the wreckage of the factory, a small elf was struggling to free himself. He was almost there when a meaty hand gripped his waist and used him as an anchor.

A large man hauled himself from the ruins and flung the elf back down into the fiery abyss. He was filthy, his beard and hair matted with bits of food and grime clinging to it. His jacket and trousers, both red with white fur linings, were stained with sweat and other greasy substances. His hat was lopsided, and in his hand was a large beer bottle, which he took a massive swig from.

Tobi was crestfallen. Deidara could tell by the way his shoulders slumped. Even he hadn't imagined this man could be Santa Claus.

"You boy," Santa slurred, pointing at Deidara. "You did this."

Technically, it could've been Tobi, but Deidara remembered a very long time ago when his own parents told him how Santa was able to see and know everything you did, bad and good. He wondered why such genius and talent was wasted on this.

Santa lurched towards Deidara. A small elf tugged at his trouser leg, but he booted it away. Tobi pressed his hands to his mask in horror. Even Deidara cringed.

"You did it," he pointed again. "And because you're a stupid brat, you're going to do the job I loathe tonight."

Deidara frowned and pointed to himself. "Me?"

"Yeah, you," Santa slapped his hat on Deidara's head.

Deidara flung it away and brushed his hair, hoping Santa's greasy hair didn't contain parasites.

"I don't have a sleigh, though," Deidara protested. "And your reindeer are all dead. Un."

Santa snorted. "I know what you can do, boy. Make it all out of clay."

"Excuse me, Your Most Important Majesty with Elegance and Flair," the elf from earlier squeaked, a large boot shaped bruise on his face. "The presents survived."

Santa looked approvingly at the elf. "Go and fetch them."

"By myself?" the elf looked horrified.

"Do as I say!" Santa roared, throwing the beer bottle at the retreating elf. "Now, you can make your own sleigh and reindeer. You can do my job."

"This is great, Senpai," Tobi cried, jumping for joy. "We get to be Santa for the night!"

"Humph," Deidara turned away and frowned. "Why would I even play the role of Santa Claus, anyway? I can just fly away now and be done with it, un."

"Because, boy," Santa leaned close, his breath foul. "I know your greatest childhood secret. You know which secret I'm talking about. That secret."

Deidara shuddered, and Santa looked satisfied. He obviously interpreted the shudder as an agreement to deliver the presents. Deidara never imagined that, one day, he'd be the spirit of Christmas.