ItaNaru
Summary: After Sasuke died, Naruto is 1 step away from going insane. He can't take it anymore and runs away. but then there is Itachi.
Disclaimer: i do not own Naruto. but the plot is mine.
A/N: this is yoai / shounen ai (male x male). You have been warned. Nothing happens in this chapter though. And I don't know yet if there is going to be smut scenes, I'll see when I get there... I want to apologize for any grammar mistakes. Also I wanted to ask if you could review. I don't really care if it's positive or negative though. Tips would be really, really, really nice! And if I've done something wrong or you think it would be better different just say so. I can handle it. I'm a big girl*wink*. You can ask me anything and you can say everything! Oh yeah, the story is from Naruto's point of view, but that's not hard to notice xD. Also, if you like AkuRoku you have to read A Lesser Beauty from Versace Frolic. It's amazing! I just love it.
"Rawr." People talking.
"Rawr." Tailed beast/summon animals talking.
'Rawr.' Thinking.
-Rawr.- These are sentences that are supposed to be crossed through, so... kind of like forbidden thoughts?
%% A time skip.
Prologue
I could try so hard to stop thinking about him.
I could try so hard to forget his face.
I could try so hard to get those red eyes out of my head.
I could try so hard to act like I didn't care about him.
But I'll never be able to forget him, or love someone else.
That's what I thought. But I've never been so wrong.
It's been four months since Sasuke died. It's been three week since the war ended. It's been five weeks when I last saw him. He who killed his own clan, just so he could see what he was capable of. He who killed his own brother, my best friend, for his eyes. They say he is inhuman, a monster. But, I know the truth. I know that the Third forced him to kill his own clan, because the Uchiha clan was a threat to Konoha. His brother was a danger to the world. Everyone treats him like he is traitor, while in reality he saved them. But he didn't want anybody to know the truth, to save his clan's pride. He even acts like it. Even if I would tell them now, they wouldn't believe me anyway. It makes me so angry. -Angry because he's not here and I can't help him. Angry because I can't hold him in my arms and tell him everything's going to be alright, that I am here for him-. But, he killed Sasuke. He tried to kill everyone I care for. He tried to kill me. So I don't really care. -I do.-
Chapter One
A knock on the door brings me to the sad reality. I've been in my appartement for 42 hours. 42 hours in these four walls, looking at the cracked walls. 42 hours where Kurama was the only one who kept me from going insane. 42 hours since I last talked to a person. 'Not that I wanted to talk to someone.'
An other knock, louder now. I stand up from my bed, and walk to the door. When I open it, Kakashi is standing in front of me, his visible eye full of sorrow.
"So you're still alive." Kakashi sighed relieved.
'It smells like rain outside.' I notice.
"So, are you up for some ramen?" Kakashi's left hand goes through his hair. In the other hand is a red book, like always. -A book filled with painfull memories.-
"I'm not really hungry." My voice is firmer then I thought it would be. "I want to train today."
"The war is over, Naruto." Kakashi frowns slightly.
I look away -It isn't in my head.- "The future Hokage has to be ready, right?"
An other sigh. "Okay, Naruto... I'll come back later." I can see a -fake- smile from underneath his mask. "You own me at least that." And he's gone.
"I don't want to be here, Karuma. I can't stay here like nothing happened, while the people I see are driving me insane. This place if filled with memories and it hurts so much."
"I know, but you can't take your stuff and just walk away, Naruto." Karuma sighs "You want to become Hokage don't you? It's your dream. Are you really ready to throw away everything you fought for?"
"The people I fought for are dead, Kurama. What use does it have when the people I wanted to look up to me are gone?" I look away from Karuma, and said more like a whisper "Sometimes I still see them, but I know they aren't really there. So I lock myself up in my room so I don't have to see them, but they're also there in my sleep. they follow me everywhere." I'm just a step away from Karuma's wet nose. I don't know when that happened. "And being here, in Konoha, isn't helping me either." I started walking again, towards his belly. "Maybe it'll help if I have some change of atmosphere . Maybe it'll... I dunno... But maybe I need it" I was already on top of Karuma, sitting on his orange-red fur.
"Naruto, if you think you need that, you know I'll support you. But you should go and see Tsunade first. It's not okay that you're seeing them."
"Hmm.. Okay.." But I was already half-asleep
%%
After I woke up, I went straight to Tsunade. I don't want to show my weakness by telling her that I'm seeing things, so I improvised.
"Ne Baa-chan, what is it called when someone you love dies, and even though they are gone, you keep seeing them?"
She looks at me, frowning. "Those are the symptoms of what is called post-traumatic stress-disorder."
"And that is?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Sometimes when something happens to you, or someone you care for deeply, it becomes very difficult to process." Tsunade rubs her forehead. "Sometimes you'll become delusional... But it's very rare."
"Hmmm..."
"Naruto." She is staring at me, worried. "Why do you ask?"
"What would you do if I left the village..?" I avoid her question, and her gaze. 'I'm making it worse.'
"If you try to do that, you'll make me worry a lot, Naruto, you know that very, very well. I already lost Jiraya and certainly don't want to lose you too." She walks over to a chair and sits down. I don't move an inch. "And not only me, everyone of the village cares about you."
'That's because I saved their asses, they didn't care if I died before that.'
"I know baa-chan, I wouldn't leave the village." I look her in the eyes and smile. "I'm going to be Hokage after all."
%%
After I left Tsunade's place, I walk around aimlessly. When I was thinking about eating at Ichiraku, I saw a glimpse of pink hair. Sakura. I hid before she could see me. She's talking with Hinata about someone.
"I think he's sick, Hinata. When I went over the other day I heard him screaming and when I knocked everything went silent. In the end I just left, because he didn't open the door. And today too. Tsunade told me that she thinks Naruto is seeing people." Her voice is trembling, like she's about to cry."It doesn't look like he wants any help from us. He didn't even go eat ramen with Kakashi-sensei."
"I know it's hard, but don't just jump into any conclusions okay? Shall we go and talk to Tsunade first and then think of something to help Naruto."
I didn't want to hear more of their bullshit. I'm not sick and I'm not delusional. but one thing is true though. I am leaving Konoha.
%%
I loosened my headband and put it on the table 'I'm leaving it here. It's for the best.' I just started to pull all of my clothes out of my closet to look wich clothes I should take with me, when I hear a knock on my door. I thought it was just Kakashi who wants to treat me ramen, but when I open my door, Iruka is standing in front of me.
"Everyone is worried about you." he starts "Can I come in? I really need to talk to you"
-No- "Ofcourse." I take a step aside, so he can come in. After he walked in, I close the door and turn around. I know what he sees. He knows what I'm about to do. Iruka turns around to look at me, a sad smile on his face.
"You're leaving, aren't you." I look away.
"I can't handle it here."
"Naruto,-"
"I can't stay here, Iruka-sensei." I didn't want to hear him talk about 'We are your friends Naruto, you can trust us.'
"I'm nearly going insane being here." I have to look at him, but I can't. I hear his footsteps come closer to me.
"We're your friends, Naruto. We're here to help you." Iruka grabbed my hand and pulled me closer, so I could feel the warmth of his embrace.
"You can't help me. Not this time." I push him away and walk to the center of the room, picking up the clothes I want to take with me "I have to do this alone. I want to do this alone. I need this." I put the clothes in my bag and take some instant ramen out of my so called kitchen and also put them in the bag. "I'll come back, I promise." My voice was no more than a whisper now. "Will you take care of my headband?"
"I can't stop you can I?"
"You can, but it will drive me insane." He sighs.
"I'll take care of it." He smiles, a little desperate. "So, come back please." His hand goes through my hair before I turn around take my bag, leaving my room a mess and leave without looking back.
