A/N Got stuck on another story I'm working on, but I'll get there. This one has been on my mind for quite awhile. I started writing it a week ago and thought what the heck. Not sure exactly how long it will be 12 to 15 chapters I think. There are many things that inspired this and I'll let you know as they come up in the chapters. For chapter 1, the main inspiration came from the song "Nowhere to be found" by John Fullbright.

The impetus for this first chapter is an event that happens "off-screen". We won't know what the event was. Only the two main characters will ever know. Some friends will know what it isn't but never what it is...I know a little odd, but oh well.

Thanks for your patience. This was a rambling A/N, so thanks. As always reviews, both good and bad are always appreciated. Also I own nothing having to do with The Big Bang Theory (other than some dvd's).

"Leonard, I mean it. Get out of the way and let me by." There was a fire in her eyes. He had seen it before, but it had never, ever been directed at him. Never this kind of anger. "Don't make me do something that we will both regret."

He was holding her by her arms. Her left was bent at the elbow; her hand was balled into a fist. She was pulling away from him. Another thing she had never done.

He released her and she stormed off.

"Penny, wait" he called to her.

She spun around and looked at him. The fiery anger was still there, but there was something else as well-hurt. Extreme, heartbreaking hurt. She spread her arms with the palms of her hands facing upwards.

"What Leonard? What?" He looked at her blankly.

"What can you possibly have to say that you think I need to hear?"

He could not reply. She shook her head. Easing the muscles in her arms, her hands fell to her sides. She shook her head again. Sadly this time, and walked away.

"What the heck was that about?" Howard asked.

"I think that was about it", Leonard replied sadly, looking toward he door. After a beat he said "Howard, where is Bernadette?"

"She should be on her way here."

Leonard pulled out his cell phone and swiped through his contacts. Finding her number, he tapped the screen and brought the phone to his ear.

"Bernadette-"

"Hi Leonard", came the reply, chirpily.

"Are you on your way over here?"

"Um, I'm just about to leave. Why? What is it?"

"You'll find out when you get here. Penny needs you. Can you pick up Amy?"

"Penny needs me?" she questioned, confused.

"Yeah." He turned his back from Howard, Raj and Sheldon and said lowly into the phone "I think-I think…." his voice trailed off.

"Leonard! What is it. You're scaring me."

"Bernadette. It over" he said it with a sigh.

"I'll be there as soon as I can." She said it sadly, then added, "Leonard, are you alright?"

He was quiet for a few seconds before answering "no Bernadette. I'm not."

He disconnected from the call and placed the cell phone in his pocket. Turning around he said to his friends, "I'm going to go out for awhile. I'll see you all later."

"Wait Leonard" Raj said. He turned around with his hand on the doorknob. "Where are you going?"

"I'm not sure Raj. I just need to go and maybe clear my head."

"Do you want one of us to go with you, buddy?" Howard asked walking toward him.

"No Howard. I need to be alone I think, but thanks anyway. Thanks Raj. Sheldon, I'll see you later. Don't wait up for me."

"Don't wait up for you? Aren't you coming back with dinner?"

"Um…"

"Sheldon, Raj and I will go and get dinner. It's okay" Howard answered for Leonard.

With an annoyed look on his face Sheldon said "then I'll have to write down explicit instructions for you. You know what happened last time you two tried to pull off a food delivery here."

No one noticed Leonard leaving until they heard the door click shut.

Amy and Bernadette walked quickly up to the 4th floor. "Amy, you go over to Penny's. I'm going to see Howard for a quick second."

"Well let me go with you to say hello to Sheldon"

Bernadette paused for a minute. She could tell Amy didn't want to go to see Penny alone-she had told her that Leonard said the relationship was over.

"C'mon" Bernadette pulled her by the sleeve toward 4A. They entered and saw only Sheldon sitting in his spot on the sofa.

"Hello Sheldon" Amy said quietly as she approached him sitting next to him. "How is everything going over here after, well after the…"

"Hello Amy Farrah Fowler. Do you mean how is everything after the drama that unfolded here between Penny and Leonard?"

"Yes. Is everything alright?"

Giving a large sigh Sheldon began: "Well Penny stormed out after yelling at Leonard and I think there was even a threat of violence. Not out of the ordinary with the 'Nebraska Whirlwind'. Let me see, then Leonard skulked off, shirking his duties of picking up my-I mean our dinner, with no other explanation than 'I need to clear my head'; if it's not clear by now it never will be. Then I had to send out Raj and Howard to pick up my-I mean our dinner. I do not have a lot of faith in a successful completion of that task by the way-no offense Bernadette."

"Plenty taken Sheldon" Dr. Rostenkowski-Wolowiz answered flatly. Sheldon's head jerked back quickly then he shook his head.

"Amy, would you like to play a round of counterfactuals before dinner arrives?"

"Uh Sheldon, we're going across the hall to check on Penny. It sounds like she really need us" Amy answered.

"Well for someone who thinks she will be an actress someday, she does not handle drama very well."

Ignoring his remark, Bernadette said gruffly "Sheldon, tell Howard that I'm at Penny's when he gets back". She then took Amy by the hand and said "let's get over there Amy."

"Amy turned around and smiled shyly at Sheldon and said "I'll drop by to see you in a little bit."

"I hope you are successful in whatever it is you plan on doing" he called to her as they walked out the door.

Bernadette smiled sadly at Amy and said "here we go." She knocked softly on the door and called "Penny. Penny, It's Bernadette and Amy." There was no answer. She knocked again. Amy said "hey Bestie, we're here to keep you company." Still no reply. Bernadette knocked twice and said "we're coming in sweetie and opened the door.

The apartment was dark except for three or four candles spread throughout. "Penny?" Amy said warily.

"I'm here guys. On the love seat." Penny answered softly and sadly.

"Do you want some lights on?"

"I really don't care" she answered without emotion.

Bernadette switched on the light and Amy went toward the candles, blowing them out. Penny sat at the far end of the love seat with her legs curled up under her; a tissue crumpled in her fist.

Both of her friends approached. Bernadette sat next to her, wrapping her arms around her; Amy sat on the floor placing her hand on Penny's leg and rested her chin on top of her hand.

Penny turned into Bernadette's embrace and grabbed Amy's hand and began to weep heavily into her friend's shoulder.

Bernadette stroked her hair and Amy rubbed her back. "Let it out honey. Let it out" Bernadette said sympathetically.

Penny began to calm down. Pulling away from Bernadette she breathed in deeply and nodded her head. She grabbed another tissue from the box on the coffee table and softly blew her nose. Amy handed her a second one and Penny dabbed at her red ringed eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it Bestie?" Amy asked quietly.

"There's not much to say Amy. We're through. Leonard and I. We've broken up. For good."

"I talked to him Penny. He seems pretty upset too."

"You talked to him?" she answered quickly.

"He called me to tell me that you needed us to come over. He said-well he said that it was over too. Penny-what happened?"

"He asked you to come here?" She began to cry again. After a few minutes she composed herself yet again.

"Sweetie" she asked again, softer "what happened?"

"The end happened" she said and began to cry again. Silently this time.

"But why Penny?" Everything seemed great with you two.

"Things aren't always what they seem Bernadette."

"Did he hurt you Bestie?" Amy asked bluntly. "Did he cheat on you?"

"No! No Amy. He didn't. He did not cheat on me. Both of you need to understand right now. Leonard did not cheat on me!" She said it firmly.

"He didn't physically hurt you-" Bernadette asked the question with horror on her face.

Penny grabbed her hand and said "no Bernadette. No one cheated on anyone. No one physically hurt anyone."

"Then what Penny. It will help to talk about it."

She shook her head no. "Right now, for me, the only thing that will help is not to talk about it."

Amy stood up. "How about some wine. Can I get you some?"

"No Ames. No wine. Maybe some water, but no wine. Not tonight."

Bernadette shrugged her shoulders. Amy returned to her spot on the floor with a bottle of water, handed it to her and held her friend's hand.

They spent the rest of the night just talking. Not really that much about Leonard or the end of his and Penny's relationship. Just everything else.

At one point Howard and Raj dropped by to bring them some Thai take out food. Bernadette asked if they passed the Sheldon test. Howard answered "barely. We got a C-." That got Penny to laughing.

At around 11:20, Bernadette asked if Penny wanted her and Amy to spend the night. She told them no that she would be alright. Walking her two friends to the door, all three exchanged long hard embraces and good nights. Penny closed the door softly behind them.

It was well past midnight when Leonard walked up the stairs to the 4th floor. He had been gone for nearly eight hours. When he got to the landing he saw that Penny's door was wide open and the lights in the living room were on.

He took a step toward 4B, but stopped when she appeared in the doorway.

"Hey you" she said.

He took in a quick deep breathe. That was her special way of greeting him.

"Hi" he said. "Are you alright?"

She nodded her head yes. He began to walk toward her. She shook her head no and put her hands up palms facing forward.

"Please Leonard stay over there. If you come here I'll just end up…Well just stay over there."

He took another step. She said sharply "Leonard!" He stopped and took two steps backward.

" I'm sorry, I just can't be close to you. Please understand."

He nodded his head in assent.

"I'm also sorry for how harsh I was earlier. We should have done that in private. Not in front of everyone."

"Did you tell them why?"

"No. And I won't. That's no one's business but ours." He nodded again and looked down at his feet.

"Look, I wanted to see you when you came back. I wanted to let you know that I won't make this awkward for you. I've decided to move. To find a place to live somewhere else. I think that would be best for everyone."

"No. You don't need to do that" he interrupted her.

"Leonard, it will be better for both of us if …."

"I know. I already took care of it" he said flatly.

She tilted her head and looked at him questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"One of the English professors at the university owns a duplex not far from work. Half of it was empty, so I asked and she let me have it for a good monthly rent."

"Why?" She asked.

"Look, you need the support of our friends and I don't want to think what kind of place you would end up in. Do this for me. Stay here. Let me be the one to leave.

She nodded her head and said "thank you Leonard."

"Well it's getting pretty late and we both have work tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to dealing with Sheldon, so I better go and get some sleep." This time he walked toward her and she didn't tell him to stop. He put his hand up near her face and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. He touched her cheek with his finger tips and said "I'm so sorry Penny."

"I'm sorry too" she answered. She said good night and went into her apartment. Leonard turned and went into 4A.

The next four weeks went by quickly. Leonard was busy packing up his belongings. His new landlord allowed him to start moving boxes in early so he didn't need to rush at the end of the month to get totally in.

During that time, he rarely saw Penny. Just coming and going in the hallway or in the stairwell. They traded quick "hellos" and "how is it going's". Nothing of substance. He rented a small truck for his furniture and enlisted Raj and Howard and Stuart from the comic book store to help.

The day had finally arrived. He had said his goodbye to Sheldon the night before. Amy had arranged to take him out for the day to keep him from being upset at Leonard's leaving. It had also been arranged that Amy would become his new roommate; taking over Leonard's room. They would let things progress in their own way and in their own time.

He opened the door, wheeling a suitcase out before him. He had a travel bag slung over his shoulder, then hoisted a large backpack on top of the case. He took his key to 4A off the key ring and placed it for the last time in the bowl on the table, next to the door. Just like thousands of other times, except, this was the last.

Putting his hand on the doorknob, he looked around at the living room and into the kitchen. He smiled sadly to himself as he could almost hear the voices of six wonderful people laughing and joking and sharing many good times. Then he heard his own voice joining in. He grabbed the back of his neck and sighed deeply. He closed the door. It clicked shut and he was out, with no way to re-enter on his own. He stood facing door and a tear escaped from his eye. He wiped it away and turned around.

Apartment 4B. He stood there a full minute just looking and thinking about the moments, precious moments he spent there. And who he spent them with. Leaving his bags close to the stairs, he walked to the door. He put the palm of his left hand flat against the metal surface.

He said aloud to himself and to her: "Penny, I am so sorry for the hurt I've caused you-and the pain." Tears welled up in his eyes. "I will love you until the day I die." He removed his hand, then let it caress the identifying number plate "4B", turned and started to gather up his bags. The door opened and he spun around. She was standing there with tears in her eyes as well. In the smallest of voices she said to him "I know Leonard. I know.

"Then can't we try again? Can't we-". She shook her head no.

"We-I can't Leonard. I just can't." It was the saddest statement she had ever made in her life.

They were both crying in earnest now. Noiselessly, but crying nonetheless. She walked to him, put her arms around him and hugged him harder than she ever had. He head was on his shoulder. Her eyes were closed. He returned the hug, just as ardently.

"I love you Leonard" she said in a whisper as she broke away, walking backwards, away from him. Her hand was at her mouth. She turned and walked quickly to her door. She then stopped and turned around. She smiled sadly, whispered "goodbye" and went inside and softly closed the door. He was alone on the 4th floor landing.

After walking down the four flights of stairs and out into the parking lot, he placed his bags into the trunk of his car. He turned to look up toward the 4th floor windows. He put his head down and entered the vehicle. He turned the key to start it and the radio began playing the song on his phone at the point it stopped the last time he drove.

"..I'd say I'm sorry but that won't do, the future's come unwound. Words I should have said to you are nowhere to be found."

"I threw away a chance like you, now you're nowhere to be found."