A/N 1: This is based off on a fic by its'nayamarierivera'bitch entitled She Was My First Love. It's sad and I kinda hate my girlfriend for writing it [just a little, actually cause she made my heart ache, ugh]. But I still kind of love her for forever, so that. I was happy she did the fic. And yeah, she's probably be uploading more chapters [spoiler!]. But yeah, this is or my girl, so I hope you guys like it.
A/N 2: The scene is set ten years after Santana died and Dani just visited her. Just a short one. Oh, and I really hope Santana would die in the original fic when she turns 20.
She was 20.
Twenty years too young, and I wished for twenty years more. It's been ten years since she left. We could have gotten married, we could have had a kid, maybe two. We should be living in a nice small house just beside the beach.
She could have been more. She could have...she could have...
The wind howled across the cemetery. It's autumn, and it's lonely and cold and the sky was overcast. The trees are bare, as if they have died, too. It's perfect for visiting graves. Perfect for visiting a friend. Perfect for visiting a lost love.
I adjusted the zipper of my jacket and pulled it upwards, so that it kept me warmer. I sat the flowers I've brought with me. They were roses, red ones. I always brought red roses whenever I visit her. You see, red was her color.
I traced her name over the marble headstone. It's funny, after ten years, I could still feel the pain like it was fresh from yesterday. It hurts, but I am thankful. Because feeling the pain, it made me know that I still remember it.
"Hey," I whispered through the wind in my hair. I kept tracing the letters of her name with my fingers on my right hand.
"You know, it was hard," I cried. "You not being here when I made things work."
I often thought of why I was able to save a lot of other people, but I can't even save Santana. I wonder why, sometimes, I wonder too hard that it gives me headaches. I wonder why, I somehow think I did something to deserve this kind of pain...something like that.
"I've always known you were gonna leave, but I didn't anticipate the pain that came with it," I sniffed the fresh tears that made their way into my eyes again. Now, they are falling freely on my cheeks.
"I always thought I could heal..."
I heard the rustle of leaves, and a small crunch of the frost on the ground and I saw her mother standing just right next to me. She had the proof of years on her face, wrinkles were circling her dark, chocolate eyes.
"You came," she said. "I thought you stayed away."
"I couldn't stay away, Mrs. Lopez," I said. "I can't help it. I can't stay away from her."
She sighed, as if the world was on her shoulders. "It's been a long time, Dani. Maybe you should let it go."
"Forget her, you mean," I cut her off, I sounded too rude, but she did not seem to notice it.
"No. Letting go and forgetting are two different things," Mrs. Lopez said softly. "Santana always said that when you love someone truly, they always stay in your heart, forever. You, of all people should know that."
I didn't answer, I just can't. From too much heartache, I guess. Ten years, and it still felt like yesterday.
"She's loved you, all her life, Dani. With her fragile heart, she loved you, until it gave up."
"I know. I've loved her, too."
Mrs. Lopez looked at me. With a knowing smile, she looked deep into my eyes. I can feel she was testing me. "Then why won't you let go? She's always in your heart."
There was silence between us. Nothing stirred, except for the dried autumn leaves that were tossed by the wind in every whichway it wanted. My tears crept up across my cheeks, and down to my chin, and they fell onto Santana's gravestone. On the gravestone of my last romance.
