The duel from Burrs perspective. Character Death

Hello.
This is my first story ever. English is not my native language so please be sure to point out any mistakes you see.
I thought about writing a chapter from Hamilton's perspective. So let me know what you think.
Rating T for blood. No slash.
Characters are not mine, they belong to Lin-Manuel Miranda or … history. Whatever your perspective.
Hope you enjoy and don't forget to write a review.

I walk on to the site. The sun had already been up for an hour or so, but the land before me still seems gloomy. It is completely quiet, not even a bit of wind. Hamilton isn't there yet. I clench my fist.

"Is he going to come?", I mutter bitterly. This thought had lingered in the back of my mind the whole ride over the Hudson. 'Is he going to come? Will this duel even happen? I almost hope…', but then I feel the rage again. What this man did to me. He stands between me and what I always wanted. I want to kill him, but…

"Sure he is!", Van Ness comes up to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I almost flinch. For a moment I had forgotten, that I wasn't alone, that I had a party with me, for the duel…
"He is too proud to not show." He walks on to the doctor, who checks the contents of his bag. I will not need the doctor though. I will kill Hamilton before he can pull the trigger. This can only end with one of us leaving alive. It was long overdue.

I joint Van Ness, who has now started to inspect the guns. When he looks at me I see worry. Is it that obvious how nervous I am?
"Look, everything is going to be fine.", he says reassuringly. "We might settle before even loading the guns. It is perfectly honourable to talk things out and…"
"No", I interrupt him. "Not with him. He and I have talked enough. I will kill him.". On his face I see a quick expression of shock at my harshness, but then he nods in grim understanding.

I know he doesn't approve. He still hopes this will end with Hamilton and I going off to a bar and getting a few drinks together, talking it out. Like back in the day.
I think of how ridiculous it was. Him and me meeting in a bar, Hamilton only 19 years old and so eager to prove himself. Us being friends. It seems like lifetimes ago.

The noise of footsteps from behind the treeline brings me back to reality. I turn and see people approaching the site. For the blink of an eye I think they are authorities, coming to stop us from duelling, but then I see him.

Hamilton steps into the light, takes a quick look at his surroundings and then our eyes meet. I expected to feel hatred or fury for what this man, standing just a few yards away, had done to me. I expected that all the reasons why I called him here would flash before my eyes. How because of him I lost the presidency. But for a moment I just feel desperate because he showed up, because this means this is happening, because I don't want…

But then Van Ness says loudly: "Let's get started then" and the moment is over. It seems Hamilton was also in a daze, but he recovers faster than I do.

"Alright let's set the positions", he says calmly and then turns around to his second, Judge Nathaniel Pendleton.

Now I feel the fury rip through my body. It was his voice, no the calmness in the so familiar voice. Does he even care? Does he even care what he did to me? Why we are here? No, apparently he can't wait to get started. Not a moment's hesitation. I feel stupid about even thinking he might also … No this settles it. It can only end in blood.

Pendleton has already approached Van Ness, when I finally start moving. One more glance at Hamilton tells me that he is watching me with a blank expression on his face.

In less than two minutes the positions are set. Ten paces apart. After Pendleton has won both lots for choosing the position and for giving the permission to fire, he leads Hamilton to the spot overlooking the city and the river. It doesn't matter. I won't allow Hamilton to take away yet another victory.

Now Pendleton and Van Ness should try and come to terms whether this duel is necessary. But I know Hamilton won't apologise. And I certainly won't back down. Not after he made his position to our 'dispute' so clear. He doesn't even care. This won't take long. It should start soon.

After only a few moments the men separate and head straight for the guns. 'Good', I think. No more delays. I run my numb fingers through my hair, smoothing it back. Van Ness hands me my gun and the powder. I haven't loaded a gun since the war. The memory of the gunfire the blood and the agony makes me sick, but I remind myself this isn't war. Only one person will suffer today. Only one person will get what they deserve.

I am ready faster than Hamilton. He fumbles at the trigger and mutters something to Pendleton. Why is he taking so long? Let's get this over with, before the courage and the anger might leave me.
Finally, he faces me. He aims at the ground for a moment, probably to test the weight and the handle of the gun. I bet he, just like me, hasn't held a weapon in years. He turns around once more and the doctor gives him his glasses.
I can't believe it. He really is taking deadly aim. Why else the glasses? A new wave of anger and determination fills me. And maybe a bit of disappointment or sadness? No, I knew where this is heading. I know Hamilton wants to kill me, right? I know his opinion of me, I heard enough rumours. He even admitted it himself. It will end right now.

The parties distance themselves from us. In the corner of my eye I see them turn around. It is a common practice so they can't testify. Duelling is illegal after all. Like this they will not be prosecuted. But I am glad not only for their sakes. I am glad, because this also means it is Hamilton and me alone.

For the second time this morning I look Hamilton directly in the eyes. I want to see what he thinks. I want to see the determination and the anger, so I can really call this my victory over him. I want to see that he wants to kill me too.

But I don't see it. He has small beads of sweat on his forehead and seems to fight with himself. Uncertainty is what I see and fear? Does he know he can't win against me? I feel the slightest doubt creep up to me. No, I can't let this happen right now I need to be determined. I am here because this man has ruined everything I ever dreamed of. He took away my future so I will take his. He destroys my reputation more and more every day he draws breath. What do people think of me because of him? What does my family think? Theodosia? My Theodosia.
And it hits me. I might never see her again. If he wins Theodosia will grow up without a father. It feels like fire has entered my veins. I know what I have to do. For my family I cannot let you win.

"Are you ready?", Pendleton calls, without turning around.

"Yes!", I call determined.

"Yes.", I hear Hamilton say in a tensed tone. Fearful? Anticipated? Calculating? I'm not sure…

"On the count of ten. One, two, three, four …" It is happening. No turning back. Focus!
I take a deep breath. Two hands on the gun, because I worry they might shake and make me miss. I stare at Hamilton who only has one hand on his gun. I can't see if it is shaking.

"…five, six, seven…" I slowly raise my gun, not yet locking it on my mark. Hamilton does the same, only faster? My mind is clouded. But I see now my hands are calm, so I let my left arm let go of the gun.

"… eight, nine, …" My breath is going faster. I feel my heartbeat in every muscle of my body. My lips are tingling and a ringing is starting in my ears. Fear overcomes me. What if I can't hear the command?

"…Ten. Fire!"

My aim is directly at Hamilton's torso. I feel cold. I pull down the trigger, just as I see movement before me. Time is irrelevant. Is it a second? A month? A Year? I couldn't tell. I saw Hamilton's gun aimed at me, I'm sure. I heard a gunshot. But where is the pain? And why is Hamilton's arm pointing at the sky. Smoke coming from the barrel. He didn't shoot me. He aimed at the sky. He never wanted to kill me. He didn't shoot me.

"WAIT!"

Wait. Wait. Wait!
I can't shoot. Please don't let me shoot. I can't hear the shot, but I feel the bullet leave my gun.
He doesn't want to kill me. I read it all wrong. He didn't really expect me to shoot at him. Why why why did he wear the glasses? If he didn't … I might …

I see the shock in his face. The bullet enters somewhere in his abdomen. And then he just falls. Like a puppet who's the stings are cut. I feel my heart sink. My body goes numb. There is no more fire left in me.

Alexander crumbles to the ground and suddenly time starts moving again. He groans in pain and his hands moves to his side. I see blood pour through his fingers, tainting his jacket dark. Drops of scarlet flying to the ground. No!

This can't be happening. I stumble a few steps forward. The gun long forgotten slips through my cold fingers. My hand reaches out. I need to speak with him. I need to go to Alexander, tell him …

The doctor rushes to his side. Immediately pressing down to the wound. Alexanders cries out and his hand falls to the side, covered in blood. The stain on his jacket growing larger. I need to tell him … Why are ten paces so long?

Someone grabs my arm. Van Ness. His eyes wide in shock. He tries to pull me back.

"William, I … He…", I stutter.

"What are you doing? We need to get out of here. NOW!". His stare tells me it's urgent. But Alexander is dying, because of me, what is more urgent than that.

"I need to go to … tell him I'm …", I am lost for words. Van Ness pulls harder, but I won't move. I turn back to Alexander behind me. He isn't moving. His face is white as a sheet and his eyes closed. Please don't be dead. Please… The doctor gently touches his face, leaving fresh blood traces on his cheek. It looks like red paint on canvas.

I feel sick. I have lost to many people I can't lose another one. Another Friend.
Please don't be dead.

At the touch Alexander opens his eyes. Relive fills every cell of my body and I can finally breathe again. Then I can see his lips moving.

"This is a mortal wound doctor", Alexander barely whispers, and my heart stops. No. How can he say that? He can't give up. I need to be able to fix my mistakes. All my life I've been waiting. Why not today? Why?

"Burr we need to GO!", Van Ness pulls at my arm again. "They are going to arrest you."

"I…". I don't care? I deserve it? Nothing seems to express his feelings at all. But now Van Ness stands in front of me blocking my way and pushing me back. I don't have the strength to fight back anymore. I stumble backwards.
He leads me away from the scene. When I look back, I can't see Alexander anymore, because too many people are surrounding him. Please don't die. You cannot die.

Once we reach the Hudson, my mind clears. The smoke from the shots and the smell of blood had made it impossible to think, I realise. And Alexanders muffled cries…

"I need a drink", I say. Van Ness nods and gets in the boat.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Once we are back in New York I go to the next bar and start drinking without intending to stop. No one knows me here. Knows the Vice President. Well Ex Vice President after today. It won't take long till they will make me resign. But I don't care. Not today.

Van Ness leaves after an hour or so to go get some news. But he doesn't come back. Or I don't remember him coming back.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

When I wake up in a Hotel Room I have no Idea what time it is. For a blissful few seconds I don't remember.

And then it full weight of the events hit me. I shot him. He crumbled to the ground. There was blood everywhere. But he is still alive, he must be. I didn't kill him. He was still breathing. He cannot … I need to know how he is.

I get up and realise I still wear the dark coat, which I wore then. And it still smells like gunpowder. I throw it of me like it bit me and stare at it with disgust. What was I thinking?

I open the door to leave to room and almost run Van Ness over, who was just about to open the door with a secondary key. So he got me here. In the back of my head I feel grateful, but there are more important issues right now.

"How is he? Where is he? Can I see him?", I demand of him. Van Ness silently shoves me to the side, enters the room and sits down on one of the chairs I hadn't noticed before.

"Sit down.", he says quietly. A fear builds up in me, but I'm not yet ready to comprehend so I try not to think about it and sit down.

"Alexander Hamilton died today in the presence of his family.", he says with sadness in his voice. My heart stops.

"No.", I say. I know by his tone that it is true, but I can't believe it. The understanding I almost had comes crushing in. "No. He was alive. You saw him. When we left he was alive!", I yell the last words.

"His wounds were too severe."

I stare at him in disbelieve. No, he is lying. It can't be true. He was alive when I left. He was alive. And now …

"Aaron, there is the matter of you being his murderer and the authorities are looki…" – "Get out.", I whisper.
"You need to think about …" – "GET OUT!", I scream.

I grab him by his shirt and push him through the door. Without looking at him I push the door shut. I know I need to apologize for it later, but right now I can't think.

He can't be dead. He was alive when I left. I didn't kill him. I didn't mean to… I… He was alive. I saw him talk. He …

He was alive.